31 and still single/ unmarried

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Dec 11, 2019
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#61
I am almost 30. Never married. I feel the same as I_am_canadian. I dreamed of it and searched for it young. I have had people love me but not want to marry. I'll admit I beat myself up emotionally thinking it was me but, I have faith that if it's in God's path for me, it'll happen.
I think one of the biggest things I’ve gotten from posting this thread and reading all the responses is that yeah, I’m obviously not alone, but also that it’s “not on my time, it’s in God’s time”. So many times I have tried to do things on my own and wanted things to happen when I wanted them to happen, that I’d completely forget about what God wanted from me. Whatever it is I’m to do in life, maybe there isn’t a “Mrs. Engels” involved, maybe there is. But I’m learning not to focus so much on the worldly aspects of life and learning to lean more on God abs His understanding. If there is a “Mrs. Engels” involved, then I will meet her when the time is right, and as long as I keep myself attuned to the word of God in all things, then I will also recognize her when she enters my life.
After having come to this realization, I almost took this thread down, but decided I wanted to keep it up because if this can help even just one person, then that’s good enough for me. Even though I don’t personally know you all, thank you so much for your responses and replies, I love you all dearly and I know that God has a great future for all of us, we just need to keep listening and keep following. We’ll all get there! 😊
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#62
I am almost 30. Never married. I feel the same as I_am_canadian. I dreamed of it and searched for it young. I have had people love me but not want to marry. I'll admit I beat myself up emotionally thinking it was me but, I have faith that if it's in God's path for me, it'll happen.
Hang in there, if your a Godly woman I have no doubt God will bless you with a family if it's his will.
 
P

Phenom1960

Guest
#63
Hey there everyone, I hope this doesn’t come off sounding depressing, but I’m 31 and still single and have been wondering if there’s something wrong with that? I mean I know I’m not a bad guy at all, yeah I’ve made mistakes in the past, but we all have, no one is perfect. I have a lot of friends that are younger than me and they are either married or getting married and I’m all like, “did I do something wrong to be where I’m at?” I know that God does have someone for us all and that He intends for us to be happy and be in a living and caring relationship that will lead to the ultimate union in marriage, but I often contemplate that what if some of us aren’t meant for that? I hope not because I really would love to get married someday to a beautiful and loving wife and have an awesome family, I just sometimes have my doubts if I’m meant for that. Would love to hear all your opinions and expertise on the matter! I’m honestly probably just over thinking it and should just be patient that God will give me the perfect wife in due time, on His time not mine.
I didn't get married until I was in my late thirties. One book I recommend for anyone is "31 Prayers For My Future Wife." by Aaron and Jennifer Smith. It's a wonderful tool! I wish I'd had it back then! Also, it serves well to be picky! Don't settle for anyone other than God's best for you! Being unequally yoked also applies to believers as well! Make sure you are both on the same page as to what you believe and why you believe it! Always be willing to pray for each other when you are apart and pray each time you meet to keep your relationship under God's covering and His blessing! Make sure you get good Godly counseling before you get married and make sure you, her, and your counselor talk about sex before you get married so there won't be any misunderstandings or anything unexpected that you haven't covered. If you don't know how to cook, learn! Also, don't think of house cleaning as strictly women's work! It's a man's job too!
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
#64
I think it’s important to weigh platitudes against facts when possible. People are marrying later for many reasons. Changes in the workforce and culture are large contributors. To suggest the absence of readiness (which may appease the heart) while ignoring the reality many married much earlier years ago is unwise.

Does this propose a lack of maturity or aptitude for older persons? Of course not! It’s impossible to address this topic without understanding the ramifications of an educated populace and two-earner homes. And we can’t ignore the Internet and its impact on the dating pool. We’re no longer limited to those we know or in our locale. We can look beyond them. The paradox of choice was addressed by many experts.

And there’s the unspoken truth burrowed between the pages of popular marriage books for Christian audiences. The majority are penned by people who attended Christian institutions. Greatly increasing the possibility for suitable prospects. If the primary avenue for encountering other believers is your church. You have fewer opportunities for companionship than the individual walking a campus with others like themselves.

Finally, the effects of toxicity and disgruntlement can’t be set aside for either sex. Believers aren’t immune from negative ideologies or the changing dynamics of society. Increasing numbers are being left behind or ill equipped to handle its demands due to medical or social hardships. Few are willing to take them on.

Although dating currency is rarely addressed in Christian circles; relationship experts have cited increasing instances of scaling up in numerous profiles. Many are pursuing the better option and declining those they might have given a chance in a different environment. They blame social media and the ‘me’ culture. Both reference the state of our hearts and what we value when no one’s looking.
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#65
I think it’s important to weigh platitudes against facts when possible. People are marrying later for many reasons. Changes in the workforce and culture are large contributors. To suggest the absence of readiness (which may appease the heart) while ignoring the reality many married much earlier years ago is unwise.

Does this propose a lack of maturity or aptitude for older persons? Of course not! It’s impossible to address this topic without understanding the ramifications of an educated populace and two-earner homes. And we can’t ignore the Internet and its impact on the dating pool. We’re no longer limited to those we know or in our locale. We can look beyond them. The paradox of choice was addressed by many experts.

And there’s the unspoken truth burrowed between the pages of popular marriage books for Christian audiences. The majority are penned by people who attended Christian institutions. Greatly increasing the possibility for suitable prospects. If the primary avenue for encountering other believers is your church. You have fewer opportunities for companionship than the individual walking a campus with others like themselves.

Finally, the effects of toxicity and disgruntlement can’t be set aside for either sex. Believers aren’t immune from negative ideologies or the changing dynamics of society. Increasing numbers are being left behind or ill equipped to handle its demands due to medical or social hardships. Few are willing to take them on.

Although dating currency is rarely addressed in Christian circles; relationship experts have cited increasing instances of scaling up in numerous profiles. Many are pursuing the better option and declining those they might have given a chance in a different environment. They blame social media and the ‘me’ culture. Both reference the state of our hearts and what we value when no one’s looking.
Actually I spent 3 months in the Mennonite Community, and they still marry young, I would argue that their resistance to change is why their communities are so successful. They don't get involved with the world, they actually make every effort to keep the world and it's influence out of their communities. we Christians who follow the worlds example are really just hanging the perverbail noose around our necks so to speak.

When the truth is, when we comprimise our stand on the bible, and our beliefs, we give up a part of our Godly heritiage with God, we comprimise and sacrifice, but the world doesn't want anything to do with God or his word.
A church that follows the world and goes liberal is doomed to close, a christian that goes liberal and accepts sin, is doomed to walk away from God. It's not because the times are changing it's because Christians are becoming more worldly.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
#66
Actually I spent 3 months in the Mennonite Community, and they still marry young, I would argue that their resistance to change is why their communities are so successful. They don't get involved with the world, they actually make every effort to keep the world and it's influence out of their communities. we Christians who follow the worlds example are really just hanging the perverbail noose around our necks so to speak.
I’m familiar with Mennonite and Amish teachings. Their practices fall well outside the norms. I befriended an Amish man years ago and it isn’t the ideal life for most. Few join Old Amish Orders. Mennonites and less restrictive groups are more popular. But departures happen.

And when you leave most lose everything. The person I knew had a 20+ year estrangement from his family. They were shunned. For many, the costs aren’t worth the restrictions.

It’s easy to say you’re disinterested when you’ve barred the way and another to articulate God’s hand in your resistance in light of the temptations and landmines. There’s dignity in meeting adversity face to face and remaining steadfast as arrows fly.

I’ll take the latter every time.
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#67
I know it falls way outside the norms, thats what makes it so great, your surrounded by like minded people of the same faith you always have each other to lean on for encouragement and support.

The simple life of working the land, no drama from online social media, no constant bombardement of advertisements on tv, radio and computer telling you you need more or your not good enough with out a certain product.

Good honest day labour for a good honest day wage. I mean, you'd really have to be a slave to the world to not want a better simpler life. watching the sunrise and sunset, feeding the animals, the horse and buggy rides with your family through the country side and plowing the fields with your trusty horses....

They might be strict, but at the end of the day, I would still say they have it way better than we do.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
#68
I know it falls way outside the norms, thats what makes it so great, your surrounded by like minded people of the same faith you always have each other to lean on for encouragement and support.

The simple life of working the land, no drama from online social media, no constant bombardement of advertisements on tv, radio and computer telling you you need more or your not good enough with out a certain product.

Good honest day labour for a good honest day wage. I mean, you'd really have to be a slave to the world to not want a better simpler life. watching the sunrise and sunset, feeding the animals, the horse and buggy rides with your family through the country side and plowing the fields with your trusty horses....

They might be strict, but at the end of the day, I would still say they have it way better than we do.
If you believe their way of life is good, why didn’t you join them?

Many of the principles of simple living can be implemented anywhere if you have the drive and ability to harness yourself. I know people who traded city life for homesteading. Others who left the rat race for self-employment. And there’s many who cut the chord and limit their exposure to media.

Suffice to say, our lives are guided by our decisions. No one has to trade quality engagement for the Internet. There are numerous groups and wholesome events happening every day. We each have 24 hours at our dispense. How we use them is our domain.

I think “better’” differs for each. I have the same freedoms and more without a spouse, ordnung, or employer standing over me. I’m subject to the Lord and no one else. Including creditors. I didn’t need to join a community to put that in place. It’s a question of priorities and following the path He sets. :)
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#69
If you believe their way of life is good, why didn’t you join them?

Many of the principles of simple living can be implemented anywhere if you have the drive and ability to harness yourself. I know people who traded city life for homesteading. Others who left the rat race for self-employment. And there’s many who cut the chord and limit their exposure to media.

Suffice to say, our lives are guided by our decisions. No one has to trade quality engagement for the Internet. There are numerous groups and wholesome events happening every day. We each have 24 hours at our dispense. How we use them is our domain.

I think “better’” differs for each. I have the same freedoms and more without a spouse, ordnung, or employer standing over me. I’m subject to the Lord and no one else. Including creditors. I didn’t need to join a community to put that in place. It’s a question of priorities and following the path He sets. :)
It takes about 2 years to join, and I have been given 60 days notice vacate my current living arrangements. On top of that, I don't want to stay with the guy who hired me who is 72 years old set in his ways, can't cook and who also told me to "go a head and cut your wrists."

Otherwise I have no problem joining their church. I know, I had so much trouble finding work here that I wrote a book.. It's easy to say that, but when your unemployed, living in a small town where no one wants to hire you, and their is no public transit and your income from social assistance is not sufficent to live on... it is an entirely different matter.

I agree, but in my particular case, I am sick and tired of being alone, sitting isolated in my room all the time, I'm tired of chat rooms and social isolation, I want people around me, real people who exist in reality not just a random stranger 5,000 miles away in an other country or half a world away across the province. You can only spend so much time on a computer before you get sick of it, I've been doing these chatrooms since I was 13, I'm 35 now, 22 years....

I would love to get a real letter in the mail that someone actually took the time to sit down and write, instead of a repetitive email, or some one to call me while I am sitting at home just to see how my day is going. Or get together for a group meeting at a Tim Hortons or something.
 

Belka

Junior Member
Aug 24, 2017
225
228
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#70
@I_am_Canadian I can relate to your last post! So much! One of my good friends wants to join a Mennonite church, as well. He loves the simple life and wants to walk "the narrow path" as he puts it. I don't think I could do it, personally; it seems too restrictive for me. But I do love the idea of having a community of like-minded believers and homesteading or having your own farm, and not being too involved with the world. It gets crazy out here, and it gets draining (to me, at least).

I also love letters! I can send you one, if you want, lol. (I've sent quite a few letters to online acquaintances / friends before, it's always fun; when they trust you with their address, of course (and vice versa)).

I hope you'll be able to join the right church for you and have the life that you envision for yourself. May the Lord bless you in your endeavors and guide you!
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
#71
It takes about 2 years to join, and I have been given 60 days notice vacate my current living arrangements. On top of that, I don't want to stay with the guy who hired me who is 72 years old set in his ways, can't cook and who also told me to "go a head and cut your wrists."

Otherwise I have no problem joining their church. I know, I had so much trouble finding work here that I wrote a book.. It's easy to say that, but when your unemployed, living in a small town where no one wants to hire you, and their is no public transit and your income from social assistance is not sufficent to live on... it is an entirely different matter.

I agree, but in my particular case, I am sick and tired of being alone, sitting isolated in my room all the time, I'm tired of chat rooms and social isolation, I want people around me, real people who exist in reality not just a random stranger 5,000 miles away in an other country or half a world away across the province. You can only spend so much time on a computer before you get sick of it, I've been doing these chatrooms since I was 13, I'm 35 now, 22 years....

I would love to get a real letter in the mail that someone actually took the time to sit down and write, instead of a repetitive email, or some one to call me while I am sitting at home just to see how my day is going. Or get together for a group meeting at a Tim Hortons or something.
It sounds like you have more pressing matters to address. I wouldn’t wish a cantankerous housemate on anyone. A better environment is needed. Like you, I’ve been on the Internet for a long time. Access was limited in the early days and I have good memories of iRC chats, mailing lists, and forums. I’ve met and spoken to many people over the years. Some I’ve known 25 years or more. I met my best friend too and we’ve been inseparable since that time (17 years and counting).

But the climate has changed. There was a time this was an avenue for fostering connections. It wasn’t the lone one available. I visited my first Christian forum last year and was astounded to hear the frequent tales of isolation. I’ve been interacting with the same group for more than a decade and oblivious to the rest. Things are different now.

Given your challenges, have you considered blogging as your source of income? If you’re able to write a book, producing content on a weekly basis shouldn’t be difficult. Facebook has several groups with likeminded people doing the same. It sounds like your stumbling block is money, not human contact.

If your resources are tight you’d run into similar constraints if you lived elsewhere. Given your age, most meetups involve food, coffee or outings. That’s hard to do when your budget is tight. Building my coffers would be my primary focus. It would allow you greater choice on your environment and opportunities to pursue interests without encumbrance.

It can be challenging to have the intimacy you’re seeking when conversing with strangers. My phone used to ring around the clock and I’ve exchanged addresses and lived to tell. But I’m more discriminating these days. It takes time and effort to know someone’s character.

I hope you’re able to find a new place and the community you’ve longed to have. :)
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#72
@I_am_Canadian I can relate to your last post! So much! One of my good friends wants to join a Mennonite church, as well. He loves the simple life and wants to walk "the narrow path" as he puts it. I don't think I could do it, personally; it seems too restrictive for me. But I do love the idea of having a community of like-minded believers and homesteading or having your own farm, and not being too involved with the world. It gets crazy out here, and it gets draining (to me, at least).

I also love letters! I can send you one, if you want, lol. (I've sent quite a few letters to online acquaintances / friends before, it's always fun; when they trust you with their address, of course (and vice versa)).

I hope you'll be able to join the right church for you and have the life that you envision for yourself. May the Lord bless you in your endeavors and guide you!
If you think the last post was great, I'll let you know if the book gets published... lol, (I think I used that joke before) well if he wants too he should go a head and check it out for himself, and it's true it's not for everyone. But their is no harm in checking it out.

Well thats the thing, even with the Mennonite thing aside, Bible says Narrow is the way that leads to life and few there be that find it, and broad is the way that leads to destruction and many there be that find it. Every Christian is supposed to walk the narrow way.

I know how you feel, I wasn't raised in a Christian home, so the worlds been draining me since the day I was born... litterally lol.
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#73
It sounds like you have more pressing matters to address. I wouldn’t wish a cantankerous housemate on anyone. A better environment is needed. Like you, I’ve been on the Internet for a long time. Access was limited in the early days and I have good memories of iRC chats, mailing lists, and forums. I’ve met and spoken to many people over the years. Some I’ve known 25 years or more. I met my best friend too and we’ve been inseparable since that time (17 years and counting).

But the climate has changed. There was a time this was an avenue for fostering connections. It wasn’t the lone one available. I visited my first Christian forum last year and was astounded to hear the frequent tales of isolation. I’ve been interacting with the same group for more than a decade and oblivious to the rest. Things are different now.

Given your challenges, have you considered blogging as your source of income? If you’re able to write a book, producing content on a weekly basis shouldn’t be difficult. Facebook has several groups with likeminded people doing the same. It sounds like your stumbling block is money, not human contact.

If your resources are tight you’d run into similar constraints if you lived elsewhere. Given your age, most meetups involve food, coffee or outings. That’s hard to do when your budget is tight. Building my coffers would be my primary focus. It would allow you greater choice on your environment and opportunities to pursue interests without encumbrance.

It can be challenging to have the intimacy you’re seeking when conversing with strangers. My phone used to ring around the clock and I’ve exchanged addresses and lived to tell. But I’m more discriminating these days. It takes time and effort to know someone’s character.

I hope you’re able to find a new place and the community you’ve longed to have. :)
Yeah I have a lot of problems and no solutions... I could probably give the marines a run for their money... (hahaha) Truth is the internet is like a trap, once you get on to it theres no way off.... (like social assistance....) (hahaha)

Yeah but still the best responces I get are from inmates.... I've written to inmates all over the US and Canada, I don't think there is an inmate in North America who doesn't know who I am.. (hahaha) I'll stick to the book, it'll give people a reason to get off line for a while and go back to reality.... (hahaha)

I think it's both to be honest.

Thanks I appreciate that.
 
Jun 12, 2020
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#74
Hey there everyone, I hope this doesn’t come off sounding depressing, but I’m 31 and still single and have been wondering if there’s something wrong with that? I mean I know I’m not a bad guy at all, yeah I’ve made mistakes in the past, but we all have, no one is perfect. I have a lot of friends that are younger than me and they are either married or getting married and I’m all like, “did I do something wrong to be where I’m at?” I know that God does have someone for us all and that He intends for us to be happy and be in a living and caring relationship that will lead to the ultimate union in marriage, but I often contemplate that what if some of us aren’t meant for that? I hope not because I really would love to get married someday to a beautiful and loving wife and have an awesome family, I just sometimes have my doubts if I’m meant for that. Would love to hear all your opinions and expertise on the matter! I’m honestly probably just over thinking it and should just be patient that God will give me the perfect wife in due time, on His time not mine.
I was asking what's going on here when I was still single at 53. I hope you can avoid that. It was brutal. The main advice I could give someone is to keep looking. I was 53 when I got married. Proposed on day 18, met her in person and married her just weeks later. Married 5 years now. You want to be ready when God calls your number.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,410
4,393
113
#75
I was asking what's going on here when I was still single at 53. I hope you can avoid that. It was brutal. The main advice I could give someone is to keep looking. I was 53 when I got married. Proposed on day 18, met her in person and married her just weeks later. Married 5 years now. You want to be ready when God calls your number.
You have dug up a lot of threads real fast, and they all have the same theme. I'm starting to get curious about your intent.
 
Jun 12, 2020
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31
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#76
You have dug up a lot of threads real fast, and they all have the same theme. I'm starting to get curious about your intent.
I have a passion to help people get married, especially single Christians. I know how it is in church today, so much misinformation and why? The Bible is not silent about singleness and marriage. I want to be part of the solution not part of the problem. People are getting married so late now that marriage is practically an afterthought. That is wrong.

I am not working today and am trying to look at many posts before I run out of time.
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#77
I was asking what's going on here when I was still single at 53. I hope you can avoid that. It was brutal. The main advice I could give someone is to keep looking. I was 53 when I got married. Proposed on day 18, met her in person and married her just weeks later. Married 5 years now. You want to be ready when God calls your number.
Amen, But I figure with the way things are going, he will give me a wife, but by the time we get to the alter it will be time for the rapture... lol
 
Jun 12, 2020
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#78
Amen, But I figure with the way things are going, he will give me a wife, but by the time we get to the alter it will be time for the rapture... lol
I can relate. It was very hot on our wedding day and I kept thinking that I hope I don't pass out right before being pronounced husband and wife!
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
540
129
43
#79
I can relate. It was very hot on our wedding day and I kept thinking that I hope I don't pass out right before being pronounced husband and wife!
really where did you get married? I know that would have been horrible, you'd be stuck with an angry wife for the rest of your life lol.

But on a serious note, congradulations, how long have you been married?
 
Jun 12, 2020
95
31
18
#80
really where did you get married? I know that would have been horrible, you'd be stuck with an angry wife for the rest of your life lol.

But on a serious note, congradulations, how long have you been married?
Thank you. Philippines. Hottest season of the year.