Defining LOVE - a threadjack from one of my other threads

[Shouryu]

I know it's a thing, but I don't understand it.

Love is a thing? Actually...
http://youtu.be/WRfFuhrdGKM?t=21s

 

[AsifinPassing]

An excerpt from Wikipedia:

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.[SUP][1][/SUP] It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".[SUP][2][/SUP] It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.[SUP][3][/SUP]
Non-Western traditions have also distinguished variants or symbioses of these states.[SUP][4][/SUP] This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.
Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.[SUP][5][/SUP]
Love may be understood as a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.[SUP][6][/SUP]



I have to give someone else's definition of love because I have none of my own. I've never been in love; nobody has ever been in love with me; my relationship with my parents was more of a close friendship and I don't remember hearing "I love you" from them.

How do you, personally, with you own words, define love?

I did a 20 page research project with an equal amount of sources, and will condense a few of my findings therein with the following:

1. We don't know what love is. *based on the sheer varying plethora of historic, cultural, and religious definitions for that thought*

2. From a Judeo-Christian Scriptural standpoint, God is love (1 John 4:8), and our clearest understanding of God is in the person of Jesus Christ (John 17 *I know there are plenty of other scriptures you could use*).

This, however, creates conflict, because who of us truly knows God other than what they claim? ...and of those who do claim to know God, there are great variances in who God is, and thus, what love is or looks like...which leads us back to #1: "We don't know what love is."

3. If you choose to base your understanding of love on Christ Jesus, then 'Love' is a great mixture of things based on His own words:

Obedience (John 14:21-24)

Self-Sacrifice (John 15:13)

Imitation of Christ *and therefore of God* (John 15:9-17)

...and a great deal of other things if you consider words from scripture other than quotes from Jesus directly.


So, after doing these in much greater detail (in the research project), I then come to this point:

4. Having read and reported on nearly 100 definitions on the notion of love, I have come to this personal definition:

"A conscious, voluntary, and deliberate decision (regardless of or beyond what unconscious, mental, or emotional states may help or hinder such decision) to value something (person, place, thing, etc) and what may relate to that thing (F.E.:Needs, wants, desires, characteristics, etc) above oneself, own needs, desires, et al (distinctive from other relationships/connections), and through such choice (and continuing choices) developing/displaying thoughts, feelings, words, and actions that validate the appearance of that decision."

Now, I don't have my research with me, so I know I butchered this. The idea, though, is that love is more than a thought, word, action, feeling, etc...but a series of these things, consciously and deliberately chosen by a being toward another, and able to be seen, felt, "tested" or "proven" etc from the recipient or subject of that choice and/or another viewing/analyzing it from the outside.

For example, being 'loving' in one's words, sacrificial in one's actions, generous with one's time and affects, etc etc... are arguably tangible evidences of the choice a person makes to love another (value them more than they do themselves or other things).

...but we humans are so selfish, self-centered, self-serving, conflicted, confused, and so on and so forth, that it's no surprise we neither know nor experience this concept of 'love'.

I'm decidedly Methodist, and in a bit of our communion liturgy, there's a phrase that reads like this:

"When we turned away and our love failed, Your love remained steadfast."

I always liked that. God endlessly makes that choice again and again and again to value us and act upon it...even to the extent of Jesus dying on the cross. He keeps choosing. He keeps loving. ...and as scripture says, He Himself is love. No wonder, then, that part of what Christ says about love is that we be like Him...vs being like us. "We love [only] because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

Without God, we have no hope of knowing love, no matter how we may fool ourselves into believing we do. In reality, we're just calling something that isn't love 'love', and I think in that regard, it's worse or even more pitiable to believe in a lie than not to believe at all.

 

[JeniBean]

I tend to be good with all those but the last. You are correct in its definition, but the problem i have with it is that it is based solely on emotions and hormones. Thus, rational thought and logic are quickly thrown out the window. This simply will not do! A lot of poor choices have been made this way. I personally have become a firm believer in not letting emotions dictate a situation as it often results in a decision that was not correctly made and all logical facts were not taken into consideration.

Some may enjoy letting this feeling/emotion operate in them. I have learned over the last couple of years that this is not something I want to let dictate any decisions in my life. The questions I ask are this: Does it make sense? Is it logical? What are the consequences? Is there a way to recover or mitigate loss in the situation? What are the unknowns and are they manageable?

This obviously isn't for everyone, but it works great for me. Because, at that point, I know I weighed my options, considered all variables, and made the best decisions possible based on the information provided.

J-

I think perhaps you misread it. IT IS ALL THE LOVES combined, its simply you have desires. Allowing your emotions or hormones to guide you any where will REALLY REALLY mess things up! The rational thought and logic is the CHOICE to love this person as GOD loves us, to be the great friends and treat each other christian like. If you aren't, the desires would fade and the relationship would deteriorate.

 

[GrumpyCrumpet]

Emotions and hormones never factor into my feelings about something as large a construct as love. I've never had a girlfriend, or an intimate relationship, or anything more than a glancing curiosity about either. As I said earlier, my relationship with my parents was more of a friendship, which no doubt had some detrimental effects on me, but as I sit here today I think that everything had to happen for a reason.

Accepting the idea of unconditional love from my Creator is, for me especially, a real leap of faith. I have nothing to compare it to, so my only choices for what I feel for the Lord and what I sense from Him must either be accepted at face value, or rejected outright. I choose to accept it as-is, but there will always be a little splinter in my mind about not really knowing what I'm talking about and having to just go with it, devoid of logic.

 

[coby2]

Emotions and hormones never factor into my feelings about something as large a construct as love. I've never had a girlfriend, or an intimate relationship, or anything more than a glancing curiosity about either. As I said earlier, my relationship with my parents was more of a friendship, which no doubt had some detrimental effects on me, but as I sit here today I think that everything had to happen for a reason.

Accepting the idea of unconditional love from my Creator is, for me especially, a real leap of faith. I have nothing to compare it to, so my only choices for what I feel for the Lord and what I sense from Him must either be accepted at face value, or rejected outright. I choose to accept it as-is, but there will always be a little splinter in my mind about not really knowing what I'm talking about and having to just go with it, devoid of logic.

Did you see that video I posted? My dad was sweet but he couldn't hug or show love or something. His dad couldn't either. I went to a service from James Jordan where they hugged everyone in the prayer line and imparted the Love of the Father. It was weird but I then experienced His Love.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Emotions and hormones never factor into my feelings about something as large a construct as love. I've never had a girlfriend, or an intimate relationship, or anything more than a glancing curiosity about either. As I said earlier, my relationship with my parents was more of a friendship, which no doubt had some detrimental effects on me, but as I sit here today I think that everything had to happen for a reason.

Accepting the idea of unconditional love from my Creator is, for me especially, a real leap of faith. I have nothing to compare it to, so my only choices for what I feel for the Lord and what I sense from Him must either be accepted at face value, or rejected outright. I choose to accept it as-is, but there will always be a little splinter in my mind about not really knowing what I'm talking about and having to just go with it, devoid of logic.

God's love is beyond logic, and because the enemy is the enemy, he's going to try to cause you to doubt it. As you continue to paint a picture for me, and as I continue to pray for you, things become more and more clear.


Honestly, I struggle with love. Why would anyone want or love me? I know who I am, and really, it takes the love of God to love me. However, I've gotten a mentor lately and she's reminded me that God is love. His word is filled with him talking about how he loves us in various ways, and I need to accept that. Acceptance, though... that's where I lack. Because of how I grew up (where love wasn't exactly demonstrated), I struggle to accept unconditional love.


But like I said before, I cannot compare human love to God's love. It's unfair and just plain wrong. Humans are imperfect and just plain silly most of the time. God's love is perfect, gracious, merciful, it's amazing, and unfathomable. Faith is what is required with God, and you should accept it as it is. I see nothing wrong with that.

People show love and demonstrate love in all kinds of different ways. For example, I'm a gift giver. Even if it's something as simple as a pack of gum, if I buy or make something for someone it's a demonstration of love.


God is going to spend the rest of your life, the lives of all of us, teaching and leading. It's going to be the lots of lessons about the same subjects over and over, but on deeper levels. I'm learning to be open to the Lord in some very painful areas, and honestly, it's not fun. But I know it will cause me to love God more. It will cause me to love and accept his love for me more, and that's what I need right now.


As God teaches you and works on you, don't compare yourself to anyone else. And don't let anyone pull you into comparing. People love to swap stories to see who has it worse. The apostle Paul (and some others) talk about not comparing our lives to others. Just have your relationship with God and love as he directs.

 

[seoulsearch]

I was actually thinking of this thread today at work.

I'm like most people--I'd love to have that "rainbows and butterflies" "being in love" feeling you supposed see in movies, the older I get, the things that define love for me are suffering and sacrifice.

What this means to me is, how much is the willing to suffer with me and sacrifice for me, and how much am I willing to do the same for them? It's easy to love someone who is "loving" you back. But what about when you're at your worst?

This is what I love most about God--that He can still love me when I'm at my worst, because it can get pretty ugly.

The people I'm closest to have chosen to suffer with me rather than just criticize, and were willing to sacrifice their time and resources to help me get through.

Likewise, I always find myself asking God to please make me strong enough to do the same for others when the need arises. I have some goals for the future, and things I've planned all my life. Could I sacrifice it all without complaining if these people needed me?

If I can be honest, I'm still too selfish right now. (I would do it, but I'd be grumbling all the way... "Why ME, God? Why does poor little me have to give up everything for someone else?")

When or if the time comes to make the sacrifice and suffer with those I love, I hope God will have changed my heart into the right attitude by then.

 

[GrumpyCrumpet]

I knew a long time ago that I wasn't emotionally equipped for anything more than platonic relationships, and it never really bothered me except for the incessant teasing I got in HS for being a "virgin". Well, I'm 39 and still a virgin, and once I turn 40 I think Internet rules say I become a Sith Lord or something? LOL

Not knowing love and having people explain it to you is like trying to describe the world to a person who has been blind since birth. How do you put it in terms the person can understand? Where is the commonality in experiences to start that dialog? It's very thought provoking.