Porn Addiction/Marriage "Arrangement"

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PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
9,520
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Here's the REAL nature of the struggle or battle:

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Eph. 6:12)
Very helpful for a struggling baby Christian to understand.
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
Wasn’t aware I was trying to get somewhere.

Certainly not the lofty heights you have achieved.
I have attained lofty heights, as should any Bible-believing Christian.

For example, we read:

Ephesians chapter 1

[15] Wherefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus, and love unto all the saints,
[16] Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers;
[17] That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:
[18] The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,
[19] And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to usward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,
[20] Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,
[21] Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:
[22] And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,
[23] Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

Ephesians chapter 2

[1] And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins;
[2] Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
[3] Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
[4] But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
[5] Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved)
[6] And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
[7] That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.

Even though this world has a course to it which is in accordance to the prince of the power the air, the spirit that now works in the children of disobedience, BOTH Christ AND CHRISTIANS have been raised up FAR ABOVE ALL PRINCIPALITY, AND POWER, AND MIGHT, AND DOMINION, or above the spiritual forces we are actually engaged in battle against.

If you want to remain ignorant of this reality to your own hurt, then have at it.

Your immature responses are only helping to further enslave you.
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,153
807
113
Ummm, why are you only singling out men here?

I've personally met (even dated) WOMEN who were totally addicted to pornography.
I don't know any older women addicted to porn. I do know one younger friend my age who admits she looks at porn; she is the type who would think it is normal for couples to watch porn together.
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
I don't know any older women addicted to porn. I do know one younger friend my age who admits she looks at porn; she is the type who would think it is normal for couples to watch porn together.
Okay.

That's understandable, but you do understand that such women exist, right?

I dated one not too long ago.

In her particular case, she finally got the victory over it through Christ.
 

Ambsgb

New member
Mar 24, 2021
19
13
3
Washington
Okay.

That's understandable, but you do understand that such women exist, right?

I dated one not too long ago.

In her particular case, she finally got the victory over it through Christ.
Very hard to admit this to people out in the internet but I'm 35 and understand the subject well. I struggle with not watching it myself. Up until 6 months ago I found Jesus again. And I think the only way to get over this addiction is through help along side jesus.
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
Very hard to admit this to people out in the internet but I'm 35 and understand the subject well. I struggle with not watching it myself. Up until 6 months ago I found Jesus again. And I think the only way to get over this addiction is through help along side jesus.
I, for one (and I suspect that @kaylagrl would be two), appreciate your honesty.

I struggled with it greatly myself in the past, and, in my particular case, there was more than one variable involved.

Initially, I opened myself up to demonic influence which certainly remained part of my problem until I obtained the victory, but there were other variables involved along the way, like rejection, for example.

I can't speak for all men, but, in my particular case, it was pretty much a way for me to engage in fantasy relationships with others because real life relationships weren't the best at that time. I'd honestly have to say that my full deliverance didn't come until I dealt with the issue of rejection in my life.
 

Ambsgb

New member
Mar 24, 2021
19
13
3
Washington
I, for one (and I suspect that @kaylagrl would be two), appreciate your honesty.

I struggled with it greatly myself in the past, and, in my particular case, there was more than one variable involved.

Initially, I opened myself up to demonic influence which certainly remained part of my problem until I obtained the victory, but there were other variables involved along the way, like rejection, for example.

I can't speak for all men, but, in my particular case, it was pretty much a way for me to engage in fantasy relationships with others because real life relationships weren't the best at that time. I'd honestly have to say that my full deliverance didn't come until I dealt with the issue of rejection in my life.[/Jesus.
I resonate alot with what you are saying. I was influenced very young. Then with being unhappy in relationships....its no excuse but its a constant struggle. I have come to realize it could be more also...demonic influences are real.
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
7,815
2,275
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First of all, your example of Matthew 5:28 is NOT talking about lust in marriage. It is referring to longing for a woman outside the context of marriage, which is wrong.

Secondly, let’s look at what the Bible says about the word lust. I’ll use Matthew 5:28 as an example. The word “lust” in Matthew 5:28 is the Greek word “ĕpithumĕō” and means “to set the heart upon, i.e long for”.

The same word, ĕpithumĕō, is used in Luke 17:22, Luke 22:15, 1 Timothy 3:1, Hebrews 6:11, and 1 Peter 1:12. The English word in these 5 particular verses is “desire”.

So, for example, when Jesus said in Luke 22:15 “...With desire I have desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer:”

He was saying “With ĕpithumia (longing) I have ĕpithumĕō (set the heart upon) to eat this passover with you...”

Or when Paul said in 1 Timothy 3:1 “This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work”, the first use of desire is “ŏrĕgŏmai” which means “reach out for” and the second use (desireth) is ĕpithumĕō.

So “lusting” isn’t always a bad thing, according to the scripture. Jesus himself “lusted” aka desired or ĕpithumĕō and it wasn’t sin.

You have to look at the context of the verse and look up the Greek to see how, exactly, the word lust or desire is being used. In the case of Matthew 5:28 it is a bad thing. In the case of Luke 22:15, it is good as it just means “to long for”.

In the context of marriage, it is perfectly normal for me to ĕpithumĕō my husband, and vice versa.

As an aside, in Proverbs 6:25, the Hebrew word lust is châmad and, in this particular instance, means “to delight in”. Châmad also encompasses the English words “covet, goodly, desire, precious…”

So, we are being told to, “...delight (châmad) not after her beauty in thine heart…”

I’m not excusing it. Solomon is still warning against the whoring woman and it is a good warning!

The same “lust” in Proverbs 6:25 (châmad) is used in 2 Chronicles 20:25, when speaking of precious (châmad) jewels. Or in Ezra 8:27 when speaking of the two vessels of fine copper “precious (châmad) as gold”.

Châmad is used in Genesis 27:15, when it speaks of Rebekah taking Esau’s “goodly (châmad) raiment” and putting it on Jacob. The Hebrew to English translation just as easily could have wrote the verse as “lusty raiment”, as it has the same meaning in this context.

Châmad is also used in the Song of Solomon which, we all know, is a book all about love and sex. In chapter 2, verse 3 we read: “As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight (châmad...or, ahem, lust), and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”

Scandalous!
There is no lust in marriage you are innerjecting that One does not have to desire or lust after what HE has. You are just wanting to make the term lust acceptable because it is one's wife.

Lust is not a component of marriage it is one of the flesh and is the relative of lack of self-control. And you must also understand
That Lust to set upon the heart is the issue that leads to fornication, and adultery. That is why Jesus is telling one DEAL with your perverted heart because it will deal with you.

YOu are trying to make the context of LUST a good thing as long as it is your wife. The Bible doesn't use lust in context to marriage, you can, but the Bible doesn't.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,853
4,430
113
Ummm, why are you only singling out men here?

I've personally met (even dated) WOMEN who were totally addicted to pornography.

Let's add some stats to this...

1) Eleven is the average age that a child is first exposed to porn, and 94% of children will see porn by the age of 14

2)56% of American divorces involve one party having an “obsessive interest” in pornographic websites

3) 70% of Christian youth pastors report that they have had at least one teen come to them for help in dealing with pornography in the past 12 months.

4) 68% of church-going men and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis. Of young Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76% actively search for porn.

5) 59% of pastors said that married men seek their help for porn use.

6) 33% of women aged 25-and-under search for porn at least once per month.

7) Only 13% of self identified Christian women say they never watch porn – 87% of Christian women have watched porn.

8) 55% of married men and 25% of married women say they watch porn at least once a month.

9)Only 7% of pastors say their church has a program to help people struggling with pornography.


This research comes from Barna Group and Covenant Eyes. Now, tell me again how this is just a man thing who are just perverts. Someone is not telling the truth here. This is an issue IN the CHURCH. This is affecting everyone, both sexes of all ages. The church is ignoring it, utterly. So let's start back at square one. This is a real struggle Christians are having. We need to get real, real fast.
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
I resonate alot with what you are saying. I was influenced very young. Then with being unhappy in relationships....its no excuse but its a constant struggle. I have come to realize it could be more also...demonic influences are real.
Demonic influences are real, BUT if we can get to the place (and we can, by God's grace) where we understand exactly what was purchased for us via Christ's death, burial, resurrection, and ascension back to heaven FAR ABOVE the demonic forces with whom we are actually engaged in battle, then we can truly obtain the victory.

If I can be of any assistance to you in this regard, then please don't hesitate to ask.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
36,285
13,582
113
Please show me where in the word of God the context of Lust is a good thing? Your definition may be in a secular context but not in a biblical one. the word " Lust occurs 19 times in the KJV. every time is seen, the context is not one of blessing or godly or good.

Prov 6:25 is very much clear on lust as it says :
Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

it says LUST not or do NOT LUST AFTER a woman of beauty.
That is in reference to/context of an adulteress. It says lust not after the evil woman...
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,853
4,430
113
I, for one (and I suspect that @kaylagrl would be two), appreciate your honesty.

I struggled with it greatly myself in the past, and, in my particular case, there was more than one variable involved.

Initially, I opened myself up to demonic influence which certainly remained part of my problem until I obtained the victory, but there were other variables involved along the way, like rejection, for example.

I can't speak for all men, but, in my particular case, it was pretty much a way for me to engage in fantasy relationships with others because real life relationships weren't the best at that time. I'd honestly have to say that my full deliverance didn't come until I dealt with the issue of rejection in my life.

I hope we keep this convo going. Thank you to the OP for bringing this up. Rejection, baggage from past relationships, family issues. All contributing factors. Good point.
 

Ambsgb

New member
Mar 24, 2021
19
13
3
Washington
Demonic influences are real, BUT if we can get to the place (and we can, by God's grace) where we understand exactly what was purchased for us via Christ's death, burial, resurrection, and ascension back to heaven FAR ABOVE the demonic forces with whom we are actually engaged in battle, then we can truly obtain the victory.

If I can be of any assistance to you in this regard, then please don't hesitate to ask.
I would love some more insight or advice you have! Thank you
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
I hope we keep this convo going. Thank you to the OP for bringing this up. Rejection, baggage from past relationships, family issues. All contributing factors. Good point.
I have a bunch of things to take care of, so this might be my last contribution for the day.

I recently ended a relationship with a woman whose sexual problems began when she was raped by her mother's boyfriend at age 4 (not a typo). Her "normal" childhood experiences were watching her mother engage in group sex orgies IN HER OWN HOME, and she began watching porn which was easily accessible IN HER OWN HOME from the time that she was but a young child. Eventually, she fell into a life of prostitution which lasted many years until the time came that she became a Christian.

When she and I first met, imagine if I had just rebuked her for her porn addiction without trying to help her to deal with/heal from these horrific things from her past which led to her addiction.

We really need to be able to compassionately listen to people, and not be so quick to self-righteously judge.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,716
866
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Since there is a group here large enough to get different points of view, I ask this question that may add understanding. Classic conditioning shapes our conscience. God programmed us but society reprograms us. Now what if instead of society despiritualizing sex, the church instead spiritualized it? What if sexually we were programmed more like the beasts with hormones to dictate our reproductive actions? Perhaps like the guilt conditioned in some people when they eat chocolate or junk food, the guilt experienced from “unholy sexual lust” isn’t from on high? The Bible is clear about marriage. In many many ways it resembles more of a legal arrangement. The laws are to protect lineage and fortify the family. Although it would be nice to enjoy some spiritual bond of love with your spouse, things don’t always go as planned. We are to “agape” each other. This definition is closer to bearing the burdens of another, and being a blessing. A marriage turns two into one functionally but emotional bonding is compatibility based. Anyways, what are your thoughts?
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,853
4,430
113
Very hard to admit this to people out in the internet but I'm 35 and understand the subject well. I struggle with not watching it myself. Up until 6 months ago I found Jesus again. And I think the only way to get over this addiction is through help along side jesus.
Yes, I have mentioned before that the church is a hospital. It's where we come to bring our broken hearts, lives and minds to the doctor. There is a Christian country song ( I know, not everyones cup of tea) but it's called Doctor Jesus, and it talks about the need to be healed by Doctor Jesus. We all deal with sin, with temptation, and we struggle against the flesh. For some that is of a sexual nature, or drug and alcohol,food addiction or gossip, yeah it's a sin too people. And we should be able to share and not feel guilty for struggling. Thank you for sharing your testimony. Blessings.
 
L

Live4Him

Guest
I would love some more insight or advice you have! Thank you
For some time now, I've been contemplating starting a thread which would hopefully give us all better insight as to who we truly are in Christ and the liberty from sin contained therein.

To my own shame, I've allowed certain naysayers on this website (and there's no shortage of them, unfortunately) to deter me from doing so because I know that they'll jump in and attempt to derail the thread, even as they've derailed so many other threads on this website before.

I'm extremely busy for the next couple of days, but I will actively seek to start such a thread as soon as I can find the time to do so (shouldn't be more than two or three days). When I do, I'll be sure to notify you of the same.

In the meantime, you'll be in my prayers.

As one who has gone through your present struggles in the past myself, I have compassion on you. More importantly, you have a merciful and faithful high priest, Jesus Christ, who forever lives to make intercession for you. By God's grace, I'm confident that you'll obtain the victory.

Sorry, but I have a bunch of things (all God-related, too) that I really need to see to right now.

Ttyl.