Did you cause your DIVORCE?

[seekingg]

All of the divorce women i talk to are sweet as pie, and the divorce is all the mans fault. All of them cant be the good spouse.
If you are a divorced man and you wife has the kids then you need to tell me what a great catch you x is. You have a vested interest in her finding a good man.
I am sure you do want a step father that would be willing to die for you children.

So fess up and tell me how you destroyed you marriage and how great your x is and then introduce her to me on cc.

 

[shae0104]

I contributed by marrying him knowing it was not the right choice. so I can say was to blame regardless of efforts when its not right its not gonna work god has to be number one for both parties

 

[shae0104]

and seeking before u go after someones ex make sure u t divorced. seperated for a long time still equals married

 

[Relena7]

I thought people usually divorced because they couldn't get along. It isn't one person's fault every time. They might both be sweet as pie as long as the other isn't in the room, lol.

 

[dashadow]

As a matter of probability, it's highly unlikely a failed marriage is the fault of only one party. Of course, one could be much more to blame than the other.

I think people have a tendency to wonder who was at fault in a divorce. And I think most people assume it's the man's fault. I was once told that percentage wise, more married women cheat than married men. Now before you ladies get your panties in a bunch, I confess, I didn't get this from a reliable source.

My wife told me early on in our marriage, if I ever cheated we were finished. Not long after that, she asked me if I would ever tell her if I cheated. I responded with something like, "H to the no." I said if she caught me in the very act I would deny it. Anyway, I told my wife I'll do my best not to let any women take advantage of me.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

My ex was the one who wanted the divorce. She never did tell me why,except that she was unhappy living here away from her family & friends. I think she thought the grass would be greener here,so to speak. I could have been a better husband as a provider of $$ for sure. She got bored the 2nd yr into our marriage and wanted to get a job,when she finally got one,after a year she hated it,but because of our lifestyle & excessive bills with things going wrong with the house & our dog at the time being sick,we both had to work to stay afloat & I know she hated her job & felt trapped. We got along great...more like friends. No one who knew us could believe we were getting a divorce. Most ppl who saw us thought we were the model couple. I blame myself also,because she was an unbeliever. She didn't have a problem with me being saved,because as she put it.."I didn't try to ram the gospel down her throat & I wasn't hypocritical like many people into God she'd met before"
I kinda fooled myself into thinking she'd be open to Jesus one day,but I was wrong...her entire family are Atheists or Agnostic,which I didn't know at first. Oddly enough,over the years I found that a great deal of people from the UK are atheists. Anyways,I think in a way we both caused our divorce...but I take more blame upon myself because I knew better. I'll always have that guilt I think. (I know I know...give it to God...blah blah blah) lol Hopefully I will one day. Gods' not gonna take anything from me I won't give him,even if he knows it's bad for me. It's a daily battle not to blame myself for HER actions or decisions...but yanno..sometimes we like our self pity.

 

[zaoman32]

There is never one perfect person and one imperfect person when divorce is involved. You talk to divorced women who always blame the men and they're as sweet as pie? Well why would the paint themselves any other way? Of course they're not going to admit fault, and of course they're going to make themselves look good, and having custody of kids is not always a good indicator of who the better parent is. Did I have a part in my marriage ending? Yes, will I tell you? No. It's not your business nor anyone else's and beating ourselves up about our own sins is not the way to move past them. Assuming the guy is the only failure in a divorce situation as you have suggested is a little on the ignorant side, and telling them where to find their ex so you can date them is just dumb.

 

[BarlyGurl]

There are a myriad of reasons for divorce... and some of them are not biblical. So I would suggest you focus on the biblical reasoned ones and weighting the truth from there. I was married as an unbeliever... I got saved... he walked. I didn't want a divorce... but like most unbelievers... the vow... only means as much as the integrity in the heart.
You see more unbelievers staying married these days... because they are lost anyway... no witness for Christ and the Church there so why would the enemy bother them???
Try setting your mind to become kingdom minded and it will be easier to discern the potential of a mate... too many christians think the marriage is ALL ABOUT THEM...

 

[DuchessAimee]

There is never one perfect person and one imperfect person when divorce is involved. You talk to divorced women who always blame the men and they're as sweet as pie? Well why would the paint themselves any other way? Of course they're not going to admit fault, and of course they're going to make themselves look good, and having custody of kids is not always a good indicator of who the better parent is. Did I have a part in my marriage ending? Yes, will I tell you? No. It's not your business nor anyone else's and beating ourselves up about our own sins is not the way to move past them. Assuming the guy is the only failure in a divorce situation as you have suggested is a little on the ignorant side, and telling them where to find their ex so you can date them is just dumb.

Pow! You tell 'em Zao! No more rhyming and I mean it. Anybody want a peanut?

 

[lost1972]

Ill admit it was my fault, I was young and stupid and made a lot of mistakes, I wanted to fix things and make things right, but she didn't want too, she asked for the divorce not me, I didn't want one, God found me someone else years later, I may have made mistakes, but he knew I wouldn't have left my wife, she's still single to this day, no matter if you move on or not it still hurts that never goes away

 

[SeatBelt]

...If you are a divorced man and you wife has the kids then you need to tell me what a great catch you x is. You have a vested interest in her finding a good man.
I am sure you do want a step father that would be willing to die for you children.

Actually, the vested interest should lay in trying to reconcile the marriage whenever possible, even if that means changing to become the good man (or woman) that you should have been. I highly encourage anyone considering marrying someone who has been married before to do an exhaustive Biblical study. While it is always good to leave room for grace, there is some black & white (and yea, verily, more than two shades of grey) scriptures about when this is acceptable in the eyes of God. I'll not try to run point a the teacher on that, for I am far from qualified. I will, however, say that since this can affect more than just your own personal salvation, be wary, do your homework, and don't rush into anything ever.

So fess up and tell me how you destroyed you marriage and how great your x is and then introduce her to me on cc.

Honestly, I'd be surprised if there were many ex-husbands and ex-wives both on this website.

Additionally, I would expect you get more responses from people if you ask for warning labels for the former spouse than for recommendations.

I notice you've not first posted your pedigree. Maybe it's just my inconsistent lapses in when I am online, but have you been on this site long enough that we all know you and want you being the father to our children?

There is never one perfect person and one imperfect person when divorce is involved. You talk to divorced women who always blame the men and they're as sweet as pie?

Ahmen! Even if it is just a fraction of 1 percent, any failed relationship has two parties at fault. If one party will not 100% own their percentage of that, THIS IS A RED FLAG. Application: If she is sweet as pie but blames her ex, odds are that pie will have a very bitter aftertaste!

...and having custody of kids is not always a good indicator of who the better parent is.

Indeed. And in this light, a great many fathers deserve to be defended. I have my kids because of extreme circumstances, but most fathers got a raw deal by courts & judges with a misplaced sense of traditions. Many fathers were still in shock and signed divorce and custody agreements that could have more favored them if they had not been hit out of the blue with papers from a spouse that skipped the 'work it out' stage and went straight for trying to graze that allegedly greener grass.
I could talk on this one for hours.

Did I have a part in my marriage ending? Yes, will I tell you? No. It's not your business nor anyone else's and beating ourselves up about our own sins is not the way to move past them. Assuming the guy is the only failure in a divorce situation as you have suggested is a little on the ignorant side, and telling them where to find their ex so you can date them is just dumb.

And again I say unto thee, Ahmen. (da's right. Gettin all KJV upinhere!)

There are a myriad of reasons for divorce... and some of them are not biblical. So I would suggest you focus on the biblical reasoned ones and weighting the truth from there.

First let me say Barly, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Secondly, I think we should all read that to say MOST reasons are not Biblical rather than some reasons. Beyond that, I think that is some really really decent advice.

 

[seoulsearch]

First let me offer a disclaimer--FOR ALL THE GOOD FATHERS OUT THERE, WE APPRECIATE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR YOUR FAMILIES!!!

That being said, I think the reason a lot of husbands get a bad rap from their ex-wives is because it seems that in most, NOT ALL of course, but MANY cases, the dad does nothing further to help support their children. I can't tell you how many women I know who are raising kids completely on their own. The father never contributes, never calls, let alone remembers birthdays, never checks up on the kids, never comes to their games or events, and never offers any assistance with basic things like clothes, food, and transportation. And if he does call, he constantly promises and NEVER delivers.

I know of one woman whose ex even moved to another state across the country in order to avoid jail for not paying child support.

NOW I KNOW IT GOES BOTH WAYS--many men are out there raising children left behind by mothers who became drug addicts, left for another man, etc.

I would say to ANYONE who is considering dating someone who trashes their ex-spouse--don't do it or at the very least, USE EXTREME CAUTION. Openly trashing someone, as Seatbelt wisely pointed out, is absolute, concrete proof of a bitter heart.

You know what that means, don't you? It means that the bitter person will not only expect you to be perfect, BUT, they will expect you to work doubly hard to make up all the evils their ex did to them, no matter how sweet they seem to be at first. The bitterness in their heart makes them feel "somebody owes them" and YOU are making yourself that somebody.

Jesus said that we speak from the overflow of the heart.

Guess what? Bitterness is like a closet that's stuffed too full, and they keep trying to shove more into the closet every time they accuse an ex of everything that person did wrong. The closet is going to explode... and you, being the closest person around, are going to be hit with the landmine first, and hardest.

As far as relationships go? It's most often a fatal blow.

If this is what you're purposely asking for and seeking out... best wishes. Let us know how it went for you... because we would definitely be curious as to what happened!!

 

[seoulsearch]

I also have to add: I am NOT saying, of course, that a person should never date someone with an ex or kids.

What I AM saying is, WAIT until that God has had enough time with that person or they have allowed God to work with them enough until they are not going to bowl YOU over with the bitterness they have towards SOMEONE ELSE.

At the very least, if you do feel you are to get involved with someone at this stage, have a strong support network standing by for both people.

Why am I voicing such strong feelings about this subject? It's because, of course, I have been on both sides of it.

Don't fool yourself into thinking you're the Prince Charming who is going to rescue a woman who has been this hurt and is still hurting.

 

[Radioflyer]

My purpose is not to dramatize this subject. It is to say God said choose life and blessings or death and curses. If only we can walk today with hindsight of tomorrow. That is what God’s law gives us.

Divorce is a lack of at least one person lacking commitment to both God and spouse. My Bible says “blessed is the man that keeps his word, even when it hurts. He will never be shaken.”
I have had 2 wives. Both felt they had the right to change their mind despite fact of vows taken to death do us part. Both were unfaithful. Both lie to rationalize their life failures are my fault according to them, I am S.O.B.

In between was first time I heard of this subject, 1985, girl friend was speaking of how bad her x was. Then I met him and he was absolute consumed by rage. 3 months later, on his wedding night he cut up his new wife’s face, abandoned her and traveled from Denver to Tucson to see his 1[SUP]st[/SUP] wife. As he was trying to reconcile with Sheri, the mother of injured girl, knocked on door, came in and blew his head off, killed him with 45, in front of 6 foster children. Yet I have no reason to think Sheri has ever considered her choices that led to that day.

I can remember in youth many lessons in school, driver’s education, and military training; all accidents are result of accumulated mistakes. That notion seems to be lost today.

Second wife after 20 years married, I became crippled by auto accident and she left. I was enraged because for years after accident she quit her job and did nothing to support household. I said I would never give her peace because she stole my peace being burden on cripple robbing me of my strength enabling her laziness. In the end as she played poor helpless woman, police handcuffed her and took her to jail. She never spoke to me again. But you can be sure both speak of me as criminal.

On day divorce granted, my conscience (awareness of God) said 2 things. You are lucky you escaped and the mocker has been silenced. (both Proverbs)

We all suffer from spiritual blindness. I read these passages before but they did not register. Had I paid closer attention I would have had much better life. I still hope for eternity. But I paid a price for my ignorance. But facts are facts and Jesus said over and over, from Genesis to Revelation, Matthew 5:32 & Luke 16:18 “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” God hates adultery and compares it to witchcraft.

I married second time speaking same words as spoken above. Paul said 1 Co 7 “Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

Best wishes for all in Christ. David

 

[BarlyGurl]

Radio... that is the crappiest post I have ever read... Thanks for adding to the enemy's cache of fear and doubt for marriage... great job.

 

[zaoman32]

God wouldn't have created marriage if it was hopeless and worthless.

 

[Ugly]

Did i cause my divorce? No, i've never been married. But if i ever do marry, i'm sure i will be the cause..

 

[Donkeyfish07]

No ex wives but I got plenty of crazy ex-girlfriends if you want em. lol

 

[shae0104]

he's still MARRIED so don't!

No ex wives but I got plenty of crazy ex-girlfriends if you want em. lol

 

[Donkeyfish07]

he's still MARRIED so don't!

lol, duly noted