Porn Addiction/Marriage "Arrangement"

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Ambsgb

New member
Mar 24, 2021
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For some time now, I've been contemplating starting a thread which would hopefully give us all better insight as to who we truly are in Christ and the liberty from sin contained therein.

To my own shame, I've allowed certain naysayers on this website (and there's no shortage of them, unfortunately) to deter me from doing so because I know that they'll jump in and attempt to derail the thread, even as they've derailed so many other threads on this website before.

I'm extremely busy for the next couple of days, but I will actively seek to start such a thread as soon as I can find the time to do so (shouldn't be more than two or three days). When I do, I'll be sure to notify you of the same.

In the meantime, you'll be in my prayers.

As one who has gone through your present struggles in the past myself, I have compassion on you. More importantly, you have a merciful and faithful high priest, Jesus Christ, who forever lives to make intercession for you. By God's grace, I'm confident that you'll obtain the victory.

Sorry, but I have a bunch of things (all God-related, too) that I really need to see to right now.

Ttyl.
I dont want to hold you up!! No one can spend all day in here lol
And I think you idea for the thread sounds wonderful! I tried to message you but it wouldn't let me. Have a blessed day!
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
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Demonic influences are real, BUT if we can get to the place (and we can, by God's grace) where we understand exactly what was purchased for us via Christ's death, burial, resurrection, and ascension back to heaven FAR ABOVE the demonic forces with whom we are actually engaged in battle, then we can truly obtain the victory.

If I can be of any assistance to you in this regard, then please don't hesitate to ask.
the number one thing that helps those to overcome the addiction that doesn't happen once they have an encounter with Christ.

Please read Luke 8 and Matthew 13:18-23 The sower Parable.

Hearing the word of God the Holy Spirit creates a godly sorrow for one to see his need for Christ. The devil goes to work to steal the word from the heart, less they believe and are saved. Those who make a commitment to Christ.

let's talk about those who are coming to the lord for the first time in light of what Jesus said in MATTHEW 13:18-23


Everyone God calls He called them to leave what they knew or were doing.

he called Abram, to leave the "called-out ones " must obey the calling

They are to separate themselves from the world God's people are told not to be like the world and to Sepreate themselves.

While you are doing these two thing you must Seek God and draw near to HIM.

New Believers and those who are addicted make the very bad mistake of going back to those same people who they themselves are still bound. If the devil did not steal the word from their hearts the pleasure of the addiction most certainly can., and does.

This is why we see those who make a confession but they have not to surrender therefore they have no deliverance from what they asked God to do before man yet in the heart they plan to do what they always did.

For Salvation to happen one must repent, surrender, and receive, then separate draw near to God and be disciples.
If this is not happening you will find those who are professing Christians that are not seeing victory over addiction because they don't want it or they have not removed themselves from the attraction.

Salvation can happen at the moment one believes but the changed mind is over a lifetime.
 
Apr 22, 2021
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I know of several husbands who have porn addiction through word of mouth/talking. Here is the common scenario: the husbands started looking at porn/magazines since they were 12 and now they are in their 60s or 70s. The wives are around the same age, and do not care if the husbands look at porn (note they would obviously prefer a husband who doesn't look at porn, but ultimately say they are glad their husbands don't bother them in this department).

What should be done in this scenario?

The husbands are not getting their "needs" met, so they are turning to porn. Before you blame the wives, HERE IS THE THING. The husbands love their wives/family but no longer find their wives attractive in a sexual way; they are not having affairs. The women have commented that the husbands only find younger/fertile age women attractive. As a result, the women do not want to have sexual relations with the husbands (and neither the husbands with the wives).

As a wife, you are faced with two options:
1) Have sex with your husband who doesn't find you too attractive in a sexual way, which is emotionally/mentally degrading/harmful
2) Let him continue looking at porn

I do think if the wife is not having sex with the husband, she cannot tell her husband to stop looking at porn though.

Any thoughts?
I am not married but divorced so I really should not be saying anything.
But I find the entire discussion flawed, as it is not representative of Christian thought.
Christians do not operate on emotions and feelings but rather on obedience to the word of God.
End of Story.
 

Ambsgb

New member
Mar 24, 2021
19
13
3
Washington
I am not married but divorced so I really should not be saying anything.
But I find the entire discussion flawed, as it is not representative of Christian thought.
Christians do not operate on emotions and feelings but rather on obedience to the word of God.
End of Story.
Everyone has their own opinion. But I wonder if Jesus would have the same thought or be more about helping and forgiveness. Trying to get people help and stirring them toward God and not judging because who are we to judge?
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
6,436
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It is a sin for a man to look at a woman in order to covet her. That is adultery in the heart. In this particular passage, there is intention, because he looks 'in order to' (Greek pros) lust after her.

Looking at a beautiful woman just to enjoy her God-created beauty???? I do not think it is a good idea for most men to do that. They could be coveting without realizing it, or justifying it to themselves.

I have a cousin who is an artist who, when he was in high school, was talking about the high dollar per hour figure he could make posing nude in an art class. In his thinking, posing nude for art was okay. I did not agree. Nowadays, I would think about this from the perspective that the Old Testament had some laws related to not uncovering nakedness. There was to be a ramp and not stairs on altars so nakedness would not be uncovered. An Old Testament scholar told me that exposed thighs were considered nakedness.
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
7,161
2,052
113
the number one thing that helps those to overcome the addiction that doesn't happen once they have an encounter with Christ.

Please read Luke 8 and Matthew 13:18-23 The sower Parable.

Hearing the word of God the Holy Spirit creates a godly sorrow for one to see his need for Christ. The devil goes to work to steal the word from the heart, less they believe and are saved. Those who make a commitment to Christ.

let's talk about those who are coming to the lord for the first time in light of what Jesus said in MATTHEW 13:18-23


Everyone God calls He called them to leave what they knew or were doing.

he called Abram, to leave the "called-out ones " must obey the calling

They are to separate themselves from the world God's people are told not to be like the world and to Sepreate themselves.

While you are doing these two thing you must Seek God and draw near to HIM.

New Believers and those who are addicted make the very bad mistake of going back to those same people who they themselves are still bound. If the devil did not steal the word from their hearts the pleasure of the addiction most certainly can., and does.

This is why we see those who make a confession but they have not to surrender therefore they have no deliverance from what they asked God to do before man yet in the heart they plan to do what they always did.

For Salvation to happen one must repent, surrender, and receive, then separate draw near to God and be disciples.
If this is not happening you will find those who are professing Christians that are not seeing victory over addiction because they don't want it or they have not removed themselves from the attraction.

Salvation can happen at the moment one believes but the changed mind is over a lifetime.

I did not want to continue writing a book but to continue,


Those in sexual addiction like porn need to remove the source and have accountability.

my wife has access to my phone and web accounts she can see what I am looking at. If I watch movies she can see what movies I am watching and what I am surfing on the net.

my friends most of them not all are those who have been married for many years and are or have married only once. AS I said most of my friends not ALL.
I have friends who were married more than once and those who came out of addictions and those who are currently battling one.

The point is to have those close to you who are victorious over your addiction you have.

Don't have those who are weak and unable to win your main people in your circle of influence.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,564
4,244
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For some time now, I've been contemplating starting a thread which would hopefully give us all better insight as to who we truly are in Christ and the liberty from sin contained therein.

To my own shame, I've allowed certain naysayers on this website (and there's no shortage of them, unfortunately) to deter me from doing so because I know that they'll jump in and attempt to derail the thread, even as they've derailed so many other threads on this website before.

I'm extremely busy for the next couple of days, but I will actively seek to start such a thread as soon as I can find the time to do so (shouldn't be more than two or three days). When I do, I'll be sure to notify you of the same.

In the meantime, you'll be in my prayers.

As one who has gone through your present struggles in the past myself, I have compassion on you. More importantly, you have a merciful and faithful high priest, Jesus Christ, who forever lives to make intercession for you. By God's grace, I'm confident that you'll obtain the victory.

Sorry, but I have a bunch of things (all God-related, too) that I really need to see to right now.

Ttyl.

Start the thread brother, I'll make sure anyone who tries to derail will be ignored and the topic will be brought back by me. I think this is a very important topic and can be useful to both men and women and youth. I think we've struck on something here. And I for one want to continue the convo. I have two young nephews coming up and I want to be able to help them when they turn to me.
 

Ambsgb

New member
Mar 24, 2021
19
13
3
Washington
Start the thread brother, I'll make sure anyone who tries to derail will be ignored and the topic will be brought back by me. I think this is a very important topic and can be useful to both men and women and youth. I think we've struck on something here. And I for one want to continue the convo. I have two young nephews coming up and I want to be able to help them when they turn to me.
I think its a very useful and revelnt topic!!!
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
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I am not married but divorced so I really should not be saying anything.
But I find the entire discussion flawed, as it is not representative of Christian thought.
Christians do not operate on emotions and feelings but rather on obedience to the word of God.
End of Story.
if that was only true. They are supposed to be obedient to the word of god but many are not. And you being divorced doesn't disqualify you from providing godly counsel or opinions.
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
7,161
2,052
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Start the thread brother, I'll make sure anyone who tries to derail will be ignored and the topic will be brought back by me. I think this is a very important topic and can be useful to both men and women and youth. I think we've struck on something here. And I for one want to continue the convo. I have two young nephews coming up and I want to be able to help them when they turn to me.
Am I missing something because I thought the thread was very good and appropriate?
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,564
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I dont want to hold you up!! No one can spend all day in here lol
And I think you idea for the thread sounds wonderful! I tried to message you but it wouldn't let me. Have a blessed day!
Don't worry, he's here quite often. Let's see if we can get him to start the thread. Hope you stick around a while. :)
 
Apr 22, 2021
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Everyone has their own opinion. But I wonder if Jesus would have the same thought or be more about helping and forgiveness. Trying to get people help and stirring them toward God and not judging because who are we to judge?
I agree with you that no one should be judged or accused by any human because God is the only Judge.
Jesus forgave the woman who was caught in adultery and many, many others.
He attached a warning to his forgiveness of them, He said - Go and sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
7,161
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I agree with you that no one should be judged or accused by any human because God is the only Judge.
Jesus forgave the woman who was caught in adultery and many, many others.
He attached a warning to his forgiveness of them, He said - Go and sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.

remember today those who say do not Judge means don't point out what the bible says in sin. To say what the Bible call sin , sin is not judgment it is discernment.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,564
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Am I missing something because I thought the thread was very good and appropriate?
No he's talking about starting a thread based off this topic, not the same topic. He said he was afraid the subject would be derailed and I was saying I would back him and make sure that wouldn't happen.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,564
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Everyone has their own opinion. But I wonder if Jesus would have the same thought or be more about helping and forgiveness. Trying to get people help and stirring them toward God and not judging because who are we to judge?
As someone else mentioned the woman in adultery, Jesus said go and sin no more. He didn't dwell on her sin, He forgave her, cleansed her sin, warned her not to fall into it again. Everyone of us is human and I think that is how we need to approach people. I'm flawed, I struggle and I need God's help to overcome.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,564
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I am not married but divorced so I really should not be saying anything.
But I find the entire discussion flawed, as it is not representative of Christian thought.
Christians do not operate on emotions and feelings but rather on obedience to the word of God.
End of Story.

If you read my post of stats I think we need to understand that this is an issue inside the church. People are struggling with this. Men and women, both. No, of course it's not Christian thought but it is a real struggle. It may not be your struggle but people do have this struggle. Alcohol is not a struggle for me. I've never had a drop in my life, never will. I have never wanted, been tempted to drink. Yet my uncle died a hopeless alcoholic. Be compassionate enough to say " that isn't my struggle, but I will pray for you in your struggle, I'll be there for you."
 

phil36

Senior Member
Feb 12, 2009
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Let's add some stats to this...

1) Eleven is the average age that a child is first exposed to porn, and 94% of children will see porn by the age of 14

2)56% of American divorces involve one party having an “obsessive interest” in pornographic websites

3) 70% of Christian youth pastors report that they have had at least one teen come to them for help in dealing with pornography in the past 12 months.

4) 68% of church-going men and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis. Of young Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76% actively search for porn.

5) 59% of pastors said that married men seek their help for porn use.

6) 33% of women aged 25-and-under search for porn at least once per month.

7) Only 13% of self identified Christian women say they never watch porn – 87% of Christian women have watched porn.

8) 55% of married men and 25% of married women say they watch porn at least once a month.

9)Only 7% of pastors say their church has a program to help people struggling with pornography.


This research comes from Barna Group and Covenant Eyes. Now, tell me again how this is just a man thing who are just perverts. Someone is not telling the truth here. This is an issue IN the CHURCH. This is affecting everyone, both sexes of all ages. The church is ignoring it, utterly. So let's start back at square one. This is a real struggle Christians are having. We need to get real, real fast.

Your right Kaylagrl it's not just a man thing. I was trying to find similar UK figures for Christians but haven't found any yet but I'm sure there are.

I don't have any easy answers except we have forgotten our first love... Christ! We have forgotten Holiness, and the need to be self disciplined (1 Pet 1:15-18; Heb 12:14; 2 Tim 1:7). That being said addictions may plague us for our whole lives, we are all pilgrims on the way. I was a smoker and it took me years to stop I was still smoking as a christian. Even now when I walk past someone smoking my brain goes into overdrive....just one puff my brain tells me. The key here is to actively refrain, I go to prayer and recite scripture in my mind.

Addiction of any sort can be overcome, its not easy but can be done. You need to keep yourself in God's word not just reading but praying over it, meditating on it and applying it to your life. And the part that no one likes is the bitter pill of self denial. That is physically and emotionally restraining yourself from the addiction, with prayer and concern for Holiness it will get easier to do. Also encouragement and prayer from your spouse or church members.

For new Christians, it may be just be baby steps in growing in Holiness - to be more more like our first love. But each step is a step into greater joy.. We need to flex the muscle of self control, making prayer a priority, learning scripture and learning more and more about our saviour to love him more and more.. And sometimes just to stop and sit still in His love.

We have to remember addiction is a sin issue. Behavior has to be modified, and the heart transformed. Thankfully through the truth of the gospel message we can overcome our addictions(for those have them).

Anyhow, I think the church as a whole has dumped Holiness, and now we are as a corporate body are reaping the rewards.

I understand its more in depth than that but I'm not a good communicator and I don't think too many want to read my ramblings.
 

Genipher

Well-known member
Jan 6, 2019
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There is no lust in marriage you are innerjecting that One does not have to desire or lust after what HE has. You are just wanting to make the term lust acceptable because it is one's wife.

Lust is not a component of marriage it is one of the flesh and is the relative of lack of self-control. And you must also understand
That Lust to set upon the heart is the issue that leads to fornication, and adultery. That is why Jesus is telling one DEAL with your perverted heart because it will deal with you.

YOu are trying to make the context of LUST a good thing as long as it is your wife. The Bible doesn't use lust in context to marriage, you can, but the Bible doesn't.

Okay, then, let's take a closer look at the 19 instances of the word "lust", in the Bible. Because if you honestly look at what scripture and the old Greek/Hebrew is saying, you'll notice that the word doesn't mean the same thing every single time it's used.

In the Old Testament we have:

Exodus 15:9 and Psalm 78:18
the word lust here is nepesh, which means breathing and is derived from the word nâphash, which means to breathe.

In Psalm 78:30 the word lust is Ta’ăvâh and means: longing, delight, satisfaction

In Psalm 81:12 the word lust is Sheriyrûwth, which means: twisted

Proverbs 6:25 is châmad which, again, means to delight in

New Testament:

Matthew 5:28 and James 4:2 the word in Greek is ĕpithumĕō and it means: to set the heart upon, long for

Romans 1:27 the word lust is ōrĕxis and means: excitement of the mind, longing after

We have ĕpithumia which means: a longing in these verses:
Romans 7:7
Galations 5:16
James 1:14
James 1:15
2 Peter 1:4
2 Peter 2:10
1 John 2:16 (twice used)
1 John 2:17

And interestingly enough, the word lust, or pathŏs in
1 Thessalonians 4:5
actually means suffering!

Oh, and the Strong's doesn't list a Greek definition for the word lust in 1 Corinthians 10:6.

The Bible does show lust in the context of marriage. Have you not read the Song of Solomon? It is full of love-making, longing, and desire. The very definition of lust! I'm curious, do you think sex is supposed to be a clinical act, with no emotion involved? I mean, if a husband and wife don't crave each other then they probably won't be engaging in the gift that Yahweh gave. Which THEN puts them in a position of sin (1 Corinthians 7:5).

At any rate, in the context of marriage, it is perfectly normal and right to desire the body of one's spouse. To "long for" my husband is not a perversion.

I did not interject or twist scripture to make it what I want it to be. Grab a Strong's Concordance (there's a free one online if you don't have a physical copy) and dig into the verses I've shared. Check out what the original languages meant when they referred to lust. It (usually) just means longing. And depending on the context of the scripture, that longing can be negative or positive.
Look up the other verses that use the same Greek or Hebrew words and you'll see that the Greek words ARE used in other situations that have nothing to do with sex. For example, châmad (lust) being used to describe a whoring woman AND used to describe the "goodly" (lust) clothes that Rebekah put on Jacob.
 
Apr 20, 2021
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Was Jesus perfectly sinless?
Jesus was divine, God in the flesh. Our goal is to try and be sinless, even if it is not possible here. But if you believe you're without sin, you're deceived. I find those who are able to, comfortably, only preach on hellfire are in the most danger.
 

CS1

Well-known member
May 23, 2012
7,161
2,052
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Okay, then, let's take a closer look at the 19 instances of the word "lust", in the Bible. Because if you honestly look at what scripture and the old Greek/Hebrew is saying, you'll notice that the word doesn't mean the same thing every single time it's used.

In the Old Testament we have:

Exodus 15:9 and Psalm 78:18
the word lust here is nepesh, which means breathing and is derived from the word nâphash, which means to breathe.

In Psalm 78:30 the word lust is Ta’ăvâh and means: longing, delight, satisfaction

In Psalm 81:12 the word lust is Sheriyrûwth, which means: twisted

Proverbs 6:25 is châmad which, again, means to delight in

New Testament:

Matthew 5:28 and James 4:2 the word in Greek is ĕpithumĕō and it means: to set the heart upon, long for

Romans 1:27 the word lust is ōrĕxis and means: excitement of the mind, longing after

We have ĕpithumia which means: a longing in these verses:
Romans 7:7
Galations 5:16
James 1:14
James 1:15
2 Peter 1:4
2 Peter 2:10
1 John 2:16 (twice used)
1 John 2:17

And interestingly enough, the word lust, or pathŏs in
1 Thessalonians 4:5
actually means suffering!

Oh, and the Strong's doesn't list a Greek definition for the word lust in 1 Corinthians 10:6.

The Bible does show lust in the context of marriage. Have you not read the Song of Solomon? It is full of love-making, longing, and desire. The very definition of lust! I'm curious, do you think sex is supposed to be a clinical act, with no emotion involved? I mean, if a husband and wife don't crave each other then they probably won't be engaging in the gift that Yahweh gave. Which THEN puts them in a position of sin (1 Corinthians 7:5).

At any rate, in the context of marriage, it is perfectly normal and right to desire the body of one's spouse. To "long for" my husband is not a perversion.

I did not interject or twist scripture to make it what I want it to be. Grab a Strong's Concordance (there's a free one online if you don't have a physical copy) and dig into the verses I've shared. Check out what the original languages meant when they referred to lust. It (usually) just means longing. And depending on the context of the scripture, that longing can be negative or positive.
Look up the other verses that use the same Greek or Hebrew words and you'll see that the Greek words ARE used in other situations that have nothing to do with sex. For example, châmad (lust) being used to describe a whoring woman AND used to describe the "goodly" (lust) clothes that Rebekah put on Jacob.

That is true the word "Lust" has different meanings, however, it is not the word by it's self but the full context of the passage test and verse where it used.


as you used the Hebrew word nep̄eš = that which breathes, the breathing substance or being, soul, the inner being of man
Found in exodus 15:9
The enemy said, I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.

If we apply Nepes here as it is that which breathes you must ask does it fit the contextually? Because the text is speaking of war aginst the enemy of Moses and Gods people so when Moses says:

" my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them."

Does LUST here mean breathe? NOw the word Nepes also can be used as soul, self, life, creature, person, appetite, mind, living being, desire, emotion, passion.

Moses is saying HE has a strong desire to kill his enemy. That desire surely can be the same Lust one could have for HIS wife now it is?
SO to say I "Nepes" my wife would not be a good thing would it? Or you breathe in your wife?

Context The only way you can lust for a person is to be done in the flesh contextually. Therefore the bible is clear Lust of the flesh is never a good thing and it doesn't say as long as it is your wife or husband.