hyphenated-names
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This may be interesting for you guys. As much as I have criticized Indian society for being patriarchal, there are some places in India where the wife is not required to take her husband's name. These places are usually found in the southern part of India. My mom still goes by her maiden name. Funny thing is, there were a couple of times when I received letters for my mom which were addressed to her "married name" (so to speak), and I returned them saying that they were not for my mom! 
For me, I wouldn't want her to take my last name because I would like her to keep her own identity. I find it unreasonable to expect my wife to take my last name after our marriage. When it comes to kids, we will talk about what to do - maybe a mashup of both our last names? Haha.
For me, I wouldn't want her to take my last name because I would like her to keep her own identity. I find it unreasonable to expect my wife to take my last name after our marriage. When it comes to kids, we will talk about what to do - maybe a mashup of both our last names? Haha.
I am married and whatever we agreed to do as a couple was fine by me.
I did not choose the names I was born with, and was happy to accept them.
The names we gave our kids they have liked, and that took a lot of discussion.
So names often are about family, respect for who and what you came from, so if whatever you do takes this all into account then I say amen.
You can if you want change your name to whatever you like, so it is not like marriage forces anything, you have the freedom today to be called something else.
I did not choose the names I was born with, and was happy to accept them.
The names we gave our kids they have liked, and that took a lot of discussion.
So names often are about family, respect for who and what you came from, so if whatever you do takes this all into account then I say amen.
You can if you want change your name to whatever you like, so it is not like marriage forces anything, you have the freedom today to be called something else.
Though that was funny to imagine, I am now genuinely curious. How would you handle kids with hyphenated names marrying other kids with double jointed names? How long does the last name get? What if neither of them wants four last names but both refuse to give up theirs?
Of course at my age and single it doesn't look like I'll ever have kids. But I'm still curious how it would be handled.
Of course at my age and single it doesn't look like I'll ever have kids. But I'm still curious how it would be handled.
R
I've often wondered that myself. Hyphenated names aren't that uncommon, so why aren't there hyphenated hyphenations that are super long? .... maybe they just have too much sense. Imagine starting a new job with such an outrageously long last name. Yes hi, (imagine a snooty accent) my name is Rush McDonald-Rosamarie-Smith-Jensen-Reagan-O'Neil-Martin-Vonstruddle- I'm going t need a bigger door plaque, thaaaanks!
I do wonder though, with the reason for taking the persons last name so lost in time, and I'm guessing either once practical, then really sexist, why still bother today with the woman taking the man's name? Why not the other way around?
I do wonder though, with the reason for taking the persons last name so lost in time, and I'm guessing either once practical, then really sexist, why still bother today with the woman taking the man's name? Why not the other way around?
J
If I could go back in time I would totally keep my Maiden name. My oldest is in the process of changing last name to my maiden name, as the donor simply walked out when my youngest was born and hasn't been heard from since. Therefore the last name means nothing but pain. I kept the married name for my youngest sake, however I'd love to get rid of it and will when the youngest is older and can chose what last name they are connected with.
On another note I have many Professional Woman as clients whose husbands took their name, as they are the attorney, MD, etc.
I think there will be many DIFFERENT opinions on this subject based on age and what they have lived through in life up to this moment.
On another note I have many Professional Woman as clients whose husbands took their name, as they are the attorney, MD, etc.
I think there will be many DIFFERENT opinions on this subject based on age and what they have lived through in life up to this moment.
Good to point out that naming conventions aren't universal, and in some places I'm not sure you get a choice. I studied abroad in Mexico one semester in university and we had an American professor that was married to a Mexican who co-ordinated the program. Among other things she explained was that in Mexico your last name is a hyphenated combination of your father's and mother's last names (ends up meaning that the paternal surnames of both sides get passed down to the children) and it makes it kind of convenient because a cousin will have a slightly different last name from the brother. But the crazy thing was that in the US she went by her husbands surname according to US tradition, but in Mexico her legal last name was the hyphenated Father's last name and mother's maiden name. So it would be theoretically possible to have two different last names based on the country you are in.
In Vietnam I'm not sure if or how names change when you get married (you'd think after living there 3 years I'd know, but I never asked and had no intentions of marrying a local), but I do know that the last name is always written first and there are only about 4 last names based on what kings dynasty your family started under. Of course people usually have a 4 or 5 part name and I assume most of those are some sort of family name.
And then there is the family we know where both parents are from India but none of their children were born there. I think they have followed the tradition of using the father's first name as the children's last name.
But as to how this tradition got started, I would guess that it was pretty straightforward when only the man had a profession and many names came from the profession. So if a gal married John the miller she moved in with him and they lived at the mill and were the Millers. Or if a lady married Tom the Smith, their family was the one that did the blacksmithing and they were the Smiths. Etc. etc. And if the whole point of marriage is to create a corporate identity where the two become one, then maybe the whole name change thing is a good tradition to keep around (besides it's the only way I know some friends of mine have gotten married).
And this is proof once again that given enough time and thoughts cinder can probably write a dissertation on anything.
In Vietnam I'm not sure if or how names change when you get married (you'd think after living there 3 years I'd know, but I never asked and had no intentions of marrying a local), but I do know that the last name is always written first and there are only about 4 last names based on what kings dynasty your family started under. Of course people usually have a 4 or 5 part name and I assume most of those are some sort of family name.
And then there is the family we know where both parents are from India but none of their children were born there. I think they have followed the tradition of using the father's first name as the children's last name.
But as to how this tradition got started, I would guess that it was pretty straightforward when only the man had a profession and many names came from the profession. So if a gal married John the miller she moved in with him and they lived at the mill and were the Millers. Or if a lady married Tom the Smith, their family was the one that did the blacksmithing and they were the Smiths. Etc. etc. And if the whole point of marriage is to create a corporate identity where the two become one, then maybe the whole name change thing is a good tradition to keep around (besides it's the only way I know some friends of mine have gotten married).
And this is proof once again that given enough time and thoughts cinder can probably write a dissertation on anything.
When I was about to get married, I was entering grad school with the intention of getting a Ph.D. My husband wanted me to keep my last name because he said, "It wasn't my family that worked so hard to help you go to school; your family is the one who deserves the credit for that." I had never even thought about it, really--I'm from a traditional family and just assumed I'd take his last name.
But I wound up keeping it, and while I'm sad that our marriage didn't last, if I remarried, I'd have to think long and hard about this.
I also have to admit that it really churns my butter when people like myself who have "non-traditional" opinions about married names are automatically branded as Godless, soul-less, heathen liberals who are all part of Satan's plans to tear apart the traditional family. It's fine to believe in traditions, but please don't tear apart everyone else without at least hearing their reason first.
For instance,
* I've known guys who grew up in unhappy families but felt accepted into the family of their future wife. A man in this situation might want to take her last name instead.
* I'm from a small family in which having an only child has occurred a few times. If I were from a family with only one child and/or all girls, I would definitely want to carry on my family's name in some way.
* Some people very closely associate their identity with their name. I've known adopted Asians like myself who wished to change the American name they were given back to their original Asian name because they identified more with their Asian heritage. I myself am the opposite. I feel very comfortable with my American name, but I understand that different things work for different people.
And because a sense of identity, belonging, and carrying on some kind of family heritage can be so important to some people (especially adoptees), many will want to keep part or all of their name for the rest of their lives, even if their marital situation changes.
But I wound up keeping it, and while I'm sad that our marriage didn't last, if I remarried, I'd have to think long and hard about this.
I also have to admit that it really churns my butter when people like myself who have "non-traditional" opinions about married names are automatically branded as Godless, soul-less, heathen liberals who are all part of Satan's plans to tear apart the traditional family. It's fine to believe in traditions, but please don't tear apart everyone else without at least hearing their reason first.
For instance,
* I've known guys who grew up in unhappy families but felt accepted into the family of their future wife. A man in this situation might want to take her last name instead.
* I'm from a small family in which having an only child has occurred a few times. If I were from a family with only one child and/or all girls, I would definitely want to carry on my family's name in some way.
* Some people very closely associate their identity with their name. I've known adopted Asians like myself who wished to change the American name they were given back to their original Asian name because they identified more with their Asian heritage. I myself am the opposite. I feel very comfortable with my American name, but I understand that different things work for different people.
And because a sense of identity, belonging, and carrying on some kind of family heritage can be so important to some people (especially adoptees), many will want to keep part or all of their name for the rest of their lives, even if their marital situation changes.
Perfectly understandable. Everyone else in my family has upheld to traditional values in this arena.
However, I just don't feel it's fair at all to judge everyone else's ideas as liberal nonsense just because it's not in line with your own opinion.
And, for the record as well, I most certainly don't mind at all being automatically counted out of the running as Mrs. Utah.
But, best wishes in your search to find who is.
However, I just don't feel it's fair at all to judge everyone else's ideas as liberal nonsense just because it's not in line with your own opinion.
And, for the record as well, I most certainly don't mind at all being automatically counted out of the running as Mrs. Utah.
But, best wishes in your search to find who is.
The only situation I could see taking the bride's last name is if for some unfortunate reason the man's family was mostly deceased, or he was closer to her family than his own. I see it as being grafted into a family, so it usually makes more sense to me that she would be the one included. But who am I to tell other people what to do?