6 Words I Dread: "You. Would. Be. Perfect. For. Me!"

[seoulsearch]

And OP, I'll turn it around on you and give you a glimmer of hope. You would be perfect for a man who loves the Lord his God with all of his heart.

I say that because you're not looking for someone to take care of, nor are you looking to take care of someone else (I would imagine barring some post marriage illness etc). You're looking for someone who doesn't need you to complete them, because they are already complete in Christ Jesus, as are you.

The "You're perfect for me" line is going in my long list of pet peeves with foolish suitors. You nailed this one.

I'm sorry if maybe it took me a few posts to really state what I was trying to describe . The most annoying thing about this situation is that you can literally hear the other person thinking out loud WHILE they're trying to tell you that "you're perfect" for them.

One of the white men who emailed me and wanted to date me because he had two Asian children was MUCH older and I could HEAR him thinking, "Look at me. I'm gonna have this young Asian bride to go with my Asian kids." His kids were even from a different country than I am. Talk about the ultimate insult of, "If you've seen one Asian, you've seen them all." Honestly. I felt like a matching handbag to go with a pair of shoes.

I feel for you guys out there as well. You know this all too well. It's the girl who says you're perfect for her but at the same time, she asks how much money you make and is too busy dreaming about being seen with you or driving by her friends in your ride or taking you shopping to buy her the bling.

Servant, thanks for your encouraging words and I want to ping-pong them right back at you. Wisdom and self-discipline, especially when it comes to finances, is extremely attractive, and very Godly. Don't give up hope--there are women out there who will appreciate your diligence and hard work.

For over 15 years, I lived in a modular home (read: TRAILER, by most people's standards. Even my friends teased me about it.) At one point, I drove a Dodge Neon because that's what worked at the time. One of my longest-standing friends, who is very good with money himself, told me, "You know, it's time to grow up and buy a REAL house and REAL car."

Why? And what IS "real"? To me, real is what I can afford and, God-willing, allows me to live a bit under my means so that I can save for the future... or a really good God-sent missions opportunity.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

One of the white men who emailed me and wanted to date me because he had two Asian children was MUCH older and I could HEAR him thinking, "Look at me. I'm gonna have this young Asian bride to go with my Asian kids." His kids were even from a different country than I am. Talk about the ultimate insult of, "If you've seen one Asian, you've seen them all." Honestly. I felt like a matching handbag to go with a pair of shoes.

Yes, that would definitely have been insulting. :-/

 

[phil36]

Hey Everyone,

I don't mean to complain, but after being a part of the dating world for over a decade, there is one sentence I've actually come to loathe: "You would be perfect for me!!"

Let me explain why.

Now, first let me say that I haven't had tons of suitors over the years. I actually went out on... let me think... 3 dates? In the past year and a half? So that was pretty much a record for me. But after 10 years, I do have a few stories to tell.
I've also had my experiences with 1 dating service and 3 online dating sites--how much dating disaster can one life hold? You are about to find out!

The reason I hate hearing this sentence is because in my experience, the person saying it is looking at what I can do or be for him and has absolutely no regard for who I state that I am and what I may need.

For instance, I've never touched drugs because of FEAR, not self-righteous, and I have often had guys struggling in this area say, "You would be perfect for me!" I want to tell them, Do you not have any consideration that your lifestyle would scare me to death? I also rarely drink (I'm allergic to alcohol but can have small amounts) but have had alcoholics say, "You would be perfect for me, you could help keep me sober."

I am NOT saying that people can't or should not be given a second chance, but what I AM saying is, "PLEASE. DO NOT rely on me or anyone else to 'save' you from these kinds of life-threatening issues. I am just one person, and I certainly can't keep you from something that strong."

Here are other numerous example I have heard--"You would be perfect for me, because..."

1. You're Asian (and because of this) you would be the perfect mother to my own Asian children. (True story, TWICE!!!)

2. (You're a good girl) and could help keep me out of trouble/keep me from straying from my faith/keep me out of prison.

3. You don't have any children so you would be the perfect mother for mine!

4. You could help keep me feeling young (written by men 60 and over.)

Now inherently, there is nothing wrong with the phrase, "You would be perfect for me." But what I hate is the motivation I find behind it--"You can be exactly what I need or else I can change you into what I want." What I have come to resent is the automatic assumption of what someone can GET from me without any indication, whatsoever, that I am an individual with preferences, weaknesses, and needs of my own. (I've NEVER ONCE been told by someone, "I would be PERFECT for YOU, because I could help you with...")

(I have had one exception with older men saying they could add to my life financially, which I hate because I am not an object to be bought. God has provided me with a job, place to live, and something to eat--I don't need your offer to buy me out like a piece of property, thanks.)

I admit that the one great thing about this is that it has hopefully changed MY thinking. I've always taken my role as a "helpmate" seriously and while, not perfect by any means, have tried to look at someone with an attitude of, "How can I add to this person's life?"

I have never told anyone I would be perfect for them because to me personally, I feel that would be much too audacious to say to someone and, quite honestly, out of line. (I'm not condemning anyone who feels differently, it's just that I can only speak from my own point of view.) But I remember having a crush on a guy in my late teens who had dropped out of school and thinking to myself, "Well, if we went out on dates, and if he wanted me to, maybe I could help him learn to read," because I had heard that he had never fully learned how. I didn't mean it as a way to change him or give myself a purpose--I meant it as a way to help.

I guess what frustrates me is the general thought of what I could be for someone else... and they don't even take the time to ask what I might need someone else to be or help me with in my own life.

Does this happen to anyone else? I know it's meant as a compliment, but how can one go about it in a better way? Have you been told you would be perfect for someone, and did you agree with them?

Have you ever told someone they would be perfect for you? How did you also show that you were considerate of what they needed as well? Or, have you ever told anyone that you would be perfect for them?


I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Lol I think you've hit the nail on the head... I think this is also a secular mindset... we think, 'you would be perfect for me' out of selfish desire. That's wrong.

selfish desire will never be friendly nor loving... in the real sense.