Why Don't We Ever Hear About Wives Who Are Addicted to Porn?

[NightTwister]

View attachment 258935

Not a surprise at all. With the current state of "no fault" divorce, many women just decide they don't want to work on their marriage anymore, and end up with the house, the car, the kids, and a nice check every month. Many men have just decided it's not worth taking the chance.

 

[JohnDB]

Not a surprise at all. With the current state of "no fault" divorce, many women just decide they don't want to work on their marriage anymore, and end up with the house, the car, the kids, and a nice check every month. Many men have just decided it's not worth taking the chance.

I tend to think it goes a step further with people not knowing anymore how to form relationships of any kind.

Sure they exchange opinions anonymously on the internet and say anything that pops into their heads....but that's not relationship building. So when it comes time for an intimate relationship they have no social skills whatsoever.

 

[Doodahdad]

Can we just call it what it is…? IMHO, anyone who watches porn (male or female) is fantasizing about a degree of sex that they are not getting and are secretly wanting. After all, we all have sex to achieve the ultimate goal… the “earth shattering, screaming, knock the pictures off the wall” orgasm! Do women watch porn? I can only imagine they do but my guess would be not as frequently as men…and if they do, does it enhance their sex life with their partners because they are so worked up from it that they need a release?

 

[SunshineGirl]

As I was reading this I got an email taking me to a Youtube video. I started listening to the video and I had this strong feeling to post it on here.

https://www.youtube.com/live/v98qnQuPTIU?si=Fl3f8eG16WyR-kUn

Only because of God's amazing grace I have never been addicted to watching porn.
This will sound a little funny but I did have a really bad addiction to biscuits/cookies. It got bad that I would eat packets in a day. I knew I needed help. I tried for months to stop eating them and for a few days it was going good then something would happen and there I was eating even more. One day I broke down, went to Jesus in tears for help. For just over four years now he has kept me from eating biscuits/cookies and only because of him I am not even tempted.
I know being addicted to eating biscuits/cookies is a lot different than being addicted to watch porn/sex but if Jesus helped me with my addiction he can help everyone. Nothing is too big for him. I guess that's what faith in God is trusting in him and believing he can do it. Don't give up people God can do it. I know he can 🥰

 

[EszterBH]

Hi Everyone,

In another thread, I was talking about the fact that many of the single girls I know (including myself) are remaining single in the hopes of finding a man who doesn't have an addiction or strong attraction to porn (as in regular dependency -- daily viewings, regular time and money spent on materials by choice, can't go for very long without it, etc., not just occasional dabblings most everyone has.)

I had made the observation that I knew many women (again, including myself,) seemed to find great guy friends who weren't into porn, but for some reason, we were always just friends. And then often the ones we were attracted to were also hooked on porn. It's not an absolute, of course, but seemed to happen a lot in my observation.

This brought up an exchange that has me thinking:

(CC Member) Sculpt wrote:

"So, the guys (these women) do have romantic chemistry with are only the guys who are a slave to porn? In other words, the guys that are a slave to porn are the only guys that give the single girls some romantic chemistry? It sounds like a Catch 22 lol. Do you think there's a problem on both sides?"


Seoulsearch (I) responded:

"Sculpt, do you have women in your life that you've Friend Zoned, or they have Friend Zoned you? What are the reasons? The biggest one I hear from whoever has decided it will only be a friendship is that there is no "chemistry" between them. Whatever that means, as people have been trying to decipher it from the beginning of time, but for whatever reason, the person has no romantic feelings for the other person.

Now I can only speak from my experience, but I've met some awesome guys who are not into porn, but for whatever reason, we were just friends. I have not had many relationships in my life, but of the ones I did and of the guys I was attracted to, porn was often a regular habit for them. I'd like to think I'm older and wiser now, and have learned I'd rather stay single than be with someone who constantly needs to look at other women.

I understand being human in a fallen world. We can't avoid everything, and we are all going to fall at some point, and on occasion. But if someone is regularly, willfully, and intentionally seeking such material on a regular basis, I have to pass on anything more than a friendship. The female friends I have feel the same way -- but of course, we are just a small sampling of all the possible outlooks out there.

I do think that porn has probably been a long-time problem for women in modern society, but often more in the written sense. Any used bookstore I've ever been to has had at least one entire wall of "romance novels," so for a few dollars, women could stock up on literal armfuls of literary porn daily. And of course, with even ads these days being borderline and sometimes over the top, I'm sure many women get hooked on the visuals too. I talked to one woman a long time ago who, while trying to police her husband's porn habits, was falling into an attraction to it herself -- and they still wound up divorcing.

I do think though that in general, many women need more of a background story to go with it, which is why literary porn would be popular with them (and why they are into romance novels being turned into movies.) This is part of why women love to hear about how couples met, how they fell in love, how they started flirting and what made them attracted to each other, etc. The story and process is a big part of the attraction for many women.

You do have me thinking about something interesting... In my time here on CC, there have been tons of women asking for help because their husbands are regularly watching and sometimes preferring porn to them. I've also seen some posts here from women who were addicted to porn and asking for advice.

But in 14 years, I can't recall ever seeing a husband asking for help because his wife was addicted to porn. I'm sure it exists, and maybe there have been threads here about it that I've missed. But it has me wondering why men don't reach out for help with this issue when it's their wife who is the one with the problem.

Is it because they're battling their own porn addictions? Is it because they're too embarrassed to ask for help and admit their wives are turning to sources other than them? Do some men not care or are willing to ignore it if their wives are reading or looking at trash, just as long as she makes personal time for him?

I don't know the answers, but now you definitely have me thinking about the other side of the coin."


I have literally been thinking about this subject ever since. I have been in the homes of married Christian women in which they have entire bookcases filled with "romance" novels -- and it might just be me, but I see this as the equivalent of a husband who has his own library of pornographic materials.

It's odd to me that these types of books have seemingly been accepted as something normal in some Christian circles. I have a collection of cookbooks (even though I don't really cook -- that's another story for another day) from a company called Gooseberry Patch. Some of the ladies here may have heard of them, as they are very popular among church-going, country-living homemakers.

A series of their books feature a set of fictional cartoon characters who represent other women "in the neighborhood," as each book has a very down-home, hang-out-with-neighbors-on-the-porch kind of style.

The books have little illustrations of the characters doing everyday things, almost like a comic book. And I was personally shocked to see some of the pictures showing the women lazily reading books entitled "Lust in the Afternoon," while watching their kids at the pool on a summer day.

These characters are represented as having husbands and children, and the books often talk about things like church attendance, potlucks, and sometimes include Bible verses.

As I said earlier in the post, I'm sure more and more women have become addicted to visual and more "mainstream" porn in our modern indecency-saturated culture, but why don't we see men asking for help when their wives are addicted to porn?

* If a wife's addiction is in the form of books, is it simply overlooked? If he caught her actually viewing materials, would it then seem like more of a "real" addiction?

* Are husbands too embarrassed to ask for help? Or for the ones who battle their own porn addictions, it the thought of also trying to help their wife too overwhelming?

* Husbands, have you or would you have a talk with your wife if she was reading a steady stream of questionable books? Have you ever sought help or gone to the church for these kinds of issues?

I am genuinely interested in what people have to say about this, because I'm sure porn addiction is affecting women (and their husbands) more than what is talked about. I'm looking forward to learning from what you all have to say.

P.S. @Subhumanoidal -- thank you for your insightful answer in the other thread. I decided to just expand the topic to a dedicated thread in the hopes of even further constructive conversations.

Idk about America, but in my Eastern European country its still frowned upon for women to talk openly about sexuality. Especially outside big cities. And if man here ever admitted his wife watched p... I coulndt imagine the reaction, the whole community would be laughing all day.

I remember case of a girl who had boyfriend that asked her for intimate acts all the time. When one day she asked him for it she got dumped. I just dont know whats going in the heads of some people.

 

[MaryM]

As a woman I can say I have zero interest in porn. It is a complete turn off, from what little I know.
I respond to romance, being valued, cared for, understood and loved. The complete opposite to porn which is nothing but lust and leads to nothing but destruction of the soul for all involved.
I venture to say it is a male thing, women just don't want anything to do with it.

 

[Karlon]

As a woman I can say I have zero interest in porn. It is a complete turn off, from what little I know.
I respond to romance, being valued, cared for, understood and loved. The complete opposite to porn which is nothing but lust and leads to nothing but destruction of the soul for all involved.
I venture to say it is a male thing, women just don't want anything to do with it.

really? you are billions of times wrong. prostitutes, naked models, dramatic sex advertising, sex texting, sex magazines, porn date sites? get real! women are just as guilty as men!

 

[Moses_Young]

really? you are billions of times wrong. prostitutes, naked models, dramatic sex advertising, sex texting, sex magazines, porn date sites? get real! women are just as guilty as men!

I disagree. Women get into prostitution and similar because there is money in it, not because it appeals to them. Women crave power and security, and when they can't or won't find it in a man, they attempt to do so by their own means - prostitution is one such means for women without morals. Typically, male prostitutes are demanded primarily by homosexuals, and even for men without many morals, sodomy is often a depravity even too low for these.

I think it's a rare woman who finds the male form sexually enticing, similiar to it being a rare man who would seek power and security from a woman. Both go against the natural order.

 

[Karlon]

I disagree. Women get into prostitution and similar because there is money in it, not because it appeals to them. Women crave power and security, and when they can't or won't find it in a man, they attempt to do so by their own means - prostitution is one such means for women without morals. Typically, male prostitutes are demanded primarily by homosexuals, and even for men without many morals, sodomy is often a depravity even too low for these.

I think it's a rare woman who finds the male form sexually enticing, similiar to it being a rare man who would seek power and security from a woman. Both go against the natural order.

whatever the reason, they are guilty big time. it may be more covered up by them. men will talk openly about women more than the reverse. i'll give you that 1 for sure.

 

[Moses_Young]

whatever the reason, they are guilty big time. it may be more covered up by them. men will talk openly about women more than the reverse. i'll give you that 1 for sure.

I think it's historical also. Even the Greeks wouldn't show females completely uncovered, as it was considered obscene - presumably because males are interested by female anatomy, to the point where it readily becomes sexual interest or lust. Not so the other way, with no issues with Michelangelo's completely nude (male) David, or many others like it.

 

[presidente]

I disagree. Women get into prostitution and similar because there is money in it, not because it appeals to them. Women crave power and security, and when they can't or won't find it in a man, they attempt to do so by their own means - prostitution is one such means for women without morals. Typically, male prostitutes are demanded primarily by homosexuals, and even for men without many morals, sodomy is often a depravity even too low for these.

I think it's a rare woman who finds the male form sexually enticing, similiar to it being a rare man who would seek power and security from a woman. Both go against the natural order.

'Prostitution' originally included all sex outside of marriage. Some women fornicate because they enjoy it, and some want relationship. There are probably prostitutes who like sex, or did before they started doing it for a living. I would imagine restaurant work could ruin someone who enjoys cooking.

I gather from women's reactions to fit male celebrities that many of them can be attracted to the male form. Why don't all the Hollywood male stars have big fat guts? Don't they look fit to appeal to the female demographic?