The sin of refusing sex

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Jimbone

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Aug 22, 2014
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Sin is about offending God. What about the sin of the husband who does not love his wife as Christ loved the church? What about the vows to honour and respect? If you love them and want their best, does demanding what you want despite the wishes of your partner, show love? Is your wife tired, ill, sad or overwhelmed? Be considerate. Help where you can and care about her. These are biblical mandates. Maybe it is time to look at your responsibilities towards your wife as an act of love for God. I am not sure how impressed God is with any of his children stomping their feet and demanding their rights. Love your neighbour/wife as you love yourself.
This is thoughtful, sweet, and everything, but it is 100% self centered around your perspective. This comment is extremely selfish on the other end of the scale and this very argument can be turned right back on you.

Sin is about offending God. What about the sin of the wife who does not love her husband as Christ loved the church? What about the vows to honour and respect? If you love them and want their best, does holding back what they want despite, the wishes of your partner, show love? Is your husband tired, lonely, stressed or overwhelmed? Be considerate. Help where you can and care about him. These are biblical mandates. Maybe it is time to look at your responsibilities towards your husband as an act of love for God. I am not sure how impressed God is with any of his children stomping their feet and demanding their rights. Love your neighbour/husband as you love yourself.

But you are literally doing in this comment exactly what you're slamming men for. We are BOTH called to honor and respect each other. You make it sound here like it's all on the guy to read and react the right way to everything YOU want. Just my pov.
 

128

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Feb 22, 2020
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Although there is no excuse for marital unfaithfulness, a lack of sexual tenderness could contribute to a spouse’s seeking affection and intimacy from someone else. (Prov. 5:18; Eccl. 9:9) Therefore, the Bible urges married couples: “Do not deprive each other [of the marriage due] except by mutual consent for an appointed time.” Why? “In order that Satan may not keep tempting you for your lack of self-control.” (1 Cor. 7:5)

What a tragedy if a couple were to allow Satan to exploit their “lack of self-control” and cause either of them to succumb to temptation and commit adultery. Conversely, when each mate seeks, “not his own advantage, but that of the other person” and renders the marriage due as an expression of love rather than as a duty, affectionate intimate relations can strengthen the marriage bond.—1 Cor. 10:24.
You are correct, there is no excuse for marital unfaithfuness....but how does a person deal with a spouse who is unloving and wants to settle for a sexless marriage...they aren't mutually deciding...one is deciding...so what's the role of the other spouse? And how do they continue to guard themselves so they don't fall?
 

TheIndianGirl

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Nov 22, 2019
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You are correct, there is no excuse for marital unfaithfuness....but how does a person deal with a spouse who is unloving and wants to settle for a sexless marriage...they aren't mutually deciding...one is deciding...so what's the role of the other spouse? And how do they continue to guard themselves so they don't fall?
There are a lot of reasons why a person does not want sex in general. One reason is that the person is basically sexless/asexual and does not really desire sex. John Piper, a very famous conservative pastor, has said that sexual desire is not necessary for a good marriage. If a spouse is sexless, the other spouse if he desires sex a lot is basically out of luck. However, I believe the sexless spouse should compromise a bit (as he/she already knew that sex was part of the marriage deal) or perhaps the partner who desires sex should spend more time arousing the spouse. But what happens is that the spouse who wants sex is not really interested in someone who doesn't enjoy sex, so it is the chicken or the egg issue. The other issue is that men equate sexual desire from wife as a form of love and respect and get offended otherwise, however as John Piper suggests this is not true.

https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/i-feel-no-sexual-attraction-should-i-still-pursue-marriage
https://www.christianpost.com/news/...marriage-its-about-covenant-keeping-love.html
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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on the verses around this it says 'its is good for a man not to touch a woman' But it does not say 'it is good for a woman not to touch a man'.
I would say its actually on the wife to lovingly keep in touch with her husband and the whole thing about consent is, that if its the wife that decides yes or no. If she doesnt want to be touched by her husband, shes allowed to leave him and he must let her go. But this is not so she can touch another man who is not her husband...she must be reconciled with him. if they are happy to live together without sex and STILL love each other that is actually possible! Because bodies do wear out and get tired.

I think for women whose bodies are a more fragile and delicate, constant use or pregnancy isnt beneficial...remember, this is flesh! women get old before their time if they are always having baby after baby. It takes its toll on the body.

I mean sure if you live on a huge farm and need to have lots of children because there are no other workers to work the land sure...(and you have the finances and resources to support many children) then go for it. But having lots and lots of children isnt easy on most couples in todays world.
 

presidente

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May 29, 2013
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on the verses around this it says 'its is good for a man not to touch a woman' But it does not say 'it is good for a woman not to touch a man'.
I would say its actually on the wife to lovingly keep in touch with her husband and the whole thing about consent is, that if its the wife that decides yes or no. If she doesnt want to be touched by her husband, shes allowed to leave him and he must let her go.
Yikes! The passage teaches no such things. And a single man who meets a woman who thinks she will have a right, Biblically, to just leave her husband, should not marry that one.

The passage gives certain commands from the Lord to wives.

1. Let NOT the wife depart from her husband.
2. But and if she departs, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.

It definitely does not teach that it up to the wife to decide whether to stay together or not, or have sex or not, and that that is okay.

But this is not so she can touch another man who is not her husband...she must be reconciled with him. if they are happy to live together without sex and STILL love each other that is actually possible! Because bodies do wear out and get tired.

I think for women whose bodies are a more fragile and delicate, constant use or pregnancy isnt beneficial...remember, this is flesh! women get old before their time if they are always having baby after baby. It takes its toll on the body.
Having babies is presented as a positive thing in the Bible, though Eve was told that He would greatly her pains in childbearing. Genesis says to 'Be fruitful and multiply.' Paul wrote, 'she shall be saved through childbearing' (which I take as likely a reference to the Seed promise, but which still presents child-bearing in a positive light.) One of the requirements for a widow to be on the list included godly lifestyle and good works like 'if she have raised children.' Sure, it takes a toll on the body, but bearing children is also a noble and good thing and it is the result of the blessing that we have them.

And when women get old, they stop having babies, and if they married young, their husband's bodies are old, too.

I mean sure if you live on a huge farm and need to have lots of children because there are no other workers to work the land sure...(and you have the finances and resources to support many children) then go for it. But having lots and lots of children isnt easy on most couples in todays world.
I would have thought if you were thinking about having lots of babies in today's world you might have brought up that birth control is a thing in today's world, too.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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well actually the passage teaches if she doesnt believe, she can leave.
same for the man.

A lot of women seem to marry when they are not believers, I think anyone whos young and gets married probably has not even come to faith and they dont truly understand what marriage means or faith for that matter.

Men also marry when they dont believe.

Its a shame but it happens. They are not called to bondage in this case, plus its pretty bad for one party to believe and the other to not. Thats an unequally yoked marriage. If you can tolerate it, or are pleased to dwell, as it says in the Bible, then stay, If its not pleasing to dwell, then you can leave. In most cases, it will NOT be pleasing to dwell with someone who is abusive for example.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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well, its seems christians dont like to talk about birth control, because they then have to deal with things like DIAPHRAGMS, spermicides, condoms, hormone patches, IUD, vasectomies, hysterectomies the pill, both morning after and regular and abortion. Not to mention IVF and adoption for those that want babies but cant physically have them.

if someone is wanting a conversation about that then there ought to be more threads about it. but it seems pretty clear that many christians are totally against abortion as a form of birth control but they are not willing to discuss the alternatives.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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seems like it.

Terrible.
Husbands, learn how to love your wives, not rape them.
 

Lanolin

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One of my sisters whos now married says when she doesnt want the hassle of sex, she wears pyjamas, because wearing a nightie is an open invitation.

Im like TMI. But there you go. Thats marriage.
 

presidente

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May 29, 2013
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well actually the passage teaches if she doesnt believe, she can leave.
same for the man.

A lot of women seem to marry when they are not believers, I think anyone whos young and gets married probably has not even come to faith and they dont truly understand what marriage means or faith for that matter.

Men also marry when they dont believe.

Its a shame but it happens. They are not called to bondage in this case, plus its pretty bad for one party to believe and the other to not. Thats an unequally yoked marriage. If you can tolerate it, or are pleased to dwell, as it says in the Bible, then stay, If its not pleasing to dwell, then you can leave. In most cases, it will NOT be pleasing to dwell with someone who is abusive for example.
The Bible says to let the unbelieving depart, not that it is okay for the unbeliever to do so, or to leave the unbeliever.
 
Jun 12, 2021
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I Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Glad am single like the prophets in old testament.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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One of my sisters whos now married says when she doesnt want the hassle of sex, she wears pyjamas, because wearing a nightie is an open invitation.

Im like TMI. But there you go. Thats marriage.
You do realize not every man is hot to trot and it may go the other way? :)
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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You do realize not every man is hot to trot and it may go the other way? :)
of course, as I said, TMI.
poo, vomit, blood, snot, saliva and other bodily fluids are part of marriage too. Its not just the men who fart in bed.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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The Bible says to let the unbelieving depart, not that it is okay for the unbeliever to do so, or to leave the unbeliever.
exactly
so theres no rule that says you have to have sex with an unbeliever in marriage. You can just live with them.

if you are a believer and your unbelieving spouse doesnt want to have sex with you, then tough, accept it. You cant FORCE them to have sex with you. Maybe they just dont want to. Not everyone wants to have sex all the time.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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also, during your period, you might not want to. as it will be very messy. dont be unreasonable about it.
Also, its probably NOT a good idea to have sex in front. of other people. or video yourselves doing so.

You can say NO.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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exactly
so theres no rule that says you have to have sex with an unbeliever in marriage. You can just live with them.
The Bible says not to defraud one another. Why wouldn't the same principle apply when one is married to an unbeliever? Cutting an unbelieving spouse could be a strategy to make 'the unbeliever depart'-- by not being a good spouse in one area of the marriage. But what kind of witness is that. Peter told wives whose husbands did not obey the word to submit to them also.

if you are a believer and your unbelieving spouse doesnt want to have sex with you, then tough, accept it. You cant FORCE them to have sex with you. Maybe they just dont want to. Not everyone wants to have sex all the time.
That is a different topic. There are a lot of tough situations that arise in marriage with an unbeliever who does not share 'common ground' of faith in the word of God, but why the negative attitude on this topic.

also, during your period, you might not want to. as it will be very messy.
Gentiles were driven out of the land for a long list of sins including uncovering a woman's nakedness during her time of uncleanness.

Also, its probably NOT a good idea to have sex in front. of other people. or video yourselves doing so.
Ummm. Yuck. There are a lot of sinful things married couples could do related to sex, such as adultery/swinging. I would hope most Christian readers would not interpret Paul's instructions on sex to encourage sex in front of other people and other weird stuff like that.
 

presidente

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May 29, 2013
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of course, as I said, TMI.
poo, vomit, blood, snot, saliva and other bodily fluids are part of marriage too. Its not just the men who fart in bed.
Not everybody is into that sort of thing. :)
 
Dec 30, 2020
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Of course it is a sin because it is God intention for sex in marriage. Sex is a union of 2 become 1.
That is funny. Marriage is the union of two becoming one, not sex. You don't become one with sex just because you temporarily physically connect.
 

presidente

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May 29, 2013
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That is funny. Marriage is the union of two becoming one, not sex. You don't become one with sex just because you temporarily physically connect.
Notice Paul's interpretation of two becoming one flesh in relation to sexual intercourse:

I Corinthians 6
16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

If it applies to prostitutes that two are one flesh, shouldn't it also apply to marriage, which God has ordained?
 
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