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melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,151
2,346
113
#41
I moved to his place the day we got married. It just made more sense to move since he already had a place, furniture, and a steady job. I lived with my parents, so if he were to move to my city, we would have to find a new place and have allllllll his stuff moved into it. I had less stuff, so me moving to his place was easier.

P.S. we came to this conclusion after talking about it. We considered the options and chose the easiest thing.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,310
1,127
113
#42
There's a huge difference between radical obedience to a specific call of God and going about your romantic relationships wisely and practically. So while we can say that if you're going to get into a long distance relationship you should be willing either to relocate or to assist the other party in relocating to where you are, it is neither Biblical nor wise to assume that if someone moves God's going to make it easy for them to get established in the new career and that everything is magically going to work out and happen just because you're "in love" and feel that you should be together. Yes Christian people sometimes meet when they're both serving as singles on the mission field, but usually they have the advantage of living in the same place for that time the relationship forms even if they're from different parts of the world. That's an advantage you may not have in online dating and a different situation from someone moving to a new location to start their life with another person. (And I'd be living proof that just because you go into some ministry and serve God doesn't mean you'll get a spouse (unless you want to blame me and say I wasn't worthy of a spouse because I couldn't stick it out in ministry until God finally brought a spouse my way)).

But to say there's a problem with men being in online dating and not wanting to move and imply that they aren't good husband material or spiritual enough because of it. That's just plain incorrect. And probably a good example of what my friend has been trying to show me about how some Christians seem to think that in a relationship / marriage a man should take all the risk, shoulder all the responsibility, and order his life around the woman without expecting a reciprocal sacrifice and commitment from her.
My point is that both men and women if they belong to Christ, ought to be willing to do whatever God requires of them, and that we ought to trust Him with everything our futures hold. We are not promised an easy way of life on this earth as Christians; I wouldn't suggest that we are since the Word says it is through much suffering that we enter in.

I wasn't suggesting that people meet on the mission field, I was giving an example of how we as Christians ought to be fully surrendered to God because we were bought with a price and He is Lord we are not.

I am not suggesting the man should take all the risk but rather that both parties need to be at a place where they are willing to do whatever they can to be with a spouse, trusting God to make a way if it is His will.
The just shall live by faith.
I wonder how many of those who do not want to remain single are hindering God's plans for themselves because they are not willing to surrender everything to Him even their own will... I was trying to be helpful and draw attention to something that some may have over- looked.
And if a guy is not willing to pray about re-locating for my sake because I have children who need stability and to be near their Grandparents etc. then he does not have the self-sacrificing qualities I am looking for in his character. I would fully submit sacrificially for a future spouse so I certainly am not suggesting that 'the man should take the risk' and I don't see it as risk, if the Lord has led both parties to be together.

Do you believe that God leads His people to be together in marriage or do you think it is something that Christians weigh up and decide about themselves?
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,310
1,127
113
#43
Short version: Butterflyyy are YOU willing to relocate? If so, he doesn't need to relocate. If not, why would you require of him what you are not willing to do yourself?

There is no Bible mandate for the man to move to where the woman is. To claim there is, is to yank verses out of context and twist them, which is how lots of weird doctrines get started.
Sorry I ought to have made it clear that I cannot. Otherwise the idea would be quite appealing to me especially if it meant a better climate😁
 

KhedetOrthos

Active member
Dec 13, 2019
284
156
43
#45
Do tell lady. You can't just throw that hand grenade and run
Indeed. We don’t gossip, we’re just nosey. Oh, and with regards to meeting someone at work, I wouldn’t advise it in today’s HR environment. I know two colleagues who ran afoul of HR when relationships which started at work went badly.
 

Tay35

New member
Dec 23, 2019
12
12
3
#46
honestly they all seem to be lacking authentic people i am in the same boat
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
17,177
9,400
113
#47
Lol....firstly, my dear brother, I disagree😂
I don't believe I have misinterpreted the passage at all really- the man becomes one with his wife- his life is with her now, completely, and no longer with his parents (not that he would forget all about them, or not love and care about them of course). The standard I have set up or rather that I believe God would have us set up, in marriage, is one that I see in scripture and in Christ Himself, which is for both parties to be willing to give their all for the other. This indeed speaks of Christ and His Church, and is, I believe, the key to a happy marriage. And I quite agree, this is no mere human endeavour, but it is that of one who is fully surrendered to God, of one who faithfully says, "Not my will Lord but Yours be done." It is an attitude of heart, mind, soul and strength; it is complete trust in God's leading, so that if He dies lead you and tell you to do such a thing, He knows you are able to obey Him. I doubt whether He would have required what He did of Abraham or Job unless He knew He could trust them to trust Him/ be faithful. My friends I shared about, well, the wife is an accountant; if she had decided to stay where she was established, and in the security of church family etc. after being widowed, she may have missed out on the very blessed life she has now. Her grown up kids adore their step-dad, they have a little brother and the whole family are very active in ministry.
And how would it be if those who have gone wherever God has sent on the Mission field, were not willing to forsake all for Him even if they were financially established, for you cannot serve God and Mammon, and indeed if He sends, He will provide, and if at anyone He doesn't then He even has a purpose in this, His glory; like when George Muller had a boy's home full of orphans and no food, and God miraculously provided, or the woman in the Bible with the cruz of oil. Christ does know the future, with certainty and they that are led by His Spirit, are His children.

Proverbs 24:7 is wisdom indeed, and if a man will not provideforhis family he is worse than an unbeliever. However, and I say this respectfully, you are leaning on your own understanding when you assume that leaving home, career, pension and investments to move where your wife is would mean that you could not provide for her right away, because God will make a way where there seems to be no way if it is His will; and for all you know, there may be many solutions to this, that He has prepared ahead of you, unbeknown to you.
Of course, if it is God's will for the woman to move to where the man is established, then yes, this is like the examples of Ruth and Boaz or Isaac and Rebekah. Ruth gave up her all for Naomi because she loved her and was faithful. Rebecca was obedient to the Lord, she obviously trusted Him and could see Him at work in the situation. These women obviously had hearts that were right before God, prior to marriage, and that is my point. Jacob agreed to work for Rachael for 7 years, prior to marrying her. The late Derek Prince was serving in the British Army in Israel when he met Lydia, who herself was Mother to 8 orphaned girls and was only in Israel as she had fully surrendered her life to God even giving up her excellent job, family, country and large inheritance to serve Him and so was fully surrendered to Him prior to God bringing her and Derek together; which brings me onto another point.... Don't you think God is a match-maker?😁
The crux of the matter is God's will; not His permissive will, but His directive will. If He is telling the man to move to the woman's location, then the man should go. Otherwise, he shouldn't. The same question goes for her. :)
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
541
442
63
35
#49
Go out into the woods and setup your man trap - you'll need a pizza, a football, and a big steel cage. Additional bait may improve your prospects. To set the trap - hang big steel cage in a tree, make sure you can release it quickly and easily , then place pizza, football and any additional bait below cage. Wait for man to come along and when he comes to get the pizza and football drop the cage.

If you're worried that this method may make the guy a flight risk, I recommend bringing along a preacher so that guy has to marry you before he gets out of the cage.
note to self: if encounter football and mysterious pizza in woods, RESIST URGE TO EAT SAID PIZZA.
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
541
442
63
35
#50
I’ve personally used eharmony, match, Christian mingle, and a sort of ofd brand one called fusion101. Also I use the Facebook one every so often. I had the most “success” during my paid stint with eharmony as far as getting interaction. Match was ok but it tended to be a little easier to get ignored. It was nice having the ability to search however by distance. Christian Mingle ironically was the worst. Worst interactions, creepers, eh. Fusion has been a very long haul thing, since it takes a long time not only to get verified but also to find someone. It’s based mostly in the UK so you can image that for me being in US it’s a tad difficult. All communication is free totally though, so that is an awesome plus.

Finally Facebook. That one is...interesting. It’s nice because you can look through hundreds of people in the area, including friends of friends and whatnot. The thing is they have the most base sorting system ever. I can’t even change sorting by faith, smoking, or drinking habits. At times it can be a bit frustrating, but it’s nice knowing it’s almost always someone near.

So yeah. Still single, not using anything currently except Facebook.
yeah i used the Facebook one for a hot minute. It does suck that you can't filter through matches. I had a girl on there who claimed she was Christian DEMANDING abstinence before marriage only to discover that she smokes weed like a chimney every day.
 

selfdissolving

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2018
541
442
63
35
#51
The crux of the matter is God's will; not His permissive will, but His directive will. If He is telling the man to move to the woman's location, then the man should go. Otherwise, he shouldn't. The same question goes for her. :)
and how exactly does God tell someone to move to a different area @Dino246 ?

I've never read that in the Bible!!!!!!!
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
34,070
11,751
113
66
Tennessee
#52
My point is that both men and women if they belong to Christ, ought to be willing to do whatever God requires of them, and that we ought to trust Him with everything our futures hold. We are not promised an easy way of life on this earth as Christians; I wouldn't suggest that we are since the Word says it is through much suffering that we enter in.

I wasn't suggesting that people meet on the mission field, I was giving an example of how we as Christians ought to be fully surrendered to God because we were bought with a price and He is Lord we are not.

I am not suggesting the man should take all the risk but rather that both parties need to be at a place where they are willing to do whatever they can to be with a spouse, trusting God to make a way if it is His will.
The just shall live by faith.
I wonder how many of those who do not want to remain single are hindering God's plans for themselves because they are not willing to surrender everything to Him even their own will... I was trying to be helpful and draw attention to something that some may have over- looked.
And if a guy is not willing to pray about re-locating for my sake because I have children who need stability and to be near their Grandparents etc. then he does not have the self-sacrificing qualities I am looking for in his character. I would fully submit sacrificially for a future spouse so I certainly am not suggesting that 'the man should take the risk' and I don't see it as risk, if the Lord has led both parties to be together.

Do you believe that God leads His people to be together in marriage or do you think it is something that Christians weigh up and decide about themselves?
I enjoy your thought provoking posts and believe that you are certainly on the right spiritual track.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,310
1,127
113
#53
Butterflyyy, I’ve meant to ask you what part of the UK you’re from. You’re from the UK, right?
😃yes I am in the UK.... I live in the North West of England, quite near to Southport which is on the coast...
Where do you live?🙂
 
S

Susanna

Guest
#54
😃yes I am in the UK.... I live in the North West of England, quite near to Southport which is on the coast...
Where do you live?🙂
I’m from Texas, but I’ve been to UK many times. But I don’t think I’ve been in your neck of the woods.😀.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,346
1,413
113
#55
😃yes I am in the UK.... I live in the North West of England, quite near to Southport which is on the coast...
Where do you live?🙂
I’ve never been to the UK, but I have co workers in Basingstoke.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,357
3,724
113
#56
theres a houseboat still stuck up in Mt Ararat I heard.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
17,177
9,400
113
#58
😃yes I am in the UK.... I live in the North West of England, quite near to Southport which is on the coast...
Where do you live?🙂
I was near there a couple of months back... if you consider Dublin "near".
 
Nov 30, 2019
26
45
13
New England
#59
I've found that dating sites are a huge waste of time for me. I put a lot of effort into my profiles/intros to give a detailed explanation about who I am, what I'm looking for in a partner, etc. but very few read before sending a message so I'm answering questions that I had already clarified in my profile. Then, once a promising conversation happens, the topic of sex and intimacy comes up, and when I reply that I'm content with my celibacy, have no libido/sexual desire, do not "take care of it myself", then I end up getting ridiculed and "ghosted". :rolleyes: