Verbal abuse

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Set3

Junior Member
Jan 1, 2018
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#21
@Christina

If you truly believe that you are not a Christian. God doesn't ever say to give up on someone who needs him. He says to get help and try everything. Just because my husband does things deemed by society to be 'abusive' does not make him an abuser. Just because someone has a mental illness does make them a detriment. Just because one in a marriage struggles does not mean it's okay to just leave and divorce and move on. It is a sin. It is wrong. You are 100% wrong in your advice to anyone to simply get away and give up.
 
Apr 29, 2012
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#22
That's not really enough information to understand the situation.

You need to talk to someone privately and share a little more information.
I'd recommend finding a mature Christian woman in the chat room, or maybe in the women's forum, and asking for some advice and counsel.
It's interesting you assume the OP is female. Women can be abusers also.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,017
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#23
It's interesting you assume the OP is female. Women can be abusers also.
The post was from 2013.... at the time, the poster was a member and known to be female.
 
Apr 29, 2012
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#24
My apologies - I missed the date and the understood knowledge that she was female.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,966
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#25
I'm tired, exhausted really. My husband has found new ways of abusing that I never knew existed. I'm pregnant, he demanded I keep it but won't acknowledge that I am. He took every penny I had, I have no way to eat or buy gas. He's bankrupted my parents even. Even with a court order for no contact he finds ways to be verbally and emotionally abusive through friends and family or threatens them and me. I am afraid of him, but if I tell the judge that things just get worse. I am afraid to be without, because I am unable to care for myself. I am afraid to be alone even, because the things he says eat away at my mind. And yes, I am in counseling, but the whole once a week thing doesn't exactly help in the middle or aftermath of an issue. It has gotten so bad that even my family won't talk to me because of what he's said or done. He has even gotten his friends to post on social media to have everyone we both know ignore me and isolate me more. I am scared and feel so alone.

Isolation is a key characteristic of an abuser. You need to leave him now, for the sake of your baby. You don’t want to raise a son to be an abuser like him. You don’t want to raise a daughter to be brutalized by him, and then a succession of abusive men.

Can you go to a shelter? You need to pack a bag and leave. You are in the worst situation. He sounds like a very disturbed person, and it will never get better. You need to walk away. Please!
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
9,966
797
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#26
@Christina

If you truly believe that you are not a Christian. God doesn't ever say to give up on someone who needs him. He says to get help and try everything. Just because my husband does things deemed by society to be 'abusive' does not make him an abuser. Just because someone has a mental illness does make them a detriment. Just because one in a marriage struggles does not mean it's okay to just leave and divorce and move on. It is a sin. It is wrong. You are 100% wrong in your advice to anyone to simply get away and give up.

Seriously, you do not understand abuse. An abuser abuses because of power. There are millions of men with PTSD who don’t abuse their wives. And thousands of others who do NOT have PTSD and do abuse. In fact, sometimes they kill their spouses.

I have taken courses in Domestic Violence, as a pastor. One video was a lovely lady who kept making excuses for her husband, and saying it wasn’t that bad. In the end, he just about killed her while she was ironing. What saved her was hitting him with the iron, and running away. For course, it got worse, after she went back as a good Christian wife to a good Christian man. In the end, he was put in prison.

Mental illness, unless someone is actually psychotic, is NOT ever an excuse for abuse. It is not about them lacking control over themselves, but wanting control over you. And your husband is doing that well, keeping you from having money and isolating you. And believe me, this will escalate.

A marriage struggle is not having enough money to make ends meet, and fighting about it. A marriage struggle is disagreeing on how to raise the children, or dealing with in laws. The situation you are in is that you are being constantly assaulted and used. You are like a prisoner of war, who has Stockholm syndrome and thinks it is ok for the abuser to isolate them, keep them from their families and that they need to love the husband, “just the way he is!” NO! You have married a master manipulator, a narcissist who would be like this regardless of his mental illness. I run a support group for the mentally ill, and none of them would do this. Being mentally ill doesn’t mean you don’t know right from wrong.

You are in big trouble, and I fear for your child. The sin is that your narcissistic abuser husband has convinced you that you do not have the right to live in safety, free from verbal, mental, physical and financial abuse.

For the sake of your child, you need to leave this man. A narcissist is someone with no caring or life. In fact, the belief that you have to stay with him no matter what he does is a form of religious domestic violence. Here is something from Wikipedia:

Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is a pattern of behavior which involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners. Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly, and may be done for self-defense. It takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as choking, beating, female genital mutilation and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death. Domestic murders include stoning, bride burning, honor killings, and dowry deaths.”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
2,114
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#27
Hi everyone. What is the biblical approach to take if a spouse is being verbally and emotionally abused, yet the abuser is not convicted of this at all?

“It is better to sleep on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Go away from verbal abuse (or any abuse for that matter). Divorce however is another topic. But remove yourself and your children while someone is being abusive.
 
Last edited:
Aug 8, 2017
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#28
@Christina

If you truly believe that you are not a Christian. God doesn't ever say to give up on someone who needs him. He says to get help and try everything. Just because my husband does things deemed by society to be 'abusive' does not make him an abuser. Just because someone has a mental illness does make them a detriment. Just because one in a marriage struggles does not mean it's okay to just leave and divorce and move on. It is a sin. It is wrong. You are 100% wrong in your advice to anyone to simply get away and give up.
If someone abuses someone they are an abuser, and just because one struggles in a marriage it is not ok to abuse his or her partner and it is absolutely NOT ok to raise children in that kind of an environment. That kind of environment is dangerous and every mother and father has the obligation to protect their children.
 

Namiette

Senior Member
Feb 13, 2016
154
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#29
Please, do not take my question as something stupid, but I was thinking about what does verbal and emotional abuse actually mean... where is the "border"...
I know that 100 people might have 100 opinion, and I have my point of view too. But I would like to know, what other Christians, mostly more mature than me, think about it...
 

AuntieAnt

Senior Member
Feb 23, 2016
3,908
341
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#30
Please, do not take my question as something stupid, but I was thinking about what does verbal and emotional abuse actually mean... where is the "border"...
I know that 100 people might have 100 opinion, and I have my point of view too. But I would like to know, what other Christians, mostly more mature than me, think about it...
For those who have no fear of God: Whatever incriminating words you wouldn't say to a judge in a courtroom, don't say to someone outside the courtroom.

For those who follow Christ Jesus: Treat other people the way you want to be treated.
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#31
Kick 'em in the balls in Jesus' name.

(Just Kidding)

Listen, just make Jesus your husband. - I mean live for Jesus.
Do your duties as a wife, but just put Jesus first, always love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

This will show your husband the truth of Jesus' love, (this is the gospel).
It will pour coals of spirit fire on his head, and before you know it, he will see it, and recognize the Agape love that God has shown to you, (and which you are living)
Many millions of spouses have been saved this way.
- Piece O' Cake.
You'll catch a lot of flack for that post... But, it is exactly what the Bible says to do, even though few of us are willing to total trust Jesus that completely.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#32
You'll catch a lot of flack for that post... But, it is exactly what the Bible says to do, even though few of us are willing to total trust Jesus that completely.
Considering you're saying this to someone who wrote that five years ago, he caught flack from just one person, and he has since been banned -- good prophecy. lol
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,758
602
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#33
most abusers can never 'admit' that they are abusing, as they can't seem to 'own/see'
their behavior but 'blame' the other party!!!, thus they don't feel like they have to take
responsibility for there very OWN ACTIONS.,..
such and 'old-un-holy-un-reality', that satan has convinced so many in this fallen world of...

it's so very sad, it also seems to mostly 'never-ever change'.,,.!?!
 

Bebe11

Junior Member
Oct 30, 2016
17
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#34
Have you ever told your spouse how you feel? I would start with your spouse first. It might even help to talk to your Pastor to see what can be done. If your spouse is not convicted, then it will take some time and lots of prayers! Hang in there!
 
Jan 8, 2018
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#35
hi some of you know my history of domestic violence from my other posts, i was beaten and nearly kicked to death by my untill then loving husband its been two months now since the police took him away he is awaiting trial and i havnt seen him ,yet strange as this sounds i am torn in two, i miss him and love him i know there is good in him could he change i keep wondering? all the domestic abuse advice and what i have read about this subject would say no, but god can do anything right? yet i am also very afraid now since i heard he has done this before to other women , but that was before he became a christian i keep thinking so god can do anything maybe or maybe im deluded probably all the kicks to the head im so mixed up sorry to go on about this again i feel literely torn in two i dont know where to turn next all our plans and dreams shattered by one senseless act of violence which was born out of jealousy, he wanted me all to himself he couldnt understand i could love my sons as well as him
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,521
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#36
Speaking as a victim of domestic violence, YES you are deluding yourself. He didn't suddenly start being abusive out of the blue. He's done this before to other women. He wanted you to himself, he wanted ALL your attention focused on him and him alone. Abusers rarely stop abusing.

That being said, WHY would you want a man who nearly killed you, back in your life? That's just crazy.. IF hubby were a true Christian, he wouldn't be so possessive, jealous and dangerous. You and your kids are better off getting out of that environment. God never meant for marriage to include physical abuse.