How to date introverted Christian men?

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Jun 30, 2018
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#1
Hi everyone, I'm a 35-year-old Christian single woman. I'm outgoing, warm and love to serve the church community. However, I find myself drawn to introverted men - those who appear cool, passive and rarely express themselves. They seem to be interested in me as well but it's always hard to get conversation going with them. I don't quite understand what they need/want, and find it frustrating having to take the initiatives, which they often fail or slow to respond to. It seems that they are very uncomfortable being in a big crowd or talking about themselves. I feel very stuck and wonder how to get to know, even date introverted Christian men? How to ask them out and get them talk more about themselves? I appreciate any practical advice from you! Thanks and many blessings.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,144
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#2
Don't date them. If they don't ask you out, move on.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,679
2,466
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#3
Hi everyone, I'm a 35-year-old Christian single woman. I'm outgoing, warm and love to serve the church community. However, I find myself drawn to introverted men - those who appear cool, passive and rarely express themselves. They seem to be interested in me as well but it's always hard to get conversation going with them. I don't quite understand what they need/want, and find it frustrating having to take the initiatives, which they often fail or slow to respond to. It seems that they are very uncomfortable being in a big crowd or talking about themselves. I feel very stuck and wonder how to get to know, even date introverted Christian men? How to ask them out and get them talk more about themselves? I appreciate any practical advice from you! Thanks and many blessings.
I'm a pretty hardcore introvert (if there is such a thing)... In my case, the best way to get me to open up would be to talk about any topic that interests me. In my case there's plenty to choose from. Everything from aviation to the stock market, to cars and photography. You'd have to find out what they are passionate about and go from there. Hopefully there will be something they like that won't bore you. You might have to try more than once. I know that if a woman starts talking to me for no real reason I get super nervous and want to just get out of the situation as quickly as possible, but then afterwards I wish I had spent more time talking to that person and would love to have another chance.

Another way is to just ask him to join you for lunch or something casual. Try not to make it sound like a date. Maybe starbucks or something. Then he won't feel too pressured to impress you. Good luck :)
 
S

Sweetmorningdew78

Guest
#4
Just stay the way u are...warm and fun they need those qualities from a woman... Maybe be open and make sure you tell the person that you enjoyed his company until he get used to your presence and if you feel like and you are sure that he is interested with you then ask him for a cup of halo-halo :D just kidding maybe there is no halo-halo in your place :D halo-halo is a Filipino desert :D going back... Ask him for a morning coffee or lunch :) and see how it goes but if it doesn't work well then let him go...


It is hard to be interested to someone who is introvert it can be frustrating in the long run because you will do the planning always...you will approach him always because he is used to people approaching him most of the time ..I mean you will going to walk extra mile if u will date them...u will exert more effort when you are around with them :) But but when they get used to you already they are actually wonderful because most of them are sincere,loyal and sweet :giggle::giggle::giggle:
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,541
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#5
Introverts are very sensitive people. It takes a while for them to trust u. But when they dp they give fulhearted.
Its not easy but with patience it works
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,679
2,466
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#6
Introverts are very sensitive people. It takes a while for them to trust u. But when they dp they give fulhearted.
Its not easy but with patience it works
Yes, this is true. Once I feel comfortable with someone, I become very open and talkative with them. And I am very sensitive, but not with people that I feel comfortable with.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,111
1,131
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#7


And what zero said about getting them to talk about hobbies (or ideas) that interest them. Don't ask them about themselves directly, we introverts hate talking about ourselves (especially in public). And accept that some of the more cerebral people out there may be looking to connect on a mental and intellectual level before they consider connecting on an emotional level. Oh an as an intellectual and introverted person (albeit female), you really have to spell the emotional stuff out for me. A guy would pretty much have to walk up to me and say he was interested in dating me before I would pick up on it. Don't think that these guys are aware of your interest just because you try talking to them or are dropping subtle hints. Subtle hints may well be interpreted as you were just acting a bit weird during that interaction.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
547
441
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#8
I'm a pretty hardcore introvert (if there is such a thing)... In my case, the best way to get me to open up would be to talk about any topic that interests me. In my case there's plenty to choose from. Everything from aviation to the stock market, to cars and photography. You'd have to find out what they are passionate about and go from there. Hopefully there will be something they like that won't bore you. You might have to try more than once. I know that if a woman starts talking to me for no real reason I get super nervous and want to just get out of the situation as quickly as possible, but then afterwards I wish I had spent more time talking to that person and would love to have another chance.

Another way is to just ask him to join you for lunch or something casual. Try not to make it sound like a date. Maybe starbucks or something. Then he won't feel too pressured to impress you. Good luck :)
Hi :)
But why should a woman make the first move? I feel that if a man is truly interested in a woman, it doesn't matter how introverted he is, he will find a way to do something about it.

So to the first poster, I would say, just be friendly with the person so that he can feel comfortable. If after that he still can't show interest then he is not interested.

But then we come to another question. If after you've gone out of your way to be friends with someone, it turns out they are not interested, what do you do then? What happens to the "friendship"?
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
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#9
just be conscious that the introvert may not feel as though they need a new friend. They already have like.. two.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
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#10
I must be an introvert because all this stuff fits me perfectly.

Especially that number 6. If I'm supposed to leave at 4 and the boss at work asks me at noon to stay after 4 I have no problem with it. If the boss asks me at 4 when I'm about to leave, forget it!
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
680
88
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#11
Well no matter how introvet a guy is, if he interest to you, he will find way to you. Patience is ok but its not always work well coz you will get tired n tired, mostly dissapointed.
Look for guy who really sees us as we are.

Blessing sis
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,679
2,466
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#12
Hi :)
But why should a woman make the first move? I feel that if a man is truly interested in a woman, it doesn't matter how introverted he is, he will find a way to do something about it.

So to the first poster, I would say, just be friendly with the person so that he can feel comfortable. If after that he still can't show interest then he is not interested.

But then we come to another question. If after you've gone out of your way to be friends with someone, it turns out they are not interested, what do you do then? What happens to the "friendship"?
Ugh. I never said women should make the first move. She was asking how she can get a conversation going with an introvert, so I told her how.
 
Jun 30, 2018
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#13
Hi everyone,
I'm so touched to see all the warm responses, encouragement and advice here! :):):) Before I have time to read through all the posts (leaving for Sunday Service soon), let me say THANK YOU and may the Holy Spirit intercede for all the singles here, help us choose wisely and build SOLID, loving relationships that last!:coffee::coffee::coffee:
 
Jun 30, 2018
29
38
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#14
I'm a pretty hardcore introvert (if there is such a thing)... In my case, the best way to get me to open up would be to talk about any topic that interests me. In my case there's plenty to choose from. Everything from aviation to the stock market, to cars and photography. You'd have to find out what they are passionate about and go from there. Hopefully there will be something they like that won't bore you. You might have to try more than once. I know that if a woman starts talking to me for no real reason I get super nervous and want to just get out of the situation as quickly as possible, but then afterwards I wish I had spent more time talking to that person and would love to have another chance.

Another way is to just ask him to join you for lunch or something casual. Try not to make it sound like a date. Maybe starbucks or something. Then he won't feel too pressured to impress you. Good luck :)

Hi zeroturbulence,
thanks so much for your genuine and useful advice! (y) Yes, I asked the man who seems to be interested in me to attend Sunday Service together, but he never responded to my text. It is frustrating and I need so much help and wisdom from God to know whether I should try one more time or move on. Hearing your perspective gives me more knowledge and hope. Thank you.
 

Through_Grace

Junior Member
Jul 5, 2014
8
2
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#15
Hey i am an introvert and i dont usualy like to be around too many people just a few friends . Its not that i dont like them , its only that i dont like being in the spotlight :).
The best people i like its the ones that are not pushy to make you go into the crowd. I like my own space and i like people to respect it. I know its weird but yeah :p
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
22,679
2,466
113
#16
Hi zeroturbulence,
thanks so much for your genuine and useful advice! (y) Yes, I asked the man who seems to be interested in me to attend Sunday Service together, but he never responded to my text. It is frustrating and I need so much help and wisdom from God to know whether I should try one more time or move on. Hearing your perspective gives me more knowledge and hope. Thank you.
Glad that you find my info helpful. :) I think Sunday service might feel a little too formal in my opinion... If it was me, I'd probably pass on the service and suggest we try some interesting restaurant for lunch instead. Out here they have free concerts in a couple of parks. I think that would be a good event for a casual meetup. Just anything where there's no pressure to look or act your best.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,818
1,888
113
#17
i'm a fellow introvert! for me, texting/chatting/emailing was a good way to help me get comfortable with a person. in person, i don't talk a lot at first, but once i'm comfortable, i don't hush. it takes time.
 
Jan 3, 2018
20
13
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#18
Hi :)
But why should a woman make the first move? I feel that if a man is truly interested in a woman, it doesn't matter how introverted he is, he will find a way to do something about it.

So to the first poster, I would say, just be friendly with the person so that he can feel comfortable. If after that he still can't show interest then he is not interested.

But then we come to another question. If after you've gone out of your way to be friends with someone, it turns out they are not interested, what do you do then? What happens to the "friendship"?
Can confirm. I am/used to be an introvert (less so now I think), but I did reach out to a girl to show that I was wanting to go deeper in a relationship (didn't specify romantic; didn't want to go too far and alienate her). In person, it was hard to show that I was interested, but I did things like offering to get her water at a meal (at my schools food court) and complimenting her choice of clothing and such. What I decided was to write a note expressing my appreciation of the effect she had in my life, and mentioning that I would love to keep in touch over the summer.

The last part of your comment definitely is a challenge. She doesn't really seem interested to the level I want it to go, and still being her friend might take a toll on me because just being around her makes me feel attracted to her. Things that she does that would seem normal and bland to other people causes me to feel astounded by her personality and character. Therefore being around her knowing that it didn't work out would make me feel so torn inside. Obviously she would make an excellent friend if I could just overcome that "torn" feeling.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
547
441
63
#19
Hi zeroturbulence,
thanks so much for your genuine and useful advice! (y) Yes, I asked the man who seems to be interested in me to attend Sunday Service together, but he never responded to my text. It is frustrating and I need so much help and wisdom from God to know whether I should try one more time or move on. Hearing your perspective gives me more knowledge and hope. Thank you.
Is he a Christian?

Sooo you are inviting him to church to save his soul or...

His lack of response is frustrating you but you need help from God to try one more time?
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
547
441
63
#20
Can confirm. I am/used to be an introvert (less so now I think), but I did reach out to a girl to show that I was wanting to go deeper in a relationship (didn't specify romantic; didn't want to go too far and alienate her). In person, it was hard to show that I was interested, but I did things like offering to get her water at a meal (at my schools food court) and complimenting her choice of clothing and such. What I decided was to write a note expressing my appreciation of the effect she had in my life, and mentioning that I would love to keep in touch over the summer.

The last part of your comment definitely is a challenge. She doesn't really seem interested to the level I want it to go, and still being her friend might take a toll on me because just being around her makes me feel attracted to her. Things that she does that would seem normal and bland to other people causes me to feel astounded by her personality and character. Therefore being around her knowing that it didn't work out would make me feel so torn inside. Obviously she would make an excellent friend if I could just overcome that "torn" feeling.
Yes this is what I mean.

In person conversations can be awkward, and embarrassing. So the shy/introverted man might struggle to express himself. Especially if he has low self esteem. But it is a fact, if he is interested in a female he'll find a way to show her. Even more so if the female is already showing signs that she likes him.

It can be disappointing and hurtful when someone doesn't feel the way that you do.

But as Christians, we have to look at things spiritually. Perhaps it's not the right time...perhaps God has someone else in mind...who knows?

Let that comfort your heart and move on. If you can't do that, then it will be hard or even impossible to be friends with the person.

If it is possible, then perhaps you should avoid contact with them.