How do I reject the shy guy without hurting him?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
L

Luckysmyle

Guest
#61
We all have issues.My husband took me on with my issues but he has a past and Ive helped him with his issues.Thats what partnership is all about.I have chronic pain that keeps me from being as active as I need to be. I began to have to take a pill that caused me to gain weight.Never had a weight problem in my life.I had family issues,wow cant begin to tell you. But through it all he stuck with me BEFORE we got married. I gave him every option to leave,but he stayed. He's been my biggest support,I dont know where I be without him.He's helped me become a very different person because of his love and support. Don sell yourself short. I did. I fell into deep depression because I believed I had to have it all together to date. Then I met my husband and he changed everything I thought I knew about love and relationships. So dont hang back.Go out and date and enjoy life.If you meet that someone great,if you dont you've still had a good time. Just my advice.
I now very much agree with you, but it took me a long time to get there. Unfortunately I still need to learn how to get over my insecurities enough to let a guy know I'm actually interested.
 
M

Mitspa

Guest
#62
Wait? you like him now? Women are so confusing :(
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#64
Not to derail the thread but what do you mean by unequally yoked? Shes not a Christian?

Second question you seem to indicate she is high maintenance? Can you elaborate on that?

You seem very unhappy in your marriage,have you sought counseling?
She's Christian, but we are not a team. A team plays off of each other's strengths and honestly she has none. I spend an incredible amount of time and energy cleaning up her mistakes which she refuses to learn from. She's more ball and chain than help-meet.

She is high maintenance - in that I have to spend an incredible amount of time and energy... oh you get it from here.

I'm not unhappy, I would call it more 'resigned'. But I have told my brother and best man that if she were to ever pass and I ever talk about remarrying, they are to have me declared incompetent and locked up ;)
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#65
Did you eat from the fruit of the tree, Adam?

The WOMAN made me do it.
I always thought that scenario was typically funny - how the woman starts something that we men then take responsibility for ;)
 
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#66
I always thought that scenario was typically funny - how the woman starts something that we men then take responsibility for ;)
The woman isn't responsible for him eating the fruit. He is responsible. She blames the serpent, but she is also responsible.

The point is that blame-shifting is a neat trick for avoiding looking at what we have done wrong.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#67
That was a joke... sorry you missed it.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#68
She's Christian, but we are not a team. A team plays off of each other's strengths and honestly she has none. I spend an incredible amount of time and energy cleaning up her mistakes which she refuses to learn from. She's more ball and chain than help-meet.

She is high maintenance - in that I have to spend an incredible amount of time and energy... oh you get it from here.

I'm not unhappy, I would call it more 'resigned'. But I have told my brother and best man that if she were to ever pass and I ever talk about remarrying, they are to have me declared incompetent and locked up ;)

And have you tried counseling? My parents are about the two most opposite people I know. They've made it 43 yrs. If they could only see they both have strengths and are working against each other and start working together they'd be unstoppable. Does your wife know how you feel? Is it something she can work on?

Sorry to derail the thread but I think the OP has her advice and has made up her mind.
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#69
I'm pretty sure this guy has been interested in me for a few years, but just recently he seems to be making an effort to flirt more. He is a nice guy but other than church I really don't see that we have much in common. Do I say something before he asks me out? And how do I go about that without hurting him? Is Facebook (PM) a good idea (so that he can save face)? We only ever hang out at group events so I worry that doing it in person may end up being hard on him.
I completely disagree about giving a sign.. If he's your friend at least, then he deserves a face-to-face truth. But how do you know for sure it's not you trying to convince yourself you don't see anything more than church with him? I think maybe talk things over fully with him. Communication is key to everything in life.
 
Last edited:
L

Luckysmyle

Guest
#70
And have you tried counseling? My parents are about the two most opposite people I know. They've made it 43 yrs. If they could only see they both have strengths and are working against each other and start working together they'd be unstoppable. Does your wife know how you feel? Is it something she can work on?

Sorry to derail the thread but I think the OP has her advice and has made up her mind.
All good with the thread being derailed...please do I'm done trying to justify not being interested in someone.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#71
And have you tried counseling? My parents are about the two most opposite people I know. They've made it 43 yrs. If they could only see they both have strengths and are working against each other and start working together they'd be unstoppable. Does your wife know how you feel? Is it something she can work on?

Sorry to derail the thread but I think the OP has her advice and has made up her mind.
We go to counseling all the time. The counselor has talked to her about her issue(s) but she refuses to address them. Yes she knows how I feel. To be honest, the woman has a heart of absolute gold. The problem is, what's upstairs is made of the same material.

We do all right. But we would advance if I didn't have to spend so much time and energy fixing her mistakes.
 
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#72
All good with the thread being derailed...please do I'm done trying to justify not being interested in someone.

Come on RickyZ...lie down on the couch while we sharpen our pencils, get our notepads, and put on our little round psychoanalyst glasses.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#73
All good with the thread being derailed...please do I'm done trying to justify not being interested in someone.
I'm sorry you feel like we are forcing you to justify yourself. I don't think that's really been the intent.

But if you ask for opinions, you have to accept some of this as inevitable. Not all of them are going to be what you want to hear.
 
L

Luckysmyle

Guest
#74
I'm sorry you feel like we are forcing you to justify yourself. I don't think that's really been the intent.

But if you ask for opinions, you have to accept some of this as inevitable. Not all of them are going to be what you want to hear.
I had no problem with the question being asked the first time. I do have an issue with the same question being asked repeatedly when it has already been answered. If someone has legitimate insight I would be happy to hear it.

If someone honestly thinks that going on a date with someone who I already know well is going to change his personality or how I feel about him I would love to hear the reasoning.
 
Aug 13, 2013
965
8
18
#75
Further proof that the shy guy hardly ever gets the girl. Shy guys don't keep trying. We can't win. :)
 
Aug 13, 2013
965
8
18
#77
People should make up their minds. Do they want the "nice guy" or the jerk? Which one would you pick?
 
Aug 13, 2013
965
8
18
#78
Chemistry fades. It leads to divorce.
Yes chemistry can fade and not last. A heart for Christ can last a lifetime.

Just like being cool or "in". How many things have we seen that were considered "cool" or the in thing do we laugh at now?

Disco anyone? :D
 
Aug 13, 2013
965
8
18
#79
I've known him for a few years, I know him well enough to say we don't have anything in common outside of church. I know if I were to give him a chance he would be a door mat, I don't want someone I can walk over. I want someone who wants to make me happy, but I also want someone who is willing to stand up to me when I need it.
Why would you want to walk all over him?
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#80
I had no problem with the question being asked the first time. I do have an issue with the same question being asked repeatedly when it has already been answered. If someone has legitimate insight I would be happy to hear it
That's true, no one beats a dead horse like this crowd :)