The sin of refusing sex

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TheLearner

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Sin is about offending God. What about the sin of the husband who does not love his wife as Christ loved the church? What about the vows to honour and respect? If you love them and want their best, does demanding what you want despite the wishes of your partner, show love? Is your wife tired, ill, sad or overwhelmed? Be considerate. Help where you can and care about her. These are biblical mandates. Maybe it is time to look at your responsibilities towards your wife as an act of love for God. I am not sure how impressed God is with any of his children stomping their feet and demanding their rights. Love your neighbour/wife as you love yourself.
Where in I cor 7 it says it is a law of God?
 

Polar

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Sex is important in a marriage. I mean if I'm not mistaken, it is one of the main reasons to get married. Paul says those that cannot contain should get married and it is better to marry than to burn. And then you have the verse that says, married partners are not supposed to withhold sex from one another.

So I assume, to just withhold sex unless you are fasting, sick, or something major like that could be a sin.
Sex is one of the main reasons to get married? And here I am thinking it was cause we fell in love. :eek: There are plenty of reasons to say 'not tonight or this afternoon or not this morning dear. We are not robots. As it is, love covers a multitude of sins, so that should work for those who want sex no matter what just because you are married.

That, will most definitely wear thin. Quite thin actually.
 

TheLearner

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A lot of women are actually indifferent about having sex, below is an interesting article on this. However, there is still the expectation/desire for women to have children. So after having children they show less interest in sex as their mission has been accomplished.
https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/i-feel-no-sexual-attraction-should-i-still-pursue-marriage

However, some women do enjoy sex well into their elder years. Before, in the older times, it was taboo for an elderly woman to enjoy sex. So, part of the reason why a woman shows disinterest as she gets older is that she is dealing with that taboo and pressure from society (esp. if she is from a different culture).

In some older women sex is painful.
On your ex-wife, I am totally guessing here, maybe she was seeking emotional connection and/or dealing with loneliness and it came out in the form of sex.
 

TheLearner

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Women get married and have the same issue. That's the point of the thread. You marry, the two become one. If you don't, you're breaking your marriage vows, man or woman.
4. Protestant Wedding Vows
Traditional Protestant wedding vows may be the most familiar to you. If you're nervous about slipping up, ask your cleric to perform the vows in a read-and-repeat style.

In the name of God, I, ______, take you, ______, to be my (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

5. Methodist Wedding Vows
These vows are a call-and-response. The only words a couple needs to remember to be wedded: "I do."

Officiant: "Will you have this (woman/man) to be your (wife/husband), to live together in holy marriage? Will you love (her/him), comfort (her/him), honor, and keep (her/him) in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to (her/him) as long as you both shall live?"

Bride/Groom: "I do."

6. Lutheran Wedding Vows
Similar to other Christian religions, Lutheran vows can be read by the officiant and repeated by the to-be-weds.

I, ______ , take you, to be my (wife/husband), and these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves, the world, and God; through the best and worst of what is to come, and as long as we live.

7. Baptist Wedding Vows
There are two options for traditional Baptist vows. The first is a call-and-response from your officiant:

Officiant: "Will you, have _____ to be your (wife/husband)? Will you love (her/him), comfort and keep (her/him), and forsaking all others remain true to (her/him), as long as you both shall live?"

Bride/Groom: "I will."

Your other option is a shorter version of vows—one line said by both partners:

I, _____, take thee, to be my (wife/husband), and before God and these witnesses, I promise to be a faithful and true (husband/wife).

8. Presbyterian Wedding Vows
Traditional Presbyterian vows offer another moving interpretation of those of other Christian religions. One variation is a simple call-and-response with the officiant.

Officiant: "______, wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wife/husband, and wilt thou pledge thy faith to him/her, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with her/him, and cherish her/him, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?"

Bride/Groom: "I will."

Alternately, couples can speak their own vows.

I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

9. Catholic Wedding Vows
Before you get to your vows, Catholic brides and grooms usually have to answer three questions from the priest:

"_____ and _____, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"

"Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"

"Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

You will respond with either "I will" or "yes," then continue onto the vows themselves:

I, _____, take you, _____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

10. Episcopalian Wedding Vows
In Episcopalian tradition, the to-be-weds engage in a simple call-and-response with the officiant.

Officiant: "______, wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live?"

Bride/Groom: "I will."

Couples can also choose to speak their own vows, similar to those of other Christian religions.

In the name of God, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

11. Quaker Wedding Vows
In a Quaker nuptial ceremony, each partner recites the traditional wedding vows while holding hands.

In the presence of God and these our friends, I take thee to be my wife/husband, promising with divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband/wife so long as we both shall live.

https://www.brides.com/story/traditional-wedding-vows-for-non-demoninational-weddings
 

TheLearner

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Yes, it's commanded in the word of God. So it's a sin. You almost never hear this taught in church or hear it preached. Nowhere does the Bible tell husbands to "do these 10 things" or "talk to your wife about it" either. To husbands it only says "love your wives". Sometimes, however, "loving your wife" isn't enough. So the Bible commands the Godly (not the feministic) "aged women" to "teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children". Why would that work? Perhaps for 3 reasons #1 Aged women are more mature emotionally, spiritually, and mentally: They are wiser. #3 Because it's another woman doing the teaching, instead of some man or husband teaching only because "he wants sex". #3 "Aged women" have already experienced the troubles and the joys of refusing or not refusing.

Also, why does the verse say, "teach them to ...love their children"? Don't most wives put the children first? I'm not sure what all of it entails but consider this: A child is not getting the love and the happy home they so desperately need when Mom and Dad are at constant odds with each other over sex. So if Dad learns to love Mom, and Mom is taught to love Dad enough that there's no conflict over sex, WOW, methinks there would be far fewer divorces and children without a father in the home.
Ah love in your proof text does not mean sex. I am sure we are not to have sex with our children. I bet you agree on that.
 

GardenofWeeden

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Jul 27, 2018
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The Garden of Weeden
Yes, it's commanded in the word of God. So it's a sin. You almost never hear this taught in church or hear it preached. Nowhere does the Bible tell husbands to "do these 10 things" or "talk to your wife about it" either. To husbands it only says "love your wives". Sometimes, however, "loving your wife" isn't enough. So the Bible commands the Godly (not the feministic) "aged women" to "teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children". Why would that work? Perhaps for 3 reasons #1 Aged women are more mature emotionally, spiritually, and mentally: They are wiser. #3 Because it's another woman doing the teaching, instead of some man or husband teaching only because "he wants sex". #3 "Aged women" have already experienced the troubles and the joys of refusing or not refusing.

Also, why does the verse say, "teach them to ...love their children"? Don't most wives put the children first? I'm not sure what all of it entails but consider this: A child is not getting the love and the happy home they so desperately need when Mom and Dad are at constant odds with each other over sex. So if Dad learns to love Mom, and Mom is taught to love Dad enough that there's no conflict over sex, WOW, methinks there would be far fewer divorces and children without a father in the home.
Just throwing this out there, but it also says in the Bible that we are to treat illness and depression with wine, and give strong drink to those about to die....so by your logic we should negate other methods of pain relief and only drink our troubles away? (I'm not completely against this if so)

Sometimes the words in the Bible are meant for instruction or things to shoot for, over pointing out sin. (i.e, the Proverbs 31 woman or most of Proverbs in general)) Someone else mentioned that it's not exactly a sin, but more of a warning. If as a married couple, people aren't making whoopie, then they CAN begin to lose a closeness, or an intimacy they need to live as one. It just makes sense that the more whoopie they make, the closer they will stay. With this in mind, if you are forcing your spouse to have sex with you on the regular by saying, " hey baby come fulfill your biblical quota of whoopie tonight", then your spouse is eventually going to laugh at you or worse begin to resent you and the Bible. Or maybe that is just me?
Also as we age, it can become more difficult to perform sex acts, due to arthritis, health issues, hormonal imbalances and so on, so you better make sure you marry someone you enjoy having a conversation with and doing all things with, because one day, that is all that will be left.
Peace!!
 
T

TheIndianGirl

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If the wife (or husband) has discomfort or pain issues, or dysfunction issues, they shouldn't be forced to have sex, especially regular sex. Any thoughts?
 

1ofthem

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Mar 30, 2016
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Sex is one of the main reasons to get married? And here I am thinking it was cause we fell in love. :eek: There are plenty of reasons to say 'not tonight or this afternoon or not this morning dear. We are not robots. As it is, love covers a multitude of sins, so that should work for those who want sex no matter what just because you are married.

That, will most definitely wear thin. Quite thin actually.
Yes, that's why I said one of the main reasons. I'd think most people know that it isn't the only reason to get married. Getting married just because of sexual attraction and wanting to have sex with someone would more or less just be LUST and not going to work out too well. I'd think most people would understand that you have to be compatible in other areas as well or a marriage is not going to last. That should be commonsense.

With the rest, I'm pretty sure I went on to explain it in my other posts. I sure wasn't saying that people have to be "Johnny on the spot" and become some kind of sex slave after marriage. We all should know that issues in life may come up and couples can't just lay around having sex all the time...lol

But there is no call to be Gertrude the prude all the time, either. Like I said in some of my other posts declining sex with your partner continuously for no reason other than you just don't want to is an indicator that there is some type of problem. In cases like this, the couple needs to have open communication to identify the issue and work on it.
 

1ofthem

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Mar 30, 2016
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If the wife (or husband) has discomfort or pain issues, or dysfunction issues, they shouldn't be forced to have sex, especially regular sex. Any thoughts?
There are other ways to be intimate besides intercourse. I don't want to go into a lot of detail here so I'll just say the couple can work together and come up with other options for physical intimacy that works for them.
 

kaylagrl

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Oct 18, 2014
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If the wife (or husband) has discomfort or pain issues, or dysfunction issues, they shouldn't be forced to have sex, especially regular sex. Any thoughts?

Pretty sure that was already brought up here. Sickness is a different issue. But dysfunction can be worked around. So can many pain issues.
 

kaylagrl

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Oct 18, 2014
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Just throwing this out there, but it also says in the Bible that we are to treat illness and depression with wine, and give strong drink to those about to die....so by your logic we should negate other methods of pain relief and only drink our troubles away? (I'm not completely against this if so)

Sometimes the words in the Bible are meant for instruction or things to shoot for, over pointing out sin. (i.e, the Proverbs 31 woman or most of Proverbs in general)) Someone else mentioned that it's not exactly a sin, but more of a warning. If as a married couple, people aren't making whoopie, then they CAN begin to lose a closeness, or an intimacy they need to live as one. It just makes sense that the more whoopie they make, the closer they will stay. With this in mind, if you are forcing your spouse to have sex with you on the regular by saying, " hey baby come fulfill your biblical quota of whoopie tonight", then your spouse is eventually going to laugh at you or worse begin to resent you and the Bible. Or maybe that is just me?
Also as we age, it can become more difficult to perform sex acts, due to arthritis, health issues, hormonal imbalances and so on, so you better make sure you marry someone you enjoy having a conversation with and doing all things with, because one day, that is all that will be left.
Peace!!
Cracked me up !! lol " hey baby come fulfill your biblical quota of whoopie tonight".
 

kaylagrl

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Oct 18, 2014
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Sex is one of the main reasons to get married? And here I am thinking it was cause we fell in love. :eek: There are plenty of reasons to say 'not tonight or this afternoon or not this morning dear. We are not robots. As it is, love covers a multitude of sins, so that should work for those who want sex no matter what just because you are married.

That, will most definitely wear thin. Quite thin actually.

No, but that's the point. There shouldn't be plenty of reasons to say no to sex with your spouse. And the other person should not have to want or beg for sex. That's the whole point of what the Bible is saying. If you BOTH agree to abstain for a time, that's fine. But you don't get to abstain and force your partner to do so too. That's part of the two becoming one. You don't give your partner options if you continue to have reasons not to have sex with them. It wears quite thin from their POV too.
 

kaylagrl

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Oct 18, 2014
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7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Right, your body is not your own. Two become one. If a person isn't willing to do that, stay single.
 

Polar

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May 8, 2022
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No, but that's the point. There shouldn't be plenty of reasons to say no to sex with your spouse. And the other person should not have to want or beg for sex. That's the whole point of what the Bible is saying. If you BOTH agree to abstain for a time, that's fine. But you don't get to abstain and force your partner to do so too. That's part of the two becoming one. You don't give your partner options if you continue to have reasons not to have sex with them. It wears quite thin from their POV too.
Oh please. Do people here get a kick out of twisting what someone says? I was speaking generally. Sex should not be the central theme in a marriage. If it is, it will wear thin soon enough. Did I say anything about begging for sex? No I did not so I am not sure why you bring that up. I did not get married so that I could perform in bed. I am a person and my husband is a person.

Do you really think you had to preach at me about 2 becoming 1? Or abstain for some reason?

I think your response is somewhat silly considering what I actually said. I sure have not read all the posts in this thread, but where's the love?
 

Polar

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May 8, 2022
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There are other ways to be intimate besides intercourse. I don't want to go into a lot of detail here so I'll just say the couple can work together and come up with other options for physical intimacy that works for them.
Intimacy means more than having sex. Many women are quite turned on by intimacy that is not sex and sex follows.
 

Polar

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May 8, 2022
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Yes, that's why I said one of the main reasons. I'd think most people know that it isn't the only reason to get married. Getting married just because of sexual attraction and wanting to have sex with someone would more or less just be LUST and not going to work out too well. I'd think most people would understand that you have to be compatible in other areas as well or a marriage is not going to last. That should be commonsense.

With the rest, I'm pretty sure I went on to explain it in my other posts. I sure wasn't saying that people have to be "Johnny on the spot" and become some kind of sex slave after marriage. We all should know that issues in life may come up and couples can't just lay around having sex all the time...lol

But there is no call to be Gertrude the prude all the time, either. Like I said in some of my other posts declining sex with your partner continuously for no reason other than you just don't want to is an indicator that there is some type of problem. In cases like this, the couple needs to have open communication to identify the issue and work on it.
I am truly sorry for people who are eager to marry because they think they will have a feast of sex. I responded to your post in which you stated:

Sex is important in a marriage. I mean if I'm not mistaken, it is one of the main reasons to get married.

I responded to that statement. No need to be so defensive about what you said.

I have no intention of reading all your posts to better understand your thoughts. I don't expect you to read mine either. A post in any forum does not reflect on any person in their entirety. It is a post in a moment of time and not something you will be held to account for.
 

1ofthem

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Mar 30, 2016
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Intimacy means more than having sex. Many women are quite turned on by intimacy that is not sex and sex follows.
Yes, I know.

Not sure you got the point though. I don't want to get into graphic details here so maybe reread the post I was responding to and it should be evident.
 

Polar

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May 8, 2022
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Yes, I know.

Not sure you got the point though. I don't want to get into graphic details here so maybe reread the post I was responding to and it should be evident.
I read in your profile that you are not married. Sorry if that is because of divorce, but I AM married so why on earth would I need graphic details from you or anyone else? What is evident, is that alot of people here want to discuss sex. Just the title of this thread is foreboding. That is not the way to approach this subject at all!

Honest to pete!!!
 

Polar

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May 8, 2022
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Sin is about offending God. What about the sin of the husband who does not love his wife as Christ loved the church? What about the vows to honour and respect? If you love them and want their best, does demanding what you want despite the wishes of your partner, show love? Is your wife tired, ill, sad or overwhelmed? Be considerate. Help where you can and care about her. These are biblical mandates. Maybe it is time to look at your responsibilities towards your wife as an act of love for God. I am not sure how impressed God is with any of his children stomping their feet and demanding their rights. Love your neighbour/wife as you love yourself.

Probably one of the more sensible and thoughtful posts in this thread. Amen
 
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