Spouse thinks I'm cheating and left and I'm not help

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Jul 20, 2017
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#21
I am a man but learned this from women. When you are not wrong and you beg for forgiveness they think you are wrong. When you get mad that you are accused they feel bad for falsely accusing you. Just be honest. Then you can leave it in the Lords hands.
 
May 20, 2017
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#22
It's a tough one.

Trust is a struggle for some when it has been damaged or lost. Maybe your husband does not want to do the struggle with trust anymore...it gets exhausting to be constantly on the look-out for what one's partner may be doing, even if it's nothing bad; in his mind, there might be something bad going on (have you given him complete control of all of your social media accounts? Do you dress modestly around other men? Do you act flirtatious in any way with other men? Do you have a disproportionate number of male friends that are not friends with him too?).

On the other hand, maybe he has PTSD from it (does he constantly relives the moment he found out what you did? Or perhaps there is something you are doing that triggers his distrust and he doesn't want to say it and he keeps living with the trust struggle-see the above questions.). I hope and pray that for the sake of the children he tries to find forgiveness and gets help from a professional counselor. I also hope he takes the needs of his children seriously, not just relying on "feelings" to decide what happens to his family.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#23
The OP is a man :eek:
 

Krainium

Junior Member
Oct 10, 2017
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#24
I'm sorry you're going through this but I have experienced this in my own marriage. For me, I discovered sometimes people accuse you of what they do! It could be guilt or assumptions (if I'm doing it, your probably doing it) and then sometimes when someone wants out they create the issue to justify their actions.
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
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#28
I need help, my husband and I have been married 12 years. In the first 2 years of our marriage I broke his trust and we separated. We were able to reconcile with Gods help and I truly believed our relationship had never been better until he out of the blue tells me he thinks I'm cheating, he doesn't trust me and thinks he never will. He then leaves 3 days later and has been staying with his parents. I've offered him every bit of proof I can to prove I have been a good and faithful wife but he's not interested. He has now told me he wants a divorce, isn't in love with me, doesn't want me and I need to find a way to move on. I DO NOT want our marriage to end. I just don't know what to do or how to get him to turn to me and work on us. He finally told me last week he wanted to date and I was so happy and thankful to God for answering prayers but 24 hours later he tells me never mind. I would do anything to work on us, I just can't give up. Any advice would do wonderful. We have 3 sons together ages 11, 7 and 2.
Your husband could be having a midlife crisis it happens... I know you want to work on your marriage you sound sincere but you can not force someone to love you... Give him some time and space to sort out his feelings. If he really wants to be done there is not much you can do but let him go and try to move on.. Have you suggested to him to do some marriage therapy.. When is the last time you all went on a date and focused on your relationship? It does sound to me like his saying he does not trust you is a cop out.... It sounds like he may be unhappy and just can not say it is his fault so he feels the need to place a portion of this blame on you which is very Narcissistic . It is often easier for him to place the blame on you instead of himself... I suggest giving him his space and offering to do therapy if he would like to do so. If he just does not come around then I suggest you try to move on.. They saying is true if you love someone let them go if they come back it was meant to be...... If he does not come back then you can not force him to love you and want to be with you out of some kind of false pretense it will only make you both miserable.