Does Romantic Love Cure Depression, Alcoholism/Drugs, Porn/Sex (Put Your Vice Here) Addiction?

[Gojira]

I tend to take the tack that says a romantic relationship can help. It can stabilize people, help them to grow up, etc.

But, another human being cannot be God for you. A romantic involvement will not meet all of your needs, and if you're expecting another person to do that, you're in for one hell of a disappointment.

There is a certain amount we need to have taken care of before we enter into a marital union, and God must ultimately be God to us.

That being said, a good marriage can be a great QoL enhancer. I mean, why wouldn't you want someone great to come home to every day, someone to do things with, share burdens with, and who provides you with a holy sexual outlet? Crap, that last one's a big selling point for me

 

[cinder]

I tend to take the tack that says a romantic relationship can help. It can stabilize people, help them to grow up, etc.

Some people do get motivated to step up and be a more responsible stable adult when there's someone else in the picture; my brother is one of those kinds of people. But some people get enabled by a romantic relationship and someone else around to do all the responsible adult things and actually end up behaving worse and expecting other people to pick up the slack they leave so that they can just enjoy life worry free for a change; my brother's ex is one of these kinds of people.

As I think about it, I think one of the key factors that determines which way a person will go is whether they think of a relationship primarily as having someone to care for or as having someone to take care of them. Which kind of leads to if you're looking to get into a relationship so someone can help clean up all your messiness then it's unlikely to work as a long term solution to your problems.

 

[Gojira]

Some people do get motivated to step up and be a more responsible stable adult when there's someone else in the picture; my brother is one of those kinds of people. But some people get enabled by a romantic relationship and someone else around to do all the responsible adult things and actually end up behaving worse and expecting other people to pick up the slack they leave so that they can just enjoy life worry free for a change; my brother's ex is one of these kinds of people.

As I think about it, I think one of the key factors that determines which way a person will go is whether they think of a relationship primarily as having someone to care for or as having someone to take care of them. Which kind of leads to if you're looking to get into a relationship so someone can help clean up all your messiness then it's unlikely to work as a long term solution to your problems.

Good post.

For me, not that you asked , I want someone because I miss doing things with someone who matters to me, I miss the sweet little texts during the day that say 'I love you', or going to bed with that person and messing up the sheets.

 

[seoulsearch]

I mean, why wouldn't you want someone great to come home to every day, someone to do things with, share burdens with, and who provides you with a holy sexual outlet? Crap, that last one's a big selling point for me

It's a funny thing.

This leads into the discussion of how high a person's motivation to marry is based on a desire/need/compulsion for sex and how high it should be when influencing them to seek or marry a spouse.

We all know the infamous passage that tells us it's better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9,) but on the flip side, there have been many, many people on the forum over the years (usually in the Family Forum) who admitted to marrying specifically in order to deal with/have an outlet for their passion -- and it never seems to work out well.

I can't think of a single brave soul out there in the time I've been here who stood up and said, "YES!!! I was burning with passion before my marriage, I found myself a most reliable and usable outlet, oops, I mean, a spouse, and bingo! Now all my flames have been tended to! Hallelujah!"

I wonder if there are couples out there who have found this to be their reality? And if they would be brave and kind enough to tell us that it actually exists?

I'm certainly not saying the Bible or God's Word is wrong.

I'm just saying, what are we missing in that why does it seem to go so horribly wrong for so many people who are just trying to follow what the Bible says?

There are a lot of people who married thinking that they were walking into God's holy sanctions for a proper sexual outlet, and have found themselves to be utterly miserable.

 

[Gojira]

It's a funny thing.

This leads into the discussion of how high a person's motivation to marry is based on a desire/need/compulsion for sex and how high it should be when influencing them to seek or marry a spouse.

We all know the infamous passage that tells us it's better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9,) but on the flip side, there have been many, many people on the forum over the years (usually in the Family Forum) who admitted to marrying specifically in order to deal with/have an outlet for their passion -- and it never seems to work out well.

I can't think of a single brave soul out there in the time I've been here who stood up and said, "YES!!! I was burning with passion before my marriage, I found myself a most reliable and usable outlet, oops, I mean, a spouse, and bingo! Now all my flames have been tended to! Hallelujah!"

I wonder if there are couples out there who have found this to be their reality? And if they would be brave and kind enough to tell us that it actually exists?

I'm certainly not saying the Bible or God's Word is wrong.

I'm just saying, what are we missing in that why does it seem to go so horribly wrong for so many people who are just trying to follow what the Bible says?

There are a lot of people who married thinking that they were walking into God's holy sanctions for a proper sexual outlet, and have found themselves to be utterly miserable.

Well, I suppose it depends on the individuals involved, their respective sex drives, what else they have in common, what other dysfunctions they have,... you know, the other things that make up a marriage.

Sex is important to me. Is that all of it? I believe I've been clear that I miss the companionship. I don't want a house full of people and chaos, but I don't want to be the only occupant, either. And, a roommate or a dog ain't going to cut it.

My marriage was a good one. She was the perfect little companion (all of 5'0"), and great in bed. It worked. Well. I miss it.

 

[SomeDisciple]

We all know the infamous passage that tells us it's better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9,) but on the flip side, there have been many, many people on the forum over the years (usually in the Family Forum) who admitted to marrying specifically in order to deal with/have an outlet for their passion -- and it never seems to work out well.

I think it's important to point out that the Corinthian Church had a problem with fornication. I personally don't think Paul is recommending that "horny people need to get married so they have an outlet for their sexual desires". He says "if they cannot contain", so, they still have a responsibility to try and isolate themselves from situations where they would be tempted to fornicate- but in situations where maybe people are not married, but their life situation requires them to be around another christian, who maybe they were fornicating with before they were saved, and there are unavoidable opportunities for them to fornicate- those people should probably just get married rather than be in constant temptation.

People shouldn't just get married because they're horny all the time- Marriage won't even necessarily solve that problem unless both parties are willing to agree to... assist each other. I can't count how many people, especially women, look at 1cor7:5 and immediately deny that it suggests they be sexually accommodating. Even then, if you are the type of person that cannot control yourself- you definitely should NOT get married- imagine if for some reason circumstances arise that you are separated from your spouse for a time... you will almost definitely commit adultery! It just doesn't make sense.

 

[Solemateleft]

Hey Everyone,

This thread is inspired by another ongoing thread here, but the topic comes up frequently here in Singles.

Many singles think that whatever they're struggling with will get better or even disappear altogether "if only" they found their "one true love," their "soul mate," their absolute dream person from God who is going to be the total game changer -- or so they think.

Now, I am definitely not trying to say that this can't or doesn't happen.

I'm just interested in what others have observed regarding this topic. If you think about the people in your life -- it could be you, a friend, a relative, a parent, a step-parent, a church member, a co-worker -- have any of them believed that a Godly, loving relationship or marriage would make all their issues get better or go away? So what actually happened when they did find love?

Don't limit the list of possible problems to the ones in just the title -- it could be video games, food, loneliness, insecurities, addiction to work -- anything that is interfering with your life, is causing you distress, or is causing you to live a lesser quality of life because of your inability to resist or avoid the issue, whatever it may be. It could be something you once chose on your own, or something you had no power against but yet you have to deal with it now on a regular basis.

Most Christian singles seem to believe that a Christ-centered marriage will conquer everything. But what have you actually experienced and observed in your everyday life? One thing that always perplexes me is how far reality can be from our ideals, and we often find this out much too late. What can we do to prevent this?

*Of the people you can think of who thought a romantic relationship would improve their state -- did things get better, worse, or stay the same?

* Why do you think that is, especially if both people involved were Christians?

Please note that I see this question as having no "right" or "wrong" answers -- the only thing I'm really after is how people's realities have played out vs. the ideals they once held (and acted upon.)

I have included an anonymous, multiple-choice poll because I'm really interested in hearing people's thoughts and observations about this. And if there is enough interest, I may repeat this thread and poll in the Family Forum in order to get answers from our married friends who can speak from experience.

Thank you for sharing your dose of reality with us today!

Timing and sequence of events matter...
The loss of the Love of One's Life could lead to Depression and a possible spiral of other bad decisions and behaviors...

- The assumption is that before One met the Love of their LIfe - did One have the tendency to spiral into a depression and associated poor decision making

- Can people kids themselves into believing that having a Lover/Life Partner/Spouse can solve all their problems and poor decisions... Yes. Unfortunately, they are very likely to Not be genuinely Happy with someone if that persons intended purpose is to complete them..
- Bottom-line - People have to complete themselves and fulfill their lives with their intended purpose...

YES - being with the Love of Ones Life can certainly serve to prevent or preclude Depression and the potential of spiraling into other poor decisions and behaviors...
It is NOT a CURE...
People who are Happily Married can still fall into Depression and spiral into other poor decision making as a consequence of other life stressors, anxieties, or triggers as well as NOT finding your purpose in your chosen profession, life experiences, or child baring issues or challenges...

Very good line of questions... Thanks... Looking forward to getting back into the fun side of the Forum soon...

 

[seoulsearch]

Looking forward to getting back into the fun side of the Forum soon...

We've been waiting for you, Sole!

Welcome back and always good to see you around.

 

[Solemateleft]

We've been waiting for you, Sole!

Welcome back and always good to see you around.

Looking forward to engaging here more often soon enough Seoul sister

 

[Lanolin]

did someone die?
sorry just wondering

if you spouse died are you pining for THEM as a person or just the EXPERIENCE of being with them, so it wouldnt really matter who you are with could be anybody.

A lot of people just dont seem to care WHO they are with as long as they are with anybody.

I wouldnt really like to be that person that falls into the 'anybody' category. oh you will do kind of thing. kinda like a virus seeking out a host.

 

[GiveThanks]

Being inlove is quite fun and exciting at first. So it can be seen as a temporary cure especially if its not true love and you are just obsessed or in lust. However those old undelt with issues swept under the rug will come back.

 

[Lanolin]

maybe its more of a palliative than a panacea.

if you fall in love with someone or they fall in love with you the porn, drug addiction and depression wont disappear. One of you will end up driving that person to rehab, dispensing meds, counselling, or smashing their computer.

 

[Lanolin]

sometimes I think the only thing that will CURE people is Gods grace, which is parental love from our Father in heaven

I was just thinking of the Carrie Fisher bio Id read. She ended up looking after her porn and drug addicted dad who had abandoned her, but that didnt stop her own cocaine and coca cola addiction.
Plus when she married Paul simon he turned out to be kinda controlling and competetive, but when she went with the father of her daughter, he just turned out to be gay.

Im sure she wrote those witty novels and memoirs just to say DONT DO WHAT I DID. She evn had an affair with her co star wars star Harrison Ford, but that just made her even more confused as he was married at the time.

Her own mother wasnt really going to help her any, she was chasing fading stardom and trying not to go bankrupt at the same time. The bright note was that her younger brother Todd became a christian, but younger brothers arent really in a postion to help their elder sisters out. Especially if your sister stays a resolute athiest/humanist.

She was cremated and placed inside a giant prozac capsule. I kid you not.

if you are so inclined, take 2 Carrie pills twice a day and see if you feel any better. As she once said 'instant gratification takes too long'
and
'if my life wasnt funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable'

 

[Comparte]

It depends on what kind of person you are, some people will choose to share what's depressing them with thier partners which could make them feel better and others will just keep quiet about it which may depress them the more.

 

[Lanolin]

it can be depressing to be around a depressed person, especially if you are naturally introverted because other peoples energy can drain you...but you can do little things to cheer them up

Talking sometimes helps but writing is perhaps better, a lot of people write diaries or songs or poetry. we even have an entire book of psalms in the Bible thanks to David feeling depressed! So its not all bad.

Going back to Carrie Fisher, her saving grace was her writing, she was the author of many books.

Im guessing romance writers were all depressives at some point so decide to write a fantasy romance to escape their depressing lives. Or maybe not. whatever... writing is therapeutic. Nobody else HAS to read it though, but if it becomes published and a bestseller, well, great!

although maybe not great. Maybe you dont particularly want your heartbreaks going national.

 

[stilllearning]

Good question. If it does change anything I would think it would only be temporary. Cause I think most of those things are deeply seeded before we meet the romantic love. So it may be possible that it does cure for some. However, would think that it would be more of the exception than the rule. Since they would more than likely be pre-existing conditions to at least term it.

I would think that since they would be pre-existing that for the majority when they became symptomatic again it would provide additional strain on top of of what life already throws at us. So depending on the person you are with and if they want to see it through with you or not would more than likely be the deciding factor how much further the relationship would go.

We know as Christians that God is love and he has defined himself as love. So we can find just how that is truly defined through the bible.

Such as John 3:16 says For God so loved the world he gave. So we know definitively that giving is love. Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life. So again we see how love is defined. It is laying down yourself. There is a true and honest humility in that an also a determination.

Which could also be noted in marriage vows when you swear for better or worse. That denotes determination.

I have found love really is the true root of the problem. Take the Garden of Eden for example and the fall. Sure pride and other things are clearly present but if I wanna find what was the root that just caused it all to go awry.

I can only conclude love or missing love or lack of love or improper love was the true root of it all going off the rails. I conclude this cause Christ told us that if you love me you will keep my commandments. In the bible it is just the running theme of what is always addressed first. When asked what is the greatest commandment Christ said love the Lord first and others as yourself.

In the letters to the 7 churches first one he addresses is Ephesus and he says remember from where you are fallen, you have left your first love. We are told if you don't love your brother and you say you love God you are a liar. When explained how that evil is coming upon the world we are told men will be lovers of them own selves and hate God.

So anyway I digress as I was saying Christ said if you love me you will keep my commandments. We find in the garden after that they had sinned and God addresses Adam he ask have you done what I commanded you not to do. So right there we can see that Christ has already set the definite in that if you love me you will keep my commandments and Adam failed to do that.

So ultimately Adam loved Eve more than he loved God and he loved the gift more so than the giver. We also know that John has said don't be like this world and love this world and then goes on to define what is in the world. Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life. Which as we know it says that the fruit was pleasant to the eye, pleasant, to the touch, and would make one wise. So Eve had a love of the world before God.

So love was the root problem. So in any romantic love we now have I think we have to first be honest and let the person know what we struggle with if we ever get to the point where we are talking marriage. For one we have to know how do they define love how much is it really the very attribute and person they are. So we would have to know cause if we have such pre-existing problems they will have to be the ones to answer just how determined they are and are gonna want to be.

Would also say one would also have to be self aware and place themselves under the microscope and honestly weigh themselves. To arrive at their own ability to love and just how much is that their very attribute. Cause at some point you have to also take responsibility for what you have brought into the relationship and find the point where you say ok I need to deal with this. Cause since I love this person continuing as such I will ultimately place a unfair additional burden for them to carry on already the burdens that life already adds. To which we all have our breaking points.

So ultimately I would say that the romantic love would help or not based upon just how much love is a part of each very person and just how determined we are to use love to solve the trials that are going to pop up with the baggage we already carry into the relationship.

Not sure if that even made any sense.......LOL Anyway you asked a good question and this is the best way I can possibly answer.

 

[Lanolin]

adam LOVED eve? Really?

THats actually news to me...

 

[stilllearning]

adam LOVED eve? Really?

THats actually news to me...

Really. I am quite convinced so. One of the things I like to do is listen to Jewish Rabbi's online. Not for anything doctrinal but for cultural understanding. When they read from the old testament and then expound upon, like I said is not anything doctrinal I will even entertain cause they don't believe Christ is the prophesied messiah.

However, from a cultural view and explaining how Jews of that time would have heard it or found it related to them. Find from a understanding of culture and history they are a wealth of knowledge.

So with that said it was a Rabbi that even put it into me to really dig in further on the incident of the garden. To which like I pointed after I did so in the light of scripture God saying he is love, which love really can only be defined by God cause well he is just that love, it's very nature cause it is his nature.

So the Rabbi was speaking on the garden and he mentioned what I had never considered. Adam made a willful choice. Eve was deceived Adam was not he fully chose to cast his lot in with her being fully aware of his decision.

Which of course he is not gonna read the New Testament but it says the same thing Eve was deceived, but Adam chose to sin. He cast his lot in with his wife. The moment he took a bite his fate was the same as hers and he willfully made that choice.

Here was Adam he walked and talked with God. God brought his creation to Adam and let him name them and what he named them God said that would be there name. To me that is just amazing and how God just determined that would be the case.

Just astounds me and makes me think as the Psalm what is man that God is even mindful of us. Just amazes me the capacity God is and how little I truly understand him and the depth he truly is.

Again I digress. So anyway Adam did he really did love Eve more than God he placed her before God himself so was a bit if idolatry. Like I pointed before it is in the text. We know clearly Christ said with absolute authority if you love me you will keep my commandments. Which is just what God addressed Adam not keeping his commandment and when God laid out what would happen to Adam again God was specific. He said because you have hearkened or listened to your wife.

Adam chose Eve over God it was wrong and his love was misplaced which it, love always will be if you don't love God first.

Now did Adam show improper love by not trying to stop her. If you believe so I would have to fully agree. However, since he did not love God first his love would be just that faulty, improper, and problematic.

Did he coward out when confronted by God. Definitely, but truth is God almighty himself was right there and confronting him. I have no doubt when I see God as he is I will be on my knees and I will understand just what it is to feel absolutely at someone's mercy. To truly understand what it is like to be vulnerable to the extent I know I am totally at his will cause I am absolutely powerless to do anything. I will also know at that very moment in time I will be the most grateful I have ever been to be covered by the blood of Christ. Cause that will be the only thing that saves me.

So Adam he looked for a out and blamed it on God saying he gave him Eve, Eve said the serpent tricked me. However, I understand they were living in amongst the majestic creation God had spoke into existence and they were so aware that now they were naked and that they were no longer right with God and the fear that must have fell upon them. So I understand looking to scapegoat.

Don't make it right but I do understand when face to face with such awesomeness and just authority and power. It is gonna make you do some stupid things.

So Adam made some mistakes and his love was not perfect cause he did not love God first. However, there is no denial Adam was aware and he chose to willfully sin. He did so knowing that death would be what befell him. At the end of the day Adam chose death with his wife of his own free will. So he loved her albeit improper and faulty. He chose that her fate would be his.

 

[Lanolin]

mm dont buy it

Adam BLAMED his wife. Instead of admitting his failure.

 

[stilllearning]

mm dont buy it

Adam BLAMED his wife. Instead of admitting his failure.

And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. I agree he is in fact including her and he should have stepped up, totally agree. However, be it passive aggressive or what have you. I find he is also blaming God as in if you did not do that then I would not be in this position.

Find that, God getting blamed, a lot in our world. When I speak with unsaved and more hard ones that will say they don't believe in God or they have a problem with God. They will along these same lines try put it on God. Things like if he is such a loving God why does he allow the evil in the world. Why would he even create a tree if he knew they may eat from it. As well as other language like that.

We disagree is all that is cool.