Defining LOVE - a threadjack from one of my other threads

[GrumpyCrumpet]

An excerpt from Wikipedia:

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.[SUP][1][/SUP] It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".[SUP][2][/SUP] It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.[SUP][3][/SUP]
Non-Western traditions have also distinguished variants or symbioses of these states.[SUP][4][/SUP] This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.
Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.[SUP][5][/SUP]
Love may be understood as a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.[SUP][6][/SUP]



I have to give someone else's definition of love because I have none of my own. I've never been in love; nobody has ever been in love with me; my relationship with my parents was more of a close friendship and I don't remember hearing "I love you" from them.

How do you, personally, with you own words, define love?

 

[coby2]

It's not a feeling. It's a choice which results in feelings.
When I was not a christian I hated a lot of people. Prayed the sinner's prayer and I could hug them all. That's God's Love. It's that you can forgive and love the people that hate you.
No idea how to explain it. If you make the choice to forgive people and let His Love in you, you experience what it is and if you get some of this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vo9K75AvfyY

 

[JeniBean]

I personally believe there are many different levels of LOVE. However before I jump into that....You describe your parents as a relationship of a close friendship and never heard them say I love you. I too had parents whom always had a close relationship, rarely did you see signs of affection or hear I love you to each other. As I aged I learned they are seriously in love and were raised that around others you do not show affection. I explained to them that I was sorry to hear that however I always thought that you 2 sorta stayed because of all the kids. They then started to be more affectionate and saying I love you in the presence of others. So perhaps your parents were also taught that. As children know learn by example.

GODS love - the love in which we all wish we could emulate is true sacrificing and forgiving love. As we are human, we cannot emulate this love, however we certainly can try our best.

Parental Love - To be a parent is an amazing and loving experience. You also sacrifice a lot for the benefit of the child. It is very patient and very forgiving and a love in which you will always have.

Friendship Love - Years ago a friend said to me I love you - I said - WHOA I do not swing that way. She said Jeni your an amazing person who I can count on and love for who you are. It was the first time I considered that I could LOVE an individual as a friend, not family. To this day I still tell her I love her. This love obviously is forgiving and trusting. Like Coby stated this love is a choice which results in feelings.

Christian Love - This love is a love in which we do our best to emulate GOD and care for the beautiful world he created. We share our love of GOD through our actions. Actions always speak louder than words!

Partner Love (i.e. BF, GF, Spouse) - This love is different as it also throws in desires that the other loves do not. YOU need to have GOD as the center of this love, you need to be great friends and you need to be a christian. All of those loves together combine an overwhelming feeling that you would, just as a parent sacrifice anything for this individual. You wouldn't give a second thought to die for them. You want nothing but the best for them and even when you are upset with them, because you love them as a friend and as a christian the relationship still continues. It is trusting, forgiving, sacrificing, spiritual and totally all encompassing. It is compromising, teamwork and a choice. You often hear you cannot help who you fall in love with. YOU CAN as a true love is a choice with desires, mixed with all the loves that GOD surrounds us with.

 

[AbigailZeke]

Love is a sacrificial choice!

With great benefits though!

 

[Tinkerbell725]

God is love. But love is not God. If you make love your God it becomes idolatry. Love is giving. Love is spelled TIME. Love is baring your soul and letting the one you love see real you warts and all. Love hurts a lot. The way Jesus hurt while suffering on the Cross. But the hurt becomes joy when you get past the hurt. Like when Jesus resurrected,it was the ultimate joy.

 

[seoulsearch]

The other posters here have made some great observations so I can't add much...

But I'm thinking I love the term "threadjack" (from the title).

I may just have to "borrow" this in the future.

 

[GrumpyCrumpet]

Thanks to everyone who contributed. This thread has given me a lot to ponder over. It was a statement made to me last night which I found very hurtful and insulting that prompted my creating this thread, and my question has been answered to my satisfaction.

 

[Born_Again]

I personally believe there are many different levels of LOVE. However before I jump into that....You describe your parents as a relationship of a close friendship and never heard them say I love you. I too had parents whom always had a close relationship, rarely did you see signs of affection or hear I love you to each other. As I aged I learned they are seriously in love and were raised that around others you do not show affection. I explained to them that I was sorry to hear that however I always thought that you 2 sorta stayed because of all the kids. They then started to be more affectionate and saying I love you in the presence of others. So perhaps your parents were also taught that. As children know learn by example.

GODS love - the love in which we all wish we could emulate is true sacrificing and forgiving love. As we are human, we cannot emulate this love, however we certainly can try our best.

Parental Love - To be a parent is an amazing and loving experience. You also sacrifice a lot for the benefit of the child. It is very patient and very forgiving and a love in which you will always have.

Friendship Love - Years ago a friend said to me I love you - I said - WHOA I do not swing that way. She said Jeni your an amazing person who I can count on and love for who you are. It was the first time I considered that I could LOVE an individual as a friend, not family. To this day I still tell her I love her. This love obviously is forgiving and trusting. Like Coby stated this love is a choice which results in feelings.

Christian Love - This love is a love in which we do our best to emulate GOD and care for the beautiful world he created. We share our love of GOD through our actions. Actions always speak louder than words!

Partner Love (i.e. BF, GF, Spouse) - This love is different as it also throws in desires that the other loves do not. YOU need to have GOD as the center of this love, you need to be great friends and you need to be a christian. All of those loves together combine an overwhelming feeling that you would, just as a parent sacrifice anything for this individual. You wouldn't give a second thought to die for them. You want nothing but the best for them and even when you are upset with them, because you love them as a friend and as a christian the relationship still continues. It is trusting, forgiving, sacrificing, spiritual and totally all encompassing. It is compromising, teamwork and a choice. You often hear you cannot help who you fall in love with. YOU CAN as a true love is a choice with desires, mixed with all the loves that GOD surrounds us with.

I tend to be good with all those but the last. You are correct in its definition, but the problem i have with it is that it is based solely on emotions and hormones. Thus, rational thought and logic are quickly thrown out the window. This simply will not do! A lot of poor choices have been made this way. I personally have become a firm believer in not letting emotions dictate a situation as it often results in a decision that was not correctly made and all logical facts were not taken into consideration.

Some may enjoy letting this feeling/emotion operate in them. I have learned over the last couple of years that this is not something I want to let dictate any decisions in my life. The questions I ask are this: Does it make sense? Is it logical? What are the consequences? Is there a way to recover or mitigate loss in the situation? What are the unknowns and are they manageable?

This obviously isn't for everyone, but it works great for me. Because, at that point, I know I weighed my options, considered all variables, and made the best decisions possible based on the information provided.

 

[Sonflower]

I hope I'm not repeating anything already said, but:

To me, love (as in marriage love) is choosing that person when you don't feel like it. Choosing to be with them even when fuzzy feelings fade. To love someone is to serve them expecting nothing in return with Christ in the middle of it all. Christ served us expecting nothing in return. We should follow his lead. We aren't perfect and will screw it up but if that's the goal we reach for, a pretty good marriage relationship is possible. It's not easy but so worth the work.

 

[GrumpyCrumpet]

I think I am still trying to put a name to what it is I feel towards God. It's a feeling that I don't feel for anyone else and never have felt for anyone in my life. At times during prayer, a silent calm comes over me and I feel a weightlessness in my chest and then a joyful tear will trickle down my cheek. When I contemplate the sheer magnitude of God and His majesty, which I know my very limited human brain can barely begin to scratch the surface of, there is a sense of sheer awe that overwhelms me.

Since coming to Christ, I have noticed some changes in myself although I am still a work in progress, but I can quantify the changes in my character, and I believe it is because of the unspoken relationship I have with the Lord. But, I don't feel those same feelings towards my fellow man, so when someone says to me "if you don't love your fellow man, you don't love God", I am very hurt by a statement like that.

 

[Sonflower]

I think I am still trying to put a name to what it is I feel towards God. It's a feeling that I don't feel for anyone else and never have felt for anyone in my life. At times during prayer, a silent calm comes over me and I feel a weightlessness in my chest and then a joyful tear will trickle down my cheek. When I contemplate the sheer magnitude of God and His majesty, which I know my very limited human brain can barely begin to scratch the surface of, there is a sense of sheer awe that overwhelms me.

Since coming to Christ, I have noticed some changes in myself although I am still a work in progress, but I can quantify the changes in my character, and I believe it is because of the unspoken relationship I have with the Lord. But, I don't feel those same feelings towards my fellow man, so when someone says to me "if you don't love your fellow man, you don't love God", I am very hurt by a statement like that.

Your love for God should be greater than any love for any person. Just because you feel different feelings toward God doesn't mean you don't love your fellow man. Love is a choice. It's not easy to love your friends sometimes let alone your enemies. Loving God, helps you love them. God produces an unexplainable compassion for your fellow man. At least, that's what I have found. Even those I really don't like, God will show your heart compassion for them. I was seriously wronged by someone I loved very much. I still love them, but through the eyes of God instead of through human eyes. My human eyes are weak and imperfect. God's eyes see the truth. I pray for compassion and to see people the way God sees them, otherwise, I don't think I would succeed.

I understand what you are talking about when you feel so connected to God. It's like the whole world fades away when that peace/calm overcomes you. I think the word you are looking for is worship, maybe? I experience that peace and the "like I'm not on this earth connection" when I'm worshipping.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I'm surprised no one has brought this up yet.

The bible talks A LOT about love. There's three different types in the Greek.

• Agape- A brotherly love.
• Eros- A romantic or sexual love.
• Phillia- A friendly love.

Then there's the ultimate reference for love 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.


13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


When it comes to me and love, God has had to teach me a lot. I grew up in a lot of pain and grief. I've had to do a lot of healing to love people, to learn to love myself.


And I'm going to say this to the people who think they love everyone and everything. YOU DON'T. You flat out don't, and don't lie to us and say you do. Or lie to yourself for that matter. Everyone has someone or a group they don't love, like, or even despise, so be careful before you say you love everyone. Only Jesus loves all.

 

[Sonflower]

I'm surprised no one has brought this up yet.

The bible talks A LOT about love. There's three different types in the Greek.

• Agape- A brotherly love.
• Eros- A romantic or sexual love.
• Phillia- A friendly love.

Then there's the ultimate reference for love 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.


13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


When it comes to me and love, God has had to teach me a lot. I grew up in a lot of pain and grief. I've had to do a lot of healing to love people, to learn to love myself.


And I'm going to say this to the people who think they love everyone and everything. YOU DON'T. You flat out don't, and don't lie to us and say you do. Or lie to yourself for that matter. Everyone has someone or a group they don't love, like, or even despise, so be careful before you say you love everyone. Only Jesus loves all.

In reference to your last paragraph. I don't think people can love all at all times perfectly, I agree with you on that. However, I feel like we can learn to love anyone. It's a process, sometimes an arduous one.

 

[GrumpyCrumpet]

My experience with love amounts to nothing. I know it's a thing, but I don't understand it. Love songs, poems, romantic movies, and on and on and on - make no sense to me. I just don't have any experience with it, so I struggle with the feeling (or the choice if that's the way you want to look at it). But since I don't know, it also means that I don't know what I don't know. Maybe I do feel something like love but don't recognize it.

 

[Sonflower]

My experience with love amounts to nothing. I know it's a thing, but I don't understand it. Love songs, poems, romantic movies, and on and on and on - make no sense to me. I just don't have any experience with it, so I struggle with the feeling (or the choice if that's the way you want to look at it). But since I don't know, it also means that I don't know what I don't know. Maybe I do feel something like love but don't recognize it.

I've been in love once. Sometimes I think those feelings of initial attraction during that phase where you do the love letter, love poem thing are more about infatuation? What makes someone decide if they've crossed over from strong like into love? Where is that line? I don't really know. I have known of people with arranged marriages who didn't even know each other when they got married. They fell in love after they were married. So maybe love doesn't require what we think it does? Maybe it's different for everyone. Maybe we aren't supposed to feel the same things as everyone else. We are all created differently.

 

[DuchessAimee]

My experience with love amounts to nothing. I know it's a thing, but I don't understand it. Love songs, poems, romantic movies, and on and on and on - make no sense to me. I just don't have any experience with it, so I struggle with the feeling (or the choice if that's the way you want to look at it). But since I don't know, it also means that I don't know what I don't know. Maybe I do feel something like love but don't recognize it.

I get that. But it's possible you'll experience one of the versions of love because you now have God. He's remaking you Crumpet.


When I wonder about when something is real love, I plug it into 1 Corinthians 13. If it fits, I know it's real.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I've been in love once. Sometimes I think those feelings of initial attraction during that phase where you do the love letter, love poem thing are more about infatuation? What makes someone decide if they've crossed over from strong like into love? Where is that line? I don't really know. I have known of people with arranged marriages who didn't even know each other when they got married. They fell in love after they were married. So maybe love doesn't require what we think it does? Maybe it's different for everyone. Maybe we aren't supposed to feel the same things as everyone else. We are all created differently.

True love, actual deep love, takes time. What Christ did on the cross has more love wrapped up in it than anything any human has ever done for me. But I separate what Jesus did from what humans can/will do, because if I don't, I'll never love any humans at all.

 

[Sonflower]

I get that. But it's possible you'll experience one of the versions of love because you now have God. He's remaking you Crumpet.


When I wonder about when something is real love, I plug it into 1 Corinthians 13. If it fits, I know it's real.

True love, actual deep love, takes time. What Christ did on the cross has more love wrapped up in it than anything any human has ever done for me. But I separate what Jesus did from what humans can/will do, because if I don't, I'll never love any humans at all.

Agreed. No matter how you find love, it takes time. Also, I found that after I loved that person, the love didn't stay the same. It grew and became deeper as time moved on.

Also, yes yes and yes again on separating what Christ has done verses what humans can do. It is not anyone else's responsibility to make me "happy" or "fulfill" me. If I rely on a person for that, it will fail every time. Christ is the only one that can fulfill. Not to mention, to place that expectation on another human isn't fair to that person at all.

 

[GrumpyCrumpet]

There have been a few times over the years that I wished I had some idea about the emotions and feelings people gush over that I don't understand, but I quickly become reminded that my life took the course it did for some purpose, and that purpose has got to be higher than me or my own selfish needs to have curiosity satisfied. It would be nice to have some frame of reference though so I wouldn't be so frustrated with people when they put me on the spot about feelings they take for granted that I am ignorant about.

 

[DuchessAimee]

There have been a few times over the years that I wished I had some idea about the emotions and feelings people gush over that I don't understand, but I quickly become reminded that my life took the course it did for some purpose, and that purpose has got to be higher than me or my own selfish needs to have curiosity satisfied. It would be nice to have some frame of reference though so I wouldn't be so frustrated with people when they put me on the spot about feelings they take for granted that I am ignorant about.

Well, you could always pray about it. God invented emotions and the physical manifestation of them in the brain, how we interpret them, and how the body reacts to them. I know how you feel, though. I'm not the typical gushy female. I've had female friends in tears about things that I just didn't react to in the same way.


Let God talk to you about it.