How Often Do You Give/Receive Hugs?

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How Often Do You Give/Receive Hugs?

  • I am single and never give/receive hugs.

    Votes: 5 15.6%
  • I am married and never give/receive hugs. (Does this include with your spouse?)

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I am single and give/receive hugs 1-5 times a month.

    Votes: 8 25.0%
  • I am married and give/receive hugs 1-5 times a month. (Again, does this include your spouse?)

    Votes: 2 6.3%
  • I am single and give/receive hugs 5 or more times a month.

    Votes: 11 34.4%
  • I am married and give/receive hugs 5 or more times a month.

    Votes: 2 6.3%
  • I give/receive few to no hugs and I feel that this negatively impacts my life.

    Votes: 2 6.3%
  • I give/receive no hugs and am comfortable with that--physical affection makes me uneasy.

    Votes: 3 9.4%
  • I would like to give/receive hugs more often but have no one to share them with.

    Votes: 8 25.0%
  • I would like to give/receive hugs more often (to my family, church family, etc.) but am unsure how.

    Votes: 2 6.3%

  • Total voters
    32

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,418
3,575
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

A recent conversation had me thinking about how often single people give or receive any kind of physical affection. I think most everyone has read articles in which it's been documented that some babies who were given life necessities but no physical affection or care have perished, and I often wonder what kind of effect a lack of contact has on people as adults.

Why is it assumed that a lack of affection is just a natural occurrence as people get older?

Of course, as Christians, sexual contact is not an option for us singles until we get married, but what about more innocent things such as holding someone's hand (a friend or relative), a warm (but not overly long or suspiciously creepy) hug, and an affectionate kiss on the cheek (such as between friends or relatives)?

I admit to being a fairly affectionate person, and lack of an outlet for even the most innocent forms of affection has me feeling at a loss.

I consider myself very fortunate to have grown up in a family in which, even though I'm an adult, my parents smother me with hugs and/or verbal affirmations, and I can feel the perk in my soul just from being around that exchange for even just a few moments. The only hugs I receive these days are from my parents, but unfortunately, I don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like.

What about the rest of you? If you'll give me a few moments, I'm going to create an anonymous, multiple-choice poll that will reflect this threads original question.

However, some of the topics that won't be adequately covered by the poll are:

* Who do you exchange these affections with? (Parents, children, church members, etc.)

* Perhaps you don't feel comfortable with any kind of affection at all? Why? (If you would feel comfortable sharing.) And if you're not comfortable with affection, what kind of effect do you think that will have on a future marriage?

* Who were your role models in showing affection, and do you strive to be more or less like them? (For example, if you had parents who hugged you often, do you aspire to be like them? Or if you had parents who never hugged you or each other in front of others, do you plan to be the same way in your own marriage and family?)

Remember, the poll is anonymous, so no one can see your answers, as well as multiple choice, so feel free to choose as many as you feel apply.

I am hoping, however, that the poll will not be seen as a substitute for an actual discussion and am hoping that people will feel free to share their thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

Married people are welcome to answer as well--was it liberating or challenging to to from being single, to being around someone--and trying to show them affection, all the time?

We singles appreciate our married friends here who teach us the realities of married life without talking down to us. :)

I'll be looking forward to your answers. :)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,418
3,575
113
#2
P.S. The old system allowed for 40 poll answers and a little more space for writing each option.

I know this poll might seem to be lacking, but I did the best I could with what the new system has to offer.

I am hoping that the rest of this thread will be fleshed out by what the readers have to contribute. :)
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,872
2,336
113
#3
It's been over a year since my last hug or any real touch. I'm not a big fan of touching in most situations. But I do crave it, yet the only ways I'm comfortable with it I rarely have that chance.

It's not just for babies, though. Even in adults its proven to have many positive effects, including better health and living longer.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,418
3,575
113
#4
It's been over a year since my last hug or any real touch. I'm not a big fan of touching in most situations. But I do crave it, yet the only ways I'm comfortable with it I rarely have that chance.

It's not just for babies, though. Even in adults its proven to have many positive effects, including better health and living longer.
I remember having a conversation with someone who had been in prison about 10 years, and we were talking about those studies in which babies have died from an apparent lack of affection or contact.

I thought this person's answer was especially poignant: "Grown men die too--just in other ways."
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,466
6,588
113
#5
I like giving them more than recieving them lol is that weird?

I especially like hugging my neices and nephews:)
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
18,538
5,065
113
#6
"How Often Do You Give/Receive Hugs?"

Not nearly often enough. But if I did often enough people would think I'm creepy. For that matter I would think I'm creepy too.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,146
113
#7
I'm not picky. I'll gladly take a creepy hug.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,146
113
#10
I'm thinking about an article I read, probably 17 years ago. I'll see if I can find it, but it was in a print magazine, and internet wasn't part of my life back then.

But this leads me to remember my sister's bestfriend from Jr high through highhigh school. Real pretty girl. I only talked to her a few times when we were in school together. When she was in college, I took my sister to go see her one night at UVA. We all went out to dinner, and I drove the girl back to her apartment. Before I left, she wanted to give me a hug. This was about the closest hug I'd ever had. She pulled me in tight, she had to have everything from my feet, all the way up, to our faces touching and pulled in tight. She held on for way over a minute. Of course I'm 19 thinking that if she really wanted to be that close, we could do this horizontal, and get these clothes out from between us.

So a couple of years later, I'm at the doctor's office, waiting for my grandmother, when I read this article about hugs. It basically said that a hug that last for more than 30 seconds, causes some chemical reactions in the brain, rewrites some connections, and can cause a life long feeling of a connection.

Maybe that girl was on to something.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
4,385
2,545
113
#11
With Italian father, Latin mother hugs and kisses were a normal frequency with greetings.
Married a Latina whom reinforced the benefits of even more frequent hugs within our family unit...
Now separated I found myself spiraling towards depression as the hugs on the home front dried out...
Getting my now 1.5 old puppy has served as an awesome outlet for frequent and free hugs and kisses, along with unconditional love and loyalty.
He was a true blessing and key to help me to maintain my balance. I learned how dependant my personality type (ref: '5 Love Languages') is upon human touch and forms of affection (to include touching/holding hands, hugs, kisses...) ...
Great post Seoulsearch, thanks...

"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman: words of affirmation; acts of service; receiving gifts; quality time; physical touch...
 
J

Jennie-Mae

Guest
#12
I love hugging❤️.

I’m hugging left and right every day.☺️

But, only my family👨‍👩‍👧‍👦. And my folks and my siblings...and their families...and my in laws lol...quite a crowd, really☺️.

But I’m not hugging strangers and I hate it whenever somebody’s nearbout using force to get a hug from me.
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
16,723
10,517
113
75
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#13
I lived next door to my grandma and had lots of aunts and uncles around all the time. At 2 years old, I had 4 cousins move in with us. We all stuck together but were a little dysfunctional in showing affection.

I married my first wife and my new inlaws wanted to hug and kiss hello and goodbye. It seemed a little strange at first, but then I came to realize it is a good thing. I have since passed on the tradition with my kids and step-kids.

beau-thing-sm.gif
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#14
Physical contact in all forms typically scares me, most notably from men. There are times when I strongly wish I had a close, loving, and unconditional bond with another female ─ maybe someone who views me as a sister ─ so that I at least felt safe enough to give and receive hugs.

Nearly all the time I resist physical contact from anyone in just about any given situation.
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
4,385
2,545
113
#15
The topic stimulated some thought, and a need to substantiate my hypotheses... Yes, there has been lots of scientific research on the Health Benefits of Hugging... While I came across some fun articles like an experiment by a couple college students that posted signs for free hugs in the Library during finals week - they were overwhelmed by the response stating:
"Most people were enthusiastic. Some exclaimed, “You made my day!” or “Thank you. I needed this.” One leapt into my arms, nearly toppling me over. After two hours of warm interactions, my friend and I couldn’t believe how energized and happy we felt."

This article was the most comprehensive:
20 Amazing Benefits of Hugging According to Science (+10 Hugging Tips)
by Jen Miller
https://www.jenreviews.com/hugging/


1. Hugging Helps to Fight Stress Induced Illness
2. Hugging Boosts Our Immune System
3. Hugging Reduces Stress
4. Hugging Satisfies Our ‘Skin Hunger’
5. Hugging Increases Serotonin Levels
6. Hugging Balances the Nervous System
7. Hugs Are Anti-Aging
8. Hugging Protects Against Heart Disease
8. Hugs Act as Nonverbal Communication
9. Hugging Relieves Pain
10. Hugs Can Help with Depression
11. Hugging Reduces Fear of Mortality
12. Hugs can Help to Treat Insomnia and Anxiety
13. Hugs Can Decrease Food Cravings
14. Hugs Increase Bonding and Strengthen Relationships
15. Hugs Improve Self Esteem
16. Hugging Causes Muscles to Relax
17. Hugs Increase Empathy and Understanding
18. Hugs Increase Happiness
19. Hugs Are Great for Your Sex Life
20. Hugs Teach Us to Give and Receive

10 Hugging Tips
1. Make eye contact
2. Approach slowly
3. Read body language
4. Open your arms
5. Take a Deep Breath
6. Lean Into the Hug
7. Use a light touch to start
8. Be Genuine
9. Hold the Hug
10. Release gradually
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#17
I think its a lot more common for women more then men to give hugs..women hug to greet each other..men shake hands or slap each other..lol
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,418
3,575
113
#18
In our society, it would be considered inhumane and even criminal to not provide a baby with human contact.

However, even if a baby does receive the care and touch that it needs... even from early childhood and right on into the last stages of life, most, if not all forms of physical contact will cease for many people.

And yet we're expected to live full, healthy lives without any signs of depression or loss.

Of course, I know some people might prefer not having any contact with others, whether because of their own personality or, tragically, abuses that have occurred in their lives.

But I often wonder what God thinks about this, because He seems to have designed human beings for physical contact.

How would He expect for this need to be met, all within Christian standards, of course?

Or is it yet just another thing many of us will just find ourselves lacking--and suffering from--as the result of a fallen world?
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#19
In our society, it would be considered inhumane and even criminal to not provide a baby with human contact.

However, even if a baby does receive the care and touch that it needs... even from early childhood and right on into the last stages of life, most, if not all forms of physical contact will cease for many people.

And yet we're expected to live full, healthy lives without any signs of depression or loss.

Of course, I know some people might prefer not having any contact with others, whether because of their own personality or, tragically, abuses that have occurred in their lives.

But I often wonder what God thinks about this, because He seems to have designed human beings for physical contact.

How would He expect for this need to be met, all within Christian standards, of course?

Or is it yet just another thing many of us will just find ourselves lacking--and suffering from--as the result of a fallen world?
In my patents n grandparents era it wasnt always common for pda or even DA..lol..they showed SOME affection to each other but not much to us kids..
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,146
113
#20
In our society, it would be considered inhumane and even criminal to not provide a baby with human contact.

However, even if a baby does receive the care and touch that it needs... even from early childhood and right on into the last stages of life, most, if not all forms of physical contact will cease for many people.

And yet we're expected to live full, healthy lives without any signs of depression or loss.

Of course, I know some people might prefer not having any contact with others, whether because of their own personality or, tragically, abuses that have occurred in their lives.

But I often wonder what God thinks about this, because He seems to have designed human beings for physical contact.

How would He expect for this need to be met, all within Christian standards, of course?

Or is it yet just another thing many of us will just find ourselves lacking--and suffering from--as the result of a fallen world?
They have professional cuddlers.