How many of you are open to having new Christian friendships?

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GiveThanks

God Will Make A Way
Dec 6, 2020
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#22
Im interested in meeting friends, but as you have said its hard. And i'd rather go without a friend than have to deal with hypocrits, gossipers, bullies and envious people.
 

TamLynn

A heart at rest
Nov 27, 2014
985
1,019
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#23
Im interested in meeting friends, but as you have said its hard. And i'd rather go without a friend than have to deal with hypocrits, gossipers, bullies and envious people.
I understand. 🙏🏻

I've been a hypocrite, gossip, bully and envious before and was thankful for friends that held me accountable.
Online friends can be huge blessings.
Praying you'll find some genuine friends you feel safe being yourself with. 🙏🏻❤
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,380
813
113
#24
I understand. 🙏🏻

I've been a hypocrite, gossip, bully and envious before and was thankful for friends that held me accountable.
Online friends can be huge blessings.
Praying you'll find some genuine friends you feel safe being yourself with. 🙏🏻❤

And now you're just N-credible! Merry Christmas Ms. TamLynn!
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
113
#26
Sorry but that expression "quality over quantity" sounds like an excuse to not engage others in some sort of relationship. Sure, some people have behaviors that are annoying...or are a real drain in your psyche...but that doesn't mean that they don't have value.

Everyone has value and worth... everyone has some unique talent and abilities...it's just a matter of finding out. Some people are usually very secretive about their talents...

I can remember quite clearly a friend of mine whose wife never sang. Her husband did and loved barbershop quartet style singing...I liked listening to him and his buds...I can't carry a tune unless it's handing out hymnals.

But then one day I was watching our choir do a Christmas special...there she was on stage and I wondered what she was doing up there. Then she started this solo that blew me away. She was a complete star... beautiful voice and talent. Clear notes with no vibrato and nailed every note. I was totally impressed. My friend had always blown off her singing ability talking about his quartets.

Some guys have cake baking skills or skills way beyond the norm for barbeque and grilling...others can weld and make wrought iron art. Some can sew or something... you don't know until you get to know them. It doesn't mean that you need them as a best buddy... or that their intentions are always the best...but it takes EVERYONE to make a congregation...and utilizing everyone's talents is a key principle of living a rich life.
How did this turn from a discussion on friendship (sounds like we may have different definitions of what a friend is) to a discussion on who has value and worth and who should be in our congregations? I'm not saying that the people I'm not friends with (either because I don't feel enough lack to get to know them better or know them well enough to know I don't have much in common with them) don't have value or worth (though I've met a few people who really really challenge the idea that everyone has those) or shouldn't be part of a church. I'm just saying I'd rather have 1 or 2 good friends than frequently be around 20 people casually. And I'm introverted enough that I don't value my casual acquaintances all that highly, but I've seen plenty of people who want to do stuff but don't want to do it alone and can understand they might value such more highly.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,177
2,479
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#27
How did this turn from a discussion on friendship (sounds like we may have different definitions of what a friend is) to a discussion on who has value and worth and who should be in our congregations? I'm not saying that the people I'm not friends with (either because I don't feel enough lack to get to know them better or know them well enough to know I don't have much in common with them) don't have value or worth (though I've met a few people who really really challenge the idea that everyone has those) or shouldn't be part of a church. I'm just saying I'd rather have 1 or 2 good friends than frequently be around 20 people casually. And I'm introverted enough that I don't value my casual acquaintances all that highly, but I've seen plenty of people who want to do stuff but don't want to do it alone and can understand they might value such more highly.
Im not sure either...
But I count those as friends who claim Christ as Lord and Savior and demonstrate that relationship...IOW have enough evidence to convict them of that...and church membership is not enough to do so.

An odd list spanning country borders and denominations...but they are friends with the right to claim friendship...but there are rings...I have a difficult time having a close relationship with my friend in Italy or the group in Slovakia or Brazil... But I do keep tabs on them and if I can get with them in person it's wonderful all over again.
I have families here in the town I live in that are much closer...and those I attend church with that I don't count as friends. All a matter of convenience.
My wife is my best friend though...
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#28
I think if you live in the country or small town where its isolated you naturally spend more time with the same small group of people...or maybe you just know everyone already.

In a big city its more you can be friends with more people but they can come and go out of your life...but its easier to find groups with common interests...this is why univeristies etc have clubs or in the US its sorororities and fraternities, although I kinda dont like the culture that seems to be portrayed in the movies of it being 'mean girls' and 'bullying boys'

It doesnt have to be that way.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#29
Friendships grow organically...that part is true. Men and women gain friendships in different ways for different reasons.

Women by sharing emotions.
I know men who share emotions too.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,177
2,479
113
#30
I know men who share emotions too.
Men will share emotions but only after trust has been established...they don't do it to establish a bond. Women are the exact opposite in that they will share their emotions to establish a relationship.
 

TLC209

Active member
Mar 20, 2019
553
182
43
42
Merced, CA
#31
👀 We got alot of married men in the singles forum... Can someone explain what that's about?

Seems a little strange tbh...
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,144
9,241
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#32
👀 We got alot of married men in the singles forum... Can someone explain what that's about?

Seems a little strange tbh...
Got more than a few married women too.

This started as the singles forum years and years ago, but it has evolved into the default place for cool people to hang out and chat about random interesting stuff.

Also some of the old hands here started out single and married somewhere along the way. A few even met here.

If we kicked out all the married folks we would lose some really cool friends. Ain't gonna do that.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
4,048
3,149
113
#33
👀 We got alot of married men in the singles forum... Can someone explain what that's about?

Seems a little strange tbh...
I've been on since 2011 and this has always been the case. And the site owner makes it able to to happen by not prohibiting them. If I recall, years back, the site owner gave singles the option to restrict teens and married (since the singles forum is 18 plus) and it was agreed to let them continue to come in.

The sites subforums seem to be more general guidelines than strict rules.

And since the Singles forum is not intended to be a place for people to hunt down spouses, but is more a general chat area, no one has a problem with them. And at times you'll see posters here offer married people to respond to posts to get their take.

So, no, it's not unusual at all here.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,144
9,241
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#34
And since the Singles forum is not intended to be a place for people to hunt down spouses, but is more a general chat area, no one has a problem with them.
Yeah, that's an important part I forgot to mention. The regulars here aren't on the prowl. We're here to hang out and chat.

If this were more like an online dating forum, married people would of course be bared.
 

TLC209

Active member
Mar 20, 2019
553
182
43
42
Merced, CA
#35
Yeah, that's an important part I forgot to mention. The regulars here aren't on the prowl. We're here to hang out and chat.

If this were more like an online dating forum, married people would of course be bared.
And the wives are on this site as well? And the wives mingle as well? I'd like to mingle with their wives as well if that's the case. Make new friends ofcourse ofcourse.

Does anyone see anything wrong with that?
 

TLC209

Active member
Mar 20, 2019
553
182
43
42
Merced, CA
#36
I've been on since 2011 and this has always been the case. And the site owner makes it able to to happen by not prohibiting them. If I recall, years back, the site owner gave singles the option to restrict teens and married (since the singles forum is 18 plus) and it was agreed to let them continue to come in.

The sites subforums seem to be more general guidelines than strict rules.

And since the Singles forum is not intended to be a place for people to hunt down spouses, but is more a general chat area, no one has a problem with them. And at times you'll see posters here offer married people to respond to posts to get their take.

So, no, it's not unusual at all here.
If their wives are aware they chat in a singles forum I would guess that's ok. If there wives aren't on this site then it's just common sense, you shouldn't be on a single forum.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,144
9,241
113
#37
And the wives are on this site as well? And the wives mingle as well? I'd like to mingle with their wives as well if that's the case. Make new friends ofcourse ofcourse.

Does anyone see anything wrong with that?
We haven't had any of that drama in all the years I've been here.

You trying to start trouble or what? :cautious:
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,177
2,479
113
#38
👀 We got alot of married men in the singles forum... Can someone explain what that's about?

Seems a little strange tbh...
I don't mean to offend...
I'm definitely not interested in "hooking up"...I'm very much in love with my wife.

But I would think that singles interested in being in a relationship would want advice from those who have successful relationships with a spouse.

You know... advice from the old married guys wouldn't be shunned.
 

TLC209

Active member
Mar 20, 2019
553
182
43
42
Merced, CA
#39
I don't mean to offend...
I'm definitely not interested in "hooking up"...I'm very much in love with my wife.

But I would think that singles interested in being in a relationship would want advice from those who have successful relationships with a spouse.

You know... advice from the old married guys wouldn't be shunned.
Theres a family forum.. I'm sure if anyone wants advice from married people that would be the place to look. It comes off as creepy to see married men in a singles forum.

Since when are women ok with their husband interacting with single women in a singles forum? If you have an open relationship congratulations. But generally speaking the optics of this just doesn't look good. I understood your answer but it just isn't one that seems reasonable. But that's between you and your wife. Assuming she's aware.