Here It Is! The Big, Honkin' List of Everything You are Looking for in a Spouse. :)

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,554
2,889
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

Since this is a Singles Forum, we usually have threads asking what people are looking for in a partner fairly often. However, it seems like we haven't had one of those in a while, so... Why. not. go. for. it!

Here it is, the giant, Goliath thread in which singles can list everything they are hoping for in their "perfect match", and why they are looking for those qualities. Our married friends are also welcome to tell us about what they were looking for and eventually found when they married their spouses (maybe there were a few surprises along the way?)

So go ahead and go crazy--tell us everything that's on your list-- and then once this thread has run its course, brace yourself for the sequel! :)

And so, without further ado...

What's on your "shopping list" of everything you hope to find in a future mate?
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
5,740
2,145
113
#2
Here it is, the giant, Goliath thread in which singles can list everything they are hoping for in their "perfect match", and why they are looking for those qualities.
I tell you that this is the perfect match

 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#3
I’m still trying to figure out myself to some degree, but most of the advice books I have been reading mention making sure your core values align. Also, your most important personality traits or goals. Like if you want to be very active, a homebody might not be the best partner. But also, if one of the couple is very driven or drawn to power and the other isn’t. And having an idea of which of these is the most important to you.

A lot of what people put on their lists are the wrong elements or things that aren’t as important as having matching values. Like not liking the same sort of music, but you have the same goals for raising kids, or share the same religious beliefs.
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
5,740
2,145
113
#4
I’m still trying to figure out myself to some degree, but most of the advice books I have been reading mention making sure your core values align. Also, your most important personality traits or goals. Like if you want to be very active, a homebody might not be the best partner. But also, if one of the couple is very driven or drawn to power and the other isn’t. And having an idea of which of these is the most important to you.

A lot of what people put on their lists are the wrong elements or things that aren’t as important as having matching values. Like not liking the same sort of music, but you have the same goals for raising kids, or share the same religious beliefs.


Core values are important. Personality traits being similar, I would disagree that they are near as important. Some of the best marriages that I've witnessed have been between persons with supposedly opposing traits. In reality they complement each other, not compete with.
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
558
247
43
#5
To be honest with you - I thought I knew what I was looking for when I was younger.. but I don't know what I really want these days. That's my final answer.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,554
2,889
113
#6
To be honest with you - I thought I knew what I was looking for when I was younger.. but I don't know what I really want these days. That's my final answer.
I totally agree with this, Christian.

I look back at my life and how much things have changed, and how the way I respond to various situation has also changed. I had no way of knowing any of this in my 20's, which makes me all the more hesitant in trying to "pick someone" now, because who knows how much more things will change in another 5, 10, 20 years...
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#7
I want a guy who is all about God. I find that really attractive in a man. I have only met a few who are like this and they are usually married already.
So I want a guy who could be my best friend...someone I can serve the Lord with. I want him to go to church with me. My aunt is married and my uncle hardly ever goes to church with her. I find that really sad. He's a Christian and he goes like for Easter lol but he doesn't really get involved like my aunt does.
At the old church I used to go to (it closed down :cry:) there was a couple for the children's church and another couple for the youth group. So the husband and wife would serve in the same ministry and it looked awesome. They looked so happy to serve together like that. So that's one of the things I would really want in a spouse.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,673
4,031
113
#9
I would like somebody who is good at the things I am bad at and bad at the things I am good at. Also somebody who disagrees with me when she thinks I am wrong, but is willing to talk about it instead of just stopping at "You are wrong, end of story."

If we are too much alike, what would be the point in getting married? We wouldn't need each other.

Quote from one of my favorite comic strips... If two old married people can't find something to argue about, that just means one of them is not necessary.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#10
I want a Mr Darcy to sweep me off my feet, shower me with compliments.
Have a big mansion, yacht, billionaire, who also likes watching the Waltons with
a good helping of Sci Fi and the occasional Disney Pixar film.

Someone who can play the keyboard and guitar and is a bit of an artist.
Someone who is equally happy to go out to a posh restaurant but also doesn’t mind
eating fish and chips out of paper while strolling along the beech, wearing mis
matched socks with sandals!

A person who doesn’t mind doing the wash up, who knows how to cook and
use a vacuum cleaner, while at the same time protecting me from all the big hairy
spiders which come into the house.

A person who I can pray with, do bible study with, make decisions with.
A companion, friend, husband, team mate, someone to sit with in church.

Someone who doesn’t mind my strange little ways, like eating picked onions from
the jar - yum.

If I can have all that I wouldn’t even complain if he leaves the toilet seat up and
forgets to pick his socks off the floor!

Well I suppose I can dream......

Although I’ve not really given it much thought. Lol
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,455
6,507
113
#11
I would like to list the things that I would like, but then I think that my list would probably differ to what God has for me, but above all as LadyInWaiting mentioned, I’d like a man who is very much in love with Jesus as I am, a man like King David, who is pursing God’s very heart as well.

Also, I’d like to add, I’d like that he shares the same humour as I do - or who likes to laugh :)
 
M

Miri

Guest
#12
I would like to list the things that I would like, but then I think that my list would probably differ to what God has for me, but above all as LadyInWaiting mentioned, I’d like a man who is very much in love with Jesus as I am, a man like King David, who is pursing God’s very heart as well.

Also, I’d like to add, I’d like that he shares the same humour as I do - or who likes to laugh :)

Yes, maybe God won’t agree with the billionaire stuff.
That’s ok I can reduce down to a millionaire instead!
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,142
2,333
113
#13
my husband has everything i want and more! lol. i wanted a man who loves the Lord, musician with a great sense of humor :love:
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#14
Someone who's sweet and kind.

Doesn't want children.

Doesn't have a bad temper.

Willing to give me plenty of time and space to do my own thing.

Homebody who's not enthusiastic about the outdoors or going to places and would rather stay home most of the time. Because....I'm like that. I'm very much a homebody.

Two extra, but not mandatory traits would be:

Likes horror movies. Particularly slasher movies. Those are kind of a guilty pleasure of mine.

Good sense of humor. Might make things a little more fun/entertaining if she has that.

That's all I can think of right now. I try not to be TOO picky, but....I know what I like and what I want, I guess. This is probably why I'm going to remain single. I ask for too much. :p
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,455
6,507
113
#15
Someone who's sweet and kind.

Doesn't want children.

Doesn't have a bad temper.

Willing to give me plenty of time and space to do my own thing.

Homebody who's not enthusiastic about the outdoors or going to places and would rather stay home most of the time. Because....I'm like that. I'm very much a homebody.

Two extra, but not mandatory traits would be:

Likes horror movies. Particularly slasher movies. Those are kind of a guilty pleasure of mine.

Good sense of humor. Might make things a little more fun/entertaining if she has that.

That's all I can think of right now. I try not to be TOO picky, but....I know what I like and what I want, I guess. This is probably why I'm going to remain single. I ask for too much. :p
Slasher movies - What are those?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,555
11,317
113
66
Tennessee
#16
Core values are important. Personality traits being similar, I would disagree that they are near as important. Some of the best marriages that I've witnessed have been between persons with supposedly opposing traits. In reality they complement each other, not compete with.
I agree with your estimation. My wife is a bit of an extrovert while I'm an introvert, She is SDA, I am Catholic, she is a Democrat, I am a Republican. It's like you have said, we seem to compliment each other. What we do share is our love for God, studying the bible and try to apply what we have learned into our everyday life. We also pray together. I would say that in a spiritual sense our core values are aligned with God at the center
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,673
4,031
113
#17
Someone who doesn’t mind my strange little ways, like eating picked onions from
the jar - yum.
I don't know about most of that other stuff, but I'll fight you for the last pickled onion. Yum!

Ever try bread-and-butter-pickled asparagus? Don't laugh, pickled asparagus is actually a thing and it's delicious.
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#18
Slasher movies - What are those?
Movies where there's some psycho killer going around, usually wearing a mask or a costume, killing people one by one. Like Michael Myers from the Halloween films or Jason from the Friday the 13th films. Those type of movies.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,502
1,601
113
#19
Hey Everyone,

Since this is a Singles Forum, we usually have threads asking what people are looking for in a partner fairly often. However, it seems like we haven't had one of those in a while, so... Why. not. go. for. it!

Here it is, the giant, Goliath thread in which singles can list everything they are hoping for in their "perfect match", and why they are looking for those qualities. Our married friends are also welcome to tell us about what they were looking for and eventually found when they married their spouses (maybe there were a few surprises along the way?)

So go ahead and go crazy--tell us everything that's on your list-- and then once this thread has run its course, brace yourself for the sequel! :)

And so, without further ado...

What's on your "shopping list" of everything you hope to find in a future mate?
Hmmm... a sequel? Like what are you offering / bringing to your future marriage?

As to my list, it's a pretty vague nebulous thing; probably because I'm just not so wrapped up in finding someone to put time in to solidifying it. But I guess what would get a guy to and past the first date would include:
He respects and listens to me and my ideas (sensible productive debate encouraged and is a plus)
He strives to honor God and be conformed to God's word instead of doing some sort of logical acrobatics to dismiss the parts he doesn't like
He places a high value on integrity, honesty, and honor
He challenges and encourages me to be all I can be and excel in all areas of life

Bonuses would be:
He'll play board games with me for hours on end and think game night is a great idea for date night
He makes me laugh so hard I'm in danger of wetting my pants
He has a natural knack for connecting with people and integrating into a community (a knack I lack but wish I had)
He believes in planning but isn't dependent on things going exactly according to plan

Ok that's probably enough, anyone (male) meeting all these criteria can contact me at 1-800-DESPERDATE (it's short for desperate to date if you must know). If more than one exists, I'll take your contact info and devise a 1,000 page questionaire to help me determine which is the most compatible and would be my best choice.