Are there single Christian girls in Finland ?

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cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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I will tell you. Case A and case B.

In case A she is in a difficult situation and her faith weakens sometimes. But she knows something is wrong with her, and she still prays and confesses her weaknesses to God. She continues to respect me as the head of the household, asks me spiritual support and advice and she is honest about her feelings. She tries hard not to commit sin and while she may fail sometimes, she knows it is not good and wants to stop. She is weak and human but she wants to be more like God. In this case, not only would I remain with her. I would feel compassion for her, pray deeply for her healing as if she was my treasure in life, support her everytime and be there for her when she needs. She does not deserve the pain of being left alone in any way.

On the other hand, in case B she becomes a different person. She consciously begins to lose her faith and she finds nothing wrong with that. She does no longer pray confess and read the Bible and she loses her respect for me as the head of the household. She does not talk about it even if I find out about her and she will often lie to me. She starts to behave in a sinful way (smoking, drinking *, drugs, looking porn, masturbating or even cheating etc) and doesnt find anything wrong in her behaviors. In this case, I would first warn her about how she is going the bad path and displeasing God and her husband. I would also pray deeply for her healing and reconciliation with God. If after a time she has not been healed and continues to be sinful with no indication of change, I would have to leave her not to risk the future of myself and my children. If she however truly shows understanding and recognizes her problem, I will help and support her in accepting and reconciliating with God, as well as with me. This way, we would head to case A.

* Asterisk: As for the drinking part, this is only valid in case I stopped being drunk myself.
Seems like what distinguishes those two cases is your evaluation of her motivation and if you think she's honest and obedient enough with you. And it's a really murky distinction that makes it sound like (according to your definitions of sin) if she gets a tattoo and sees nothing wrong with it she needs a lecture and to come around to your point of view or else she's an unrepentant non-Chrsitian, but if she keeps cheating on you but knows its wrong and really wants to stop cheating on you then you'll stick around and support her. We can all agree that honesty and trust are essential for a relationship, but feeling like you're going to get a lecture and be told you're wrong everytime you disagree with your spouse tends to cause people to not discuss things with their spouse.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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or even cheating
Oops I forgot to add cheating is a huge no. If she does this is much more serious. I would never forgive her this. This is enough reason for separation and goodbye. Dont know why did I write that right in that place...
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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A beautiful heart cant ink the mark of the beast on the skin (Leviticus 19:28).
Wait... I am pretty sure the same Bible talks about all the damage you are doing to yourself with alcohol. In fact the Bible says a LOT more about alcohol.

Sounds like a textbook case of double standard to me.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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Oops I forgot to add cheating is a huge no. If she does this is much more serious. I would never forgive her this. This is enough reason for separation and goodbye. Dont know why did I write that right in that place...
You miss the point as it's pretty clear that being cheated on in a relationship is one of your biggest fears about being in a relationship. The point is that in your setup you have pretty much set yourself up as the sole arbiter of whether when she screws up it's a situation A or situation B type scenario.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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So the only way a Christian woman isn't a cheating risk is if you marry her so young that she has no life apart from you? Here's another good thread idea, what does it say about someone's self image if they approach relationships with the assumption that whoever they end up with will cheat on them unless drastic limits are established to prevent it? Do you just think you're the kind of guy that every woman would want to cheat on (rather than avoiding you altogether, I mean in order to be with you she at least had to choose you at one point)?
Because women cheat very much these days. Even if she is a Christian, theres still a chance she is cheating since she can either be doing it in the hidden (fake Christian) or be tempted to it by a seemingly attractive man. Control is key to prevent this.

Another common error is that many people (even Christian women) think cheating is only sexual. Worse, some of them will use it as an excuse to date other men. Cheating is often sexual but it can also be emotional (or both). Dating men or women other than ones spouse or boy/girlfriend is also cheating regardless of if sex is involved or not. If a woman develops a relationship with a man other than her husband, this is also cheating, even if her body is clean as that of a nun. Same goes for a man in a relationship with another woman. And cheating, whether physical or not, always creates problems in a marriage.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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Wait... I am pretty sure the same Bible talks about all the damage you are doing to yourself with alcohol. In fact the Bible says a LOT more about alcohol.

Sounds like a textbook case of double standard to me.
And never said it was good...
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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You miss the point as it's pretty clear that being cheated on in a relationship is one of your biggest fears about being in a relationship. The point is that in your setup you have pretty much set yourself up as the sole arbiter of whether when she screws up it's a situation A or situation B type scenario.
Ok, that was just an example of two circumstances. But a case C can occur, of course.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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Because women cheat very much these days. Even if she is a Christian, theres still a chance she is cheating since she can either be doing it in the hidden (fake Christian) or be tempted to it by a seemingly attractive man. Control is key to prevent this.
Control is also the key to abusive relationships. And it's the opposite of trust. So this imaginary woman is supposed to trust you completely but you're going to opt to control her instead of trusting her. Yeah I think I'll get on with my life instead of waiting to hear about a woman who actually takes you up on that offer. You're going to have to have more to offer than a stable job to convince a woman to surrender her freedom to that extent.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,185
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Tennessee
Because women cheat very much these days. Even if she is a Christian, theres still a chance she is cheating since she can either be doing it in the hidden (fake Christian) or be tempted to it by a seemingly attractive man. Control is key to prevent this.
Actually, trust is the key to prevent infidelity. Without trust there is no basis for a relationship. If you feel you have to control your wife if or when you get married than it is obvious that you don't trust her. If you don't trust her then in would be best not to even begin a relationship with her let alone marry her.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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I’m still processing the “having a tattoo = having a demon” comment.

Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace. My husband was 37, and I was 33 when we married. And we met online.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
36,185
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Tennessee
I’m still processing the “having a tattoo = having a demon” comment.

Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace. My husband was 37, and I was 33 when we married. And we met online.
Yes, and have recently celebrated your 4th anniversary. Yeah, tattoo=demon don't register with me either.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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Control is also the key to abusive relationships. And it's the opposite of trust. So this imaginary woman is supposed to trust you completely but you're going to opt to control her instead of trusting her.
Control can also be the result of love. I want to control her because I want the best for her, I want to protect her. I dont want the "special" guy out there to deceive and tempt her to end ruining her life with an illegitimate child and/or leading her to the wrong path. I want my girl to be the happiest in the world. I want to hide my treasure from this corrupted and degenerate world.
Yeah I think I'll get on with my life instead of waiting to hear about a woman who actually takes you up on that offer. You're going to have to have more to offer than a stable job to convince a woman to surrender her freedom to that extent.
Faith in Christ and personal care for her, which translates in willingness to protect her. Theres nothing more manly than protecting the princess from the dragon.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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A husband doesn’t control his wife. A wife doesn’t control her husband. Both submit to each other as unto the Lord.

My husband does not control me. He doesn’t make my plans or tells me what to do. We discuss things together and reach an agreement with the Lord’s guidance.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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Actually, trust is the key to prevent infidelity. Without trust there is no basis for a relationship. If you feel you have to control your wife if or when you get married than it is obvious that you don't trust her. If you don't trust her then in would be best not to even begin a relationship with her let alone marry her.
But control is necessary as a mean of protection. If theres no protection, theres no love. Love means protection more than anything. If a husband does not control her wife, this may be a sign he does not care about her at all. And this more often than not results in problems which may result in divorce. This is why control is essential. Control is protection.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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Control can also be the result of love. I want to control her because I want the best for her, I want to protect her. I dont want the "special" guy out there to deceive and tempt her to end ruining her life with an illegitimate child and/or leading her to the wrong path. I want my girl to be the happiest in the world. I want to hide my treasure from this corrupted and degenerate world.
I think you find similar justifications throughout the Muslim world for their treatment of women. And no this is not love or at least not a love worth having in a romantic relationship. Just how incompetent do you expect your future wife to be that you will have to treat her like a baby who has to be controlled because it cannot understand reason rather than a reasonable mature adult?
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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I think you find similar justifications throughout the Muslim world for their treatment of women. And no this is not love or at least not a love worth having in a romantic relationship. Just how incompetent do you expect your future wife to be that you will have to treat her like a baby who has to be controlled because it cannot understand reason rather than a reasonable mature adult?
Because its my only option in this corrupt and degenerate world.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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On the bright side I'm pretty sure you can stop worrying about a woman cheating on you. You're not going to accept any woman that would be with you and any woman you would accept wouldn't want to be with you so those relationships will never get as far as the potential of being cheated on.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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But control is necessary as a mean of protection. If theres no protection, theres no love. Love means protection more than anything. If a husband does not control her wife, this may be a sign he does not care about her at all. And this more often than not results in problems which may result in divorce. This is why control is essential. Control is protection.
Your own life is anything but under control.

How do you possibly think you have the right to control someone else.

You said there is nothing more manly than protecting your princess from a dragon.

But what if the prince misidentifies everything he sees around her as a dragon?

It turns into abuse.

You can't chain your own dragons -- how are you going to fend off someone else's?

These posts aren't for you. They're for the people out there who actually are listening.