How important is it for you to date a virgin?

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thefightinglamb

Guest
#81
#81
I have thought a lot on this...

There does seem to be something different about Christian virgins...as I stated in a different thread...God has always seems to YANK us spiritually out of the physical situation...hard to explain but true...so what is to be thought of people that rashly thrust themselves (their hearts/souls) over the edge???

and, on the other hand, I know this may be harsh...but is it better to have sex for three minutes and not be possessed by a lust for sex for days on end...Is it better to have your mind on Christ and actually have sex once in a while...or always have your mind on sex or not having sex--and never be focused on Christ??? Because even if you focus on not-having-sex, you have taken the focus off of Christ...

WARNING: I am not telling anyone to not fight lust or 'having sex' but am just saying that there is a deep and wide sin in 'thinking about sex' all the time that some of those who actually have sex do not experience...They have sex, and then do not focus on it as much...

So, if you are to be a virgin, be a virgin indeed...and focus on the Lord...but to consume your mind with sex and still claim to be a virgin is folly...

Thats my thoughts for now...

And may God make all of us pure and holy
tony
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#82
#82
its very important to me either...;)

A christian man who keeps he's virginity is worth waiting for...


[SIZE=+2]Someone[/SIZE]
Lord, send me someone sincere and true, Someone who wholly belongs to you; And then to me to give a part Of a very tender and loving heart. Full of fun yet strong and steady too, Someone to lean on and who trusts in you. His life in service to you he'll give, And our lives for you we both shall live. A gracious, exciting, understanding man, The one for me that you have planned. The ideal man of my life to be, Strong of heart and soul, yet gentle with me. He'll hold me close and always want me near, He'll need my love and often call me dear. I'll walk so proudly by his side, My happiness complete when I'm his bride. I'll open my heart to his love
evermore. Where'er he is, Lord, Send him knocking at my door!
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#83
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
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#83
Well granted. I take into account that people have consequences people have to get past. However, some have admitted in here that they aren't virgins, yet they seem spiritually grounded after the fact of said sin, so it can happen and it is happening! I still say that discernment is the key, for virgin or non-virgin
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You will not know if and what the effects are until you start dating them and involved in a relationship. Then things can get interesting. There's a lot more to a person than reciting a creed of faith or statement of faith or church involvement. So, I make it easier and save myself the trouble by not considering marriage to a non-virgin, as a rule.
 
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thefightinglamb

Guest
#84
#84
I was going to confess that I fall into the latter category I outlined...I once thought about sex for weeks on end...is that not worse than having sex for a couple hours and then focusing on Christ??? I don't know...I kinda wished I had just had sex and then sought the Lord, then had my mind and heart consumed with it 24/7
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#85
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
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#85
WARNING: I am not telling anyone to not fight lust or 'having sex' but am just saying that there is a deep and wide sin in 'thinking about sex' all the time that some of those who actually have sex do not experience...They have sex, and then do not focus on it as much...
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thats like an addict having a quick fix and being satisified until the next fix..no.
The actual act I think is worse than the thoughts in the mind, because it involves becoming one flesh with that person.
Thoughts in the mind and thinking about sex usually take the form of temptation, which is not the same as the actual act.
 
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thefightinglamb

Guest
#86
#86
But to let your mind, muddle it it for sooo long...don't you think all is folly but seeking the Lord and his will...and to seek his will after messing up...or to have our hearts consumed with thinking about it all the time...I don't know which one is a worse sin to have in your past...
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#87
Jan 3, 2007
626
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#87
MahogonySnail said:
You will not know if and what the effects are until you start dating them and involved in a relationship. Then things can get interesting. There's a lot more to a person than reciting a creed of faith or statement of faith or church involvement. So, I make it easier and save myself the trouble by not considering marriage to a non-virgin, as a rule.
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Now i strongly disagree with you. You won't know till you start dating them? That's not true. You can get to know people VERY well outside of a relationship. It's called being a friend. i think we skip that step more often than not. like i said, discernment is key!! If you;re observant with a quick ear, you can learn a lot about a person if you ask the right questions.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#88
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
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#88
Now i strongly disagree with you. You won't know till you start dating them? That's not true. You can get to know people VERY well outside of a relationship. It's called being a friend. i think we skip that step more often than not. like i said, discernment is key!! If you;re observant with a quick ear, you can learn a lot about a person if you ask the right questions.
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Well, maybe not at the start of dating, but further down the track. You see, friendship does not usually deal with the deeper issues of relational emotions and sex. And people put on masks even in friendships. Only in closer love relationships will these problems surface. That is where problems can arise. E.g. if your non-virgin partner starts bringing up the past issues with their previous sexual partners etc. If those sexual partners are still in their life and if they still have feelings for them.
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#89
#89
My mom once told me that you will learn to accept everything when you love that person so much..

In my heart i still want that my man will be virgin..well i guess when i grow and be mature with life and God my prospective will change!!!


;)
 
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thefightinglamb

Guest
#90
#90
I tend to think that somewhat some part of people that have sex gets spiritually put into the other person...not meaning to be harsh again...but it seems that some spiritual remnant of that person will pop up in how they react to a situation or what they say or something...I have seen this time and time again...but I DO trust the LORD can clean even that...

Non-virgin Christians [that are not married] or just non-virgins also seem to shift in what they care for on a moment's notice...One moment they will care for you and then they will decide out of nowhere they want nothing to do with you...perhaps the capacity to CARE for things in general somehow gets damaged, I don't know...
 
A

ariannaaa

Guest
#91
#91
Although I said a non virgin isn't a particular deal breaker for me, I don't think any of you should be attacking those (like Mahogany) who it is a deal breaker for.

Yes, all sins are equal and we all make mistakes, but it doesn't change the fact that certain temptations or sins hit home harder with certain individuals than others. Virginity may not be a necessity for you, but maybe someone who doesn't smoke weed is a necessity for you- and not for Mahogony, or others like him. It doesn't mean you- or he- is being judgemental, it just means that you've had personal experiences or whatever the case may be, with that particular sin, and do not wish to be in a relationship with someone who struggles with it.

It may be because its something you yourself struggle with and you want someone to edify you, it make be because you've seen alot of situations where ppl who have sinned in that particular way have fallen away from the Lord and it scares you... whatever the case may be, as long as we're all being forgiving and love- we're still allowed to have standards for our significant other.

No harm in what you say, I don't think, Mahogony.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#92
Jan 8, 2009
7,576
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#92
* ah.. thanks arianna, but no one has been "attacking" me personally or my beliefs. *

Yes, I have high standard when it comes to sexuality, but of course I will happily date a pot-smoking junkie. haha no. I don't believe in this idea of relativism.

What's the problem with holiness and purity as the norm and standard for christians? Is the bar too high for you? The problem is in today's society of tolerance and "don't judge cults", people expect other people to have something wrong with them and to accept it and live with it. When they do encounter someone who has high moral standards, they are offended and perhaps a little bit jealous?
Go back 50, 100, 200 years,, sexual purity was not just an option that few have and most don't, it was the norm and the standard. This isn't about who is more perfect than the next person, everyone has fallen short, this is about who (as a Christian) really loves and obeys God and who doesn't.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#93
May 5, 2009
2,569
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#93
There's a few things I want to say.

Firstly, alot of people seem to be equating a preference for a virgin spouse with failing to forgive people for committing sexual sins. I don't understand this. It's not my role or duty to forgive them. They have not sinned against me, they have sinned against God. So the argument "if God forgives them I'll forgive them" doesn't make sense to me. By refusing to marry someone, I'm not casting judgement on their life.

Grace, when I said that marriage was an earthly concept, I was saying that we are only married on earth, not in Heaven. I agree that marriage is a Godly gift, and I hope to be given that gift someday, but I think some people are confusing God with Cupid. I'd like to see where in the bible it says that God picks spouses for us and sends them into our lives. I think God is much more concerned about our relationships with Him than our relationships with eachother, and that there are a number of people that each person would be compatible enough with to build a successful marriage.

Jordan, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm making an idol of virginity. I'm not, but it is very important to me. The reason I want to marry a virgin is that I'm a virgin, and I want to experience sex for the first time with someone for whom it is also their first time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You also equated this sentiment with, for example, wanting a blonde wife. What is wrong with wanting a blonde wife??? If people have certain personal preferences, they should seek these kinds of people. We are not sinning against God by choosing a spouse based on whether or not a person has the qualities we are looking for in a spouse. And I don't believe we have an obligation to God to choose a spouse based on anything other than whether or not they are living for Christ. So the notion that people who are seeking only a virgin partner are somehow being 'unfair' is lost on me. Its not like we HAVE to get married and we HAVE to choose our husband or wife based on fair and non-discriminatory assessment criteria.

I know God forgives people who have committed adultery, but how am I judging them by refusing to marry them? I have no obligation to marry anyone, and I can marry anyone I want, provided their heart is in the right place.

If I have offended anyone, then I apologise. I can't help feeling the way I do, and I was not attempting to demonise anyone.

P.S. Other people I would not marry, even though they were Christians, include mass murders, a siamese twin, a woman who has had a sex change, and someone who has AIDS. These are my preferences. There is nothing wrong with that. Think about it people...
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#94
#94
I would like to add to that list, not dating plastic toys...... although barbie is kinda cute.
 
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luke15chick

Guest
#95
#95
You know this makes me think of the Samaritan woman in John 4. No Jesus didn't date her or marry her, but he did choose to tell her the good news even though she had been with five men. Out of all the righteous people in the town, he spoke to her first and her heart was ready to receive the message. What if we dated people based on who was ready to love us as we are? Maybe the holy guy or girl would turn us down because we didn't meet all the standards they have for a boyfriend or girlfriend. But what if the slightly less holy person was ready to truly love you for who God made you to be.
 
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chelsers

Guest
#96
#96
luke15chick said:
You know this makes me think of the Samaritan woman in John 4. No Jesus didn't date her or marry her, but he did choose to tell her the good news even though she had been with five men. Out of all the righteous people in the town, he spoke to her first and her heart was ready to receive the message. What if we dated people based on who was ready to love us as we are? Maybe the holy guy or girl would turn us down because we didn't meet all the standards they have for a boyfriend or girlfriend. But what if the slightly less holy person was ready to truly love you for who God made you to be.
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I totally agree with this, and I think most posters (most) have said wanting to date someone who's a virgin is a preference. If I found out the great guy I was dating wasn't a virgin, it's not a dealbreaker. Just in my head right now, since I'm a virgin, I'd like who I date to be but we need to follow God's will, and who He brings into our lives.
 
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Boxme

Guest
#97
#97
This has all been very helpful.

The reason I ask is that my girlfriend and I (we are not virgins) are facing the temptations which I feel is somewhat normal to feel tempted.

It would be easier to give in since we've done it before but I'm going to take a stand on it and if she respects me and our relationship she will, too. I think it will be a big test. It could be a deal breaker for the relationship and I'm a little scared but I'm going to do what I can and it's in God's hands now.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#98
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,659
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#98
Boxme:

Do you have any friends or contacts at your church with whom you can talk to about your situation and have them hold you accountable? Have someone check up on you and help you stand on your commitment to doing what God wants for your life.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#99
Sep 8, 2006
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#99
Boxme said:
This has all been very helpful.

The reason I ask is that my girlfriend and I (we are not virgins) are facing the temptations which I feel is somewhat normal to feel tempted.

It would be easier to give in since we've done it before but I'm going to take a stand on it and if she respects me and our relationship she will, too. I think it will be a big test. It could be a deal breaker for the relationship and I'm a little scared but I'm going to do what I can and it's in God's hands now.
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I support you in taking that stand. I do not think you will ever regret it. :) Respecting her and respecting yourself in your faith will only benefit your relationship......that is a guarantee. Giving in to the temptation...no guarantee.
Best to you both!
 
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ndimu

Guest
#100
#100
i will count myself lucky, but you know what since am a christian and possibly no way to know her virginity
will thank God for whomever He brings to me.
 
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