How Do Men Like to be Complimented?

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cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,346
1,387
113
#21
Personally I find complimenting women’s looks as a married man a slippery slope. Having intentions misinterpreted can haunt you, especially if it’s my wife’s friend, or a friend’s wife. If a woman said something complimentary in context it wouldn’t seem awkward. For example, if I moved or lifted something heavy and a woman said, “Wow, you’re strong!”, or if I had a nice outfit on and she said, “Going somewhere special? You look all dressed up.” Not to be confused with the alternative backhanded compliments, in the same situations; “Wow, you’re stronger than you look. I’m surprised you didn’t hurt yourself.” Or, “That’s a nice outfit. May I ask where you got it? It’s always hard to find nice clothes for my dad.”

My older daughter tried complimenting me before. She said, “Dad, you’re not ugly...you know what I mean... you’re not exactly eye candy, more like eye...fruit.”
Better than eye vegetables.... which was what a couple of my female friends said when I tried watching one of my favorite insanely long movies with them. Apparently the men weren't attractive enough so it was a movie filled with eye vegetables.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
12,151
2,497
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#22
Better than eye vegetables.... which was what a couple of my female friends said when I tried watching one of my favorite insanely long movies with them. Apparently the men weren't attractive enough so it was a movie filled with eye vegetables.
I guess it's kind of like when you see a movie that's so bad, you feel like you've just had your eyes gouged out with a carrot.

Kine of like... *Twilight* (cough, cough.)
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
7,165
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lawton ok
#23
Ha! Babies, young women and VW Beatles are cute. Most (straight) men prefer handsome, strong or smart. Buff always is a complement too.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,497
1,353
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#24
Hey Everyone,

Since we have a thread going on about when it may or may not be appropriate to call a woman "hot" or "beautiful", I wanted to start a thread asking the gentlemen how THEY like to be complimented.

I have this theory that most people hear only bad things about themselves (whether through their own self-talk or from others), and very rarely ever hear anything good, especially as they get older.

I also wonder if it's tougher for the guys, because women generally hear positive feedback from their close friends, but how often do men hear anything positive about themselves (I'm guessing not often), and how can we change that?

For example, I have often been around male co-workers whom I've wanted to compliment for various qualities, but, it seems like there are so many complication, especially between opposite genders.

For example:

+ I don't want to sound like a creeper (you know, like the kind who drives a windowless van and has it parked outside.)

+ I don't want to sound like I'm hitting on him (most especially because he may have a girlfriend or even a wife, and may not be wearing a ring.) I don't want to disrespect another woman by complimenting her man in a way that would be seen as inappropriate (and I know in many cases, even if you try to give an "innocent" compliment, like about his character, it could be see as you trying to steal someone's man away.)

+ If he IS a single available guy, I don't want him to think I am somehow obsessing over him or throwing myself at him.

My usual approach is to try to compliment something about their values such as, "Thank you for beinghonest," or, "Thank you for taking the time to put that away instead of just throwing it anywhere." But I often wonder if it's best that I not say anything at all.

How about the rest of you?

* Have you ever found yourself wanting to compliment a guy (even if you're a guy and want to say something encouraging to another brother in Christ), but didn't know what to say, or how to word it?

* If you want to compliment something about a guy, how do you go about it without sending the wrong signals?

* Guys, what tips would you give the rest of us for trying to say something supportive to you?

And, as a bonus-- How does one go about complimenting a man over his looks? I am a child of the 80's, and back then, all the girls described an attractive male (good golly, that sounds so sterile, like a lab description or something) as "cute". And I'm guessing men aren't very fond of that.

* Guys, would it ever be appropriate for someone to compliment your looks? What descriptions do you prefer -- would you want to be called "handsome", "good-looking", "cute", etc.?

* If you work out a lot at the gym, what could someone who notices that say without sounding like a stalker?

* Or, is it best not to say anything at all, to avoid any misunderstandings?

We are eagerly awaiting your replies. :)
Seoulsearch - always enjoy the breadth and depth of your inquiries...
I do suspect that there are so many different types of men - that what applies to some of us - may not apply to others...

I see 'acknowledgement' as an amazing means for positive engagement... Even if 'differences' are acknowledged...

In general Men need RESPECT more than anything (well, you know what I mean)...
Since Men need TO PROVIDE... acknowledging their EFFORTS to either provide, produce, or perform a role, duty or task can be quit rewarding..

With that being said - I suspect that men would like to be commended for and given credit/acknowledgement for their efforts... regardless of the outcome...

WARNING: Men are Human and as such they/we are inclined to error... So unless it is your intention to get their intention, be aware that they may in fact mis-interpret any complimentary niceties to mean more than what you might have intended... Yes, we are inclined to read too-much between the lines...

Especially at the gym... so unless you genuinely have a lot in common with your workout routines that warrant a well deserved and acknowledged compliment - be very weary of their tendency to potentially read too-much into it...
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,821
1,481
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#25
I'm the same with difficulty giving compliments. Someone once told me you have to be able to accept them first. I have sometimes tried without mentioning physical qualities. Like "that's a nice color", but I still feel awkward doing it. I've kind of stopped the last year or so at work to avoid any potential weirdness there.
There may be Some truth to needing to accept them first (to a point i can see it making sense, but don't know it's true for sure) but, for myself, at least in romantic situations it becomes Very easy to give them. Even though i will have trouble accepting them still.

I go through phases where it can be easier, under certain circumstances, to say something positive or encouraging to some people, but the rest of the time, nothing haha. It's still more than i used to be able to do, so though it's not where i wish i could be it's better than what i was, so i try to focus on that to keep working at it.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,007
1,137
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#26
In general Men need RESPECT more than anything (well, you know what I mean)...
So agree with this and appreciated but in a way they receive it well. Compliments don’t make me feel appreciated but reciprocating with actions does. Like I did this for you because I appreciate what you did for me. Not that we expect it but the thoughtfulness in giving back speaks volumes!
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,497
1,353
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#27
And, as a bonus-- How does one go about complimenting a man over his looks? I am a child of the 80's, and back then, all the girls described an attractive male (good golly, that sounds so sterile, like a lab description or something) as "cute". And I'm guessing men aren't very fond of that.

* Guys, would it ever be appropriate for someone to compliment your looks? What descriptions do you prefer -- would you want to be called "handsome", "good-looking", "cute", etc.?

* If you work out a lot at the gym, what could someone who notices that say without sounding like a stalker?

* Or, is it best not to say anything at all, to avoid any misunderstandings?

We are eagerly awaiting your replies. :)
and for the BONUS:
So unless you are interested in a guy and might be interested in giving him a subtle hint to see if he 'notices' or 'interested' himself: I would refrain from the overt compliments of "handsome", "good-looking", "cute", etc. unless the two of you are well established 'Friend-Zone' type of pals and you both acknowledge the 'platonic' nature of your friendship...
Otherwise, the 'average Joe' will assume that you are coming on to him...

If you are interested in befriending a new guy-pal; Men like to be 'Noticed' too... for something new or that they have done...
for example, if you noticed that he cut his hair, or shaved his mustache, or lost weight, or is dressing up (more than usual) - letting him know these sorts of things in a friendly 'non-stalking' way can be a good ice-breaker...

If he's not wearing a ring - well he's not wearing a ring... I think that is saying something about his availability... Granted there is now telling where he is in his varying stages of coming out of or getting in to a relationship... So, friendly conversations could be helpful to understand where his heart and mind are - before diving in with compliments... Suggest saving those for established friendships...

Some Men also might be going thru varying stages of depression (or just being down) - I'd say it is always a good idea as Christians to help lift people's spirits when we acknowledge that they could use a boost... I think the lord put you in their path for a reason...
 

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,302
446
83
#28
Man, you ain't kidding.

Last week I saw a guy in a store who had a man bun and I could tell from one glance that he better hair than I do.

Nothing incites jealousy in a woman more than a man with longer, thicker, and yes, prettier, hair. :LOL:
That's funny. In my younger days I had that kind of hair. Took me this chat board and like 30 years to figure out just now why I got some of the response's I did in hair salons.
 

Ellorah

Well-known member
Jan 28, 2019
436
674
93
26
South Carolina
#29
My grandma had a unique way of giving a compliment. She used it on everyone for whatever thing it was she found pleasing. She would say You are a good egg ! Keep in mind I grew up on a farm. So yeah I guess we could tell a guy he is a good egg 😂😂😂😂😂
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
20,151
8,713
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#30
I took a quiz to see how well I knew my wife which asked what are the 5 most important things to your wife in your relationship together. I got all 5 things in order correct EXCEPT I reversed answers #1 and #2, believing that spending time together was #1, but to my surprise, found out that COMPLIMENTS are #1 on her list. Yes, it's really that important to women. :giggle:
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,007
1,137
113
#31
My grandma had a unique way of giving a compliment. She used it on everyone for whatever thing it was she found pleasing. She would say You are a good egg ! Keep in mind I grew up on a farm. So yeah I guess we could tell a guy he is a good egg 😂😂😂😂😂
I've heard that one before, someone told me that a long time ago. On a side note, my brother use to be called a rotten egg! It was a friend of my parents that teased him when he was little. They said it back and forth to each other. :LOL:
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,386
6,417
113
#32
If he's not wearing a ring - well he's not wearing a ring... I think that is saying something about his availability... Granted there is now telling where he is in his varying stages of coming out of or getting in to a relationship... So, friendly conversations could be helpful to understand where his heart and mind are - before diving in with compliments... Suggest saving those for established friendships...
This is true, to a certain extent - my brother in laws are labourers and so they don’t wear their rings to work for safety reasons and not because they’re available lol we don’t want one of them coming home with no finger 😂
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,497
1,353
113
#33
This is true, to a certain extent - my brother in laws are labourers and so they don’t wear their rings to work for safety reasons and not because they’re available lol we don’t want one of them coming home with no finger 😂
Good point... Hopefully they are able to wear them during their days off from work...
True, I can relate, I used to wear mine with my dog tags when I went on training exercises with the military...
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
1,497
1,353
113
#34
I took a quiz to see how well I knew my wife which asked what are the 5 most important things to your wife in your relationship together. I got all 5 things in order correct EXCEPT I reversed answers #1 and #2, believing that spending time together was #1, but to my surprise, found out that COMPLIMENTS are #1 on her list. Yes, it's really that important to women. :giggle:
Maybe you know her better than she knows herself 😂😂 😜😉 ?
 
M

Miri

Guest
#35
Does anyone think it depends where you live? Are there regional
differences etc.

I live in Yorkshire in the UK.
Over here everyone calls each over love, even the men do.
For example:

Thanks love
How are you love.
That’s nice love.

I was reminded about this only a few days ago. I was at a bus stop and two men
were talking to each other - one said yes love to the other.

It’s also common for dad’s to call their adult and young sons love.

In some areas of Yorkshire you get called “duck” hello duck, how are you
duck etc.

Over here it’s common too to say to a man, oh you look nice, I like your new
hair cut. That’s nice aftershave you are wearing. Compliments can often take the
course of irony.

It’s just that we are sociable friendly people up north. You can strike up
a conversation at a bus stop with complete strangers, ask how they are etc
and no one blinks an eyelid. Doesn’t matter whether they are men or women.

Now down south London area, people keep themselves to themselves.
If you call a stranger “love” or paid them a compliment, they would think
you were psychotic, gay or after their money!

So if any of you ever decide to visit Yorkshire don’t freak out when someone
calls you love even if you are a man. If you happen to have a US accent, you
will also get a lot of looks and attention from both men and women who want to
know about you. Lol
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
14,206
8,260
113
74
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#38
So agree with this and appreciated but in a way they receive it well. Compliments don’t make me feel appreciated but reciprocating with actions does. Like I did this for you because I appreciate what you did for me. Not that we expect it but the thoughtfulness in giving back speaks volumes!
Yes Mike, I can relate to this. I was never good at receiving compliments as they seem to put you on a spot. I think it is a man thing that needs to be suppressed. Once over 60 I became less inclined to thinking a woman was stalking for romance. Now, I respond with "thank you" for compliments.

That said, I was always ready to receive a compliment on my actions/abilities. I think that is a man thing also, but it is more positive than negative. I guess it all comes down to motive when giving and receiving compliments. There is a lot of difference between encouraging someone rather than flattering them. Everyone needs encouragement at times. :)