A Gentleman

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
39
48
#41
500 cool points awarded for including Mr Darcy :)
Thanks Jules! ^_~ Glad you caught it!



Well, Ladies and Gents, It is time for my serious answer:

"Do you think it wise...to submit to subjective speculation?"

"Oh, elementary, my dear Watson. As time and willingness allow, so shall perception shed light toward reality."

A gentleman, as defined by Mr. Noah Webster in his original 1828 Dictionary (look up the story, it's a great one!) is:

[TABLE="width: 80%, align: center"]
[TR]
[TD="align: left"]gentleman

GEN'TLEMAN, a. [gentle, that is, genteel, and man. See Genteel.]
1. In its most extensive sense, in Great Britain, every man above the rank of yeomen, comprehending noblemen. In a more limited sense, a man, who without a title,bears a coat of arms, or whose ancestors have been freemen. In this sense, gentlemen hold a middle rank between the nobility and yeomanry.
2. In the United States, where titles and distinctions of rank do not exist, the term is applied to men of education and of good breeding, of every occupation. Indeed this is also the popular practice in Great Britain. Hence,

3. A man of good breeding, politeness, and civil manners, as distinguished from the vulgar and clownish.
A plowman on his legs is higher than a gentleman on his knees.
4. A term of complaisance. In the plural,the appellation by which men are addressed in popular assemblies,whatever may be their condition or character.

5. In Great Britain, the servant of a man of rank, who attends his person.
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

Now that we've seen what Mr. Webster had to say, I'll try to shed a bit of light on the subject by my own means.

Apart from that previously discussed, I believe a 'gentleman' is the term used toward someone we Idolize, Idealize, or otherwise give significant station to. For example, I've heard those who enjoy a particular man's speech, behavior, and overall demeanor (be it tragically flawed or not) refer to them as a gentleman.

"Wow, Leopold is a true gentleman...!" *girlish reactions to the historically idealized Englishman*

Isn't that lovely...? *clears throat*

Well, be that as it may, there are also those whom by definition are gentleman, but by appearance or action others would hold in contempt. This holds to the more socially status'd or Nobleman. However, 'Noble' is argued among peoples to be defined differently, and thus would be a gentleman.

In my estimation, biased as it may be, a gentleman holds to the three Cs:

Christianity
Civility
Chivalry

However, these dictates would exclude other religions (which is inaccurate as gentleman transcend affiliation), and also exclude those holding Chivalry as chauvinism. I apologize for these discrepancies, but knowledgeably existing as they do , the Ideal individual (to me) embodies and exemplifies these three schools of belief, thought, behavior, and principle.

Thus, as a Methodist, I present to you...John Wesley.



*Perfect example achieved!! XD
 
Last edited:
Mar 5, 2013
37
0
0
#42
I believe that a true Gentleman
Does the following
Puts god first
Respects women
Is softly spoken
Will play a game every now and then
Talk when given the importunity with out Going to stupid topics.
Keeps his XXX life to himself and not be bragging
Will listen to frank sinatra while having a drink by himself.
Respect peoples point of view and do not crush there dreams or hopes no matter how stupid.
and over all takes all things in moderation.
 
Mar 5, 2013
37
0
0
#43
So basicly some 1 like me and listening to frank sinatra is optional it just seems to be good chillout music. I have found
 

leelee

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2011
1,258
8
38
32
#44
asifin I am sorry but john wesley is missing a key point. no sidies, no beard not even a hint of tash! :p
 
D

dashadow

Guest
#45
fears God, and puts him first.

is kind, and respectful to others.

looks far beyond a woman's physical beauty.

is slow to anger

PATIENT

Will accept a woman with her flaws, and not judge her on her past

Isn't jealous and controlling

Doesn't criticize cooking, and will eat whatever she cooks even if it sends him to ICU.
Ditto! But I'm picky about what I eat. Good thing I do half the cooking. :)
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#46
love the comments peeps...I'm going to go read a batman comic now :p
 

Powemm

Senior Member
Jul 30, 2012
3,910
32
0
#47
A gentleman always offers His hand in peace when he leaves, even when someone disagrees
With him... ( one of the coolest things I've seen gentleman do)
 
S

Samohito

Guest
#48
[SIZE=+2]The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.[/SIZE]
- John Walter Wayland
YES agreed ! actually I'm looking the guy as above statement :)
 
G

GRA

Guest
#50
A gentleman... hmmm....I could list a long scary-looking list of specific traits making up "the perfect gentleman ideal" but I think in some cases big lists appear too nitpicky and sometimes a bit scary, lol!

So I'll vague mine down a bit. ;)

A true gentleman is a nice guy who leaves you feeling better when you are done hanging out with him than before you started hanging out.

Someone who makes you feel positive about yourself, and at the same time makes it easy for those who have gotten to know him to see the positive side of him.

Is caring.

Someone who when you think about him a day later, you think fond memories first, not bad ones.

Someone who makes you feel comfortable and doesn't give you an "off" feeling.

Okay and now for my nitpicky sounding one....chews with his mouth closed. :p
I would hope that it would be fond memories only... :D
 

Powemm

Senior Member
Jul 30, 2012
3,910
32
0
#51
A gentlemans attributes as I know Jesus has been to me

Loves- when I have not loved Him
Kind- when I was not kind to Him
Forgives - when I need forgiveness most
Merciful- when I deserve punishment
Grace- gives me more than I deserved
Patient - when I am learning
Joyful- when I am at my worst

makes me want to do better just simply typing that ..




Helps- those who can not help themselves
lifts- who falls before Him
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,944
4,608
113
#53
I havent yet decided what a true gentleman is

I am leaning toward it being a man who is gentle.

After all, if it was a specific class of men only in Great Britain then nobody has much chance of meeting one....except in a Jane Austen novel
 
Aug 28, 2020
79
24
8
#54
I would change the wording out a bit, and say "what are the qualities of a good man." That's just me, but I understand where it's going.

Anyway, all these qualities I'm seeing listed by women on here sound great. It's like what you would normally see in normal men, so most of them should already be taken, right?

If these truly are what women want in a man, why is it that so many guys with these attributes are never chosen by these kind of ladies? I don't mean to pour cold water all over what these women are saying, nor do I mean to be a downer and rude, because they are correct as far as what should be expected (at least most of it). However, what I've seen, and went through personally, many women seem to NEVER choose to go out with these men when they're asked. Instead, they go after the men who DON'T have these attributes, and in many cases, these women KNOW these men don't have any of it.

They allow the men who don't have these qualities to ask them out, these ladies go, stay together for awhile, the guy dumps her for someone else, the woman is upset and wonders where all the good men are, another man who have these qualities that were listed on this forum comes along and asks her out, she rejects him, and then continues to wonder where the men they desire (with all the qualities listed) are. It's as if they want to put these qualities inside the men that are not gentlemen. Sounds like a nice idea, but we all know you can't force someone to change.

Again, I really don't want to be rude or a downer about this, but this just sounds like people just wanting to SOUND good rather than STRIVING TO BE good through their own actions. Not to be arrogant nor to boast, but many of these qualities I work hard to maintain. Unfortunately, it never seems to work out for me in the end whenever I asked women out, with them knowing who I am.

What I've been met with is the dreaded "I don't know" answer, the excuse answer, being stood up, made fun of, and, in one case a long time ago, having false rumors spread about me among their friends and acquaintances. But the guys that don't have the qualities, the women I asked out, they go for them, only to have children with those men, then she and her children get ditched, and come back to try and convince me to ask them out. Not sound mean nor whiny, I never did because I was never their first choice.

To the single men reading this thread and that went through similar circumstances, this should sound all too familiar. Us guys that have tried to go out with women that want these qualities in us always get the short end of the deal. We have taken dating advice, and we have changed many aspects of our lives in an attempt to not only improve ourselves, but also attract a potential companion. It just leads to nothing more than a dead end.

Most guys have a hard enough time trying to compete with the Chads out there because women are told they're entitled to those kind of men. What women are NOT told is these type of men are not the most virtuous. These men are known to lie, be arrogant, have little care for others, and see themselves above everyone else. What's sad is many women know this but simply don't care. It's as if they think they can change them in such a way where these men are only good to them but not to everyone else they don't like. Sadder yet, if these women did start a relationship with these kind of men and then it got called off by these guys, these ladies NEVER let go of them because they display in front of everyone that's what they want and they do what they can to get them back.

Meanwhile, the real gentlemen, the ones that do have all the qualities these women want, come up and ask these women out, only to be either A) rejected, or B) used for monkey branching. Monkey branching, if some don't know this, is basically where a person uses someone else to get someone who is seen as "better." This was (suspected to be) happening to me before this women's ex passed, it happened to my brother, and it happened to my best friend. It's not fun, and I know other men went through this and I never wish this on other guys.

In the end, with many of these women talking about what they want in a man, it's nothing but words to a lot of men, unless they act on them. What really should matter most is that gentlemen are godly and have given their lives to Christ. His qualities should be found in men across the board. If they're not there, then the man isn't as good as what you think. However, if any of you women go after men who are not Christ like, you're wasting your time and I question your faith. Not because I would rather you go out with guys like me, but rather your faith was put more so into the world rather the One who created and saved it.

I and many other men have been left out by women who say they want good men. I'll let people decide if I am or not, but I know men that are good and have done good deeds for others and continue to do so. Unfortunately, these type of men with the qualities listed on this thread are no longer desired nor sought out. They're just nice things to say rather a yearning for them.

I don't know about other men on here, but I had been hurt many times before because I was told by others I was a good guy and could get a woman without much effort. I try to be, and though I'm not perfect, I always find ways to improve myself. I'm not the best looking guy nor am I the worst looking, but rather interesting to look at because I'm like a lava lamp. Before, I was told personality mattered most. That's a lie. I lost a whole bunch of weight, hit the gym, and bought new clothes. More women became interested, but not the ones I was looking for. I want a godly woman, but the ones that I thought were turned out to be something else entirely. Even after the adjustments I made with my life, it didn't matter.

Sure, I might be seen as some as a gentleman, but what difference does it make when guys like me are not picked, especially if I was? So, instead, I'm choosing to remain single for the time being. I'm done with a bunch of these women telling me what they're looking for in a guy because nothing more than a big lie. Many of them want the rich (six figures or more), extremely good looking, arrogant, bad men with horrible personalities. Normal men don't have any place in the dating realm anymore, let alone gentlemen, so best we stay out of it. Doesn't mean I'm not happy, but it doesn't mean I approve of it either. And I hate seeing good men getting burned as well.

To conclude: to all the single, good men out there, focus on yourself, family, friends, and, most of all, God Himself, and don't focus on trying to get into a relationship with another woman. It'll end in heart break and disappointment. If a woman comes along and likes you for you, she needs to make it known to you that she does. If she plays games, like hard to get, or if she gives you the "I don't know" answer or makes up an excuse to get out of a date with you, forget about her and move on. Your time and happiness are valuable, and it's better to spend it with someone who actually appreciates and respects you for you. Hope this all helps.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,944
4,608
113
#58
I think sliding doors might work for everyone

I am forever opening doors at school. Its nice when someone else sees you and youve got ten boxes of books to load who will open the door so you dont have to keep doing it...I usually try to latch it open but people complain they get cold and they dont like the draft or it slams.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,944
4,608
113
#59
or better yet, they help carry the boxes!
 
Sep 5, 2021
9
8
3
#60
I would change the wording out a bit, and say "what are the qualities of a good man." That's just me, but I understand where it's going.

Anyway, all these qualities I'm seeing listed by women on here sound great. It's like what you would normally see in normal men, so most of them should already be taken, right?

If these truly are what women want in a man, why is it that so many guys with these attributes are never chosen by these kind of ladies? I don't mean to pour cold water all over what these women are saying, nor do I mean to be a downer and rude, because they are correct as far as what should be expected (at least most of it). However, what I've seen, and went through personally, many women seem to NEVER choose to go out with these men when they're asked. Instead, they go after the men who DON'T have these attributes, and in many cases, these women KNOW these men don't have any of it.

They allow the men who don't have these qualities to ask them out, these ladies go, stay together for awhile, the guy dumps her for someone else, the woman is upset and wonders where all the good men are, another man who have these qualities that were listed on this forum comes along and asks her out, she rejects him, and then continues to wonder where the men they desire (with all the qualities listed) are. It's as if they want to put these qualities inside the men that are not gentlemen. Sounds like a nice idea, but we all know you can't force someone to change.

Again, I really don't want to be rude or a downer about this, but this just sounds like people just wanting to SOUND good rather than STRIVING TO BE good through their own actions. Not to be arrogant nor to boast, but many of these qualities I work hard to maintain. Unfortunately, it never seems to work out for me in the end whenever I asked women out, with them knowing who I am.

What I've been met with is the dreaded "I don't know" answer, the excuse answer, being stood up, made fun of, and, in one case a long time ago, having false rumors spread about me among their friends and acquaintances. But the guys that don't have the qualities, the women I asked out, they go for them, only to have children with those men, then she and her children get ditched, and come back to try and convince me to ask them out. Not sound mean nor whiny, I never did because I was never their first choice.

To the single men reading this thread and that went through similar circumstances, this should sound all too familiar. Us guys that have tried to go out with women that want these qualities in us always get the short end of the deal. We have taken dating advice, and we have changed many aspects of our lives in an attempt to not only improve ourselves, but also attract a potential companion. It just leads to nothing more than a dead end.

Most guys have a hard enough time trying to compete with the Chads out there because women are told they're entitled to those kind of men. What women are NOT told is these type of men are not the most virtuous. These men are known to lie, be arrogant, have little care for others, and see themselves above everyone else. What's sad is many women know this but simply don't care. It's as if they think they can change them in such a way where these men are only good to them but not to everyone else they don't like. Sadder yet, if these women did start a relationship with these kind of men and then it got called off by these guys, these ladies NEVER let go of them because they display in front of everyone that's what they want and they do what they can to get them back.

Meanwhile, the real gentlemen, the ones that do have all the qualities these women want, come up and ask these women out, only to be either A) rejected, or B) used for monkey branching. Monkey branching, if some don't know this, is basically where a person uses someone else to get someone who is seen as "better." This was (suspected to be) happening to me before this women's ex passed, it happened to my brother, and it happened to my best friend. It's not fun, and I know other men went through this and I never wish this on other guys.

In the end, with many of these women talking about what they want in a man, it's nothing but words to a lot of men, unless they act on them. What really should matter most is that gentlemen are godly and have given their lives to Christ. His qualities should be found in men across the board. If they're not there, then the man isn't as good as what you think. However, if any of you women go after men who are not Christ like, you're wasting your time and I question your faith. Not because I would rather you go out with guys like me, but rather your faith was put more so into the world rather the One who created and saved it.

I and many other men have been left out by women who say they want good men. I'll let people decide if I am or not, but I know men that are good and have done good deeds for others and continue to do so. Unfortunately, these type of men with the qualities listed on this thread are no longer desired nor sought out. They're just nice things to say rather a yearning for them.

I don't know about other men on here, but I had been hurt many times before because I was told by others I was a good guy and could get a woman without much effort. I try to be, and though I'm not perfect, I always find ways to improve myself. I'm not the best looking guy nor am I the worst looking, but rather interesting to look at because I'm like a lava lamp. Before, I was told personality mattered most. That's a lie. I lost a whole bunch of weight, hit the gym, and bought new clothes. More women became interested, but not the ones I was looking for. I want a godly woman, but the ones that I thought were turned out to be something else entirely. Even after the adjustments I made with my life, it didn't matter.

Sure, I might be seen as some as a gentleman, but what difference does it make when guys like me are not picked, especially if I was? So, instead, I'm choosing to remain single for the time being. I'm done with a bunch of these women telling me what they're looking for in a guy because nothing more than a big lie. Many of them want the rich (six figures or more), extremely good looking, arrogant, bad men with horrible personalities. Normal men don't have any place in the dating realm anymore, let alone gentlemen, so best we stay out of it. Doesn't mean I'm not happy, but it doesn't mean I approve of it either. And I hate seeing good men getting burned as well.

To conclude: to all the single, good men out there, focus on yourself, family, friends, and, most of all, God Himself, and don't focus on trying to get into a relationship with another woman. It'll end in heart break and disappointment. If a woman comes along and likes you for you, she needs to make it known to you that she does. If she plays games, like hard to get, or if she gives you the "I don't know" answer or makes up an excuse to get out of a date with you, forget about her and move on. Your time and happiness are valuable, and it's better to spend it with someone who actually appreciates and respects you for you. Hope this all helps.
I have been thru similar situations and have tried to make relationships work with ppl i should have turned down. I was ignoring red flags and compromising to try to make the relationship work. My advice is to not ignore the signs that point to this being the same kind of girl you keep being rejected by. Also since growing in my relationship with God, i am walking less in the flesh, like the men and women who only want hot gf/bfs, and walking more in the spirit and care more about what God thinks about the person. I also started focusing on being the kind of woman the kind of man i would want to be with would want me to be.