HOLDAYS ARE PAGAN!!! thread

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Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
14,961
2,753
113
#1
That really should have more exclamation points, that thread title, but there is only limited space in the thread title slot...

This thread is for all the discussion about (insert holiday) being pagan. Let's get this over with before my egg nog gets cold.

HALLOWEEN IS PAGAN! It is a celebration of death, witchcraft and everything demonic, and if you so much as buy a candy bar in the month of October you are going to hell!

THANKSGIVING IS PAGAN! It was started by Native Americans who believe in all kinds of nature gods. Don't even look at the frozen turkeys at the supermarket until we are safely in December, or your soul could be in jeopardy!

CHRISTMAS IS PAGAN! Jesus wasn't born on December 25th and we can prove it, and to be safe you should avoid getting within 30 feet of any evergreen trees until the new year. We don't want the unwashed masses to be confused about our stance against tree worship.

Let's see... did I miss anything? I know there's Valentine's and Easter, but we'll do another run when they get closer. And we'll probably be too drunk to even post anything about St. Patrick's Day.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,034
7,447
113
64
Florida
#2
I thought that Halloween was a celebration of candy. Of course, Thanksgiving revolves around turkey with all of the trimmings and football. No pumpkin pie, 'cause no matter how much Cool Whip or Redi-Whip you put on top there is still the pumpkin part to deal with. I'm down with apple, cherry or pecan. It is my understanding that Christmas is about toys and stuff. The tree is only pagan if it is artificial.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
522
238
43
33
#3
Halloween is definitely pagan, but the only time I worship the devil is on my sister's birthday.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
447
392
63
#4
That really should have more exclamation points, that thread title, but there is only limited space in the thread title slot...

This thread is for all the discussion about (insert holiday) being pagan. Let's get this over with before my egg nog gets cold.

HALLOWEEN IS PAGAN! It is a celebration of death, witchcraft and everything demonic, and if you so much as buy a candy bar in the month of October you are going to hell!

THANKSGIVING IS PAGAN! It was started by Native Americans who believe in all kinds of nature gods. Don't even look at the frozen turkeys at the supermarket until we are safely in December, or your soul could be in jeopardy!

CHRISTMAS IS PAGAN! Jesus wasn't born on December 25th and we can prove it, and to be safe you should avoid getting within 30 feet of any evergreen trees until the new year. We don't want the unwashed masses to be confused about our stance against tree worship.

Let's see... did I miss anything? I know there's Valentine's and Easter, but we'll do another run when they get closer. And we'll probably be too drunk to even post anything about St. Patrick's Day.
New Year's eve?
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
2,578
2,063
113
#5
:unsure: I thought "thanksgiving" was about seeing who could eat until they pass out then get enough strength to be a "door buster" and beat the people around them to the ground while trying to get today's HOTTEST new toy then playing tug-of-war with a towel that is at it's "lowest price of the season" before heading back home to finish eating what they couldn't consume the day before.........
but then again :unsure:..........
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
11,198
5,612
113
#6
The brown waxy candy sold at holiday seasons is definitely pagan. I can't believe they have the audacity to call that stuff 'chocolate'.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
8,202
4,456
113
#7
1. Days of the week
2. All holidays
3. Vegans
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
14,961
2,753
113
#8
The brown waxy candy sold at holiday seasons is definitely pagan. I can't believe they have the audacity to call that stuff 'chocolate'.
AMEN brother! Preach it!
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
2,578
2,063
113
#9
The brown waxy candy sold at holiday seasons is definitely pagan. I can't believe they have the audacity to call that stuff 'chocolate'.
Dontcha know it's the stuff that didn't sell in years past??? That's why it's all waxy..... the manufacturers just put that coating on it so that if it doesn't sell, the next year they can put it out and try again............
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
14,961
2,753
113
#10
Now you're making it sound like fruitcake. THAT stuff is pagan! Anything that can be boxed up and sent as a "new" gift for nine years in a row...

I'm serious! Scientists carbon dated fruit cakes that were received as gifts and found some of them were a decade old.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
68,769
7,041
113
#11
Holday is missing an I.. therefore holdays are NOT pagan.. lol
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
11,198
5,612
113
#13
Now you're making it sound like fruitcake. THAT stuff is pagan! Anything that can be boxed up and sent as a "new" gift for nine years in a row...

I'm serious! Scientists carbon dated fruit cakes that were received as gifts and found some of them were a decade old.
Just send the fruitcake to me. I will dispose of it.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
11,198
5,612
113
#15
I'm afraid to ask......
How?
I actually enjoy eating it... as long as it is dark fruitcake, is not stale, and is more fruit than cake. Marzipan is a bonus.

Stale or light fruitcake is a useful addition to the compost box.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#16
They do make a good doorstop. There's lots of uses for them.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
4,637
1,489
113
#17
You know what else is pagan??? YOUR FACE!











JK
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
27,783
6,265
113
#18
I actually enjoy eating it... as long as it is dark fruitcake, is not stale, and is more fruit than cake. Marzipan is a bonus.

Stale or light fruitcake is a useful addition to the compost box.
I like a good fruitcake too, but fresh for sure and with more fruit than flour, as you say, and marzipan? Bring it on :giggle:

I have a fruitcake story to tell :D

In August of 1977 I moved to Vancouver from southern Ontario, leaving behind most of my friends, both parents, and ten siblings :cool: I used to jokingly say I went as far away from them (family) as possible without leaving the country :oops: But that is beside the point, after all :LOL: Anywho, in December of that same year I received a parcel in the mail that I had to pick up at the post office. Can you believe it? In those days, personal identification was not such a necessary thing as it is these days, and yeah, I had none to prove I was the person the parcel was addressed to, so the postie was asking me who I knew in Ontario that might be sending me a Christmas present? I named everyone I knew whom I thought might send me something, but, none of them were the person who had sent the parcel. Finally the postie took pity on me and asked me if I knew a _______ _____? Oh! That is my mother, I told the guy. How was I supposed to know she would send me a Christmas fruit cake in the mail??? :LOL:
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
522
238
43
33
#20
That one might be a gray area whether or not it is pagan.
Nope, its pagan. It's tribute to the god of the sun RA - the beginning of the "new" sun or the lowest ebb of the sun's "appearance". Roman's thought that day began on Dec. 25. Of course, it's been recalculated as the winter solstice on the 21 o 22nd. Matter of fact, the celebration was so entrenched with the Greeks and Romans - just about the entire Mediterranean area -that by the time the Catholic church came along, the "compromise" was the decree that Christ's birthday happened on the 25th so everybody could keep their pagan or otherwise traditions. So... probably the most pagan day of the year. Entirely political, really.