Do You Attract the Same Kinds of Potential Dates Online as In Real Life?

[BruceWayne]

I've never had a date online. I wouldn't even know how that works. Where would we go? Would I take them to ESPN, with stops at Disney and YouTube? Would we look at amazing food on Google images and pretend? I don't even...

But no.. I don't even know what type of person would be drawn to me online. I've never really noticed. I guess if I did, I would hope she'd be share my sense of humor, listen to good music, and if she were a bit narcissistic I'd be okay with that.

As far as people I'm attracted to.. I'm drawn to those who can have fun, not take everything seriously, relaxed, in good shape/fit/workout interests, etc. Interest in sports is a plus. Someone that can take a joke/not be overly sensitive and that I can be myself around. I'd actually say that most of my friends, at least that I've had on CC, are not much like my friends in RL. That's just the way it's worked out for whatever reason. Maybe I need that balance.

 

[seoulsearch]

im the same face to face as on here.

also I can "swear" and do it in many languages.

Somehow... I could have predicted this about you, Wise. Even though I've only "seen" you online.

 

[Gojira]

Hey Everyone,

I was hoping to stagger these threads over a week or so, but due to time constraints I'm just going to go ahead and post this now.

We've already talked about "dating within our league" and unrealistic expectations, so now I'm wondering--if you have been part of a dating service (especially online), do you tend to attract the same kind of people in both everyday life and cyberspace?

I grew up in the same general area for most of my life, but a while back, I lived in a very different area across the country. I remember thinking, "Will people perceive me any differently than the people I've grown up with all my life? Will I be part of a different 'crowd'"?

Here's what I've found--socially, I'm as consistent as a flat line, no matter where I go or who I run into. I'm always seen as "the church girl", "the one who thinks too much and asks too many questions," and, to the party people, "B.O.R.I.N.G." Now granted, I'm not complaining. There are much worse reputations to be had.

But I've also found that even since I was a teenager, I always attract the same kind of men: 1. those who are many decades older, 2. those who are going through a crisis, and 3. the sweet, wonderful, guy-next-door types whom I adore, but we always wind up being just friends (and the guys involved often get married in the meantime.)

One of the fascinations with online dating seems to be the question as to whether or not someone can "move up in the ranks" and be able to date someone "in a higher league"--which in some cases, leads to the fake profiles and catfishing. I've also known some married people who are secretly on dating sites because they want to "see what's out there" and "see what I can attract", because they are hoping to find an "upgrade" from their spouse. Whether people are honest about who they are or not, online dating seems to be seen as a way to "move up" the romantic and social ladder.

I believe that one of the things that's saved me from falling into the clutches of a total catfish is knowing whom I attract. In all the years I've been on dating sites, I've had 3 men contact me who made themselves out to be CEO-types and had ridiculously handsome profile photos (personally, I never trust model-quality photos--I've heard too many bad stories and have never known of anyone who turned out to be real.) Two turned out to be catfish (one was courting several other girls, which is how I found out), another was married, and the third was honestly way beyond my league (if he was who he said he was) and wasn't afraid to let me know it.

I know who I am. And I know that whether in real life or online, I don't attract models or moguls (that's not a put-down in either direction, it's just a fact and part of knowing who you are), so if someone who puts up a front appears to be any of these things, I will take him at his word, but I will also be... extremely cautious.

I'm getting to a point where I won't let my heart budge much until I met the person in real life--and it would have to long enough to be sure they are who they say they are.

And so, dear readers, I'm curious: do you attract the same kinds of people online as you do in real life?

It doesn't have to be just potential dates--what about friends, mentors, or people you relate to? If you seem to attract different groups of people through different social medias, why do you think that is?

I attract no one in real life... well, except one woman in a laundromat a little more than 10 years ago. Online on the other hand, you'd think I was the catch of the year. Completely ridiculous. Why I hate virtuality.

 

[Karlon]

certainly not, if you are a Christian. around here, there isn't any "date" place to meet Christians. so you have the bars, nightclubs, parties or "chance meet" happenstance.

 

[Lynx]

I see somebody has been getting bored while I was on vacation...

Reading back over this thread, my first answer still stands.

 

[Lynx]

But I've also found that even since I was a teenager, I always attract the same kind of men: 1. those who are many decades older, 2. those who are going through a crisis, and 3. the sweet, wonderful, guy-next-door types whom I adore, but we always wind up being just friends (and the guys involved often get married in the meantime.)

7 years later...

Subsequent self-analysis voiced, or rather typed, by seoulsearch herself, indicates she has no interest in taking care of a geriatric, has had far too much experience with those going through crises and requires far too much excitement to ever settle down with the boy next door type.

 

[seoulsearch]

7 years later...

Subsequent self-analysis voiced, or rather typed, by seoulsearch herself, indicates she has no interest in taking care of a geriatric, has had far too much experience with those going through crises and requires far too much excitement to ever settle down with the boy next door type.

Heh.

Some of those things may or may not be true. 😬

 

[Lanolin]

Go to your local church and mark off a section of it with a rope and call it the 'singles meet here section'

There you go. Voila instant meeting place.

 

[G00WZ]

My belief has always been that you attract what you are pretty much so if you see yourself as weird,nerdy,geeky or whatever you'll probably end up with and relating to those kinds of people or at the least drawing that kind of content out of them.

I have many recurrent friends who are basically the same person as the old ones but with different names and faces. Same content,projections,reactions,expectations and conversations as the old ones but with new faces.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont think attraction works that way.

Basically a lot of males are attracted to ANY female that gives them the time of day. I dont think it matters particularly what kind as long as she is alive and breathing.

This is why if you are female and ignore a male, generally they will leave you alone, but males like to think its called Playing hard to get. Cos in general males like to think every female really wants to be with them.

 

[G00WZ]

Here's what I've found--socially, I'm as consistent as a flat line, no matter where I go or who I run into. I'm always seen as "the church girl", "the one who thinks too much and asks too many questions," and, to the party people, "B.O.R.I.N.G." Now granted, I'm not complaining. There are much worse reputations to be had.

Has any of this changed since 2016 or are you still with the same belief and expectations about yourself and if so are you satisfied with them?.

 

[seoulsearch]

Has any of this changed since 2016 or are you still with the same belief and expectations about yourself and if so are you satisfied with them?.

Hi @G00WZ,

Thanks very much for asking! Today is March 21, 2023, and I can tell you my view of myself has pretty much been the same my whole life. None of what you quoted has changed.

But it's interesting that what HAS changed is the context around it.

When I was younger, being all those things was definitely seen as uncool, and I fell into the trap of believing it. As I've gotten older, the way I am hasn't really changed -- but how I SEE it has. Back then, you just see everyone around you as supposedly being more popular and doing more things, and at the time, you're think you're missing out.

I thought my role in life would eventually be as married housewife and stay-at-home mom, so I needed to travel and explore while I could, but that's not the life God apparently had for me.

Now I'm at an age where one starts to see the sometimes stark differences between A and B. I was never a very social person. I was usually working, and now I'm experiencing what it might mean to, yeah, not have the latest or greatest (like the most recent phone,) but for me, it's led to much more attractive opportunities.

I've gradually been obtaining more freedom (in my case, a more flexible schedule) than ever before and was able to spend almost 3 weeks last year meeting friends from CC. I might not go out every weekend (or really hardly ever when I'm at home,) but I will save up all the money I could spend going out for a long trip instead.

You know, I think the reason why I cared back then is because it always hurts to have people laugh at you or make fun of you for not being like them. For instance, I remember in my 20's, I lived in a mobile home and had a small car (a Neon, if anyone remembers those,) and a "friend" of mine told me it was "time to grow up and buy a REAL house and a REAL car." At the time, those things were saving me a ton of money compared to what he was calling REAL, and so I was saving and investing anything extra that came in.

Sometimes I think back to when people made fun of or criticized me (or still do, for not having the latest iPhone or even an iPhone at all, etc.)

But one of the biggest blessing God has given me is connections with other like-minded people who are made fun of for the same things.

And it gets a lot easier to block out all the noise when they're headed back to work with their daily Starbucks in hand (I like to say, I'm not interested in Starbucks but I will save up to buy SBUX -- the ticker symbol for Starbucks stock -- instead,) and you're rolling your suitcase down the hall to go on a month-long trip instead.

Working is often boring, staying at home might be boring to some, and saving money is even more boring. But... I'm starting to see how being boring for a lifetime can start to blossom into something beautiful.

 

[Lanolin]

travel and adventure can be exciting but it travel can be a drag if it goes on for TOO long (are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet...?) like an extended Lord of the Rings movie. You can only take so much.

Gypsys tend to marry in BIG FAT gypsy weddings cos the homes they go into are like tiny wagons with barely enough room to swing a cat.

I remember watching Nomadland about all those who no longer had homes and were living in their vans and RVs being on the road all the time has its attractions but it also has its dicy moments like peeing in a bucket and going for days, weeks, or maybe even months without a wash.

 

[Lanolin]

I just remember I am not like anyone else, but then my brothers are twins and they arent that much alike either. Though people tend to lump them together.

I am definitely not much like my sister and if she made fun of me not being like her I didnt care, but when people say why cant you be more like so and so I'm like I am not their twin. If I met my doppelganger it would be a weird surreal experience.

I cant be like other people and wear matching outfits and do everything everyone else does at the same time. Im just not that type of person. So I think any army or ballet corps would not like me in their troupe.

 

[Lynx]

travel and adventure can be exciting but it travel can be a drag if it goes on for TOO long (are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet...?) like an extended Lord of the Rings movie. You can only take so much.

Gypsys tend to marry in BIG FAT gypsy weddings cos the homes they go into are like tiny wagons with barely enough room to swing a cat.

I remember watching Nomadland about all those who no longer had homes and were living in their vans and RVs being on the road all the time has its attractions but it also has its dicy moments like peeing in a bucket and going for days, weeks, or maybe even months without a wash.

I can not endorse any post that involves the swinging of cats. =^.^=

 

[G00WZ]

Hi @G00WZ,

Thanks very much for asking! Today is March 21, 2023, and I can tell you my view of myself has pretty much been the same my whole life. None of what you quoted has changed.

But it's interesting that what HAS changed is the context around it.

When I was younger, being all those things was definitely seen as uncool, and I fell into the trap of believing it. As I've gotten older, the way I am hasn't really changed -- but how I SEE it has. Back then, you just see everyone around you as supposedly being more popular and doing more things, and at the time, you're think you're missing out.

I thought my role in life would eventually be as married housewife and stay-at-home mom, so I needed to travel and explore while I could, but that's not the life God apparently had for me.

Now I'm at an age where one starts to see the sometimes stark differences between A and B. I was never a very social person. I was usually working, and now I'm experiencing what it might mean to, yeah, not have the latest or greatest (like the most recent phone,) but for me, it's led to much more attractive opportunities.

I've gradually been obtaining more freedom (in my case, a more flexible schedule) than ever before and was able to spend almost 3 weeks last year meeting friends from CC. I might not go out every weekend (or really hardly ever when I'm at home,) but I will save up all the money I could spend going out for a long trip instead.

You know, I think the reason why I cared back then is because it always hurts to have people laugh at you or make fun of you for not being like them. For instance, I remember in my 20's, I lived in a mobile home and had a small car (a Neon, if anyone remembers those,) and a "friend" of mine told me it was "time to grow up and buy a REAL house and a REAL car." At the time, those things were saving me a ton of money compared to what he was calling REAL, and so I was saving and investing anything extra that came in.

Sometimes I think back to when people made fun of or criticized me (or still do, for not having the latest iPhone or even an iPhone at all, etc.)

But one of the biggest blessing God has given me is connections with other like-minded people who are made fun of for the same things.

And it gets a lot easier to block out all the noise when they're headed back to work with their daily Starbucks in hand (I like to say, I'm not interested in Starbucks but I will save up to buy SBUX -- the ticker symbol for Starbucks stock -- instead,) and you're rolling your suitcase down the hall to go on a month-long trip instead.

Working is often boring, staying at home might be boring to some, and saving money is even more boring. But... I'm starting to see how being boring for a lifetime can start to blossom into something beautiful.

I'd question a person with a 1k phone telling me that mine is cheap or not new and that i need to buy a new one. The question is who first sold them the idea for them to buy theirs and just when did they sell out and buy into the hype. The same thing goes for relationships too because in the end all you're buying into is ideas. It's like if i sold a person the idea that marriage is the definition of happiness and that it's the only way to have it, they'd chase it. It reminds me of when i was a kid and i would see a new toy on tv and how much the other kids on the commercial would hype it up, i'd want it too. Once i got it i'd have fun for about 3 days and it would go right into the toy box with the rest of the old toys until the next hyped thing came out.

As for a 1990s neon, tune it, lower it, stance it, keep it fresh and take it car meets like wekfest and ignore what your friend said. It can hurt when people have negative comments but you gotta be the Neo in your own matrix and let the smiths be the smiths.

Just as long as you're having some peace and freedom in your life because some people go their whole life chasing subjective things but never really having that as the highest. The more you have the more responsibility and commitment you have to support it with as your freedom level to them gets smaller and smaller. Having kids and a husband is work because you have to deal with different personalities and if any of them have any issues and burdens they're now your issues too. Some people aren't mentally ready or stable enough to want to handle that. It's wise to be aware of the price tag and long term taxes that come with people and things, but if you're rich go on ahead and buy em.

 

[G00WZ]

I just remember I am not like anyone else, but then my brothers are twins and they arent that much alike either. Though people tend to lump them together.

I am definitely not much like my sister and if she made fun of me not being like her I didnt care, but when people say why cant you be more like so and so I'm like I am not their twin. If I met my doppelganger it would be a weird surreal experience.

I cant be like other people and wear matching outfits and do everything everyone else does at the same time. Im just not that type of person. So I think any army or ballet corps would not like me in their troupe.

Imagine an entire planet teeming with Lanolins.

 

[Lanolin]

Imagine an entire planet teeming with Lanolins.

eek
lol

well, now am at a school where I dont stand out THAT much in terms of looks though circumstances seem to be I'll always be in the minority even there on staff. I could not help it that my ancestors bred like rabbits.

 

[Lanolin]

I guess for some people if they repeat the idea that marriage equals happiness or bliss enough it gets stuck in their head even though reality it can be very different.

Also times have changed and its very difficult these days for couples to last the distance. Everyone knows somebody who has divorced and separated like its now very common. I had a school friend who married and had children and divorced about three times, and the last one she decided thats it, Im going to study and become a ...divorce lawyer! She also sold tupperware on the side.

Apparently the reason for divorce is often financial. Men just cant be true to one woman and women arent taking it anymore, cos they arent solely dependent on them anymore. In the olden days if a man cheated on you you just grin and bore it.