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Appearances can be deceiving and no two relationships are the same.
I've mostly agreed with everything that AllforFun has said.
Not that I'm an unnaturally forward person but, sometimes a person's fears and expectations can control and strangle a relationship before it ever sees daylight. What may perhaps appear to be me flaking out on them is my sincere understanding of the fundamental differences that exist between people culminating into a point where it exceeds my patience. Then when I stop seeing her, she begs me to stay, which then makes me seem like the crazy person who drops ultimatums and wants to go all in or nothing.
Date 1: I find out She is a Christian and we start going to church together +
Date 2: I find out She has a great voice and loves to sing in the car. +
Date 3: She wants me to see her but, not the other way around -
Date 4: She wants me to make horsey noises when I drive fast -
Date 5: She wants me to wear a cowboy hat and learn to line dance -
Date 6: She wants to name her Children Trace and Rascal - - -
...and then I quit.
But she can't figure out why it happened so suddenly. It must be because I'm a controlling flake.
I've mostly agreed with everything that AllforFun has said.
Not that I'm an unnaturally forward person but, sometimes a person's fears and expectations can control and strangle a relationship before it ever sees daylight. What may perhaps appear to be me flaking out on them is my sincere understanding of the fundamental differences that exist between people culminating into a point where it exceeds my patience. Then when I stop seeing her, she begs me to stay, which then makes me seem like the crazy person who drops ultimatums and wants to go all in or nothing.
Date 1: I find out She is a Christian and we start going to church together +
Date 2: I find out She has a great voice and loves to sing in the car. +
Date 3: She wants me to see her but, not the other way around -
Date 4: She wants me to make horsey noises when I drive fast -
Date 5: She wants me to wear a cowboy hat and learn to line dance -
Date 6: She wants to name her Children Trace and Rascal - - -
...and then I quit.
But she can't figure out why it happened so suddenly. It must be because I'm a controlling flake.
A
Liasom- we are starting to agree on something. Pick a fight so it can stop 
I liked your sequence and many times it happens that way. And neither party is to blame really. Except the person who wants to name her kid Rascal. That is punishable by never finding a good shoe sale.
I think this could come down to different personality types as well. Forgive me, I'm knee deep in starting a thesis for psychology.
All or nothing types~Type A personality for a better terminology. They (me) are seen as a high maintenance type of personality because they live with gusto, work with gusto and yes can be exhausting. It is not that we have more energy than other people, we just pour more of our attention into what we are doing at the time. Apply this to a relationship and it can be a good thing because the other person will feel the full extent of the emotions involved and generally never have to question what the Type A is feeling.
However, if the person is a more laid back person (which I wish I was many time) this can be overwhelming, exhausting, draining, demanding and can seem controlling.
Or I might need to go back to studying and lay off this a bit.
Liasom
I liked your sequence and many times it happens that way. And neither party is to blame really. Except the person who wants to name her kid Rascal. That is punishable by never finding a good shoe sale.I think this could come down to different personality types as well. Forgive me, I'm knee deep in starting a thesis for psychology.
All or nothing types~Type A personality for a better terminology. They (me) are seen as a high maintenance type of personality because they live with gusto, work with gusto and yes can be exhausting. It is not that we have more energy than other people, we just pour more of our attention into what we are doing at the time. Apply this to a relationship and it can be a good thing because the other person will feel the full extent of the emotions involved and generally never have to question what the Type A is feeling.
However, if the person is a more laid back person (which I wish I was many time) this can be overwhelming, exhausting, draining, demanding and can seem controlling.
Or I might need to go back to studying and lay off this a bit.
Liasom
Liasom- we are starting to agree on something. Pick a fight so it can stop I liked your sequence and many times it happens that way. And neither party is to blame really. Except the person who wants to name her kid Rascal. That is punishable by never finding a good shoe sale.
I think this could come down to different personality types as well. Forgive me, I'm knee deep in starting a thesis for psychology.
All or nothing types~Type A personality for a better terminology. They (me) are seen as a high maintenance type of personality because they live with gusto, work with gusto and yes can be exhausting. It is not that we have more energy than other people, we just pour more of our attention into what we are doing at the time. Apply this to a relationship and it can be a good thing because the other person will feel the full extent of the emotions involved and generally never have to question what the Type A is feeling.
However, if the person is a more laid back person (which I wish I was many time) this can be overwhelming, exhausting, draining, demanding and can seem controlling.
Or I might need to go back to studying and lay off this a bit.
Liasom
I liked your sequence and many times it happens that way. And neither party is to blame really. Except the person who wants to name her kid Rascal. That is punishable by never finding a good shoe sale.I think this could come down to different personality types as well. Forgive me, I'm knee deep in starting a thesis for psychology.
All or nothing types~Type A personality for a better terminology. They (me) are seen as a high maintenance type of personality because they live with gusto, work with gusto and yes can be exhausting. It is not that we have more energy than other people, we just pour more of our attention into what we are doing at the time. Apply this to a relationship and it can be a good thing because the other person will feel the full extent of the emotions involved and generally never have to question what the Type A is feeling.
However, if the person is a more laid back person (which I wish I was many time) this can be overwhelming, exhausting, draining, demanding and can seem controlling.
Or I might need to go back to studying and lay off this a bit.
Liasom
Oh.......
I will say this much though, ^that^ is thoroughly unromantic if his name isn't William Darcy.
Most guys can't get away with drawing a line in the sand, declaring how they feel, without some kind of an escape clause or an exit strategy.
"If this fails, and I tell her I love her, only to have her reject my affections and intentions, will leave me no choice but to leave. That is a chance I'm going to have to take because I cannot live under the spell of such a beautiful woman, without letting her know just how much she means to me."
-Guy's thoughts
I will say this much though, ^that^ is thoroughly unromantic if his name isn't William Darcy.
Most guys can't get away with drawing a line in the sand, declaring how they feel, without some kind of an escape clause or an exit strategy.
"If this fails, and I tell her I love her, only to have her reject my affections and intentions, will leave me no choice but to leave. That is a chance I'm going to have to take because I cannot live under the spell of such a beautiful woman, without letting her know just how much she means to me."
-Guy's thoughts
J
Very true and insightful. You're a smart lady, Julianna.
G
~~~
Girl (pondering the possibilities): Really good! Really GOOD! REALLY GOOD! UNBEARABLE! UNBEARABLY GOOD! UNBEARABLE! REALLY, REALLY, GO-UNBEARABLE! SOOOO GOOD, BUT SOOOO UNBEARABLE!
__
I , but of course, was being tongue and cheek but I think the moment a guy says, 'You want to really be in this all the way or not?', that is the time to...JUST, JUST, just, slooow down and..
.....That is the time to not ask yourself if it's (relationship) really good or, even, and, this might upset some ladies, but that is also the time to not ask yourself if 'it' is unbearable. In fact, in a moment like this (My Moment as Zere would say thru his hero , Rebeca Black ) of being asked by the guy to either be 100% committed to the relationship, it is time to ask yourself nothing but, to God, everything....
Girl: Is this really you, God, what do you want me to do?
___
TRUST me, and, much more importantly , TRUST God, He, in our telling moments of life, talking of BIG life decisions and things said that have the potency to change our lives dramatically, will be there for you, always. And, then, after asking, and, He telling what you are to do next, follow Him, even if it SEEMS like you're throwing yourself overboard of a ship. The whale will gulp you up and you will be safe from the fatally harmful effects of the sea. And, think, too: WHAT a good story God's given you from your decision to follow Him.
The Lord leads.
____
I think, Liamman, that you say wise things about relationship, but, ultimátely, the girl is leaving you because not of any of the things you do on the date, it's what you don't do: Put God in the centre of your date.
Your way to know her is great as is your 1st date, going to church, but what about date of bible study? Going to church for date 2,3,4,5,6. ?
----Girls will most often, I think, not tell you the REAL REASON they are leaving you. And, christian girls want to date (I say, 'be with') real christian guys, ones that incorporate their belief in God-salvation into every thing they do in life.
And, it's not my opinion but the truth: MOST christian girls want a guy who is going to control them into improving their life, and, true , you can do some yourself (thru God's leading) but, ultimately, it is God who helps us all succeed in life per his personal relationship He so desires with each and every one of us.
I could be wrong too but I think julieannie, allfunfor, will agree: If all or nothing means committing BOTH your vives, as best you can, then they will STAY (after as I said above, she, by herself, gets down on her knees and asks, 'Is this really you, God, what you want me to do?'
Everyone is different, as allfunfor said, some girls like guys telling all about themselves while some get annoyed after while, but I guarantee, they (christian girls) agree on one thing: they all want and pray for a christian guy to meet who is from God given.
God bless!
Girl (pondering the possibilities): Really good! Really GOOD! REALLY GOOD! UNBEARABLE! UNBEARABLY GOOD! UNBEARABLE! REALLY, REALLY, GO-UNBEARABLE! SOOOO GOOD, BUT SOOOO UNBEARABLE!
__
I , but of course, was being tongue and cheek but I think the moment a guy says, 'You want to really be in this all the way or not?', that is the time to...JUST, JUST, just, slooow down and..
.....That is the time to not ask yourself if it's (relationship) really good or, even, and, this might upset some ladies, but that is also the time to not ask yourself if 'it' is unbearable. In fact, in a moment like this (My Moment as Zere would say thru his hero , Rebeca Black
) of being asked by the guy to either be 100% committed to the relationship, it is time to ask yourself nothing but, to God, everything....Girl: Is this really you, God, what do you want me to do?
___
TRUST me, and, much more importantly
, TRUST God, He, in our telling moments of life, talking of BIG life decisions and things said that have the potency to change our lives dramatically, will be there for you, always. And, then, after asking, and, He telling what you are to do next, follow Him, even if it SEEMS like you're throwing yourself overboard of a ship. The whale will gulp you up and you will be safe from the fatally harmful effects of the sea. And, think, too: WHAT a good story God's given you from your decision to follow Him. The Lord leads.
____
I think, Liamman, that you say wise things about relationship, but, ultimátely, the girl is leaving you because not of any of the things you do on the date, it's what you don't do: Put God in the centre of your date.
Your way to know her is great as is your 1st date, going to church, but what about date of bible study? Going to church for date 2,3,4,5,6. ?
----Girls will most often, I think, not tell you the REAL REASON they are leaving you. And, christian girls want to date (I say, 'be with') real christian guys, ones that incorporate their belief in God-salvation into every thing they do in life.
And, it's not my opinion but the truth: MOST christian girls want a guy who is going to control them into improving their life, and, true , you can do some yourself (thru God's leading) but, ultimately, it is God who helps us all succeed in life per his personal relationship He so desires with each and every one of us.
I could be wrong too but I think julieannie, allfunfor, will agree: If all or nothing means committing BOTH your vives, as best you can, then they will STAY (after as I said above, she, by herself, gets down on her knees and asks, 'Is this really you, God, what you want me to do?'
Everyone is different, as allfunfor said, some girls like guys telling all about themselves while some get annoyed after while, but I guarantee, they (christian girls) agree on one thing: they all want and pray for a christian guy to meet who is from God given.
God bless!
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J
Well, because in my experience women never actually gives us the chance.
quote]
That’s unfortunate. When the Lord calls to our hearts, He doesn’t throw a rope around our necks and play tug-o-war with us until we’re choking. He calls to our hearts, softens them and woos us until we trust Him enough to willingly put our hand in His in full faith and submission. I’m thinking there’s a lesson to be learned here all the way around…
There’s a reason women cry over movies, love songs, sappy poems and like men who make them laugh. And if a woman’s heart is so hardened that it can’t be touched by such things, I have to wonder if it’s healthy enough for a relationship.
quote]
That’s unfortunate.
When the Lord calls to our hearts, He doesn’t throw a rope around our necks and play tug-o-war with us until we’re choking. He calls to our hearts, softens them and woos us until we trust Him enough to willingly put our hand in His in full faith and submission. I’m thinking there’s a lesson to be learned here all the way around…There’s a reason women cry over movies, love songs, sappy poems and like men who make them laugh. And if a woman’s heart is so hardened that it can’t be touched by such things, I have to wonder if it’s healthy enough for a relationship.
J
It's really not even that.. The things I listed spring from jealousy and insecurity in a man, not from the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. And if they rear their head early in a relationship, you can pretty well count on that becoming far worse and more frequent. I've seen women behave in the same controlling way toward men.
When a woman knows she can TRUST you with her heart, she doesn't mind being ASKED to do something/not to do something if it troubles a man. But, like I said in the above post, you can't learn to trust when the rope around your neck is choking the life out of you.
When a woman knows she can TRUST you with her heart, she doesn't mind being ASKED to do something/not to do something if it troubles a man. But, like I said in the above post, you can't learn to trust when the rope around your neck is choking the life out of you.
