Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

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Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#21
I have read some of Joni Earekson Tada's books and visited her website, watched videos etc. I have somehow mixed feelings about her ministry. I know I should accept the disability and carry the cross given to me. But I do believe, and I need to believe, that this illness is not from God, and that He is more than able to heal me. And I believe He will. Perhaps it is not today or tomorrow, but at least when I come home to Him in Heaven, I will. I am afraid to belong to the disability pride movement, because I just can't be proud of the result of a fallen world which I see my illness as a result of.
I understand your viewpoint, and agree. The fallen nature of man is responsible for much sorrow and suffering. That is why I have come to accept more and more that my only hope is in Him and the world to come. In the meantime, as others have said of them selves, my biggest problem is me.
 

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
Dec 11, 2014
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#22
Id like to say that it wouldnt matter as much as the person themselves, whether or not we got along together and whether or not they were a good and honest person.

But I dont really know, because Ive never dealt with this situation. So I cant really say for certain that it would not be a problem for me.

I can say, though, that my mother is becoming increasingly more immobile as time goes on. She has alot of nerve problems, and cant walk very far or stand very long without falling down. She cant climb stairs very well. Its totally possible that it will get worse in time. While this is by no means close to a relationship, she does often depend on me to help her with things such as grocery shopping. and other daily needs. Its a pretty minor part of my life, though. But I dont mind helping her when I need to.

I do think that, if the person was actually someone I had such feelings for, I could totally spend my life with someone with a physical disability.

As for something more mental, I have no idea. It would depend on the issue, Im actually diagnosed with a high functioning form of autism, though I think its good to be skeptical of such things in this day and age : p But yeah, Im sure Im not totally perfect and in no way difficult at all : p But at the same time, theres only so many things that I could know how to handle, or would be willing to handle. So I guess its all situational in the end.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,690
645
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#23
I think the problem with this question is the question itself.

God knows what he's doing, and God knows what he has planned for YOU.
If you have a disability, it doesn't matter how most people feel, and it doesn't matter what most people would do.
The only thing that matters is what God has planned for you.
If God wants you to have a spouse, well, is he capable of providing that, and preparing a person's heart?
Of course.

I'm not disabled, not unless you consider my personality, lol.
But we're all sinners, and it's a miracle when God allows ANY of us to marry.

I never worry about finding "that special someone";
I only worry about being a good enough person for her when I meet her.

I just worry about working on me.
No, it's not. The point of this thread is deeper than you're seeing. You probably don't see it because you have not experienced disability.
This thread has more to do with making one think rather than yet another "what do people like" thread.
I can say as one that has had issues with disabilities this sort of questioning is inevitable for a single with disabilities.
But I also know it's good to push people to think outside of what they normally do. Part of what ia so good about it is we oftenbset limits on ourselves in regards to who we think we want to be with, but that usually works against us. By asking such questions it challenges you to consider things ahead of time.
Perhaps there is someone in particular that will need to consider this for the future.
But to dismiss the idea with some standard Christian resort is to do a disservice to yourself and those who are disabled. I would encourage you to be less dismissive of this, and look less at the surface of this thread and find the real substance.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
23,391
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#24





You are a beautiful flower growing in the garden of God's love.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,184
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#25
Thank you, Magenta. You are so sweet. It is good to be reminded that we are not of this world, and that God's standards are not the same as the world's.
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
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Row A, Column 9
#26
*3-year time skip*

Depends on what disability you're talking about. (I have high-functioning Asperger Syndrome myself)

Physical: Meh. Why not...

Mental: Depends on what exactly the mental condition is...

- Autism/Asperger Syndrome? Yeah! As long as they're still a good person, I wouldn't mind at all!
- Psychopathy/Sociopathy? Uhhhh...maybe? I mean, some psychopaths/sociopaths can be genuinely good people, but...even though I'm not an empath, they can still be a little difficult sometimes, if you know what I mean.
- Narcissism? NOPE.
- Multiple Personality Disorder? Depends on what those personalities are.
- Borderline Personality Disorder? Not that favourable.
- OCD? Don't really mind for the most part, as long as he can be a little independent as well, lest problems would arise if I have to leave him behind to go on a business trip or something.
- ADHD? As long as it's managable enough.
 

joefizz

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2017
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#27
*3-year time skip*

Depends on what disability you're talking about. (I have high-functioning Asperger Syndrome myself)

Physical: Meh. Why not...

Mental: Depends on what exactly the mental condition is...

- Autism/Asperger Syndrome? Yeah! As long as they're still a good person, I wouldn't mind at all!
- Psychopathy/Sociopathy? Uhhhh...maybe? I mean, some psychopaths/sociopaths can be genuinely good people, but...even though I'm not an empath, they can still be a little difficult sometimes, if you know what I mean.
- Narcissism? NOPE.
- Multiple Personality Disorder? Depends on what those personalities are.
- Borderline Personality Disorder? Not that favourable.
- OCD? Don't really mind for the most part, as long as he can be a little independent as well, lest problems would arise if I have to leave him behind to go on a business trip or something.
- ADHD? As long as it's managable enough.
Whoa,I just looked up asperger syndrome and I have fit alot of the symptoms in the past and even now,lack of interest in talking to certain people,talking about something whether someone is listening or not,kind of ironic I was told I was Adhd that fell through later because I mellow out now but I still have a repetitive nature with an often not wanting to change routine mentality,this is really interesting,because I wondered sometimes why I would do or say something completely mean or dumb for no reason or even shut people out pretty fast,I've changed somewhat over the years but some stuff hasn't changed,I'm glad you shared about asperger syndrome now, I heard about it before but never looked into it until now,it seems to fit alot of my foolish actions in the past,and there have been plenty,thanks again!
 

joefizz

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2017
13,684
481
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#28
*3-year time skip*

Depends on what disability you're talking about. (I have high-functioning Asperger Syndrome myself)

Physical: Meh. Why not...

Mental: Depends on what exactly the mental condition is...

- Autism/Asperger Syndrome? Yeah! As long as they're still a good person, I wouldn't mind at all!
- Psychopathy/Sociopathy? Uhhhh...maybe? I mean, some psychopaths/sociopaths can be genuinely good people, but...even though I'm not an empath, they can still be a little difficult sometimes, if you know what I mean.
- Narcissism? NOPE.
- Multiple Personality Disorder? Depends on what those personalities are.
- Borderline Personality Disorder? Not that favourable.
- OCD? Don't really mind for the most part, as long as he can be a little independent as well, lest problems would arise if I have to leave him behind to go on a business trip or something.
- ADHD? As long as it's managable enough.
Also cool new signature winerose and funny yet true as always!
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#29
I've seen attractive women in wheelchairs that I would not only date in a hot second, but would consider out of my league because they are just so attractive for me to even imagine them ever being interested in me...

Just some random examples....

(I'm not saying you have to look like a movie star in a wheelchair to be dateable.... I'm saying that the wheelchair might not be as relevant as one might think..) :rolleyes:





 

Pipp

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2013
3,974
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#30
If I loved the person then I could.
 

LightBright

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2017
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#31
In my mind my disability is the biggest obstacle for me when talking about dating. My body is not deformed, but my muscles are getting weaker. I still walk some, but need a electrical wheelchair to get around to do my things. And my dog. And some help at home, too. From being active in playing, walking, dancing, skiing I have become overweight due to that I can't move around as I used to. So I blame my Muscular Dystrophy for both making me unattractive and fat. I hate my MD and I hate my body. But still I long for someone to love and being loved. It is a natural thing to long for, but can I actually blame anyone for not falling for me? Would I my self fall for someone with a disability? One said to me he would be a pervert if he would fancy a woman like me. Those words have been stuck with me for years.

I have had a crush on a man with a disability. It was fine that the man was sitting in a wheelchair. But it didn't lead to anything. Was it because we both knew we rather wanted an able bodied person? I am not sure. Perhaps it was because we both were uncomfortable with our bodies and abilities.

And what is a disability, anyway? Brain injuries, mental issues, traumatic past experiences, light autism, ADHD, illnesses of many kinds. Who is the most disabled one? The one sitting in a wheelchair, or the person having a less visible one?

For me a disability wouldn't ruin the fact that a person is Godly, kind, clever, patient, not abusive, non smoker and a fun person to be with, and if we both have feeling for each other, why shouldn't we date or even marry?
Aight this is extremely serious and i have thought about it i mean what if the women God wants me to marry cant hear or something what if she has a disability? Would i still do Gods will? Would i honestly love her? Its a hard question to answer but after thinking about it i mean i belive in predestination so whoever God wants me to be with it's going to happen regardless of what i do he made somebody for everyone he wills to be married. I think a good amount of Christian men would be a with someone with a disability because its not all about us anyway its about sanctification and trying to be in Gods will i wouldn't worry about it im sure you will find someone if its the Lords will and since you want a relationship it probably is but think about this if you find someone you will know they love you they aren't going to use you or anything they will genuinely love you for you so be optimistic. I have thought about my wife being blind or deaf a lot for some reason those two just seem like they could be slightly attractive idk why dont ask maybe because she would have to rely on me more? Idk either way God bless and dont give up hooe and dont feel so negative about yourself your not unattractive or anything like that you can't be loved until you love yourself maybe this is a test for you just remember all things work for the good of those who love God. Ill end there cx
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
7,411
536
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#32
No, it's not. The point of this thread is deeper than you're seeing. You probably don't see it because you have not experienced disability.
This thread has more to do with making one think rather than yet another "what do people like" thread.
I can say as one that has had issues with disabilities this sort of questioning is inevitable for a single with disabilities.
But I also know it's good to push people to think outside of what they normally do. Part of what ia so good about it is we oftenbset limits on ourselves in regards to who we think we want to be with, but that usually works against us. By asking such questions it challenges you to consider things ahead of time.
Perhaps there is someone in particular that will need to consider this for the future.
But to dismiss the idea with some standard Christian resort is to do a disservice to yourself and those who are disabled. I would encourage you to be less dismissive of this, and look less at the surface of this thread and find the real substance.

Ugly,
It was certainly not my intention to offend anyone.
If I offended you, or toinena in some way, then I apologize.

It was never my intention to be "dismissive."

My original comment was not meant to be trite.
I meant what I said in a very very serious way.
I DO believe God is big enough to bring us whatever, and whoever, he wants us to have.
I meant that in a very serious way.

And I also, genuinely, do NOT believe we need some kind of consensus opinion from people to try and prognosticate the will of Almighty God.
God is still God.
I genuinely, deeply, sincerely, believe God is perfectly capable of bringing toinena a godly, loving husband if that is what God has planned for her.
I have no idea what the God of the universe has planned for her... but He CERTAINLY isn't interested in, or constrained by, some kind of consensus opinion.

God certainly doesn't ask MY opinion before he orders events in toinena's life.

He doesn't need my opinion.

But perhaps God WOULD expect me to pray for her... to humbly ask for His intercession on behalf of my sister.
This is what we should do for all of our brothers and sisters in difficult times.
Maybe this thread doesn't need to be a call for consensus at all... maybe it needs to be a call for intercession.

Toinena,
If you don't want to post your real name in this thread, please message me with it privately, so I can add you to my daily prayers, and pray for you intelligently.
I don't know what God has planned for you, but I'll pray that He gives you great comfort, and peace, and that He'll bless you, and that if it is His will, He will bring you a loving Christian husband.



God Bless,
Max
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
7,411
536
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#33
One more thing...

Of course it's fine for Toinena, or anyone else, to share thoughts, and feelings, and worries.
It's a natural and healthy thing, and it's good that people feel comfortable to do that here.

I wasn't trying to discourage that.
Sometimes we have a point to make, and it doesn't come off in the most balanced or gracious way.
It happens.

I wasn't trying to discourage anyone from having feelings, or sharing them.

It's just that Toinena, who I think is liked by everyone around here, seemed really down...
and I just wanted to remind her that God is very very big.

And if I said that in the wrong way.
Well, I guess it's a gift.

: )
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
12,886
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#34
In this sinful world I think we are all disabled in one way or another. We lie, cheat, steal, kill, gossip and seems at times go out of our way and hurt one another. All because of the disability of sin.

You are a beautiful creation of God and part of the royal family. I think we forget who we really are which is children of God. God loves you very much and knows the desires of your heart. Trust and depend on Him and talk to Him about everything you are wanting and feeling.

I had been married once and divorced and didn't feel as though I could get married again because it was not infidelity the reason of the divorce so I didn't get married. I didn't know what to pray for and so that is how my prayer would go... God I don't know what to pray for. But He knew deep in my heart my desire to have someone to share my life with.

My ex-husband had remarried, had a family and passed away in 2014. God did bring someone into my life and I am so thankful that God knew what my feeble pray was and answered it for me in such a wonderful way. I had a 35 year single spell that had me learning about life and more about God.

We may marry people that don't have any apparent disability in the beginning but who knows down the road if they don't become sick or have something that develops into a disability? So I'd say yes I would marry someone with a disability because that is in the wedding vows through sickness and in health. Plus again my belief is that we are all disabled in one way or another in this sin sick world. As you said it may be more visible in some than in others.

God bless you and give you the desires of your heart. Hugs sent your way.

 

storm1485

Junior Member
May 19, 2016
29
3
0
#35
It truly depends on the person and how they handle their disability. I was born with spina bifida, even though it was a very mild case, I’m limited on what I can do. If the person uses a disability as a crutch and excuse for every bad thing in their life, this shows their character.

For example, that be like me saying, well I don't want ever go to college, never try to do anything for myself and look for a pity party.

On the other hand, a person disability can do their best at the college, be independent and try to enlighten others. Sure there are obstacles that we have to overcome and there are times we like to just vent our frustration to somebody and have a shoulder to cry on but, we get back up and get back into it again. That's all us with disabilities can do.

 
C

ConsciouslyAware

Guest
#36
In my mind my disability is the biggest obstacle for me when talking about dating. My body is not deformed, but my muscles are getting weaker. I still walk some, but need a electrical wheelchair to get around to do my things. And my dog. And some help at home, too. From being active in playing, walking, dancing, skiing I have become overweight due to that I can't move around as I used to. So I blame my Muscular Dystrophy for both making me unattractive and fat. I hate my MD and I hate my body. But still I long for someone to love and being loved. It is a natural thing to long for, but can I actually blame anyone for not falling for me? Would I my self fall for someone with a disability? One said to me he would be a pervert if he would fancy a woman like me. Those words have been stuck with me for years.

I have had a crush on a man with a disability. It was fine that the man was sitting in a wheelchair. But it didn't lead to anything. Was it because we both knew we rather wanted an able bodied person? I am not sure. Perhaps it was because we both were uncomfortable with our bodies and abilities.

And what is a disability, anyway? Brain injuries, mental issues, traumatic past experiences, light autism, ADHD, illnesses of many kinds. Who is the most disabled one? The one sitting in a wheelchair, or the person having a less visible one?

For me a disability wouldn't ruin the fact that a person is Godly, kind, clever, patient, not abusive, non smoker and a fun person to be with, and if we both have feeling for each other, why shouldn't we date or even marry?

Why not my dear? God has already blessed you in so many ways, if it’s His will, meaning a relationship would help you grow closer with with God, of course it’s possible. Just pray and have faith that when the time comes God will show you someone He has picked out just for you.
 

BruceWayne

Senior Member
Aug 7, 2013
3,489
74
48
Gotham City
#37
It really depends on what it is. I won't get into specifics about where I draw the line, but if it's something extreme, honestly, not likely.

I do think the personality/attitude on both sides would have to be considered. Some issues require a lot of patience and not everyone is cut out to deal with that type of thing, but I think if the one with the disability has a good way about them and is pleasant to be around, that would make them much more dateable. Whether invisible or not, people with disabilities date all the time. It just takes the right match.
 
Feb 9, 2017
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#38
yeah I think it depends on what the disability is :) I always look at the heart myself. I'm attracted to some1 whos so in love with Jesus :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,055
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Florida
#39
My late wife was disabled so the answer to the question is yes.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,055
1,588
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Florida
#40
I think if I said no, I would be a hypocrite because I would hope someone would be with me even though I am somewhat disabled myself.

I wear a prosthesis because I was born with only half a leg. I also have difficulty learning or understanding certain things and I have a speech impediment.

A lot of people want to keep their distance from me because I make them uncomfortable with how "different" I am.

Despite my issues, maybe I could find someone who loves me with all my faults or just looks past all those things.
I'm sure that God can search and find a woman of your hearts desire despite your handicap. We all have issues. When I was younger attending school I had a speech impediment and spent years in speech therapy. Each person is a unique creation in the eyes of God so we are all different but often alike in many important ways.