Thanks, I am feeling more and more confident as the day goes on...I haven't tried to contact her at all since mondays doctors appointment. Haven't tried talking to her about anything other than organising the appointments and speaking to the midwife. Haven't heard anything from her either. Giving her the space she has asked for. Trying my hardest to listen and also fix my alcohol addiction while we are apart. Its great that there is alot of support out there when u actually make a proper effort, sadly it took this to really motivate me
Wife is pregnant and separated from me
- Thread starter Sailordreams
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...since mondays doctors appointment and I haven't heard from her. I am happy though to help her with organising the doctors (as she struggles with English) at least she lets me still be a part of it all too. Now I know what I have to do is sort out my drinking problem so she can feel safe and show her that I love her.
K
It's good that you're talking about it. Admitting you have a problem takes courage. It's a big step, and you took it. You know, it would be good if you had at least 1 person that you could be held accountable to. Do you know what I mean? Someone that knows about your situation and will hold your feet to the fire (so to speak, that's an expression here, simply means hold you accountable for your actions) You would check in with them daily, at least for a while. If you felt like you might not be strong enough to stay sober, you could call them before you took a drink and they'd be there to prop you up until it passes. And it will pass. If you stay tough for a few days, it will get easier.
You hope to get the chance to have a happy family....Well, the chance is there. Always has been and always will be. It is up to you to act, putting your faith before you as a light to guide your path and give you strength to win do battle with any afflictions blocking you from your goal. Magenta's advice is solid, and I get busy cleaning my spiritual house. I pray that God will uphold you and give power to shake off the chains keeping you from those you love. Amen.
That is what a sponsor is for 
Aside from having worked through the steps themselves and attending meetings regularly, they are there to help you, and listen when you need to share one-on-one, so a male sponsor would be recommended. They are there for support, accountability partner, and also to help you work through the steps. The main focus of the steps is looking at your behavior, attitudes, and history; going to meetings to listen to others share of their own progress through their disease and recovery will give you lots to identify with, support, encouragement and inspiration. At the heart of working the steps is the development and maintenance of your relationship with God.
I took a seven year cake last night in Narcotics Anonymous. I had eight years clean and sober (in 2002) the first time I relapsed. Some would say that was because I had not fully surrendered, but I did not believe in God back then the way
I do now. It is amazing what can happen when you make straight your path. Getting clean for the first time twenty three years ago was the result of crying out to God for help, when I was is so much emotional pain as a result of the choices I was making in life. Putting down the substances was not even really what I was looking for but it is what happened The program has helped save many people's lives.
You say you are in a similar program. Is it Celebrate Recovery?
Aside from having worked through the steps themselves and attending meetings regularly, they are there to help you, and listen when you need to share one-on-one, so a male sponsor would be recommended. They are there for support, accountability partner, and also to help you work through the steps. The main focus of the steps is looking at your behavior, attitudes, and history; going to meetings to listen to others share of their own progress through their disease and recovery will give you lots to identify with, support, encouragement and inspiration. At the heart of working the steps is the development and maintenance of your relationship with God. I took a seven year cake last night in Narcotics Anonymous. I had eight years clean and sober (in 2002) the first time I relapsed. Some would say that was because I had not fully surrendered, but I did not believe in God back then the way
I do now. It is amazing what can happen when you make straight your path. Getting clean for the first time twenty three years ago was the result of crying out to God for help, when I was is so much emotional pain as a result of the choices I was making in life. Putting down the substances was not even really what I was looking for but it is what happened
The program has helped save many people's lives.You say you are in a similar program. Is it Celebrate Recovery?
Total abstinence should be the goal, especially if you really do have a problem with controlling your drinking. Otherwise, you simply keep the addiction alive, and it is sure to get out of hand again at some point, probably when you least expect it, or when much is riding on you being your best self, which would be rendered impossible in a state compromised by excessive drinking, even if only once in a long while. One step at a time, though. It's just that most people that do have a problem, cannot drink at all, or they risk losing it all. That may seem very punishing to you at this point, but this too shall pass
D
Drugs (and alcohol is a drug) are not the problem. They are a symptom of the problem. Just giving up drinking makes the person the same person but without the crutch. Being that same person is the problem, because that's what caused the problem.
Something wasn't working about him, so he took to drinking to hide from that. To pawn this all down to "don't drink" isn't the answer.
I suspect the answer is God. He is our life-changer.
Something wasn't working about him, so he took to drinking to hide from that. To pawn this all down to "don't drink" isn't the answer.
I suspect the answer is God. He is our life-changer.
D
As a Christian, and as someone who was a druggie and then became a counselor at a rehab, got to say -- I think AA is a terrible idea. Ultimately, it comes down to save-yourself-even-though-you-will-always-be-the-same. Hell of a thing to grasp for. Especially since there is God, (who is not some mere higher-power.)
I've met too many addicts who swapped drinking or drugs addiction to the Anonymous addiction.
I've met too many addicts who swapped drinking or drugs addiction to the Anonymous addiction.
Your wife is a hero in my book. All of this is going to sound harsh but I'll put it out there and hope for the best. My intent isn't to be a donkey....it's to hope that you (the op) will note the seriousness of this idiocy and that his wife is trying to do the best thing for their child....even if that means saving it from its father.
You aren't going through a hard time. You're giving yourself and your family a hard time. You promised not to come home drunk. Which means it'd been discussed and you knew how she felt about it. But in the moment you didn't see it as being a big deal. Of course you had a huge disagreement....you broke your promise and likely scared the crap out of her. Sure you don't feel out of control when drunk but I'd bet you have far less control than you realize...even now. By ten weeks or so a women (or mine did...) feels responsible for the baby she is carrying...its real to her and her desire to protect it is also very real. I don't think it's hit you yet. It should...think about it. You're not living for you anymore...you made a baby. Everything is about that kid now....what does it benefit your kid to have you addicted (you used the words alcohol addiction in another post) to anything...especially something known to make people stupid and mean? It doesn't. If your wife says there's any hope for her to take you back you need to really examine your heart. Say nothing to her....don't make any stupid decisions...if you're really addicted you're going to be in a fog for awhile...just ride that out. Get sober. Realize your life isn't yours anymore. SHOW her you're sorry....she doesn't just need told...she needs shown. When you've been sober awhile....a few weeks to a month minimum...then tell her. And realize that if this is a problem for you (and it sounds like it is) that you ever drinking is a bad idea. A really bad one...and just don't do it. And don't negate the power of simple prayers. Sometimes the best thing we can do, imo, is to throw up a "God...I really can't do this". At the end of my rope is where He's pulled me through the most.
You aren't going through a hard time. You're giving yourself and your family a hard time. You promised not to come home drunk. Which means it'd been discussed and you knew how she felt about it. But in the moment you didn't see it as being a big deal. Of course you had a huge disagreement....you broke your promise and likely scared the crap out of her. Sure you don't feel out of control when drunk but I'd bet you have far less control than you realize...even now. By ten weeks or so a women (or mine did...) feels responsible for the baby she is carrying...its real to her and her desire to protect it is also very real. I don't think it's hit you yet. It should...think about it. You're not living for you anymore...you made a baby. Everything is about that kid now....what does it benefit your kid to have you addicted (you used the words alcohol addiction in another post) to anything...especially something known to make people stupid and mean? It doesn't. If your wife says there's any hope for her to take you back you need to really examine your heart. Say nothing to her....don't make any stupid decisions...if you're really addicted you're going to be in a fog for awhile...just ride that out. Get sober. Realize your life isn't yours anymore. SHOW her you're sorry....she doesn't just need told...she needs shown. When you've been sober awhile....a few weeks to a month minimum...then tell her. And realize that if this is a problem for you (and it sounds like it is) that you ever drinking is a bad idea. A really bad one...and just don't do it. And don't negate the power of simple prayers. Sometimes the best thing we can do, imo, is to throw up a "God...I really can't do this". At the end of my rope is where He's pulled me through the most.