Wife is pregnant and separated from me

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Sailordreams

Junior Member
Dec 7, 2017
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#1
Hi, I am going through a hard time as my wife has separated from me as she says im too stressful. She is 10 weeks pregnant and I had previously promised that I would not go home after drinking but I broke my promise and went home drunk, we had a big argument and I got arrested. I am still supporting my wife by organising all her medical care but she will not talk to me about money or our future. Im very upset as immigration is threatening to send her back to her country. She said there might be a chance for us but im not sure what to do
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
1,344
113
#2
Your wife is wise not to desire to bring children into a
home where one of the parents is an out-of-control drunk.
Have you attended any AA meetings in your area?
 

Sailordreams

Junior Member
Dec 7, 2017
24
0
0
#3
Yes I am doing a similar course to AA. I would not consider my self an out of control drunk however I have been struggling with alcohol
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
1,344
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#4
Yes I am doing a similar course to AA. I would not consider my self an out of control drunk however I have been struggling with alcohol
It would seem to be out of control if you do things after promising not to, and end up getting arrested. I hope you get the help you need. Ninety meetings in ninety days is often recommended. Get a home group, and attend it faithfully. Ask someone to be your sponsor. Do service work. All of that will help, and meetings are often populated with people willing to help you. The fellowship is a wonderful source of encouragement and inspiration, but working the steps is the backbone of the program, which is solidly based on Biblical principles. Willingness is key.
 
Dec 15, 2016
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#6
You need to stop doing what you are doing and repair your relationship with her
 
Oct 25, 2017
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#7
I understand...my father was an alcoholic when he was younger...Alcohol messed up a good father in him...but glad he realized it soon before we became teenagers...



I pray that you will break free from alcohol soon so that your child will grow up in a peaceful and happy home :)



Hello and welcome to CC :)




God bless you ❤
 

Sailordreams

Junior Member
Dec 7, 2017
24
0
0
#8
I have realised now I just hope that I still get the chance to have a happy family. Its so clear to me why my wife does not want to be around me if iv been drinking and I regret going home that night. Its a hard lesson to learn but I hope to be able to still have a chance. Its hard to accept and im ashamed of myself its good hearing of other people who have gone through similar things. It gives me hope
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,958
1,501
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Florida
#9
For starters, you might consider giving up drinking. That is a hard thing for anyone to endure, having a drunk in the family. I don't blame your wife one bit.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
1,344
113
#10
I have realised now I just hope that I still get the chance to have a happy family. Its so clear to me why my wife does not want to be around me if iv been drinking and I regret going home that night. Its a hard lesson to learn but I hope to be able to still have a chance. Its hard to accept and im ashamed of myself its good hearing of other people who have gone through similar things. It gives me hope
Sometimes it takes very severe consequences before people become willing to change. The pleasure that people get from drinking or doing other mind and mood altering substances is far outweighed by the hurt it causes others, and the damage done to relationships/families in general and society as a whole. Some people are able to drink a little and then walk away from it, meaning, they do not have a problem with alcohol to the point where once they take a drink, there's no telling when they will stop or where they will end up. People are often reluctant to admit that they are powerless over anything, but if you think of it, once you put alcohol into your body, the effect that it will have on your mood, nervous system, and other bodily functions cannot be controlled by you. For a lot of people, seeing the damage that drinking and drugging has caused in their lives is easily seen. Hopefully you will be able to stop drinking altogether, because it does not sound like you have any control over your actions once you get past a certain point, and your wife cannot trust such a person, nor rely on someone like that to build a home with. God bless you.
 

Sailordreams

Junior Member
Dec 7, 2017
24
0
0
#11
Yes for some people like myself its best not to drink at all
 

Sailordreams

Junior Member
Dec 7, 2017
24
0
0
#13
Thanks for the support I am finding it harder than ever to turn away from alcohol now but things are becoming clearer
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,651
630
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#14
Yes for some people like myself its best not to drink at all
Wise statement.
Personally I have always chosen to avoid alcohol. Can't overdo something you never start. Nor can you have the consequences that comes with it.

It sounds like your wife doesn't want to leave, but may feel no other choice. If you prove to her, by your Actions, you are taking ownership of your behavior and addictions, this may be the thing she needs to consider returning.
I'd suggest not pressuring her to return. Drop the subject for a while. Focus on getting clean and staying that way. That way when it is time to discuss it again you have a set of consistent actions, over time, to show her you're genuinely working on yourself and owning your behavior.

The difficult part is maintaining it, even if she returns. Some alcoholics can get away with screwing up from time to time. Others, such as yourself, may have less leeway. So stick with whatever help you seek. Make sure this is a permanent change.
This will not only make your wife more comfortable it will also prove to her how much you love her.
 

preacher4truth

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2016
5,999
249
63
#15
Yes I am doing a similar course to AA. I would not consider my self an out of control drunk however I have been struggling with alcohol
With all due respect sir, if your wife is leaving you over your drinking, it's out of control. I hope you can get some good counsel from a bible preaching pastor and ministry.
 

lightbearer

Senior Member
Jun 17, 2017
1,155
102
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HBG. Pa. USA
#16
I would assume you are a professing Christian. How is your relationship with God? If that is not right nothing else will be.
 

Karraster

Senior Member
Nov 10, 2013
2,706
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#17
Hi and welcome, I just want to tell you there is hope. There is hope, and there is help. The best help of all is from Almighty, and it wouldn't hurt a bit to get on your knees and sincerely ask that your desire to drink be taken away. Personally, I know He can do this, of course it's up to Him. Even if your desire is not removed instantly, still there is hope.

AA is quite successful, I hope you know. Read the book, get a sponsor, and meantime here is a recovery board link.
https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/message_board/index.php

Here you will find encouragement and advise from people who have been where you are. One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time...but keep in mind~I think there are more former drinkers alive today than people who drink, so surely if all these people can turn their lives around, so can you.

Let go and let God~
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,816
105
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#19
She said there might be a chance for us but im not sure what to do
Not sure what to do?, Stop drinking... That's the chance she was referring to. If your attending AA, you'll have support, and losing your wife & new baby, ought to be a heck of an incentive to quit cold turkey. I know its easier said than done, but that would appear to be the cross roads your at. Hope you can do it. Let her know your in AA and are serious about quitting. And the best way to not come home drunk, is to not get drunk in the first place :)
 

Sailordreams

Junior Member
Dec 7, 2017
24
0
0
#20
Thanks, I am feeling more and more confident as the day goes on...I haven't tried to contact her at all s