How to date introverted Christian men?

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Jun 30, 2018
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#41
Hot chocolate is good with mini-marshmallows although I'm more of a coffee drinker but trending towards espresso. I enjoyed your post very much. Actually, I enjoy reading all of your posts as you have a lot of wisdom and insight and often amusing.
It sounds to me like he isn't interested in attending the service either with or without you. Since he still hasn't responded, then I think he's either not interested or he's just too shy to 'crack' (like trying to open a nutshell). In either case, I think it would probably be best to move on. Sorry..
Thanks for your response. He texted back later - was sick that day. So I still don't know what he thinks about the service or me...
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#42
Thanks for your response. He texted back later - was sick that day. So I still don't know what he thinks about the service or me...
Maybe you should come right out and tell him that you are very much interested in him and how does he feel about you. That probably would resolve any question as to whether or not he cares about you. Like Zero has said, it's like crack open a nutshell. To do this you need some sort of nutcracker to find out what's inside. Either way, I wish all of God's best for you.
 
Jun 30, 2018
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#43
Maybe you should come right out and tell him that you are very much interested in him and how does he feel about you. That probably would resolve any question as to whether or not he cares about you. Like Zero has said, it's like crack open a nutshell. To do this you need some sort of nutcracker to find out what's inside. Either way, I wish all of God's best for you.
Thank you for your encouragement, tourist. I've never expressed my feeling directly to any man before, so I need to pray to God more often these days for courage.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
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#44
What is the world coming to? That a woman needs to pray for courage to pursue a man?

What kind of men do we have these days? Men who sits back and allow the women to pursue them, with absolutely no efforts on their part?

If the man is shy and a woman shows interest in him by being friendly, if he also were interested, wouldn't he at this time get the courage to do something?

Are you saying that the woman actually needs to say: hey you, I want a date?

Is that how it is these days? I'm 36 by the way :) The last time I went on a date I was in my early twenties. I've been single ever since. So perhaps something changed, and I didn't know.

And if that's so, then by all means, go for it. Tell him exactly what you feel :) but before you do, I think it would be worthwhile to click on the link that someone had posted, I think it's on page 2, and read the article.

But as for me, I'm sticking to the old time ways. Whether the man be a introvert or not, if he is interested in a particular woman (especially a woman who seems open to chatting with him) then he should do something.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#45
I think there is a difference between showing interest and initiating for time alone with a man (aka a date.) That should be the guy's responsibility.
I don't know if it is the guy's responsibility... to make the initial effort the girl/woman might need to encourage the boy/man.

Looking back I regret not noticing or reacting to men that liked me. Sometimes my eyes were on the wrong guy, sometimes I just didn't think such a great guy could possibly be interested in me.

If it is the seemingly shyness of an introvert person that attracts you, you might need to help him along and support him initially. When he gets warm and trust you, he will be the most wonderful and understanding man you could possibly imagine. He will need your support in situations further down the road, so it is better to get used to the idea.

However it is a balance. A talkative extrovert might easily run over a reserved introvert when he ponders over how to respond. If you don't have that patience you should never be with him. He needs time and space to say what he needs to say, but when he does it is always worth listening to.

And remember. Although a guy is introvert he will expect to be respected for his points of view and decisions in a relationship and marriage, just like any other man. He is the head, and the woman should respect that and be quiet and listen before talking his brains out.
 
Jun 30, 2018
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#46
I don't know if it is the guy's responsibility... to make the initial effort the girl/woman might need to encourage the boy/man.

Looking back I regret not noticing or reacting to men that liked me. Sometimes my eyes were on the wrong guy, sometimes I just didn't think such a great guy could possibly be interested in me.

If it is the seemingly shyness of an introvert person that attracts you, you might need to help him along and support him initially. When he gets warm and trust you, he will be the most wonderful and understanding man you could possibly imagine. He will need your support in situations further down the road, so it is better to get used to the idea.

However it is a balance. A talkative extrovert might easily run over a reserved introvert when he ponders over how to respond. If you don't have that patience you should never be with him. He needs time and space to say what he needs to say, but when he does it is always worth listening to.

And remember. Although a guy is introvert he will expect to be respected for his points of view and decisions in a relationship and marriage, just like any other man. He is the head, and the woman should respect that and be quiet and listen before talking his brains out.
Thanks for your thoughtful response, toinena. I missed many great but introverted guys in the past by: ignoring them in the crowd; not responding to them when they expressed their interest subtly; pursuing alpha guys who turned out loving power and wealth much more than relationships - whether they are Christians or not. It does take many years and many lessons to learn what I really want :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#47
I don't know if it is the guy's responsibility... to make the initial effort the girl/woman might need to encourage the boy/man.

Looking back I regret not noticing or reacting to men that liked me. Sometimes my eyes were on the wrong guy, sometimes I just didn't think such a great guy could possibly be interested in me.

If it is the seemingly shyness of an introvert person that attracts you, you might need to help him along and support him initially. When he gets warm and trust you, he will be the most wonderful and understanding man you could possibly imagine. He will need your support in situations further down the road, so it is better to get used to the idea.

However it is a balance. A talkative extrovert might easily run over a reserved introvert when he ponders over how to respond. If you don't have that patience you should never be with him. He needs time and space to say what he needs to say, but when he does it is always worth listening to.

And remember. Although a guy is introvert he will expect to be respected for his points of view and decisions in a relationship and marriage, just like any other man. He is the head, and the woman should respect that and be quiet and listen before talking his brains out.
It is exactly like you have written regarding contemplating a relationship with an introvert. You offered your valuable insight based on one of your many life experiences. Wise counsel.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#48
What is the world coming to? That a woman needs to pray for courage to pursue a man?

What kind of men do we have these days? Men who sits back and allow the women to pursue them, with absolutely no efforts on their part?

If the man is shy and a woman shows interest in him by being friendly, if he also were interested, wouldn't he at this time get the courage to do something?

Are you saying that the woman actually needs to say: hey you, I want a date?

Is that how it is these days? I'm 36 by the way :) The last time I went on a date I was in my early twenties. I've been single ever since. So perhaps something changed, and I didn't know.

And if that's so, then by all means, go for it. Tell him exactly what you feel :) but before you do, I think it would be worthwhile to click on the link that someone had posted, I think it's on page 2, and read the article.

But as for me, I'm sticking to the old time ways. Whether the man be a introvert or not, if he is interested in a particular woman (especially a woman who seems open to chatting with him) then he should do something.
Since you have been single for many years perhaps you may want to consider changing your outlook and perception. As for myself, I believe that if one truly desires an enduring relationship with someone that is faithful and loving they will do what it takes. There is nothing wrong with a woman giving a wink, a playful nudge and an alluring smile to introvert in order to get his motor running. Anyways, my wife knows more about this than I do because she married an introvert.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
472
388
63
#49
Since you have been single for many years perhaps you may want to consider changing your outlook and perception. As for myself, I believe that if one truly desires an enduring relationship with someone that is faithful and loving they will do what it takes. There is nothing wrong with a woman giving a wink, a playful nudge and an alluring smile to introvert in order to get his motor running. Anyways, my wife knows more about this than I do because she married an introvert.
This advice would be better suited for a woman who is not a Christian.

" a wink, a playful nudge and an alluring smile" this is why there is so much fornication in the church.

You said I should do what it takes to get a man. So the men now are playing hard to get??

It used to be the case that the man would do whatever it takes to prove his love for a woman. Now you're telling me it's the other way around?

I can't deal with this, it's too much.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#50
This advice would be better suited for a woman who is not a Christian.

" a wink, a playful nudge and an alluring smile" this is why there is so much fornication in the church.

You said I should do what it takes to get a man. So the men now are playing hard to get??

It used to be the case that the man would do whatever it takes to prove his love for a woman. Now you're telling me it's the other way around?

I can't deal with this, it's too much.
No, I was referring to men who are introverts, and not simply men that are playing hard to get. Traditionally, it is usually the women that play hard to get.

I hardly think that a little affection to get a man's interest is on the same level as fornication. A real man, introvert or not will what it takes to prove his love for his woman.

Just trying to be helpful to you as you may be overlooking wonderful opportunities and qualities because a man is quiet and perhaps a little shy and reserved. If you show absolutely no interest in a man because of your own personal beliefs what would there be about you to attract him to you in the first place?

Based on my life-long observations and experience I would have to say the my counsel on this matter is sound and works regardless if a woman is Christian or not.

I'm not asking you to deal with anything and wish you the best in regards to prospective relationships. You may even be right in your approach but personally, I would rather be happy, and in that regards I am.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#51
No, I was referring to men who are introverts, and not simply men that are playing hard to get. Traditionally, it is usually the women that play hard to get.

I hardly think that a little affection to get a man's interest is on the same level as fornication. A real man, introvert or not will what it takes to prove his love for his woman.

Just trying to be helpful to you as you may be overlooking wonderful opportunities and qualities because a man is quiet and perhaps a little shy and reserved. If you show absolutely no interest in a man because of your own personal beliefs what would there be about you to attract him to you in the first place?

Based on my life-long observations and experience I would have to say the my counsel on this matter is sound and works regardless if a woman is Christian or not.

I'm not asking you to deal with anything and wish you the best in regards to prospective relationships. You may even be right in your approach but personally, I would rather be happy, and in that regards I am.
It's no use. I think that one's a few cards short of a full deck.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#52
What is the world coming to? That a woman needs to pray for courage to pursue a man?

What kind of men do we have these days? Men who sits back and allow the women to pursue them, with absolutely no efforts on their part?

If the man is shy and a woman shows interest in him by being friendly, if he also were interested, wouldn't he at this time get the courage to do something?

Are you saying that the woman actually needs to say: hey you, I want a date?

Is that how it is these days? I'm 36 by the way :) The last time I went on a date I was in my early twenties. I've been single ever since. So perhaps something changed, and I didn't know.

And if that's so, then by all means, go for it. Tell him exactly what you feel :) but before you do, I think it would be worthwhile to click on the link that someone had posted, I think it's on page 2, and read the article.

But as for me, I'm sticking to the old time ways. Whether the man be a introvert or not, if he is interested in a particular woman (especially a woman who seems open to chatting with him) then he should do something.
I love how you take one person's experience and suddenly assume it's a reflection of how everything is.
Did it once occur to you that maybe, just maybe, that's blowing things out of proportion?

And this woman doesn't even know if this guy, or any she's liked, felt the same way about her and maybe That's why they did nothing?

Or, in my experience, many women today push things fast. I'm not one to rush things with a woman, and they usually speak up much sooner. At times way too soon. Perhaps some women need to slow down? I'm guessing you didn't consider that either huh?

Do you, as a woman, feel you can speak as an authority on men? Their reasons? Motives? That you can lay judgment on men everywhere from one person's incomplete story? Or are you just spewing crap?

Truth is you don't have the first clue why these men didn't act, but it didn't stop you from trashing them did it? Or men in general for that matter.

So much judging, unfounded assumption and pure ignorance in your post its genuinely sad. It does not serve you well.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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#54
Before dating my husband, I asked my guy friends how I could let him know I liked him without actually saying it. They said, “Melita, the truth is guys will not know a girl likes him. We don’t pick up on clues.”

So... there it is lol.
 

Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
14,592
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#55
Before dating my husband, I asked my guy friends how I could let him know I liked him without actually saying it. They said, “Melita, the truth is guys will not know a girl likes him. We don’t pick up on clues.”

So... there it is lol.
We have been trying to tell you girls this for many, many years. Unfortunately you girls don't even seem to pick up on the (constantly and repeatedly stated) fact that we don't pick up on clues.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
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#56
I will add this. I didn’t pressure him to do anything. We were friends. We would talk on the phone, but he was the one to call. We texted, and initiating text convos was balanced between the 2 of us.

When we had “the talk” he was the one who brought it up. Lol I even told him, “I was waiting for you to bring it up.” Lol.

I’m not saying how we did things is the perfect template. We believe God ordained our steps. :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#57
Thank you for your encouragement, tourist. I've never expressed my feeling directly to any man before, so I need to pray to God more often these days for courage.
I will say a prayer for you as well that things work out for you and ultimately for God's glory.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#58
I will add this. I didn’t pressure him to do anything. We were friends. We would talk on the phone, but he was the one to call. We texted, and initiating text convos was balanced between the 2 of us.

When we had “the talk” he was the one who brought it up. Lol I even told him, “I was waiting for you to bring it up.” Lol.

I’m not saying how we did things is the perfect template. We believe God ordained our steps. :)
God orchestrated and choreographed the whole sequence of events leading up to where you both are today, together and happily married.
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
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#59
I used to be somewhat introverted. I think that the women that aren't interested when approached, should consider how they reject the advance. If the woman is snide and hurtful that makes the man more introverted.

Soon a man fears being bombasted like that and becomes more introverted. Not just fear of rejection but of ugly rejection.

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Lynx

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2014
14,592
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#60
True, this is. A lot of people, men and women, really like to hurt prospective suitors with snide comments in the rejection because it scores social points with their friends. It causes a lot more damage than it is worth.