31 and still single/ unmarried

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Dec 11, 2019
24
51
13
#22
Is there meant to be a cut of point for marriage like you reach a certain age you are supposed to be married by? Or is it you just need to fit in with the church calendar because its booked solid for weddings?

I wouldnt do something just because 'all my friends are doing it so I have to as well' .


Another thing there is actually no such thing as 'the perfect wife' I would hate if someone tried to put me on that pedestal. Who is the perfect wife anyway? A pretend person?

What God was meaning in terms of marriage was the CHURCH being married to Jesus. People often get that mixed up with earthly concerns and assume that evryone has to be married on earth. Not so.

when Jesus said to his discples wait here I am going to send the helper to you. He wasnt meaning all of them were going to walk down the aisle. He had something way better.
That’s not what I meant at all. If how I worded it made it sound that way then I apologize but not at all what I was talking about. Yes all my friends are married but I don’t feel the need to get married myself just because they are or for any other reason like what you mentioned. Sorry 🤷🏽‍♂️
 
Jun 10, 2019
4,304
1,653
113
#23
Great advice Jam and Lynx. Right now I just started a new job and start this Monday. I eventually want to save up to almost $10,000 to go to a Bible College come this September for three years, it’s a little about $3000 a year. I want to become a missionary and a minister, which are my two main passions right now. So now that I say that and loom on that, I don’t even think I have the time for a relationship right now as I want to fulfill my passions and God’s purpose for my life.
That’s great you got a new job I hope it goes Well, here’s a site that talks about different things needed depending on roles in missionary might be helpful if you haven’t already looked into these things.
you can study everyday and learn from the Bible it’s a amazing book that is a living book practical in every day of your life while you pursue your passions. reading daily diving into the message is quite joyful

https://www.askamissionary.com/question/634
 
Dec 11, 2019
24
51
13
#24
That’s great you got a new job I hope it goes Well, here’s a site that talks about different things needed depending on roles in missionary might be helpful if you haven’t already looked into these things.
you can study everyday and learn from the Bible it’s a amazing book that is a living book practical in every day of your life while you pursue your passions. reading daily diving into the message is quite joyful

https://www.askamissionary.com/question/634
Hey thank you so much for sending me that link. 😊😊
 
Aug 10, 2019
7
4
3
34
#26
Hello there brother and welcome to CC.

You’ll actually find there are many here who are in the same boat as you, even older in age, but know there is nothing wrong with it. Enjoy your single time because once she comes along, you won’t be able to be independent as you were when you were single.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. And remember that scripture “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” - Psalm 37:4.

Be blessed! 💜
I am 32 going to 33. I have 2 kids that I got out of wedlock before I received Jesus as my savior. I am single and happy and praying that God will teach me to be a good husband even before I get married. Nothing is wrong with your situation. You are right where you should be and you shouldn't get worried or even doubt. God will lead you to the right person and vice versa.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,649
3,870
113
#27
That’s not what I meant at all. If how I worded it made it sound that way then I apologize but not at all what I was talking about. Yes all my friends are married but I don’t feel the need to get married myself just because they are or for any other reason like what you mentioned. Sorry 🤷🏽‍♂️
oh thats good cos I was going to say what?! Im glad you are not sorry if I misunderstood.
as I might have said in another post, I dont really trust what people say about their age. as if 31 and still unmarried is any worse or better than 15 and still unmarried. and if you are 80 and unmarried then Im not going to judge you either. you could be widowed or a bachelor. It doesnt matter, just enjoy the single life.
 

bojack

Well-known member
Dec 16, 2019
2,311
997
113
#28
Hey there everyone, I hope this doesn’t come off sounding depressing, but I’m 31 and still single and have been wondering if there’s something wrong with that? I mean I know I’m not a bad guy at all, yeah I’ve made mistakes in the past, but we all have, no one is perfect. I have a lot of friends that are younger than me and they are either married or getting married and I’m all like, “did I do something wrong to be where I’m at?” I know that God does have someone for us all and that He intends for us to be happy and be in a living and caring relationship that will lead to the ultimate union in marriage, but I often contemplate that what if some of us aren’t meant for that? I hope not because I really would love to get married someday to a beautiful and loving wife and have an awesome family, I just sometimes have my doubts if I’m meant for that. Would love to hear all your opinions and expertise on the matter! I’m honestly probably just over thinking it and should just be patient that God will give me the perfect wife in due time, on His time not mine.
Order yourself a mail order bride, you think I'm kidding don't you ? At least look ..
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,709
1,650
113
#29
A while ago I read something that resonated with me. It said "My life didn't turn out the way I expected, and that is OK." It is incredibly simple, but surprised me with its truth. I did not expect the twists and turns in my life but if I spent too long looking back to try and understand them I would have missed the beauty and incredible everyday miracles that fill my life. I do not deny the pain but I learned to go from "why" to "what next?". If I am obedient or doing my best to walk that path, God may take me on a journey that doesn't always make sense to me, but I know I'm headed in the right direction. I pictured a happy home hosting bible study with a husband and a few adorable children. I won't go into the bad things but it wasn't close to the dream. On the upside I ended up exploring underground cities and having midnight bbqs on a rooftop in Istanbul. I have cruised to northern Europe and dressed in a bathrobe with curlers in my hair on a movie set. I have sat outside at 2 am teaching a street child English. I became good friends with a widow two doors down from the place I had to move when I was suddenly left penniless (I am OK now and happy in my little neighbourhood).
Your life is exactly where you are supposed to be even if it doesn't always make sense. You want to be in ministry? What if God needs you single in order to be available to learn certain lessons that will be essential for you to do the work he needs? What if your Friday and Saturday nights need to be given to someone who has called out to God for comfort? Are you willing to be of use in whatever way he chooses? I am not saying that it is forever but what if you have some of the deepest, most meaningful moments with him and in his service and it can only be done single? If you are obedient he will take care of the rest. You might know why until you get home but trust him. I promise that you didn't miss his will in your life. He has got this.
 
Dec 11, 2019
24
51
13
#30
A while ago I read something that resonated with me. It said "My life didn't turn out the way I expected, and that is OK." It is incredibly simple, but surprised me with its truth. I did not expect the twists and turns in my life but if I spent too long looking back to try and understand them I would have missed the beauty and incredible everyday miracles that fill my life. I do not deny the pain but I learned to go from "why" to "what next?". If I am obedient or doing my best to walk that path, God may take me on a journey that doesn't always make sense to me, but I know I'm headed in the right direction. I pictured a happy home hosting bible study with a husband and a few adorable children. I won't go into the bad things but it wasn't close to the dream. On the upside I ended up exploring underground cities and having midnight bbqs on a rooftop in Istanbul. I have cruised to northern Europe and dressed in a bathrobe with curlers in my hair on a movie set. I have sat outside at 2 am teaching a street child English. I became good friends with a widow two doors down from the place I had to move when I was suddenly left penniless (I am OK now and happy in my little neighbourhood).
Your life is exactly where you are supposed to be even if it doesn't always make sense. You want to be in ministry? What if God needs you single in order to be available to learn certain lessons that will be essential for you to do the work he needs? What if your Friday and Saturday nights need to be given to someone who has called out to God for comfort? Are you willing to be of use in whatever way he chooses? I am not saying that it is forever but what if you have some of the deepest, most meaningful moments with him and in his service and it can only be done single? If you are obedient he will take care of the rest. You might know why until you get home but trust him. I promise that you didn't miss his will in your life. He has got this.
You know I almost feel a bit foolish posting this, but at the same time I’ve gotten so much great advice and heard so many great testimonies as well. But this Sunday in church, my pastor gave a great sermon, as he normally does, but this past Sundays was particularly moving and powerful for me. It gave me the final confirmation I needed regarding my future. I’m starting to see and feel a romance would be a distraction, at least for right now. I would still love to get married someday but right now I have more important priorities to worry about and focus on.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,709
1,650
113
#31
You know I almost feel a bit foolish posting this, but at the same time I’ve gotten so much great advice and heard so many great testimonies as well. But this Sunday in church, my pastor gave a great sermon, as he normally does, but this past Sundays was particularly moving and powerful for me. It gave me the final confirmation I needed regarding my future. I’m starting to see and feel a romance would be a distraction, at least for right now. I would still love to get married someday but right now I have more important priorities to worry about and focus on.
Please don't ever feel foolish sharing your truth. Saying that you would like that someone special to share your life with is honest and rather beautiful. We don't know what God intends but as our father he wants us to come to him and speak honestly. As a mom I want to hear from my child. I may or may not be able to give him what he wants but I always listen and I always want to hear him. It fills my heart that he would share with me.
Choosing to be single right now doesn't mean that that might not change next week. God values the attitude of your heart. He is not looking to make you miserable. I know you know that but sometimes it can be confusing. I wish you joy and a life better than you could have imagined.
 

Mudjiti

New member
Dec 27, 2019
4
1
3
#32
Hey there everyone, I hope this doesn’t come off sounding depressing, but I’m 31 and still single and have been wondering if there’s something wrong with that? I mean I know I’m not a bad guy at all, yeah I’ve made mistakes in the past, but we all have, no one is perfect. I have a lot of friends that are younger than me and they are either married or getting married and I’m all like, “did I do something wrong to be where I’m at?” I know that God does have someone for us all and that He intends for us to be happy and be in a living and caring relationship that will lead to the ultimate union in marriage, but I often contemplate that what if some of us aren’t meant for that? I hope not because I really would love to get married someday to a beautiful and loving wife and have an awesome family, I just sometimes have my doubts if I’m meant for that. Would love to hear all your opinions and expertise on the matter! I’m honestly probably just over thinking it and should just be patient that God will give me the perfect wife in due time, on His time not mine.
 

Mudjiti

New member
Dec 27, 2019
4
1
3
#33
That’s not what I meant at all. If how I worded it made it sound that way then I apologize but not at all what I was talking about. Yes all my friends are married but I don’t feel the need to get married myself just because they are or for any other reason like what you mentioned. Sorry 🤷🏽‍♂️
Fi
First understand the Bible states that it's not good for man to be alone God created a help mate...also note marriage is not a forcing matter ...you need to desire it and believe that God will bring you a comparable person ...it's not about the age per say it's about you being ready and going for it... Seek God for guidance...
 
Jan 7, 2020
53
67
18
30
#34
Hey there everyone, I hope this doesn’t come off sounding depressing, but I’m 31 and still single and have been wondering if there’s something wrong with that? I mean I know I’m not a bad guy at all, yeah I’ve made mistakes in the past, but we all have, no one is perfect. I have a lot of friends that are younger than me and they are either married or getting married and I’m all like, “did I do something wrong to be where I’m at?” I know that God does have someone for us all and that He intends for us to be happy and be in a living and caring relationship that will lead to the ultimate union in marriage, but I often contemplate that what if some of us aren’t meant for that? I hope not because I really would love to get married someday to a beautiful and loving wife and have an awesome family, I just sometimes have my doubts if I’m meant for that. Would love to hear all your opinions and expertise on the matter! I’m honestly probably just over thinking it and should just be patient that God will give me the perfect wife in due time, on His time not mine.
I really really relate to this! I'm 29 and single, never married, etc, and it's like going through the up and down rollercoaster day-to-day. Some days you're absolutely rocking the single life and truly trust and believe God has His plan, purpose, and timing for your life, and you feel strongly encouraged He has got you in this area. Then other days, you hit rock bottom, unsure where God is in it all? Does He actually mean for you to find someone? Will He make it happen, let alone how is He going to make it happen? I know the hardest part (personally speaking, for me), is trying to let go of any and all control. Letting go of, "I feel like I should be married by now, or not understanding why I'm haven't found someone... exactly like you said - questioning where you went wrong up to now to "deserve" going through singleness with not a lot of tangible hope in the near future that your situation is going to change. Ultimately, putting timelines on an area where only God can put a timeline on! I digress! I just registered and came across this and really wanted to reach out and comment/connect to let you know you're not alone with exactly how you're feeling and thinking! :)
 
Dec 11, 2019
24
51
13
#35
I really really relate to this! I'm 29 and single, never married, etc, and it's like going through the up and down rollercoaster day-to-day. Some days you're absolutely rocking the single life and truly trust and believe God has His plan, purpose, and timing for your life, and you feel strongly encouraged He has got you in this area. Then other days, you hit rock bottom, unsure where God is in it all? Does He actually mean for you to find someone? Will He make it happen, let alone how is He going to make it happen? I know the hardest part (personally speaking, for me), is trying to let go of any and all control. Letting go of, "I feel like I should be married by now, or not understanding why I'm haven't found someone... exactly like you said - questioning where you went wrong up to now to "deserve" going through singleness with not a lot of tangible hope in the near future that your situation is going to change. Ultimately, putting timelines on an area where only God can put a timeline on! I digress! I just registered and came across this and really wanted to reach out and comment/connect to let you know you're not alone with exactly how you're feeling and thinking! :)
You know, I can definitely relate to that; letting go of all control and handing it over to God and to just leave it in his hands. I know and understand that we all have our part to play as well, but I’m recently saved, will be one year this April, so I’ve always been used to having total control over my life, albeit things rarely ever went good when I was in control, but learning to give up all control to God is still such a new concept for me. Not that I don’t want to hand Him total control, just that learning to fully and truly 100 percent relinquish myself to Him, is something I’m struggling with. I know I’m new and as long as I keep working hard and keeping myself immersed in His Word daily that things like that get easier in time. I just got to understand Th at it’s not necessarily a bad thing that I’m still single, I got important things I want to achieve in the future and maybe I’m supposed to be single to succeed in that. And if I’m truly meant to be with someone and get married, He’ll put her in my life at the right time; His time not mine, as you were basically describing lol. Thank you so much for the response. I’m not trying to say that I’m happy that there are people going through what I am, but I will say that it makes me happy to learn that I’m definitely not alone!
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
34,271
11,943
113
66
Tennessee
#36
You know, I can definitely relate to that; letting go of all control and handing it over to God and to just leave it in his hands. I know and understand that we all have our part to play as well, but I’m recently saved, will be one year this April, so I’ve always been used to having total control over my life, albeit things rarely ever went good when I was in control, but learning to give up all control to God is still such a new concept for me. Not that I don’t want to hand Him total control, just that learning to fully and truly 100 percent relinquish myself to Him, is something I’m struggling with. I know I’m new and as long as I keep working hard and keeping myself immersed in His Word daily that things like that get easier in time. I just got to understand Th at it’s not necessarily a bad thing that I’m still single, I got important things I want to achieve in the future and maybe I’m supposed to be single to succeed in that. And if I’m truly meant to be with someone and get married, He’ll put her in my life at the right time; His time not mine, as you were basically describing lol. Thank you so much for the response. I’m not trying to say that I’m happy that there are people going through what I am, but I will say that it makes me happy to learn that I’m definitely not alone!
God may indeed search and find the one of your heart's desire but you must be ready to take bold decisive action when an opportunity may arise. Finding a good spouse is not a passive endeavor. Whether you remain single or get married is a choice you will have to make as God will not make that choice for you. The only thing that you are meant to be is to have life and have it more abundantly and that is true whether single or married. That's a choice as well.
 
Jan 7, 2020
53
67
18
30
#37
You know, I can definitely relate to that; letting go of all control and handing it over to God and to just leave it in his hands. I know and understand that we all have our part to play as well, but I’m recently saved, will be one year this April, so I’ve always been used to having total control over my life, albeit things rarely ever went good when I was in control, but learning to give up all control to God is still such a new concept for me. Not that I don’t want to hand Him total control, just that learning to fully and truly 100 percent relinquish myself to Him, is something I’m struggling with. I know I’m new and as long as I keep working hard and keeping myself immersed in His Word daily that things like that get easier in time. I just got to understand Th at it’s not necessarily a bad thing that I’m still single, I got important things I want to achieve in the future and maybe I’m supposed to be single to succeed in that. And if I’m truly meant to be with someone and get married, He’ll put her in my life at the right time; His time not mine, as you were basically describing lol. Thank you so much for the response. I’m not trying to say that I’m happy that there are people going through what I am, but I will say that it makes me happy to learn that I’m definitely not alone!
Literally same page in thinking! I find certain areas are so easy to fully trust Him and give up control, and I recognize that these areas may be very difficult and challenging for others; ie. finances, career, etc. Whereas, the area of relationship/marriage (where others may have complete faith), I almost have 0... more often than not, if I'm being honest! That's amazing! I truly believe it's a conscious choice to hand over the reins every single day to God in all areas (some areas easier than others), no matter how new or long your walk has been! ...and it can be tough! Encouragement from others, prayer, and being constant in the Word are all the only way to make it through! I find myself in few and far situations where I meet a potential man, as I'm not the type to go out looking for it, that combined with the mentality of 'intentional dating', it gets tricky. I've been finding myself feeling like I'm going around in the same loop -- meet someone, really connect, start getting really hopeful, (and tbh, recently have just started truly praying and asking if God is saying "yes", rather than automatically assuming). But in the next moment, it's gone - God's answer is a clear no, and I'm so dismayed; knowing God has His purpose, reason, and ultimately protection as He sees the full future, we don't, which does bring some peace, but I still feel, "Ok, but here I am at square 1 again, and I have 0 clue.... am I going to come across another potential man in a month? 6 months? Year? Couple years? ....to go through this all over again? Or will it really be different this time?" I really struggle with faith in that. And, of course, as you said in your OP, you begin looking to other relationships and comparing, unfortunately - sad reality. It's hard, it's really hard! I just went through this loop, and for the first time decided, "I need to join a community of people with the same faith and connect because I'm really struggling right now"... and I found this thread, and I couldn't be more grateful for it! Your posts have put into the exact words my thoughts/feelings right now! :)
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,349
1,415
113
#38
To all the single never been married people... please please please be patient and trust in Him His will is being done for your life. Marriage is a covenant from God and not to be taken lightly. Don’t settle for less and wait until you have total peace before getting married because it’s better to be single than being with a wrong person. Have Faith God’s got this!!!
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,310
113
30
Arizona
#39
I think often times we have to realize that the time of being single is for us to be able to get to the point He wants us to be. And that may well be at a certain level of spiritual maturity for said partner. I think one thing we forget, ad myself included, is to pray that I'M ready for whomever my future husbando is gonna be.
 
Dec 11, 2019
24
51
13
#40
God may indeed search and find the one of your heart's desire but you must be ready to take bold decisive action when an opportunity may arise. Finding a good spouse is not a passive endeavor. Whether you remain single or get married is a choice you will have to make as God will not make that choice for you. The only thing that you are meant to be is to have life and have it more abundantly and that is true whether single or married. That's a choice as well.
Yes that is so true! We all gotta due our part too. You can’t just plant a seed and expect it to grow on its own without watering it daily.