He needed to remind me that what I give and who I am, and who I work with are not mine, but His.

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CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,778
5,419
113
#1
I just finished working on such a treat of a soul. She is such a sweet and unique kind of person, working on her is always fun. Before the treatment, I opened the door, and felt a soft gentle breeze tickle my senses. I felt the touch of Him stirring inside of me.

Unfortunately, I allowed that renewed uplifted experience to quickly shift. I started thinking about family and friends that I soon will be visiting and old silly habitual fears and insecurities, starting lurking. My Lord, once again, decided, it seems, I need a good what for... so He started talking to me.

This is what I believe He was telling me,

Daughter, please won’t you stop thinking of you, things like am I ok, will they reject me, are they going to do or say something that might bring that reoccurring reckoning, a deep haunting hurt to the surface of my mind? Will they think of me, neither good or bad, but just with indifference. Will the experiences and outcomes only prove my identity is shameful at best, without any value at all?

Daughter, please won't you stop obsessing about them. Don't try and love them, with any thought of return, expecting them to receive and to give, perhaps that with you, they are unable. Quit comparing the other connections, allowing their sweet fellowship to point to what you are missing. Quit asking why to something you may never know, instead take what is meant for you and let the rest go.

Daughter, are you not tired of waiting and wanting for things not intended for you? Have you not considered that until you learn to love from a sincere core of selfless healthy love, not a weakened desire to be loved, you will never be fully mine. You want to love with all your heart, but your ego blocks it from flowing. How is this clear? I think if you are honest with yourself, what you want more than love is you want to be loved. This is fine, I created you to yearn for this, this quality gives you your gift of mercy, a beautiful meaningful thing. Until you allow your identity to only be in me, to be completely fed by only me, then because who you are is not truly mine, your gift can never be fully given or received; it is held captive by your own diminished heart full of wounded yesterdays and potential tomorrows. Can you imagine how honorable a ministry of mercy rooted in true love can be? It is what makes you so special, what makes your work a blessing, you give heartfelt dignity and concern almost immediately and that is because you know what it's like to need mercy, need it desperately. So cling to me, my daughter because the diamond you are inside is me. I made you this way, I needed you able to give and to serve more fully, more selflessly. You won't be depleted when I and my grace are enough, your sufficiency must be in me. It doesn't matter how it is all going to turn out, because I am your Shepherd, who loves you dearly, your capacity to love has already been set free.

I know this kind of thinking should be kept to self. After all, what can traveling down these canals exposed serve? After all, this kind of vulnerability displayed, is telling, defining, and quite embarrassing. I suppose the truth is the truth, kept secret or shared. I guess it's just one of the things that He is teaching me. We all have mental twangs in our makeup, but sometimes, with Him, the ones that are most broken play the most beautiful music. Sometimes, a wound out in the open needs to be open, to heal. May we all stop thinking of ourselves, stop caring about others with regard to their deserving or their response. Let's instead love one another fully, with genuine mercy and tenderness, because who we are is not ours or theirs, but His.

Ahhhh deep breath of Yahweh…

Just about the time, He got through to my thinking, she arrived. I felt ready to love and to give, in a way that my heart and body’s capacity were now free to explore and to soar. God not only provided, bringing her precious self to my table, but He did so much more. This morning He needed to work with some unhealthy residue in my thinking, stuff that needed to be put down, before she arrived, and He did. His grace abounded so that my works were good and they themselves abounded. He needed to remind me that what I give and who I am, and who I work with are not mine, but His.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,233
1,048
113
#2
Wow, what an amazing body of work... So deep, so much raw open awareness, so much soulfull emersion, innermost reflection understanding and genuine acknowledgement.
Depth of complexity, depth of dimension and depth of healing...
Much to digest, consume, and consider.
Thank you for sharing you with us...
So blessed are we who appreciate the gift of your contributions and your exemplar Christian example...
You summons strength thru him when you are most vulnerable. Thru him, when you might be vulnerable, you persevere demonstrating your bravest attributes... Sharing yourself so elequantly...
Thanks again for your inspirational example.....
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,778
5,419
113
#3
Wow, what an amazing body of work... So deep, so much raw open awareness, so much soulfull emersion, innermost reflection understanding and genuine acknowledgement.
Depth of complexity, depth of dimension and depth of healing...
Much to digest, consume, and consider.
Thank you for sharing you with us...
So blessed are we who appreciate the gift of your contributions and your exemplar Christian example...
You summons strength thru him when you are most vulnerable. Thru him, when you might be vulnerable, you persevere demonstrating your bravest attributes... Sharing yourself so elequantly...
Thanks again for your inspirational example.....
Thank you for seeing me with generous eyes, especially since I exposed a less than pretty moment. Thanks for reaching in, looking in, pondering down a road of thought with me. You have honored and encouraged me, thank you so much solemate for not thinking myself too coo coo for coco puffs, hahaha. Mostly, thanks for seeing Him working in me. You know what's cool...it seems you understood what I was trying to convey . I know, I went round and about, round and round, getting there. So I figured no reader would know what the hay I was talking about. So thank you... ok, time to swim over to the more shallow waters, lol, this deep end is whewwww, lol. Time to laugh.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,778
5,419
113
#4
It's frustrating re-reading my stuff and see where I needed to edit, ugh, wish I could.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,935
537
113
#5
The only edit I would have made was to put it in a more general forum. When I respond to posts in the singles forum, I feel like I’m walking into someone else’s house uninvited.

Thank you for your post. It was a timely reminder that as Christians love is not a commodity for exchange with other inhabitants of the world. Our Heavenly Father is the source and we are to be an open faucet pouring out love and kindness in hopes others will be refreshed and seek the source for themselves.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,778
5,419
113
#6
The only edit I would have made was to put it in a more general forum. When I respond to posts in the singles forum, I feel like I’m walking into someone else’s house uninvited.

Thank you for your post. It was a timely reminder that as Christians love is not a commodity for exchange with other inhabitants of the world. Our Heavenly Father is the source and we are to be an open faucet pouring out love and kindness in hopes others will be refreshed and seek the source for themselves.
I do wonder where to put my little/ long winded, lol, jaunts. I apologize if my placement choice was not optimal. I love @WE are to be an open faucet pouring out love and kindness. Thank you.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,233
1,048
113
#7
I do wonder where to put my little/ long winded, lol, jaunts. I apologize if my placement choice was not optimal. I love @WE are to be an open faucet pouring out love and kindness. Thank you.
I for one am not too sure what the optimal answer is, if there's one or if it really matters... Although I have picked up a strong vibe as it pertains to the rules of engagement for the BDF more than others...
I for one merely scroll thru the "latest" and "Newest" Posts to see if anything captures my interests... and if their are any notional 'doors' - I guess I've just been oblivious in barging in like a bull in a china shop... I don't think and hope I have not offended anyone...
Given your status - I'd say this has been an optimal venue... as it would appear that a large population of CC members have found and contributed to your discussions regardless of their own status...
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,778
5,419
113
#8
I for one am not too sure what the optimal answer is, if there's one or if it really matters... Although I have picked up a strong vibe as it pertains to the rules of engagement for the BDF more than others...
I for one merely scroll thru the "latest" and "Newest" Posts to see if anything captures my interests... and if their are any notional 'doors' - I guess I've just been oblivious in barging in like a bull in a china shop... I don't think and hope I have not offended anyone...
Given your status - I'd say this has been an optimal venue... as it would appear that a large population of CC members have found and contributed to your discussions regardless of their own status...
It is rewarding when peeps participate, or respond, not sure why, but it feels good. I guess it is simply the connection, huh? I appreciate your writing style, your capacity to create with your words and tone are enjoyable to read. I give you, lol, 2 thumbs up. Thank you for partaking and engaging with many here, you and others here are such a blessing.
 
Aug 2, 2009
22,649
2,433
113
#9
I just finished working on such a treat of a soul. She is such a sweet and unique kind of person, working on her is always fun. Before the treatment, I opened the door, and felt a soft gentle breeze tickle my senses. I felt the touch of Him stirring inside of me.

Unfortunately, I allowed that renewed uplifted experience to quickly shift. I started thinking about family and friends that I soon will be visiting and old silly habitual fears and insecurities, starting lurking. My Lord, once again, decided, it seems, I need a good what for... so He started talking to me.

This is what I believe He was telling me,

Daughter, please won’t you stop thinking of you, things like am I ok, will they reject me, are they going to do or say something that might bring that reoccurring reckoning, a deep haunting hurt to the surface of my mind? Will they think of me, neither good or bad, but just with indifference. Will the experiences and outcomes only prove my identity is shameful at best, without any value at all?

Daughter, please won't you stop obsessing about them. Don't try and love them, with any thought of return, expecting them to receive and to give, perhaps that with you, they are unable. Quit comparing the other connections, allowing their sweet fellowship to point to what you are missing. Quit asking why to something you may never know, instead take what is meant for you and let the rest go.

Daughter, are you not tired of waiting and wanting for things not intended for you? Have you not considered that until you learn to love from a sincere core of selfless healthy love, not a weakened desire to be loved, you will never be fully mine. You want to love with all your heart, but your ego blocks it from flowing. How is this clear? I think if you are honest with yourself, what you want more than love is you want to be loved. This is fine, I created you to yearn for this, this quality gives you your gift of mercy, a beautiful meaningful thing. Until you allow your identity to only be in me, to be completely fed by only me, then because who you are is not truly mine, your gift can never be fully given or received; it is held captive by your own diminished heart full of wounded yesterdays and potential tomorrows. Can you imagine how honorable a ministry of mercy rooted in true love can be? It is what makes you so special, what makes your work a blessing, you give heartfelt dignity and concern almost immediately and that is because you know what it's like to need mercy, need it desperately. So cling to me, my daughter because the diamond you are inside is me. I made you this way, I needed you able to give and to serve more fully, more selflessly. You won't be depleted when I and my grace are enough, your sufficiency must be in me. It doesn't matter how it is all going to turn out, because I am your Shepherd, who loves you dearly, your capacity to love has already been set free.

I know this kind of thinking should be kept to self. After all, what can traveling down these canals exposed serve? After all, this kind of vulnerability displayed, is telling, defining, and quite embarrassing. I suppose the truth is the truth, kept secret or shared. I guess it's just one of the things that He is teaching me. We all have mental twangs in our makeup, but sometimes, with Him, the ones that are most broken play the most beautiful music. Sometimes, a wound out in the open needs to be open, to heal. May we all stop thinking of ourselves, stop caring about others with regard to their deserving or their response. Let's instead love one another fully, with genuine mercy and tenderness, because who we are is not ours or theirs, but His.

Ahhhh deep breath of Yahweh…

Just about the time, He got through to my thinking, she arrived. I felt ready to love and to give, in a way that my heart and body’s capacity were now free to explore and to soar. God not only provided, bringing her precious self to my table, but He did so much more. This morning He needed to work with some unhealthy residue in my thinking, stuff that needed to be put down, before she arrived, and He did. His grace abounded so that my works were good and they themselves abounded. He needed to remind me that what I give and who I am, and who I work with are not mine, but His.
You think like a saint, CharlieRenee. And I mean that in a good way. ;)
 
Aug 2, 2009
22,649
2,433
113
#11
I was going to post this song and tell you to imagine that it's from God to you, but after reading your post I thought it didn't really fit with what you wrote, but Ima post it anyway.... :)


Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
If I made you feel second best
Girl I'm sorry I was blind


But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind


 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
27,481
5,935
113
#12


Sorry, Charli... I could not fit all your text into one template :)