How do I reject the shy guy without hurting him?

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PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#81
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#81
A_Friend_In_Christ said:
People should make up their minds. Do they want the "nice guy" or the jerk? Which one would you pick?
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Why do people insist that there are ONLY two categories (neither one of which is particularly flattering to men)? Besides, according to the bible, none of y'all are nice guys. You all fail, you all disappoint, you all miss the mark.

I don't get the obsession with nice...be like Jesus. The idea that virtue is only worth it if we're rewarded by life (read here, God) meeting our expectations, then it's not particularly virtuous. If a person is nice so that they can get their own way, that's not nice. If they're good so their will won't be thwarted, that's not goodness. Anyone can be "nice" or "good" when life is going their way.
 
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tibb

Guest
#82
#82
This is the worst advice I have ever heard. Just say you are not interested. To ignore what are you doing shunning him. That is just being cowardly to be quite honest and make him more upset. We as Christian are supposed to be honest.
 
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tibb

Guest
#83
#83
"Don't say anything unless he asked you out. And if he does ask you out just Nicely refuse him. Perhaps don't chat with him, even at church to give him the sign you aren't interested. Either way, just be nice."

This advice is probably the worst advice ever. Woman become uptight Christian prudes because of this. Ignore what is wrong with you? We are supposed to model ourselves after Christ and Jesus would want you tell the truth. Not ignore gosh this is bad advice. Shakin Head.
 
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Luckysmyle

Guest
#84
#84
tibb said:
"Don't say anything unless he asked you out. And if he does ask you out just Nicely refuse him. Perhaps don't chat with him, even at church to give him the sign you aren't interested. Either way, just be nice."

This advice is probably the worst advice ever. Woman become uptight Christian prudes because of this. Ignore what is wrong with you? We are supposed to model ourselves after Christ and Jesus would want you tell the truth. Not ignore gosh this is bad advice. Shakin Head.
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That is exactly how I feel. Because we are always in a group setting I'm going to wait until I can talk to him more one on one but until then I will be conscious of any signals I may be giving.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#85
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
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#85
I feel awful when shy guys are rejected.

I know that they are not "entitled" to be loved by the ones that they love, but I can understand how big a deal it may have been for them to step out of their shells. :(
 
shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#87
May 25, 2015
6,149
850
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#87
Luckysmyle said:
I'm pretty sure this guy has been interested in me for a few years, but just recently he seems to be making an effort to flirt more. He is a nice guy but other than church I really don't see that we have much in common. Do I say something before he asks me out? And how do I go about that without hurting him? Is Facebook (PM) a good idea (so that he can save face)? We only ever hang out at group events so I worry that doing it in person may end up being hard on him.
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The thing with rejection is this: It's going to hurt, no matter how you do it.

I feel bad for anyone who gets rejected. It never is fun and it always hurts. But, sometimes, it has to be done. I'm not trying to sound cruel, ha. But, rejection is very real.

Obviously, rejecting him in grace and love is still better than being brutally awful about it. But, even if you do it in grace and love, it will hurt. Rejection is never, ever fun but it happens and there are ways to do it gracefully.

And, btw, "flirting" doesn't necessarily mean a guy is interested.

And, how do you reject him? Ignoring, shunning him, is not the answer. Communication is key and you still need to treat him like a son of God. You should just talk to him and just say something among the lines like, 'Hey, so lately, I've just been having this feeling that you might have some type of interest in me. That's just how it's been coming off to me. Am I totally off?"

And, technology is never a good way to reject someone. I know it's hard, but you're taking the easy way out by texting him. When you text or tell him via technology, it can come off as you not actually caring. I know it's easy to do, because it protects you and it feels much "safer" when you do it behind a screen. However, if you want to "save face" him by texting him by Facebooking him, what's the difference between doing that and doing it in real life? You're essentially doing the same thing.
 
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chancer

Guest
#88
#88
I generally would say "do one ring worm!"
 
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chancer

Guest
#89
#89
lol :p ... sorry could't resist it :D Scottish humour .. please don't hit me ...
 
garet82

garet82

Senior Member
#91
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#91
Dont say anything unless he tells you if he is interested with you or ask you go out.
If you have no feeling just tell him the true it will hurt him for while but better than you dont say anything n make him wish too much.
 
garet82

garet82

Senior Member
#93
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
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#93
Ugly said:
Don't say anything unless he asked you out. And if he does ask you out just Nicely refuse him. Perhaps don't chat with him, even at church to give him the sign you aren't interested. Either way, just be nice.
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i agree with you. this is nice and polite things to do.
Blessing sis amen.
 
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