Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

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Oct 25, 2017
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#41
If you are in love with the person I think disability doesn't matter...
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
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#42
It truly depends on the person and how they handle their disability. I was born with spina bifida, even though it was a very mild case, I’m limited on what I can do. If the person uses a disability as a crutch and excuse for every bad thing in their life, this shows their character.

For example, that be like me saying, well I don't want ever go to college, never try to do anything for myself and look for a pity party.

On the other hand, a person disability can do their best at the college, be independent and try to enlighten others. Sure there are obstacles that we have to overcome and there are times we like to just vent our frustration to somebody and have a shoulder to cry on but, we get back up and get back into it again. That's all us with disabilities can do.

I have been trying to think of a good way to answer this, and it has taken me days. I still haven't got a good answer.

Somehow I don't feel myself disabled when I work or when I study. I have a lot to give, and the response I get from my students tells me I am not that far off in what I am doing. I was just at the university where I participated in the linguistics class about what had happened in the classroom were I taught yesterday. Work, life and studies go hand in hand and I feel alive and were I should be.

I don't feel a connection with the disability movement. Because I am not my disability. I am a Christian. I am a teacher. I am a student. I am an Airbnb-host. I am a bassoonist. I am single. And I happen to be disabled. So for me to be looking for a spouse, that some have suggested, in the "same situation" as I am in seems for me as unlikely as for a person with freckles should marry someone with freckles just because that person has freckles.

If I am blessed with meeting someone, I would rather that person to be a follower of Christ, an academic, have humor and wits, like music, like international food and curious about travelling and other cultures, up to date in politics.... A person on my own level intellectually and in interests. If he happens to sit in a wheelchair, if he is blind or moves freely on his own two legs, it doesn't really matter.

But! I can get, and I think many of us can, prideful over my own capacity and look down on people with or without disabilities that don't work, that plays video games 24/7, that have their social life only on the internet (I am in danger of becoming one of them, too), that perhaps haven't finished high school and have no career to speak of. People that don't have the same intellectual or mental capacity as I am blessed with. And I have to always remind my self: We are all valuable to God that created us. He has a plan for all of us. And what it all boils down to is the faith in Jesus Christ and his mercy. The persons that might be lesser here on Earth, as many sees us disabled, might be as precious to God as a person with a great resume and a well shaped body.
 

FlSnookman7

Senior Member
Jun 27, 2015
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#43
A couple of thoughts if I may...please believe me when I tell you that you do not want to date or even be around anyone who bases whether or not they would date someone on looks or anything physical. That is a shallow way to live and as those people will find out we all age. Far,far better to restrict any dating to Christians as that aspect of who we are will never change. Living in south Florida as a VERY overweight guy (6'2" 350 lbs) I am surrounded by people who drive themselves crazy in an attempt to meet some physical standard only to find they are still miserable. I get told all the time" you're always so upbeat and joyful, whats your secret?" I answer "Jesus and pizza...just kidding about the pizza". I used to be a workout freak and I am not saying there is anything wrong with being fit, just don't base your worth on that.

God has a husband in store for you, and when you meet him you will be so glad he is interested in looks or anything on the outside, instead he will be what is usually termed your soul mate but in reality will be your spirit mate. Have faith.

One last thing. Please please stop calling yourself ugly and/or disabled. Life and death is in the power of the tongue.This is what awaits us....


Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
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#44
A couple of thoughts if I may...please believe me when I tell you that you do not want to date or even be around anyone who bases whether or not they would date someone on looks or anything physical. That is a shallow way to live and as those people will find out we all age. Far,far better to restrict any dating to Christians as that aspect of who we are will never change. Living in south Florida as a VERY overweight guy (6'2" 350 lbs) I am surrounded by people who drive themselves crazy in an attempt to meet some physical standard only to find they are still miserable. I get told all the time" you're always so upbeat and joyful, whats your secret?" I answer "Jesus and pizza...just kidding about the pizza". I used to be a workout freak and I am not saying there is anything wrong with being fit, just don't base your worth on that.

God has a husband in store for you, and when you meet him you will be so glad he is interested in looks or anything on the outside, instead he will be what is usually termed your soul mate but in reality will be your spirit mate. Have faith.

One last thing. Please please stop calling yourself ugly and/or disabled. Life and death is in the power of the tongue.This is what awaits us....


Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Thank you for your wise and uplifting words. And especially for the verse.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
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#45
My husband and I were married 10 years before I got asthma. I thought that was being disabled until I got Rheumatoid Arthritis, 17 years after we were married. Except it took another 2 years to get a diagnosis, and by that time I really was disabled. My husband was good in the early years. But when I went into remission, with good meds, he decided he wanted me healthy!

I would have loved to have pleased him in that, but 5 years later, he was doing all the heavy work again. The last 7 years have been up and down. Sometimes completely disabled, where he had to lift me into my wheelchair take me to the bathroom, etc. And other times better. But marriage is about for better or for worse. That doesn’t change if things get worse. In a way, I am lucky he is so healthy. But he has weaknesses that don’t physically disable him, where I am strong, despite my disability.

Today my knee buckled, and he was the one getting my crutches from the car. He doesn’t want me to get both knees replaced at the same time, he knows it will be a lot of work for him. But something we need to discuss!

Would he have married me if I had been disabled like I am now? Probably not. I’m not sure I would marry a disabled person, either. But I am coloured by my need for help. And there seems to me to be a bit of a difference between a progressive disease, like RA MS or MD, and being a paraplegic from a car accident. Although I know that they certainly go downhill with their disability, probably not so visibly, loudly or painfully as I have. Meaning I do complain a lot! Lol!

Good topic. I hope you find a wonderful husband, if that is your desire!
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
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#46
A disability is not going to stop me from marrying the love of my life. If I found him, I would love him for who he is. The Today Show once showed a cute young couple whose picture went viral on the internet. The husband had no legs, and the wife was carrying him piggy-back style, which often occurs. They were both smiling, with his arms around her, and her supporting him, just touched so many hearts. Absolutely, no such thing would keep me from Mr Right. But if he had a mental disorder that I believed was caused by sin, he wouldn’t be Mr Right to begin with. But if I was convinced that he was the one for me, such things would not hinder me.


 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
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#47
This question (and others like it) come up routinely here. Simply put, there are people who are willing to overlook shortcomings and prior failings and there are those who will not. There are those who are willing to marry in spite of a person's incapabilities and there are those who are not.

As for myself, I married my wife shortly after her stroke that has left her incapable of working or doing a lot of the household chores.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
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#48
Thinking back to when my husband and I got married, part of it was common interests. Besides our faith in God, we were both outdoor people. We liked camping, hiking, canoeing, skiing, skating, swimming and so forth. I also loved gardening and he came from a family of gardeners/greenhouse operators. He worked doing the grunt work, and when we got married, I did the plants, he did the rototilling, digging, pruning, etc.

So health came naturally, in those days. Of course now we don’t hike, I can kayak a bit, and we camp in a completely self-container trailer. As I have become more disabled, he figured out how to build some amazing garden boxes I can either sit on the side off to plant, or even from a wheelchair. We have adapted our common interests as I became disabled, and I am grateful for that.

The chaplain I worked with in long term care wife was a paraplegic. She was very independent and worked as a national advocate for the disabled. I think their goals, interests and careers were very similar. Perhaps if I had been more mature when I was younger, I could have seen past disability. Instead, God chose a very difficult way to teach me compassion. Because, being disabled has changed me in so many ways for the better.

I do urge people, even if they don’t marry a disabled person to recognize we are all people created in the image of God, with strengths and weaknesses and certainly worthy of your friendship and love. And please, refrain from telling us we can be magically be healed, by naming and claiming it! God may or may not heal us, as he wills, but spouting nonsense and twisting the Bible is probably the most hurtful thing you can do to a disabled Christian.
 
Nov 14, 2017
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#49
the answer to this kind of question always depends on whom you ask, and what the disability is.
and actually, God does heal you, if you meet all HIS criteria. now if you ask me what the criteria are, you got me, nobody knows exactly the criteria for each person, cause I believe the criteria for each person differs.
proof --> king hezekiah's request (prayer). you can even ask for extension for your life (15 years, that's a lot)....just to procreate....although the son turned out to be evil....
 
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toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
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#50
the answer to this kind of question always depends on whom you ask, and what the disability is.
and actually, God does heal you, if you meet all HIS criteria. now if you ask me what the criteria are, you got me, nobody knows exactly the criteria for each person, cause I believe the criteria for each person differs.
proof --> king hezekiah's request (prayer). you can even ask for extension for your life (15 years, that's a lot)....just to procreate....although the son turned out to be evil....
I honor your point of view. It is not very wise, though to place another burden upon an unhealed person.

I believe God can heal me, and I have prayed for years to be healed. In faith. It comes in waves. Sometimes the faith is stronger than others. But healing is just by grace. I can't demand from God to be healed, but humbly walk with him and trust He will equip me with the health needed to do His will, and to fulfill the plan He has for me. If He chooses to heal me, it would be such a blessing in my life, and to His glory. He is owning my healing as I am His.

I appreciate your praying for healing and for leading a spouse to my life. To God be the glory.
 
Apr 28, 2010
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#51
I have a mild learning disability where I don't understand things right away and need someone to explain or show me something. I was born with it since I was born premature. It doesn't affect me much and you can't tell I have one unless I tell you. I'm horrible at math lol. I still live at home I'm a only child and my mom has several health issues that she might need some help when I'm not home and I'm at work which is a tad stressful. She has bad arthritis shes had for 50 years and it gets worse every year. Shes had it since she was a kid and she is 60 now. Anyways whenever I tell a guy about my learning disability they stop talking to me.
 

rhinestone

Junior Member
Oct 10, 2013
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#53
I suppose love does have a lot to do with it, over half of the marriages with disabilities end up in divorce, it really takes commitment and hard work, that is why i said it depends on the disability, i worked in a nursing home and some disabilities require total care and others partial care, remember this is for life until death.
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
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#54
I would have a hard time being with someone with a major disability as far as dating for wifey prospects. Conversely, once I married her and if she came into a major disability, no fear, I will be there. Loyal, loving, faithful and helpful.
 
Aug 13, 2013
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#55
The power of God's love goes beyond any disability or any shortcomings that we may have. It's possible with God, Amen.
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
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#56
Ok I am not going to reply with a quote for this one.

Here is Websters definition of "disabled"
Websters Dictionary 1828 - Webster's Dictionary 1828 - disabled

[h=3]Disabled[/h][FONT=&quot]DISABLED, participle passive Deprived of competent power, corporeal or intellectual; rendered incapable; deprived of means.

that was 1828 when the first websters was published here is the current one
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disabled
[/FONT]

[h=2]Definition of disabled[/h][FONT=&quot]1a : impaired or limited by a physical, mental, cognitive, or developmental condition : affected by disability
  • Decades of government policy and a Supreme Court decision … have established that public services for all disabled people must be provided in the least restrictive and most integrated environment possible.
  • —Sallie Tisdale

  • For disabled travelers—or anyone nursing an injury—successful trips require planning. … Rugged or remote areas may require some give and take on your part, including physical assistance or workarounds.
  • —Linda Burbank

  • … 4,000 disabled athletes from 125 nations competing in 18 sports.
  • —John Shaw

b : incapacitated by illness or injury
  • … 17.4% of all match-ending injuries, were attributable to OT (orthopedic trauma). Two such stoppages involved multiple roundhouse kicks directed at the lateral aspect of the knee. The disabled competitors were unable to continue because of marked pain with weight bearing.
  • —George J. Buse and Robert M. Wood


2of a device or mechanism : rendered inoperative (as by being damaged or deliberately altered)
  • a disabled alarm

  • They would have pulled out but they were waiting on the Iraqi police to finish their report and there was the issue of the disabled fuel truck …
  • —David Abrams


[/FONT]

A disability is either something that hinders you from accomplishing something, makes you incompetent. For example to be competent at work you have to be properly trained and know what you are doing. Or you are missing a limb like an arm or a leg and hinders your every day functioning and survival.

That is what a disability is, See Autism does not have to be a disability
Look at the Article from the Indiana University I swear this changed my life, and my thinking because I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when I was younger.

https://www.iidc.indiana.edu/pages/...-for-People-with-Autism-or-Aspergers-Syndrome

Look at table one, it seems discouraging at first, that they would list jobs you can't do. When you get to Tables 2,3 & 4
They have a huge list of things you can do. If you know your gifts and talents God has given you, then there is no reason you can't be successful in life.

See, right now my disability isnt my mental illness, its the lack of resources and oppertunities to succeed.
The Ontario Government is a bigger disability to me than the Autism is. They do not pay enough to live on or persue career advancing oppertunities.

Plus when you have a wicked world, that is ignorant of God or just plain rejects him for a foolish theory like evolution, where its the survival of the fittest, only the strong survive. There is a reason for that, and it is the fact they do not want to compete with higher intellegence.

They do not want to give up their lusts and wickedness for truth and righteousness, do you know what the biggest foolishness is, it's the fact some idiot came up eugenics, the sterilizing of disabled people to advance evolution. Stop them from breeding,
truth is it's not disgusting or foolish to get involved with a disabled person. See people with disabilities are human just like the people who discriminate against people with disabilites. Chances are if I posted a pole, every person on here with a disability want the same things other people with out disabilities wants.

They want someone to love them, to care for and care about. Someone to talk to, to be friends with, to not feel lonely and isolated, They want deep meaningful relationships. See mens deffinition of all men created equal, and Gods definition of all men created equal are 2 entirely different things.

God created us, so he knows what our wants and needs are, he knows our hearts and our desires, he knows that sometimes another person can accompish what He cant. That is why after he made Adam, He made Eve and thus created Marrage.
Theres no reason to assume all disabled people are the same, that its wrong or immoral to get into a relationship with them,
all you have to do is make sure that they want a relationship, and that they have the competency to understand the bouds of the relationship.

Hope this helps