Do you think online dating goes against waiting on the Lord?

[MsMediator]

Let me start over.

I am a respectful gentleman when it comes to women, so I apologize, somewhat, for my earlier response. Not that I did not mean what I said, but I did not mean for it to sound disrespectful in my delivery of it. What you did, and are still doing, is stereotyping, and that is never a good thing to do. Every man, or woman, ought to be judged based upon their own conduct...or misconduct. You would not like to be lumped together with other women simply because you are a woman, and it is not fair to do that with men either.

All that I will say is that, even though I will probably remain single for the rest of my life, when I have thought about marriage, then I have thought about being a husband who would lay down his life for his wife even as Christ laid down his life for the church. In other words, a possible wife's "submissiveness" was never truly my concern, and if it had been, then it would not have resembled what you have been describing by any stretch of one's imagination. As I said before, your stereotype is insulting to any genuine Christian man, and some of us still exist.

I will leave it at that.

Ideally a submissive Christian wife would not have to deal with cheating or abuse or this rock bottom level of submissiveness, so what I wrote would be moot for both Christian men and women. I was making a broad generalization about men's expectations (that they still expect this rock bottom level) which I believe is true more or less, but certainty it doesn't apply to everyone.

 

[Handyman62]

Most men ideally want a wife who doesn't leave them if they cheat or even abuse; I'm not wrong about that. It is more likely that a submissive woman will more likely tolerate this. This is essentially what men subconsciously mean when they say they want a submissive wife. They want even more than what a Western Christian submissive wife will offer (hence all this talk about foreign bride) who most will not tolerate this type of behavior.

I think it has to do with most western women (including Christian women) wanting to run the household. They do that because they have fallen hook, line & sinker for the feminist lies. Men in western countries have few good choices when it comes to finding good women.

Men take a chance at having their children taken from them when they marry a western woman. And then end up being saddled with paying spousal & child support for many years simply because his wife got bored and felt she out grew him.

Or men could just play the field and never commit which leaves the women alone and complaining about it.

Being a submissive women is not a put down no matter what country the woman lives in and God did not make a mistake when he made men to be warriors on the battlefield and leaders in the home.

 

[Lynx]

Let me start over.

I am a respectful gentleman when it comes to women, so I apologize, somewhat, for my earlier response. Not that I did not mean what I said, but I did not mean for it to sound disrespectful in my delivery of it. What you did, and are still doing, is stereotyping, and that is never a good thing to do. Every man, or woman, ought to be judged based upon their own conduct...or misconduct. You would not like to be lumped together with other women simply because you are a woman, and it is not fair to do that with men either.

All that I will say is that, even though I will probably remain single for the rest of my life, when I have thought about marriage, then I have thought about being a husband who would lay down his life for his wife even as Christ laid down his life for the church. In other words, a possible wife's "submissiveness" was never truly my concern, and if it had been, then it would not have resembled what you have been describing by any stretch of one's imagination. As I said before, your stereotype is insulting to any genuine Christian man, and some of us still exist.

I will leave it at that.

I'm gonna have to agree with MsMediator on this one.

She specified men who say they want a submissive wife, and she specified especially when men talk about finding a foreign wife so they can get a submissive one. That's not a false stereotype - there are a LOT of men who want a foreign wife, because they imagine they will be able to rule over her and she'll just take it.

Now if she had said ALL men are like this, I'd agree with you. But she's right about the men she specified she was talking about. We've seen a lot of them come through this very forum, talking about finding a submissive foreign wife (often filipino) they dream about having someday.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

I'm gonna have to agree with MsMediator on this one.

That is fine, but I still disagree with her stereotype.

Why?

Well, because this a Christian site, and because I am a Christian, and because my username says "seeking the mind of Christ".

In other words, I view things through the lens of genuine Christianity, and not through the lens of the unregenerate with an unrenewed mind. With this stated viewpoint, no genuine Christian man would ever think the way that she described, whether consciously or subconsciously, nor would he apply or adhere to the totally unbiblical definition of "submission" that she presented here.

 

[Lynx]

No, a christian man wouldn't think that way.

She specified the kind of man she was talking about though, which has nothing to do with a real christian man. If you're not the kind she was talking about, she wasn't talking about you at all.

If she had said ALL men, or even MOST men in general, that would have been an offensive stereotype. But she specifically delineated the kind of men she was talking about.

 

[Lanolin]

Please excuse me @Lynx @Lanolin although there were/are not so good stories you read or heard about Philippines and Filipinas please take note that is not the whole truth about Philippines and the Filipinas....have you been to Philippines?

No but many filipinas come to nz
Unforutnately a few are treated very badly when they marry non filipinas though not all.

The truth about Phillipines its a matriarchal society which makes it very different from the patriarchal one in other countries.

Catholicism is in the culture and ingrained. There are good and bad things about this.

 

[Lanolin]

the Virgin Mary is idolised in Catholicism which makes some women want to be super wives.
That can be a good thing for christian men I suppose.
If only Jesus was 'idolised' maybe men would be better husbands. 🤔

 

[Lanolin]

If I recall one of our members here married a filipino and he cheated on her and they got divorced (In the US) In the phillipines, apparently its acceptable for married men to have mistresses. Women tolerate it but in marriage they have no choice because catholic obligations means that they cant divorce. Thats why they look elsewhere (foreigners) for marriage prospects.

in Hong Kong, most of the filipinas are maids to the Chinese families and they get treated very poorly and often get taken advantage of.

Though I know a few in churches though it would mostly be catholic churches. If catholicsm is your thing sure, belief in holy matrimony is a big thing for catholics. Either that or those who dont marry become nuns. I had a filipina workmate who seriously considered this. I have no frame of reference for catholicism as I am not catholic but she held very fixed beliefs about this. Also when you marry someone you not just marrying them but their entire family which you need to support.

 

[MsMediator]

I wonder if this also applies to Catholic Mexican immigrant women. I met a woman at a bus stop awhile ago whose husband was unfaithful and not even living at the house, however the priest did not want her to divorce. Also, curious why men seek Filipina women when there are similar minded women with similar values closer by.

 

[Moses_Young]

That is fine, but I still disagree with her stereotype.

Why?

Well, because this a Christian site, and because I am a Christian, and because my username says "seeking the mind of Christ".

In other words, I view things through the lens of genuine Christianity, and not through the lens of the unregenerate with an unrenewed mind. With this stated viewpoint, no genuine Christian man would ever think the way that she described, whether consciously or subconsciously, nor would he apply or adhere to the totally unbiblical definition of "submission" that she presented here.

I agree with you. A man wanting a submissive wife has nothing to do with the man wanting to commit adultery. Especially not a Christian man. That flies in the face of what Christ taught.

A submissive wife/woman is evidence that the woman is faithful to Christ (as well as being a genuinely feminine characteristic, which is attractive to men), just as a faithful husband is evidence of the same in the man. I would argue this is why many men search for a submissive wife, although there are many definitions of "submissive", and many of the feminist (false) definitions are misleading as to the true definition of submission.

 

[MsMediator]

A man wanting a submissive wife has nothing to do with the man wanting to commit adultery. Especially not a Christian man.

I believe it is an expectation of the wife, psychologically speaking. A man may have no sex drive or may not cheat (even with porn) or be abusive but still wants a wife who will tolerate this, so a man is wired in seeking this out even if he doesnt realize this. Similarly, as a man seeks a submissive wife a woman seeks a provider man. Subconsciously in choosing a mate a woman wants a man who can provide a lot and generously, however that doesn't mean women (and Christian women) are gold diggers.

 

[Cameron143]

I believe it is an expectation of the wife, psychologically speaking. A man may have no sex drive or may not cheat (even with porn) or be abusive but still wants a wife who will tolerate this, so a man is wired in seeking this out even if he doesnt realize this. Similarly, as a man seeks a submissive wife a woman seeks a provider man. Subconsciously in choosing a mate a woman wants a man who can provide a lot and generously, however that doesn't mean women (and Christian women) are gold diggers.

What is the basis for your conclusions? Do you have psychological evidence? Do you have biblical support?

 

[MsMediator]

What is the basis for your conclusions? Do you have psychological evidence? Do you have biblical support?

I read a few red pill books awhile ago, written from men's perspectives, and I remembered a few details here and there. No there is probably no Biblical support for these conclusions as the Biblical definition of submission is different and commonly misused/perceived incorrectly.

 

[Kireina]

If I recall one of our members here married a filipino and he cheated on her and they got divorced (In the US) In the phillipines, apparently its acceptable for married men to have mistresses. Women tolerate it but in marriage they have no choice because catholic obligations means that they cant divorce. Thats why they look elsewhere (foreigners) for marriage prospects.

in Hong Kong, most of the filipinas are maids to the Chinese families and they get treated very poorly and often get taken advantage of.

Though I know a few in churches though it would mostly be catholic churches. If catholicsm is your thing sure, belief in holy matrimony is a big thing for catholics. Either that or those who dont marry become nuns. I had a filipina workmate who seriously considered this. I have no frame of reference for catholicism as I am not catholic but she held very fixed beliefs about this. Also when you marry someone you not just marrying them but their entire family which you need to support.

Before proceeding with my long response I just want to say thank you Ms. Lanolin for taking the time ☺️

There are some truths about what you've said like the Philippines being a Catholic Country...but for your information there are Christian churches everywhere also in case you don't know yet.
I live in an Island and I've seen small and big Christian churches in our province. And no I never heard this kind of thing....that those who don't marry become nuns 🤔 I've known some women who are not married they are not nuns instead they have careers they are working and solo 😅 When I was in highschool after my graduation from highschool I told my parents I want to become a nun. They scolded me and told me no! 😅 My parents are Catholics.

I just don't like it when people say something about Philippines and the People in my country like they lived there for quite some time already. I am sure I've done the same thing before I said things about people and places because somebody told me something or because I read it somewhere and I felt bad about my actions and tried not to repeat the same mistake again. 🙁

@Lanolin hmmm...in Philippines it is not acceptable for men to have mistresses we have law for that....you will get imprisoned for commiting such act.... ☺️ but yeah some people do that but it is not acceptable or a normal thing 😕


A foreign husband supports the whole family hmmm yes there's some truth in your words but I'd like you to know that although some women do that...you'll be surprised not everyone is asking their husband to support her family.

My Aunt married an American....but my aunt is still working while her husband is retired already. She worked since they got married even though her husband can afford to feed her and the family. My Aunt is in her late 60's now and still working. Some women I know are working so that they don't use their husband's money to help their families in the Philippines.

If you watch Filipino programs or read news there's a celebrity in Philippines who confessed that her ex husband a westerner didn't bring anything on the table or support the family eversince.. Instead she was the one who worked hard to support the family.




Anyways...May I ask, why did you include Filipino domestic workers here?it is irrelevant I am sorry....

But, to address your comment about the domestic workers who are mistreated yeah there are cases like that and as a Filipino I am sad about it...🥹

There are bad people bad employers as well as bad workers everywhere. But the Hongkong Filipino domestic workers I can say that we are treated quite fairly but I believe there are still some other things they need to improve in protecting and Shielding the workers from bad and abusive employers.

If not all, those who were abused by their employers found justice and been compensated. Don't get me wrong no amount of money can wipe off the pain and hurt, physically and emotionally inflicted by their employers. No one has the right to abuse someone. I am strongly not tolerating any kind of abuse.

Again just because you heard it or you read it somewhere it is 100 % or 75 % true....no it is not...

There are bad things in the Philippines but There are too many good things in my country and the People that you have not seen or heard yet....Please if you have time to visit the Philippines and stay there...I think that will be great ☺️


What do we expect in this fallen world? In every country and its people the good the bad and the ugly can always be found...


To those who may someday wanna visit or stay in the Philippines please proceed with caution when you go to my country or heard about Philippines and about us but don't close your eyes and heart to see the real beauty of my country and the People...as a Filipino who lived and worked outside my country for almost two decades it is always nice to be back to my country the Philippines ☺️ Thanks! God bless everyone ❤️

 

[Dropship]

The modern single Christian question….
Are we stepping out of God’s will and timing by trying to do things our own way?
(FYI I’m not online dating.)
What is your opinion on this?

Nothing wrong in shopping around for a soulmate online or anywhere else..-
"Two are better than one,for how can one keep warm alone?" (Ecc 4:9-11)
Jesus said:-"at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' So they are no longer two, but one." (Matt 19:4)

"Judy Judy Judy"...

 

[Lanolin]

I mean no disrepect to Filipinos just my experience and there are many many many nz men who marry filipina women and its always the same story. Nobody goes to Phillipines to live. The Filipina women leave the Phillipines and marry foreigners because they want a better life.
But you can go on this forum and ask the filipino community yourself - whole section dedicated to this group.

Other groups have issues and it often comes down to one thing people don't like to say - human trafficking.
There is also a huge marriage market. People are poor. They want money. They marry money. End of story.

I mention filipino domestic workers because that is what they may have to do to survive if they don't marry. Or become nuns. Though many are nurses and in childcare, just as many find jobs as hotel workers, rubbish dump workers, or cleaners. Though mostly women keep working regardless, very few have the luxury to become trophy wives...the husbands need to be stinkin' rich for that to happen.

As for stereotype of non-western women NOT being head of households hahaha wake up. Its known women often wear the pants in asian households.

 

[Lanolin]

change subject
foreign marriages often dont work out you are never really 'equal' because exchange rates between countries and cultures are different.


I know this because I know so many divorces and separated couples have these 'irreconcialable differences' and they may go to the ends of the earth to get away from their families. The things they cannot do in the own country, or get away with, they might be able to do in another.


If you are being like Ruth, even before she met Boaz, she made a vow to her mother-in-law where you go I will go, your God will be my God and I will be buried where you are buried.

Nobody can blame Maoabitess Ruth for seeking a better life after all a famine killed her own husband. The only way most women can live in another country permanently unless they are highly educated with a permanent visa is if they marry someone and have children.

as for 'shopping around', what a drag. Women are honestly tired of being seen as commodities and yet it always happens, so its not something you can avoid, men will put a price tag on women and only buy what they can afford, and if they have a cheap deal they congratulate themselves dont they.

 

[FollowingtheWay]

@

The modern single Christian question….

Are we stepping out of God’s will and timing by trying to do things our own way?

(FYI I’m not online dating.)

What is your opinion on this?

I think we serve a God who can do miraculous things. He has done miraculous things and there is no reason to believe He can’t bring a couple together through an internet site. We have a God that exists outside of space and time. He doesn’t rely on material things of this world to accomplish his will. He can and will use material such as an internet connection but is not reliant on them. One must get past the idea of secular/sacred divide and bridge understanding that in this world there is only sacred and desecrated. If you can use a dating website for sacred purposes though it may be deemed secular by our world or the religious then God will use it to find you a spouse. However for me as a man I could not in all honesty do the online dating if I were searching for the fact from bit I’ve seen there are far too many inappropriate photos that are down right pornographic that people post of themselves and the tempt of lust while scrolling or swiping would be far too great for me in this season but if God led me there, I’m sure he would allow me the strength to resist temptation and stay on mission.