Need advice with marriage and weight loss

[Sirk]

I'm pleased to hear that God allowed a change in your heart. There is no doubt that sometimes distance (absence) in a marriage could make hearts grow fonder, so much so, that a change occurs in one's heart. While that is a great personal story, I'm not convinced your situation and THIS situation are in the same league. There isn't enough information to know if this is what is needed. It would be a ginormous stretch and huge assumption on one's end to think her situation is anything like your personal experience.

I think you are in over your head on this one son.......

 

[Colorful]

I already did...in the post above yours.

I'm sorry. Was it your post about your personal life experience? If that was answering my question, I didn't ask how it was beneficial for YOUR life experience. Or if it can be blanketed to her situation, can you explain how your and her situations are so comparable?

 

[Colorful]

I think you are in over your head on this one son.......

Perhaps so. But your calling me "son" does little to explain why or how I am over my head. Could you explain your reasoning other than my age?

 

[Colorful]

I agree with both of you for different reasons. If a woman truly is being victimized emotionally, then she should not have to sleep with her husband. She has that choice. On the other hand, we do not know exactly what is going on this marriage being discussed. He could be abusive and selfish, or he may not be. No one here should tell this woman whether or not she should sleep with her husband. That is a very personal decision that involves a lot of reflection and consideration, since essentially it is separation (emotionally and intimately).

I couldn't agree more. It's easy to type up a response that is witty and filled with red meat, but it's another to suggest or advise such an action when you are given a pea-sized side to a one-sided story.

 

[Sirk]

Perhaps so. But your calling me "son" does little to explain why or how I am over my head. Could you explain your reasoning other than my age?

nah...if you choose to be skeptical of what I am saying I'm not gonna waste my time trying to unskeptify you. The truth is you just don't know what you are talking about cuz you don't have the life experience, your not old enough to have a degree and you are not married much less divorced and remarried. No offense but you're still a child.

Back on subject...whatever this lady decides to do, learning to set boundaries and chase her pain is going to be integral to her recovery.

 

[Colorful]

nah...if you choose to be skeptical of what I am saying I'm not gonna waste my time trying to unskeptify you. The truth is you just don't know what you are talking about cuz you don't have the life experience, your not old enough to have a degree and you are not married much less divorced and remarried. No offense but you're still a child.

Back on subject...whatever this lady decides to do, learning to set boundaries and chase her pain is going to be integral to her recovery.

1.) I said "other than my age". I recognized I am young with significantly less life experience than you. Does this mean that if we ever had a discussion about ANYTHING, I would be discredited if it conflicts with your belief/opinion due to my "lack of life experience"?
2.) I just graduated this semester actually (majored in bio).
3.) Why would I be skeptical about the content of what you said? I think (from reading your post in the thread you created) that the separation your wife asked for did wonders for you both! I am so pleased! The only thing I'm skeptical about is how your situation overlaps with HER'S. I just asked you to explain how and why they are so similar that your remedy works for her when we know virtually nothing about her marriage or her husband. I hope you can discern the distinction.

 

[Haniml]

The truth is you just don't know what you are talking about cuz you don't have the life experience, your not old enough to have a degree

Age doesn't necessarily indicate life experience, so being 27, 21, or 43 doesn't mean I or he couldn't possibly give sound advice.

I am 27 and I can honestly say I have life experience on a lot of different circumstances.
You're surroundings, culture, upbringing, let downs, great moments, etc give you life experience at any age.

And he could have a bachelors actually.

 

[Sirk]

1.) I said "other than my age". I recognized I am young with significantly less life experience than you. Does this mean that if we ever had a discussion about ANYTHING, I would be discredited if it conflicts with your belief/opinion due to my "lack of life experience"?
2.) I just graduated this semester actually (majored in bio).
3.) Why would I be skeptical about the content of what you said? I think (from reading your post in the thread you created) that the separation your wife asked for did wonders for you both! I am so pleased! The only thing I'm skeptical about is how your situation overlaps with HER'S. I just asked you to explain how and why they are so similar that your remedy works for her when we know virtually nothing about her marriage or her husband. I hope you can discern the distinction.

The guy is abusive and if she doesn't learn to be strong for herself...he will never get to a place of brokenness to change.

 

[Colorful]

The guy is abusive and if she doesn't learn to be strong for herself...he will never get to a place of brokenness to change.

I'm sure all of us have been verbally abusive in one instance or another... even into our adulthood. Does this mean EVERYONE is verbally abusive? I think that is unfair to say. We all have been verbally abusive but it doesn't necessarily mean we are, as a whole, verbally abusive.

For this reason, I am saying we lack sufficient evidence to accurately form a rational and objective opinion about her husband. Do I think it was unjustified and detrimental towards their relationship saying what he did? ABSOLUTELY. Could this just be an isolated event? Yes. Could he be perpetually verbally abusive? Yes... but we can't possibly know that at this juncture with no further data or no other side of the story.

Does this make sense as to why I blast any notion anyone gives her to SEPARATE herself from her husband?

 

[Sirk]

Earlier this year, I decided to lose my baby weight and college weight. My husband was supportive, but said he didn't want to get his hopes up because I'd said this kind of thing before, but then given up. This time, I was determined. Over the last seven months, I've succeeded in losing 30 pounds. I now weigh 125. I'd said during the time that I wanted to get down to 115. My husband wanted that too. However, the more I lost, the more the pounds slowed down until they just stopped, and I couldn't lose another pound no matter what I did. At that point (about a week ago) I decided that I was much healthier, happy with how I looked, and could reasonably maintain my weight. I decided to stop actively trying to lose, and maintain the weight I was at. When I told my husband, though, he kind of went ballistic. He said that I'd promised him that I'd get to 115, that I'd lied to him about how much I was going to lose, that I'd gotten his hopes up for nothing, and that I was definitely going to gain it all back. I lost 30 pounds and he's acting like I haven't lost any. I don't know what to do. Should I keep trying to lose that last 10, even if I don't want to? Should I just let him be mad? Should I try to convince him to see it my way? Help!

Colorful.....You are right....we only have one side of the story. However, I can list a few "thinking errors" on the part of husband for your consumption based on the obvious pain that Rose is feeling.

1) Based on the description by Rose he is illustrating a propensity for closed thinking and is unreceptive to responsible alternatives. It is Roses body and she has worked hard...he should be grateful for her hard work.

2) He is putting himself in a victim role and sees himself as the victim not the victimizer.

3)He is exhibiting a superior self image and refuses to acknowledge harm to his wife by basically saying she is a liar and a failure.

4) He wants instant gratification and it is about him and not the obvious success of his wife.

5) He obviously has a propensity to control the situation thru the use demeaning language.

6) He exhibits a posessive attitude toward his wife and her body.

7) He obviously demands more of others than of himself....at least in his behavioral attitudes towards others and their right to be treated in a respectful fashion.

 

[Haniml]

Colorful.....You are right....we only have one side of the story. However, I can list a few "thinking errors" on the part of husband for your consumption based on the obvious pain that Rose is feeling.

1) Based on the description by Rose he is illustrating a propensity for closed thinking and is unreceptive to responsible alternatives. It is Roses body and she has worked hard...he should be grateful for her hard work.

2) He is putting himself in a victim role and sees himself as the victim not the victimizer.

3)He is exhibiting a superior self image and refuses to acknowledge harm to his wife by basically saying she is a liar and a failure.

4) He wants instant gratification and it is about him and not the obvious success of his wife.

5) He obviously has a propensity to control the situation thru the use demeaning language.

6) He exhibits a posessive attitude toward his wife and her body.

7) He obviously demands more of others than of himself....at least in his behavioral attitudes towards others and their right to be treated in a respectful fashion.

Your source is onesided biased post, no offense to the original poster. All I'm saying is that all we can comment on is based off a one sided circumstance for every poster who posts on the forums.

(OP) I am not negating how he makes you feel in the current situation that you're faced with, but our comments really are or should only reflect your one sided post everything else is pure speculation on our end.

I will keep you and your spouse in prayer.

 

[Colorful]

Colorful.....You are right....we only have one side of the story. However, I can list a few "thinking errors" on the part of husband for your consumption based on the obvious pain that Rose is feeling.

1) Based on the description by Rose he is illustrating a propensity for closed thinking and is unreceptive to responsible alternatives. It is Roses body and she has worked hard...he should be grateful for her hard work.

2) He is putting himself in a victim role and sees himself as the victim not the victimizer.

3)He is exhibiting a superior self image and refuses to acknowledge harm to his wife by basically saying she is a liar and a failure.

4) He wants instant gratification and it is about him and not the obvious success of his wife.

5) He obviously has a propensity to control the situation thru the use demeaning language.

6) He exhibits a posessive attitude toward his wife and her body.

7) He obviously demands more of others than of himself....at least in his behavioral attitudes towards others and their right to be treated in a respectful fashion.

In this [only] scenario, I mostly (just a few things I may word differently) agree with the points you made. However, are you saying from several points made in this ONE isolated and one-sided story that it warrants such a call-to-action as to separate herself from her husband without any further information?

Consider what our judicial system would become if judgments were passed out so liberally as what you are suggesting. You only need ONE side of the story... you only need ONE instance where it happened... you DON'T have to listen to a justification/response for why he did what he did (not that it would excuse it... but being able to understand motive has a huge place in terms of condemnation).

 

[Sirk]

In this [only] scenario, I mostly (just a few things I may word differently) agree with the points you made. However, are you saying from several points made in this ONE isolated and one-sided story that it warrants such a call-to-action as to separate herself from her husband without any further information?

Consider what our judicial system would become if judgments were passed out so liberally as what you are suggesting. You only need ONE side of the story... you only need ONE instance where it happened... you DON'T have to listen to a justification/response for why he did what he did (not that it would excuse it... but being able to understand motive has a huge place in terms of condemnation).

You are assuming that I am advocating for separation.....I am not. I am advocating for Rose to become a biblically assertive wife. I am fortunate...my wife was strong when I was not....she led when I wasn't.... and I listened and followed and respected her boundaries..... and most importantly I worked my butt off and chased Jesus. I'm still working my butt off.


......and there is no justifiable motive for the tearing down of another persons soul.

 

[Sirk]

In this [only] scenario, I mostly (just a few things I may word differently) agree with the points you made. However, are you saying from several points made in this ONE isolated and one-sided story that it warrants such a call-to-action as to separate herself from her husband without any further information?

Consider what our judicial system would become if judgments were passed out so liberally as what you are suggesting. You only need ONE side of the story... you only need ONE instance where it happened... you DON'T have to listen to a justification/response for why he did what he did (not that it would excuse it... but being able to understand motive has a huge place in terms of condemnation).

Furthermore...there is no middle ground when it comes to relationship. There is connection and disconnection. Connection is hard work in the midst of conflict. Connection can only be achieved by being open, honest and vulnerable. Disconnection is easy because all it requires is for one to be controlled by their emotions......

 

[Colorful]

You are assuming that I am advocating for separation.....I am not. I am advocating for Rose to become a biblically assertive wife. I am fortunate...my wife was strong when I was not....she led when I wasn't.... and I listened and followed and respected her boundaries..... and most importantly I worked my butt off and chased Jesus. I'm still working my butt off.


......and there is no justifiable motive for the tearing down of another persons soul.

No assumption. Our conversation started when I said it was debatable that the advice another poster gave (telling him to sleep on the couch until she loses the last 10 lbs) was "good advice". You responded by giving a personal example of why/how your remedy somehow fit in (without actually explaining how your situation or Rose's were even remotely comparable). I'll copy/paste if you don't remember.

 

[Sirk]

No assumption. Our conversation started when I said it was debatable that the advice another poster gave (telling him to sleep on the couch until she loses the last 10 lbs) was "good advice". You responded by giving a personal example of why/how your remedy somehow fit in (without actually explaining how your situation or Rose's were even remotely comparable). I'll copy/paste if you don't remember.

I was simply stating that it was good advice for Rose be assertive. Whether if that meant she tells her husband he can sleep on the couch and readjust his attitude towards her or whatever...the fact remains that sometimes you have to love people how they "need" to be loved vs how they "want" to be. Her enabling his possessive and demeaning attitude toward her will serve no purpose other than the inevitable failure of their marriage when she has finally had enough, and the switch in her finally flips to the "off" position.