My "Perfect Wife" had an affair.

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shotgunner

Guest
#61
I can't tell you what to do. I will tell you that for the marriage to work if you go forward, you will have to be able to forgive her to the extent that you act like it never happened. If you can't do that, then the marriage is over.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#62
KEEPING IN MIND THAT THE OP MADE 2 POSTS IN MAY AND HASN'T BEEN BACK SINCE...
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#63
I can't tell you what to do. I will tell you that for the marriage to work if you go forward, you will have to be able to forgive her to the extent that you act like it never happened. If you can't do that, then the marriage is over.
verbiage adjustment.... "if you won't do that, the marriage is over"... he can choose- we can do all things thru Christ who strengthens us...:D
 
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TaylorTG

Guest
#64
KEEPING IN MIND THAT THE OP MADE 2 POSTS IN MAY AND HASN'T BEEN BACK SINCE...
That doesn't matter much. Even if he doesn't login again, he should still be able to read the thread when offline.


I can't tell you what to do. I will tell you that for the marriage to work if you go forward, you will have to be able to forgive her to the extent that you act like it never happened. If you can't do that, then the marriage is over.
verbiage adjustment.... "if you won't do that, the marriage is over"... he can choose- we can do all things thru Christ who strengthens us...
It would be unreasonable to expect a spouse to completely forget about the partner committing adultery.

This statement might be more appropriate: "Forgiven, but not forgotten."
 
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shotgunner

Guest
#65
That doesn't matter much. Even if he doesn't login again, he should still be able to read the thread when offline.
Maybe it will even help someone else going through the same thing. I honestly didn't notice though when I posted.
 
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TaylorTG

Guest
#66
The statement "Forgiven, but not forgotten." gives power to both partners in the marriage relationship. The husband has power to help the wife through the situation, and the wife has power knowing that the husband won't kill her in revenge.


By forgetting and forgiving what the wife did, there is a risk of her receiving most or even all of the power in the relationship, possibly enabling her to commit adultery again.
 
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shotgunner

Guest
#67
The statement "Forgiven, but not forgotten." gives power to both partners in the marriage relationship. The husband has power to help the wife through the situation, and the wife has power knowing that the husband won't kill her in revenge.


By forgetting and forgiving what the wife did, there is a risk of her receiving most or even all of the power in the relationship, possibly enabling her to commit adultery again.
I don't know about that. What I mean is that it can't be used as a trump card in an argument ever again or used to condemn or hurt in any way, or the marriage will not work .
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#68
The statement "Forgiven, but not forgotten." gives power to both partners in the marriage relationship. The husband has power to help the wife through the situation, and the wife has power knowing that the husband won't kill her in revenge.


By forgetting and forgiving what the wife did, there is a risk of her receiving most or even all of the power in the relationship, possibly enabling her to commit adultery again.
Ya know... marriage isn't about POWER it is about commitment and faithfulness. THe husband can do as the scriptures say and FORGIVE and lovingly wash her in the water of the word and be faithful as Christ has been to us in our unfaithfulness....
THIS IS HOW WE RELEASE THE POWER OF GOD IN OUR LIVES.

Does it mean the wife "could" reject the offer still and go her own way... YES SHE COULD....but I am gonna put all my chips on THE POWER OF GOD and say she won't... because God WILL work his power in their lives.
 
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TaylorTG

Guest
#69
Re: BarlyGurl

Ya know... marriage isn't about POWER it is about commitment and faithfulness. THe husband can do as the scriptures say and FORGIVE and lovingly wash her in the water of the word and be faithful as Christ has been to us in our unfaithfulness....
THIS IS HOW WE RELEASE THE POWER OF GOD IN OUR LIVES.

Does it mean the wife "could" reject the offer still and go her own way... YES SHE COULD....but I am gonna put all my chips on THE POWER OF GOD and say she won't... because God WILL work his power in their lives.
Your post is unrelated to my own post. When I say “power”, I mean the power needed to alter the relationship to suit the needs of both spousal partners, not the power one receives when in a position of authority.

For example, when the husband has most or all of the power within the relationship, he risks becoming a slave master. Similarly, when the wife has too much power, she finds it harder to fulfill her feminine nature by submitting to the husband, and by extension, God.



There are various definitions for the word 'power'. My specific usage of the word is clarified below.

Define Power at Dictionary.com | Find the Meanings and Definitions of Words at Dictionary.com
The ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.
To inspire; spur; or sustain.



By forgiving the wife, the husband lends her power in the form of inspiration and sustainment of the relationship. She, in turn, assures the husband of a successful marriage by giving him power in the form of promising not to commit adultery a second time.

When both spousal partners offer power to one another, the marriage bond is strengthened, because both have shown that they trust, or are willing to trust each other.

When we give our friends our secrets, our feelings, and recaps of our adventures, we are, in essence, lending power to them. They receive the power needed to alter us, for good or for evil. In a healthy relationship, power is exchanged between both parties.



If you still don't understand what I am talking about, then I will gladly explain further.
 
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Risen2014

Guest
#70
I was in a similar situation but after a few years of being a divorcee. I was friendly (early stage of a love relationship) with this guy (also a divorcee) but we live in different countries. One day we decided to meet in person for one day so we both flew from our places and meet up in one place. We both never talked about sex side of the relationship. We share a lot about what God have done in our lives, we are both Christians. We haven't seen each other for over 30 years, however, when we meet, we hug and kissed and we both agreed not to cross the line and we did. Had we crossed the line we would have probably been on our separate ways.

However, I see this as an opportunity for you to really learn how to forgive and love like Christ did. On the other hand, your partner will have the opportunity to respond to you whichever way you choose to handle this situation. It will help if you truly ask yourself, what would Jesus do if he was in your shoes? At the end of the day the choice is yours.
1 Corinthians 10: 13 13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. Roman 8:28 28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

[h=1]Philippians 4:13(NKJV) 13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.
1 John 4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.[/h]You have to tell the challenges that you face that your God is greater!!!!!! and you are an over comer!!!!
Roman 8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

Ex 14:13 And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.
 
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shotgunner

Guest
#71
My wife doesn't have male friends that she sees outside my company and I don't have female friends that I see outside her company. Even when I have helped a lady at our church move furniture and my wife was at work, I took my mother with me.
The best way to avoid a bad situation is to make no provision for it in the first place. The scripture tells us to avoid even the appearance of evil.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#72
My wife doesn't have male friends that she sees outside my company and I don't have female friends that I see outside her company. Even when I have helped a lady at our church move furniture and my wife was at work, I took my mother with me.
That sounds extremely sad to me.. Your not trusted enough to help a church lady out without your mother chaperoning you? Unless there is a previous incident of infidelity, that seems extreme. But I guess its one way of keeping your spouse faithful.
 
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WoundedWarrior

Guest
#73
My wife and I got married very young at the age of 19, we got married because we were both strong christians and it just felt right. But just two days ago my wife had an affair with another man, it was brief but had been building for months as they would text and flirt back and forth. On Tuesday my wife took the day off from work to work on school work for her masters program. Little did I know she also told this other man she was taking the day off, he decided to drive from Ohio to Iowa for the chance to be alone with my wife. Once here they talked for 25.minutes then it intensified as they started to kiss and then he took her pants off, this is all from what my wife has told me, she said he then trusted twice and then she pushed him off and immidiatly felt regret. She then told me what happened on wednesday, my first reaction was shock, and then it proceeded to forgiveness, but it didn't stop there, my emotions are literally everywhere. One minute it seems okay, other moments I want a divorce. I still haven't fully come to grips with this because if you knew my wif you would never think she would do this. It doesn't make sense for her, it's opposite of the woman I fell in love with. We are going to do counseling and talk to our families. But I'm still undecided on if I can go on with this, as any who has gone through this, the worst part is visualizing what happened. The images hurt the worst, but right now I'm seeking fellowship. Please pray for us, I don't know you and you don't know us but my faith is shaken and it fells like everything I've ever built is falling apart. If you have questions just ask I'll do my best to answer them.
Thanks for all the support!
I'm real close to Ohio -- would love to pay the guy a "friendly" visit...
 
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shotgunner

Guest
#74
That sounds extremely sad to me.. Your not trusted enough to help a church lady out without your mother chaperoning you? Unless there is a previous incident of infidelity, that seems extreme. But I guess its one way of keeping your spouse faithful.
It wasn't like that at all Dan. My wife and I completely trust each other and we don't need to be chaperoned. It's more about honoring each other. When I took my mother with me, I knew the ladies husband wouldn't be home. It wasn't that neither of us could be trusted. It was about my honoring her husband by not being alone with his wife. Maybe it's a deep south thing or a about a traditional upbringing but I think it also honors the Lord.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#76
That sounds extremely sad to me.. Your not trusted enough to help a church lady out without your mother chaperoning you? Unless there is a previous incident of infidelity, that seems extreme. But I guess its one way of keeping your spouse faithful.
I do not think Shotgun's wife was not trusting him... it was shotgun taking his mother along as a witness... so no way anyone could accuse him later of any misdeed... or visa versa. I think that he took his mom is incidental, coulda been anyone... mom happened to be available.

I have had to ask for help "borrow a husband", the men that show always come with another (the wife, a neighbor, brother)... I appreciate the consideration.
 
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Galahad

Guest
#77
May 9th was last time Crown46 had any activity.
Hope things work out for you Crown if you are reading this as a visitor.
Your wife seems to have stopped a bad situation from getting worse. She opened up to you and was honest. Pray about it. She fell. Made a big mistake, but she stopped it. She will only be all the more wise from this bad experience.
 
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shotgunner

Guest
#78
I do not think Shotgun's wife was not trusting him... it was shotgun taking his mother along as a witness... so no way anyone could accuse him later of any misdeed... or visa versa. I think that he took his mom is incidental, coulda been anyone... mom happened to be available.

I have had to ask for help "borrow a husband", the men that show always come with another (the wife, a neighbor, brother)... I appreciate the consideration.
Thank you! That's exactly the way it was. Neither my wife nor myself have ever been jealous or unfaithful. BTW We have been married 22 years. Praise God! She is the best woman in the world.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
9,667
113
#79
That sounds extremely sad to me.. Your not trusted enough to help a church lady out without your mother chaperoning you? Unless there is a previous incident of infidelity, that seems extreme. But I guess its one way of keeping your spouse faithful.
I don't think he took his mother along as a "chaperone." He just brought her along so if the woman he was helping said or did anything questionable, he would have a witness to say that nothing happened. Better safe than sorry. :)
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#80
I don't think he took his mother along as a "chaperone." He just brought her along so if the woman he was helping said or did anything questionable, he would have a witness to say that nothing happened.
I get it now... I just never considered that angle.. Someone like myself just never needs to worry about a woman doing anything questionable around me, but Shotgunner is probably good looking and needs to beat the ladies off with a stick :)