How do YOU make Someone feel special?

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Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#1
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
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#1
It could be someone you don't know, someone you know but don't really talk to, someone who probably has a handful of preconceived notions about You, perhaps its an internet personality, either way, how do you get their attention?

How do you let someone know that to YOU they are unique in their effect upon you?


I live in pretty cozy Christian culture where everyone is a winner and everything is sacred and everyone is special; therefore nothing is sacred and no one is special. I always struggle HERE in my HOMETOWN to get people to realize just what they mean to me. Everywhere else I've been in the world, I never seem to have this problem.

Is saying something like, "I don't know you very well but, I would like to get to know you more." inappropriate or just filler conversation?

GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You Ladies (no offense) can be so frustrating. :)
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#2
Sep 8, 2006
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Well Liamson, agreed....*us ladies* can be pretty frustrating.....but *you guys* do not wear all the answers on your face either. ;)

I guess this will only work with someone that you know somewhat-pretty well....but I think observation is key.
I have always said, that you need to make sure you are loving others in a way that is meaningful to THEM.

If you do something for someone that you like...but it holds little meaning for them, then they will most likely think that you did not put much thought into making them feel special. (but in your mind your thinking, I put a LOT of thought into it!! I would love _____!! Its awesome! That is not speaking her love language, its speaking your own.)

Example: (on the way to NOT do things...lol) I got asked out once, and agreed. I had no idea where we were going, he said it was a surprise. I am all for surprises, so I just asked how I should dress.
When he came to pick me up, he was so darn excited. Wanna guess where we ended up? A monster truck mud bog rally thingy. FRONT ROW!! ( I am TAOTALLY NOT kidding, although I wish I was). I left there, hard of hearing, covered in mud, and smelled of a brewery because the men behind us kept spilling their beer on me.
I heard from a friend the next day he was telling people what a great time we had. That is was a fantastic date. o_O Not only did he seem to not care that this was NOT my thing at all....but that whole night he did not seem to notice that I was not enjoying myself, nor was he not *defending* me EACH time I got beer spilled on me.
There was no second date, I let him down as gently as I could. I heard from the same friend that he was so confused that I did not want to go out with him again. He truly thought we had a great time.

You do seem well spoken, insightful, and full of good intentions....Just pay an extra bit of attention into what is meaningful for that one person you would like to spend time with..and go with it.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#3
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#3
I like everything you've said Grace. Very Honest and yet still very incise.

Love Languages aren't a one way street either. I suppose all communication has to be understood for it to work.

Then again Grace you may be on to something with this observation thing. "The only difference between a Romantic and a Stalker, is success." :)
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#4
Sep 8, 2006
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Agreed, (again) that all communication needs to be understood for it to work.

Mark Driscoll shared about the love languages and his wife in one of his sermons one.
He was talking about how when he and his wife first met her love language was gifts. She would esspecially love these one muffins from this bakery accross town.
But as their family grew, and demands on life changed her love language did too. Her love language now is acts of service.
He went onto say that if he had not been engaged as a husband and father and observing these things and having talks with his wife, then he may have missed it, and he and his wife may have grown apart because of it.

This has always stuck with me...just because a person has one love language when you meet them does not mean that will always be their love language. Communication AND observation on all fronts is so valuable for growth in a relationship/marriage.

(LOL @ "The only difference between a Romantic and a Stalker, is success.")
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#6
#6
(For the record I just took the test and "quality time" is apparently my language. "Physical touch" was a close second. It would be fun if everyone could post theirs :) )

If we are talking about friends, family, co-workers, etc., I like to take the time to let them know I'm thinking about them and that I genuinely care about what's going on in their lives. I may call them, send them a card or even some goofy little thing to make them laugh (like a recording of the Hampster Dance). I think most people just want to know that they matter to someone..that someone is paying attention, listening and that they aren't alone. I'm also a hugger. Just a warning. haha

If we're talking about someone we'd like to get to know in a man/woman kinda way, I think the first thing I normally do is lavish attention on them just to let them know that they stand out in the crowd.

Personally, I like the "I don't know you very well but, I would like to get to know you more" approach. I can't imagine any lady not being flattered by that. It suggests intelligence, warmth, gentility and respect. So NOT stalkeresque :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#7
#7
grace said:
Well Liamson, agreed....*us ladies* can be pretty frustrating.....but *you guys* do not wear all the answers on your face either. ;)

I guess this will only work with someone that you know somewhat-pretty well....but I think observation is key.
I have always said, that you need to make sure you are loving others in a way that is meaningful to THEM.

If you do something for someone that you like...but it holds little meaning for them, then they will most likely think that you did not put much thought into making them feel special. (but in your mind your thinking, I put a LOT of thought into it!! I would love _____!! Its awesome! That is not speaking her love language, its speaking your own.)

Example: (on the way to NOT do things...lol) I got asked out once, and agreed. I had no idea where we were going, he said it was a surprise. I am all for surprises, so I just asked how I should dress.
When he came to pick me up, he was so darn excited. Wanna guess where we ended up? A monster truck mud bog rally thingy. FRONT ROW!! ( I am TAOTALLY NOT kidding, although I wish I was). I left there, hard of hearing, covered in mud, and smelled of a brewery because the men behind us kept spilling their beer on me.
I heard from a friend the next day he was telling people what a great time we had. That is was a fantastic date. o_O Not only did he seem to not care that this was NOT my thing at all....but that whole night he did not seem to notice that I was not enjoying myself, nor was he not *defending* me EACH time I got beer spilled on me.
There was no second date, I let him down as gently as I could. I heard from the same friend that he was so confused that I did not want to go out with him again. He truly thought we had a great time.

You do seem well spoken, insightful, and full of good intentions....Just pay an extra bit of attention into what is meaningful for that one person you would like to spend time with..and go with it.
Click to expand...
Grace, you know I love you, but I can't help laughing at this! hahahaha I'm thinking I would probably have gotten a little rowdy after the second beer spillage incident. :)
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#8
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#8
For the Quiz I got Quality Time first and then Words of Affirmation as a 1 point second.
 
R

Robert1857

Guest
#9
#9
Let's see, I'll play along. Might be interesting to see what I end up with since I am very much happily single:

Quality Time was number one and words of affirmation was number 2.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
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#10
I tell them they have beautiful eyes and that they are somehow different from all the other women I've dated. Then I take them to Taco Bell and tell them they can order anything at all from the value menu. My treat!
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#11
Seriously though, I pay attention to them and remember details about what they tell me then I ask them about it later. I try to be a good listener and not judge or criticize.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#12
#12
I always thought it is important to make people feel that they are special by reminding them that God made them unique and loves them. When I think of love I think first of God's love towards us and how it is expressed unconditionally. If we are to make people feel special then all we need to do is reflect that love in our lives which is harder then it sounds because sometimes that means doing what isn't comfortable by telling them what is wrong in their life or how they hurt you or saying sorry for how you hurt them.

However I get the feeling you are talking about more the romantic love between a man and his wife. I would read the ultimate love song found in the Bible and use that as a basis for building a loving and meaningful relationship.

Personally the best way for anyone to show me that they care is to take the time to really listen and engage in conversation. To listen to my dreams and share their dreams with me and allow us to work together and move towards those dreams and God. To not be afraid to be themselves and for me not to have to feel like I have to hide who I am because I know they love me unconditionally and will forgive me my mistakes and unintentional hurts that I may deal them. that they will be brave enough to tell me that I hurt them and help me learn not to do so. that they will listen or notice when they hurt me and work towards healing and forgiveness. That is what I think true love is and that is what everyone should do to make those they love feel special.
 
A

Annointed

Guest
#13
#13
Robert1857 said:
Let's see, I'll play along. Might be interesting to see what I end up with since I am very much happily single:

Quality Time was number one and words of affirmation was number 2.
Click to expand...
I have to agree with you, much happier single and more time to focus on God! FREEDOM!
 
L

Lalilo

Guest
#14
#14
Well Doctor Love rates me as quality time with lots of physical touch, and I agree. The best day I can remember was spending the whole sunny day in bed with the other half, a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine, Cd's playing and the windows wide open. To make someone feel special you treat them as someone special.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#15
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
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#15
Jullianna said:
Grace, you know I love you, but I can't help laughing at this! hahahaha I'm thinking I would probably have gotten a little rowdy after the second beer spillage incident. :)
Click to expand...
I was MUCH younger then. Had this happened now....GAH! I would hope tact would kick in and I could let my feelings be known, but in a *nice* way. ;)

(The filter between my brain and my mouth does not stay as firmly in place as it did when I was younger. ;) ;) )
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#16
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
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#16
Jullianna said:
(For the record I just took the test and "quality time" is apparently my language. "Physical touch" was a close second. It would be fun if everyone could post theirs :) )
Click to expand...
I really like The Peasant Princess series by Mark Driscoll. This is where I heard him speak of the love languages and how his wifes changed over the years etc.

Up until hearing this series, I was always so frustrated because I had read the book (numerous times), taken a few quizes (numerous times) and each time getting something different. :/

Mark went on to explain that someone like me does not have one defined love language. All of them are meaningful. All of them speak love to me.

For example: If someone gives me a gift, the gift itsself speaks love, but also that speaks quality time because he took the time to think on it and go pick it out, it also speaks service because to me that is also an act of service, it is also affirming because he is telling me that I am special enough to him that he desires to do this for me. Etc etc, get what I am saying?

So yea, someone might think this is high matainance...LOL, but I acctually think it is a win/win because you don't have to try so hard...I am almost guaranteed to feel love because it ticks off more than one language on the list by just doing ONE thing. :)
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#17
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
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#17
Nowadays, unfortunately, making someone feel special means actually listening to them and giving them your full attention while you're with them.

Am I the only one who gets annoyed by someone who just HAS to answer their phone or a text every half a second? Unless it's a dire emergency (and if so, I'll tell the person in advance and apologize, such as, "I'm so sorry, but I'm waiting for a call from my brother to let me know they got home safely,") I turn my phone off and pay attention to whom I'm with!

It's hard to feel like you mean anything when a person's phone is more important than your presence.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#18
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
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#18
zeroturbulence said:
I tell them they have beautiful eyes and that they are somehow different from all the other women I've dated. Then I take them to Taco Bell and tell them they can order anything at all from the value menu. My treat!
Click to expand...
I don't think those little cinnamon sticks are on the value menu, Zero... but as long as you throw in an order of those, I'm all good! :D I would feel pretty special!
 
themusicmiss

themusicmiss

Senior Member
#19
Apr 1, 2010
166
1
18
#19
I agree with Seoul!!

I fail .... but Id try and make that person my first social priority without knowing it and hopefully theyl see that Id drop things just for them.
 
R

Robert1857

Guest
#20
#20
Having had time to reflect, I'm thinking that Monster Truck Date thing sounds like it could be a real hoot.

If I ever get this bizarre urge to date, I'll be sure and add front row seats at the monster truck rallies as a definite part of the date.
 
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