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P
I can empathize with your pain. My husband of 15 years (we were together for 20 years) left me. It is and was very painful. I also found a divorce group and that helped me to move forward. I can tell you that it does get better and that it is less painful, but it does not go away completely. The loneliness is what hurts. How do you fill the time? I still have two children living at home and they fill my time, yet I do nothing for me. I hope that you are on the road to peace and find a way to forgive your wife. I am still working on forgiveness, I know that it will be God, not me that finds forgiveness.
P
Amen to trying to fill the time. I have a farm, horses, dogs (I rescue dogs and horses) AND work a regular 40 hour a week job and still have 'empty hours' in the day. Mornings are hardest for me as I work afternoon shift so by the time I get up, let the dogs out, have coffee, feed hay and water the horses, feed and water the dogs and do some chores around the farm, I STILL have a couple of hours before work. Lately I have been re-organizing and cleaning my house like crazy. Friends thought I was 'nesting' however I beleive it is God's way of having me re-organize my house, my farm and thus my life, to start fresh and new. My situation is new also, in fact our divorce hearing is the end of April, so yes, send in the bandaids, there are still some wounds that need healing. Praise GOD He is so gentle with me, and although I have no idea where He is taking me, I shall not guess, try and figure out or want, for I know my precious Savior will NEVER leave nor forsake me, nor will He do anything to harm me, in fact He is my Rock, my shoulder to cry on, my strength, my courage, my peace, my all and everything. I seek Him so much these days and I KNOW GOD is working, ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS in my life as He is in yours, Phil. Rest in God and if you and the others in here were closer I would invite you all over for an hour in the morning for coffee, prayer and venting LOL. Praise GOD, He will bring you Peace, then more Joy than you will know what to do with.
P
Thank you all for the support. Been feeling pretty down lately. I had hopes that she would come back, but beginning to realize that's probably not going to happen (our final hearing is May 17). The highlight of my week is taking the grandchildren to Sunday school and church, then out to eat, or having them over for the weekend. Mornings are the hardest for me. I'm self employed and work alone and its been hard to motivate myself to get anything done. It sometimes feels like God has left me and there's no hope, but I pray that God will give me more faith and the strength needed to get through this. I know many of you have been through much more than I and appreciate the encouragement and prayers from all.
K
Hearts can grow apart at alarming rates and while it is no comfort for us some times some thing so little as a change in hormones can alter our perception on things as well, I'm sure at one stage everyone here has dealt with an unreasonable teenager 
I know there can be a great discomfort in not knowing why or not having any real reason that makes sense but I don't think holding mistakes you have made as a reason is necessarily the case at hand, this feeling might have been building at a rate she might not have even realized and I think she's sacrificed the best part of her for these changes she's made, that sacrifice is you.
That you started looking at yourself for faults to find answers tells me you cared a great deal about her, enough so that you would have been willing to change those faults should you have found any.
I want you to understand that what she's experiencing is a bout of immaturity and it could swing back or she may very well live on through it and no matter what things happen there's no harm or fault in continuing to love the woman you married thirty years ago, inside she's still there but for now she's doing things for herself and in order to do that she's had to become a little less mature at least where the marriage was concerned.
I'll pray for you tonight, it will be a prayer that your children can help you cope with whats happening and understand and relate to what she has done to the relationship between the two of you. I'm sure you will find through them and their own wisdom that it's not just you who doesn't understand their mothers actions, likewise you will find if any body gets a proper explanation it's likely to be one of them. I hope either way you find peace enough to understand that no matter the reason you're fine to feel the way you do and your fine to feel better later on.
God bless you my friend.
Rob
I know there can be a great discomfort in not knowing why or not having any real reason that makes sense but I don't think holding mistakes you have made as a reason is necessarily the case at hand, this feeling might have been building at a rate she might not have even realized and I think she's sacrificed the best part of her for these changes she's made, that sacrifice is you.
That you started looking at yourself for faults to find answers tells me you cared a great deal about her, enough so that you would have been willing to change those faults should you have found any.
I want you to understand that what she's experiencing is a bout of immaturity and it could swing back or she may very well live on through it and no matter what things happen there's no harm or fault in continuing to love the woman you married thirty years ago, inside she's still there but for now she's doing things for herself and in order to do that she's had to become a little less mature at least where the marriage was concerned.
I'll pray for you tonight, it will be a prayer that your children can help you cope with whats happening and understand and relate to what she has done to the relationship between the two of you. I'm sure you will find through them and their own wisdom that it's not just you who doesn't understand their mothers actions, likewise you will find if any body gets a proper explanation it's likely to be one of them. I hope either way you find peace enough to understand that no matter the reason you're fine to feel the way you do and your fine to feel better later on.
God bless you my friend.
Rob
C
Focus on Jesus not your wife, cast your cares upon Him, i know sounds easy, just pray that Holy Spirit helps you focus on Jesus and He will turn all that was bad good. Says in proverbs that He will even make your worst enemy a good friend. FAith is the substance things hoped for not seen. The more we look at our situation and not to Him we set ourselves up for heartbreak, hope deferred makes the heart sick, yet the whole time we need to fix our gaze on calvary and trust His Word.... Ps37:4 delight yourself in the Lord and He will answer the desires of your heart, we need Jesus to be our greatest desire first. love you brother, Be strong, trust Jesus, the ones that wouldnt trust God in the desert were the ones that didnt enter the promised land, without faith it is impossible to please God. there are some great testomonies of God at work in the most difficult seperations and divorces be reconcilled
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The problem here is that some people put too much focus on the physical aspect of a relationship and not enough on the emotional. Did she think he was having the time of his life?
What it comes to is that some people are extremely selfish and not interested in the effect their decisions, either good or bad, have on others around them.
I know of a guy who had an accident while body surfing about 10 years ago. He was engaged at the time and ended up mostly paralyzed from the neck down. Oddly she chose to marry him anyway knowing that he would be that way the rest of his life. Since then he's gotten some movement back in his arms and is now capable of driving. Though his vehical is heavily modified.
My father choose to leave without warning 11 years back. He had no concern for what doing so would do either to my mother or to my brother and I. What's worse is he left because he decided he prefered men. We are still feeling the effects of his decisions.
What it comes to is that some people are extremely selfish and not interested in the effect their decisions, either good or bad, have on others around them.
I know of a guy who had an accident while body surfing about 10 years ago. He was engaged at the time and ended up mostly paralyzed from the neck down. Oddly she chose to marry him anyway knowing that he would be that way the rest of his life. Since then he's gotten some movement back in his arms and is now capable of driving. Though his vehical is heavily modified.
My father choose to leave without warning 11 years back. He had no concern for what doing so would do either to my mother or to my brother and I. What's worse is he left because he decided he prefered men. We are still feeling the effects of his decisions.
D
Hoi Philsbs..
From Holland I want to encourage you But actually.. I don't know what to say.. It felt terrible what happen to you. I have no words for it.
But thank you for sharing. And for now.. I have to think at the moments that have to come. Eastern. And when I think of that.. I have to think to at Jesus.. and I can imagine that you felt a bit what He felt. Because He was left alone. Complete alone.. So my friend.. In what for situation you are.. Jesus knows it.. and He know how you felt. He can say: I have bin there. But now I am with you.. and I am for sure that He wanted to put His arms around you.. And say: You are mine... I am with you.. in every situation.
God Bless You!!!
From Holland I want to encourage you But actually.. I don't know what to say.. It felt terrible what happen to you. I have no words for it.
But thank you for sharing. And for now.. I have to think at the moments that have to come. Eastern. And when I think of that.. I have to think to at Jesus.. and I can imagine that you felt a bit what He felt. Because He was left alone. Complete alone.. So my friend.. In what for situation you are.. Jesus knows it.. and He know how you felt. He can say: I have bin there. But now I am with you.. and I am for sure that He wanted to put His arms around you.. And say: You are mine... I am with you.. in every situation.
God Bless You!!!
M
I totally understand my ex did the same after 22 years of marriage, she gave it to me bad, we were talking about divorce because of her debt problem, and her lies and deception, and on Jan 4 2010, after years of wondering what happened to all our bills, she had no answer, we tried to buy a house we had the funds but no credit score, because all that debt that I did not see before, and when I ask her she denied all of it.
Then on the fourth of Jan 2010, I was so angry because yet another bill came in and she again lied through her teeth about it, and I said that's it I want a divorce, but it was more of a scare tactic than real, I never went to a lawyer or even spoke to one.
Then she started dropping weight, well she started dropping weight even earlier than that, and she started buying really erotic clothing I mean really, short dresses high heels, in the last 22 years she never dressed like that. Anyway, when it come time to move, I stated lets go our separate ways then, and she was all for it, boy was I surprised, instead of thinking well maybe we should talk, she did the opposite, that was a shocker.
We went our separate ways, I got a place, however she couldn't, because of her credit, So she called me and said, okay look, I am gonna swallow? I said what? my pride, alright, she ask if she could stay with me, well because she was the mother of my 2 kids, and I still thought maybe there was a chance on this marriage I said yes for a couple days, and she ask about her stuff, she could not afford a storage or her mom said I don't have the room and I believed her. So like the nice guy I am, I said yes for a couple of days. and boom guess what she just established residence, she was not on the lease, but still she took out a temp restraining order on me, with item number 27, you will not exclude her from entering the property of my new address. WOW was I thrown for a loop, the courts even signed off on that, I mean how? she was not on the lease. But anyway, I was served by her. I was shocked, hurt, betrayed, I lost 35 pounds in three weeks, I was so lost, it hit me so hard, I cried for many days.
So philsbs I know exactly how you feel, I never seen it coming like that. This was a Christian woman I think. So what do you do? My ordeal stated March 1 2010, and she is still here in my home, and I thought; hey, when you ask someone for a divorce I did not think that you would want to stay with them, but wow I was wrong. It has been hell since, and I can't make her leave.
So I am going through the pain, however I cannot start my new life or pain because she is still here.
Then on the fourth of Jan 2010, I was so angry because yet another bill came in and she again lied through her teeth about it, and I said that's it I want a divorce, but it was more of a scare tactic than real, I never went to a lawyer or even spoke to one.
Then she started dropping weight, well she started dropping weight even earlier than that, and she started buying really erotic clothing I mean really, short dresses high heels, in the last 22 years she never dressed like that. Anyway, when it come time to move, I stated lets go our separate ways then, and she was all for it, boy was I surprised, instead of thinking well maybe we should talk, she did the opposite, that was a shocker.
We went our separate ways, I got a place, however she couldn't, because of her credit, So she called me and said, okay look, I am gonna swallow? I said what? my pride, alright, she ask if she could stay with me, well because she was the mother of my 2 kids, and I still thought maybe there was a chance on this marriage I said yes for a couple days, and she ask about her stuff, she could not afford a storage or her mom said I don't have the room and I believed her. So like the nice guy I am, I said yes for a couple of days. and boom guess what she just established residence, she was not on the lease, but still she took out a temp restraining order on me, with item number 27, you will not exclude her from entering the property of my new address. WOW was I thrown for a loop, the courts even signed off on that, I mean how? she was not on the lease. But anyway, I was served by her. I was shocked, hurt, betrayed, I lost 35 pounds in three weeks, I was so lost, it hit me so hard, I cried for many days.
So philsbs I know exactly how you feel, I never seen it coming like that. This was a Christian woman I think. So what do you do? My ordeal stated March 1 2010, and she is still here in my home, and I thought; hey, when you ask someone for a divorce I did not think that you would want to stay with them, but wow I was wrong. It has been hell since, and I can't make her leave.
So I am going through the pain, however I cannot start my new life or pain because she is still here.
M
phisbs, It is very difficult to talk about it, you will need some counseling, no one understand why these woman are doing this even in the church, it's becoming an epidemic, and it's in the church. Midlife crisis, maybe, and as hard as it is to say, maybe my ex found another, which I tend to believe because of what is happening now, so it has to be a another, because alone she cannot handle that price tag on a apartment.
So pray, and cry it out, it's good to let it out, and it stinks to be alone, but like everyone says time is of the essence, only time can heal the heart.
Marriage is a thing of the past, I will never marry again, because the woman are behaving like non believers.
But the important question my friend is what is GOD saying about this? what is GOD's plan for you, me and anyone else suffering through the pain of divorce.
So pray, and cry it out, it's good to let it out, and it stinks to be alone, but like everyone says time is of the essence, only time can heal the heart.
Marriage is a thing of the past, I will never marry again, because the woman are behaving like non believers.
But the important question my friend is what is GOD saying about this? what is GOD's plan for you, me and anyone else suffering through the pain of divorce.
Mustbestrong, My heart absolutely goes out to you brother. We know that there is great purpose in our trials though at the time its hard to reconcile how the Lord would have good purpose in this. It will be revealed one day. I need you to rest assured though that not all are as your wife was and there is indeed hope in the Lord for her and for you guys. I'm one who holds to the promise I made to God in marriage. I will pray for you & your wife. I need you to know that as I was reading your story I thought of when my hubby & I first got together. I paid all of the bills & he never asked. 7 months later I said oh btw visa is upset that they havent received payment in 6 months. you should have seen his face. I said JUST KIDDING (april fools joke) this was a bad joke cause I made a joke out of his trust & I was sorry immediately. I told him of course I've been paying it. I just thought about WHAT if I'd really done that? omitted to pay. Thats a real tough thing to deal with for sure, I cant even imagine. Keep on praying for your wife too & do not allow bitterness to set in as justifyable as it is. For if she also steals your joy, then she has everyting, doesnt she? You get your joy from the Lord & keep praying for Gods perfect will to be done in this situation. Bless your heart.
P
I won't say I will never marry again because my marriage failed. In fact I hold no grudges or judgements nor do I classify all men based on the actions of one that I have this experience with. I will just be SURE that I take my time if there is a man in my life again and I will make sure he is for, with and serving GOD first and foremost. I look at my divorce as a learning experience, and though as painful as it is at times, I know that if it were truly based and centered on GOD it would not have had the problems it had. I won't trust so easily true, however if the person is truly walking with GOD it will come naturally. I pray you have time to heal as that is needed first and foremost. I know in my situation healing has to come then moving on with my life as a Christian lady. No one can put a deadline on your healing time, nor your grieving time, as each are individual and times vary. I have to come to terms with it being over, stop analyzing and looking for answers that I will possibly NEVER get. Those are not needed for closure, as I am learning quickly, seeking GOD and asking HIM to help me forget the pain and move on is helping. Disassociating him with places and people so that I have my own memories is helpful as well. That is all part of the healing process and may take months or years. Gpd b;ess and I hope you find peace !!!