Did you cause your DIVORCE?
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J
As someone stated before, divorce is rarely caused by one person only. Most of the time one person is more to blame than another, but both are to blame. My divorce will be final at the end of April. I dated my husband for 5 years and in that time his mother died from breast cancer and my father almost died, but received a liver transplant two months before the wedding. I had always been a part of his family. I held hhis moms hand when she died. I took care of his youngest sister who was only 13 when his mom died. I was very muh enfolded into the family for 8 years before we married. However, that led me to sticking around because I really wanted to be a part of a good and Godly family. His parents were pastors. Ryan had a pastoral anointing and was pursuing seminary. His whole family was musical. It was like the patridge family. My ex-husband was a semi-pro percussionist. He'd drag out his conga set, his oldest sister would play piano, and all 4 kids and myself would sing worship in 3 or 4 part harmony. I taught his youngest sister to cook and clean. I went to Africa for three weeks with the middle sister. In all the years we were dating, Ryan never completely exhibited anything dangerous. I thought I was aiming high to find a man who loved Jesus. I had no frame for looking for a man that could support me.
Oh, we had plans, but there was never follow through. And like a good codependent, I did everything for my husband alway hoping that he would come out of his rut. But that rut got deeper. I cooked. I cleaned. I shopped. He wouldn't move. No social life. No hygiene. Stopped going to church. Turned his back on the lleadership at my church who requested he pursue a job before he pursue a church position. Though they reached out, he ignored them. Turned his back on God. And eventually turned his back on me. After months and months of him stealing my phone and hacking my fb and email because he didn't like me having any outside communication especially with the pastors, he began getting violent. He would fly into a rage at a text where a friend asked how I was. He would scream and yell, demand I talk to no one but his dad, and when I told him that was inappropriate, he would slam a door, take off, or break something. Eventually he began throwing things at me and it came to a was one night when I actually thought he was going to kill him. We had fought about something, and he'd left. I locked the door and went to shower I. The spare bedroom bathroom. He came back in, broke the bedroom door open, and yelled at me to come out of the bathroom. Eventually his sister came to get him.
He had threatened divorce dozens of times. I tried to work with him, but he would except no boundaries. If I said no, he wanted a divorce. But I stood by his side patiently believing that he would come around. He was hospitalized and had his family sworn to secrecy as to his whereabouts. Over six months I prayed while he was in the hospital and I wasn't allowed to know where. A few times he deided he wanted to talk, but they were all short lived. As soon as I told him any simple thing he would have to do, he wanted a divorce again because I wasn't being supportive.
He was finally released from the hospital in March of last year. He never wanted to talk to me, but in the summer he decided to try. It was the same pattern. If I said something he didn't like, he wanted a divorce. Many times I was afraid for my life. He's very large and was very violent and impulsive. He had already thrown some things and hit me. No one was big enough to restrain him especially in a rage. I dared not get a restraining order since that would have set him off.
So for over a year I'd stood by his side. I'd supported him when he allowed me to. I'd been willing to talk and work on things, but he had not been. In August I was in divorce support group an I asked them to pray with me for direction, and I felt The Lord release me to file. It was clear to me and many others that this was just going to drag on. He wasn't really willing to get any help on his own. Any help he'd received was forced on him. At the end of October I filed for divorce after 2 1/2 years of marriage, almost 8 yrs together as a couple, and 9 yrs of being a part of his family.
I was not prepared for marriage when I got married. I didn't choose well. I chose someone who was very immature in a practical sense because he seemed mature in a spiritual sense. I did not recognize the immaturity then because to me he was simply a free-spirit. I also catered to his lack of participation in our whole relationship. I wrote his resumes. I collected job applications for him. I bought his clothes, cooked all his meals, and scheduled his life. I was his mother because he needed one and I am recovering from a messiah complex. Seeing how I had barely started exploring boudaries when I was married, I wasn't as clear as I should have been in setting them. It wasn't for lack of trying though. I just really didn't know what my husband was allowed to require of me. There are other things that went on that made llife difficult. I was wrong in many of them, but I can also say for much of it I really can't see that there was another way to function short of kicking him out sooner.
So, while I'm thesser lesser guilty of we two, I am not in any way innocent.
Oh, we had plans, but there was never follow through. And like a good codependent, I did everything for my husband alway hoping that he would come out of his rut. But that rut got deeper. I cooked. I cleaned. I shopped. He wouldn't move. No social life. No hygiene. Stopped going to church. Turned his back on the lleadership at my church who requested he pursue a job before he pursue a church position. Though they reached out, he ignored them. Turned his back on God. And eventually turned his back on me. After months and months of him stealing my phone and hacking my fb and email because he didn't like me having any outside communication especially with the pastors, he began getting violent. He would fly into a rage at a text where a friend asked how I was. He would scream and yell, demand I talk to no one but his dad, and when I told him that was inappropriate, he would slam a door, take off, or break something. Eventually he began throwing things at me and it came to a was one night when I actually thought he was going to kill him. We had fought about something, and he'd left. I locked the door and went to shower I. The spare bedroom bathroom. He came back in, broke the bedroom door open, and yelled at me to come out of the bathroom. Eventually his sister came to get him.
He had threatened divorce dozens of times. I tried to work with him, but he would except no boundaries. If I said no, he wanted a divorce. But I stood by his side patiently believing that he would come around. He was hospitalized and had his family sworn to secrecy as to his whereabouts. Over six months I prayed while he was in the hospital and I wasn't allowed to know where. A few times he deided he wanted to talk, but they were all short lived. As soon as I told him any simple thing he would have to do, he wanted a divorce again because I wasn't being supportive.
He was finally released from the hospital in March of last year. He never wanted to talk to me, but in the summer he decided to try. It was the same pattern. If I said something he didn't like, he wanted a divorce. Many times I was afraid for my life. He's very large and was very violent and impulsive. He had already thrown some things and hit me. No one was big enough to restrain him especially in a rage. I dared not get a restraining order since that would have set him off.
So for over a year I'd stood by his side. I'd supported him when he allowed me to. I'd been willing to talk and work on things, but he had not been. In August I was in divorce support group an I asked them to pray with me for direction, and I felt The Lord release me to file. It was clear to me and many others that this was just going to drag on. He wasn't really willing to get any help on his own. Any help he'd received was forced on him. At the end of October I filed for divorce after 2 1/2 years of marriage, almost 8 yrs together as a couple, and 9 yrs of being a part of his family.
I was not prepared for marriage when I got married. I didn't choose well. I chose someone who was very immature in a practical sense because he seemed mature in a spiritual sense. I did not recognize the immaturity then because to me he was simply a free-spirit. I also catered to his lack of participation in our whole relationship. I wrote his resumes. I collected job applications for him. I bought his clothes, cooked all his meals, and scheduled his life. I was his mother because he needed one and I am recovering from a messiah complex. Seeing how I had barely started exploring boudaries when I was married, I wasn't as clear as I should have been in setting them. It wasn't for lack of trying though. I just really didn't know what my husband was allowed to require of me. There are other things that went on that made llife difficult. I was wrong in many of them, but I can also say for much of it I really can't see that there was another way to function short of kicking him out sooner.
So, while I'm thesser lesser guilty of we two, I am not in any way innocent.
A
This question is bigger then the answers they evoke.
I am presently going through a divorce. I just got the blessing from my pastor for the divorce, which is saying a lot.
For me the answer is yes and no. Did I cause my wife to lose her faith? I don't think so. Did I cause her to become a rabid atheist activist seeking to engage christian in apologetic combat? I don't think so, but I have faults of my own. I sinned, she sinned. I don't think of it as anyones fault, in sadness though our family will be destroyed.
I pray that God puts a family back together in spite of our mistakes.
:-(
I am presently going through a divorce. I just got the blessing from my pastor for the divorce, which is saying a lot.
For me the answer is yes and no. Did I cause my wife to lose her faith? I don't think so. Did I cause her to become a rabid atheist activist seeking to engage christian in apologetic combat? I don't think so, but I have faults of my own. I sinned, she sinned. I don't think of it as anyones fault, in sadness though our family will be destroyed.
I pray that God puts a family back together in spite of our mistakes.
:-(
B
I am Going to have an x wife very soon. She will date men. Do i want a bad man or a good man near my daughters.. Pray that your wife finds a good man.
This is very disturbing trend I see of people wanting to pray for God to bless the departed spouses new relationship... it isn't biblical... pray for thier salvation... the only relationship you should be concerned about is the relationship with God.
How about we pray no man around your daughters... and perhaps they be restored to their bible believer father
This is very disturbing trend I see of people wanting to pray for God to bless the departed spouses new relationship... it isn't biblical... pray for thier salvation... the only relationship you should be concerned about is the relationship with God.
How about we pray no man around your daughters... and perhaps they be restored to their bible believer father
