I am 45 years old and I never have had a girlfriend.

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Dec 29, 2019
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#1
Hello everyone. This is the first time I have posted something in the Christian Singles Forum. I am 45 years old and I never have had a girlfriend ever in my lifetime, or even gone on a date with a female. I feel like a loser. People who have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend by the time they reach the age of 45 seem to considered to be losers by other people.
There is nothing wrong with me personally. I have a nice physique also. I am well off financially.
Yet, I can't find that elusive girlfriend. I am starting to become really frustrated.
I have started to pray to God every night before going to sleep that He leads me down the path to finding a girlfriend. God has no problem answering my other prayers to Him, but God just won't answer my prayer in finding a girlfriend and my faith in God is starting to become low because of it. I have had suicidal thoughts if God doesn't find me a girlfriend in the next year or two.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? It is not cool to be 45 years old and to never have had the experience of having a girlfriend. If there is one person in the world that deserves a girlfriend more that anyone else, it is me.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#2
I'm 41 and never been on a date.

Why is it so imperative to find a girlfriend? Just because people think you're a loser for not having one? At 45 you should already know that if what everybody says conflicts with observable reality, everybody might possibly be wrong.

"Loser" is actually rather subjective. What are the objectives in your life, and how are you losing? The reason I ask is, relative to my life goals, being single is not losing. It's actually quite successful. A lot of people think I'm a loser, but I never did care what wrong people think.

What else are you doing with your life? Are you living it, or just existing and waiting to really live until you find a woman?

If you're not really LIVING your life, why would a woman want you?

How can you improve your life so somebody would want you? What is interesting about you that you can strengthen? What interests do you have, that you can make part of your life and interesting?
 

TamLynn

A heart at rest
Nov 27, 2014
476
615
93
#3
Perhaps you've made having/finding a girlfriend an idol? Something that you feel you must have to be happy and complete?
This can happen when we focus on what we dont have, instead if being thankful for the many blessings we do.

I'm sure there are many men and women in the same positon.

We are told to be content in all circumstances.
If you aren't content with being single, you probably won't be content in a relationship.
These things tend to be heart issues more than relational ones.
God bless you! 😊
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,248
113
#4
Hello everyone. This is the first time I have posted something in the Christian Singles Forum. I am 45 years old and I never have had a girlfriend ever in my lifetime, or even gone on a date with a female. I feel like a loser. People who have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend by the time they reach the age of 45 seem to considered to be losers by other people.
There is nothing wrong with me personally. I have a nice physique also. I am well off financially.
Yet, I can't find that elusive girlfriend. I am starting to become really frustrated.
I have started to pray to God every night before going to sleep that He leads me down the path to finding a girlfriend. God has no problem answering my other prayers to Him, but God just won't answer my prayer in finding a girlfriend and my faith in God is starting to become low because of it. I have had suicidal thoughts if God doesn't find me a girlfriend in the next year or two.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? It is not cool to be 45 years old and to never have had the experience of having a girlfriend. If there is one person in the world that deserves a girlfriend more that anyone else, it is me.
ok sounds like you can handle direct communication.
look at that last sentence. there are a few others too.
to me thats a red flag. once we think in "deserve" mode we get in trouble. thats not a good attitude nor recipe for happiness.
its all about gratitude.
i honestly thought this might be a troll thread. But thats just me.
sorry if i am way off base.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#5
It might be a troll, but for now we are taking it at face value as a guy who is real tore up about being single at 45.

Either way, troll or legit, the solution is the same: Cool down, look around and start appreciating all the good things in life instead of focusing so tightly on the one (really not very essential) thing you lack.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
11,971
2,307
113
#6
Hello everyone. This is the first time I have posted something in the Christian Singles Forum. I am 45 years old and I never have had a girlfriend ever in my lifetime, or even gone on a date with a female. I feel like a loser. People who have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend by the time they reach the age of 45 seem to considered to be losers by other people.
There is nothing wrong with me personally. I have a nice physique also. I am well off financially.
Yet, I can't find that elusive girlfriend. I am starting to become really frustrated.
I have started to pray to God every night before going to sleep that He leads me down the path to finding a girlfriend. God has no problem answering my other prayers to Him, but God just won't answer my prayer in finding a girlfriend and my faith in God is starting to become low because of it. I have had suicidal thoughts if God doesn't find me a girlfriend in the next year or two.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? It is not cool to be 45 years old and to never have had the experience of having a girlfriend. If there is one person in the world that deserves a girlfriend more that anyone else, it is me.
Hi Robin,

You're in the right place. Many of us here are long-term singles too and one of the ways we cope is by keeping each other company here on the forum.

May I ask, what kind of effort and work have you put into finding a girlfriend over the years? You speak of yourself as quite a catch -- I was just wondering if you've asked several women out, but were rejected? Is fear of rejection holding you back? I'm just trying to get a grasp as to why women haven't shown an interest if you feel you have so much going for you?

I'm sorry to read how down you are about this. Unfortunately, telling God that you feel suicidal over not having someone isn't going to make God to land anyone on your doorstep any sooner. Many, many years ago, I had a bona fide suicide attempt, but it sure didn't seem to convince God to be in any hurry (and of course, this was also a major red flag at the time that I wasn't ready for someone, though at the time, I obviously thought I would die if I didn't find someone RIGHT THEN.)

If it's any consolation, you'll find thatmany of us here to be in the exact same place as you are -- single and waiting, but trying to live life to the fullest we can -- and some here have waited just as long or longer than you.

What else can you tell us about you? What kind of church do you attend? What are your hobbies and interests? What do you do for a living?

P.S. I have sometimes found, that sometimes, not always, but sometimes, married/coupled people call us singles losers because they feel trapped by the stress of their own lives, and they hate seeing other people who have freedom and choices.

This doesn't go for all married/coupled people of course. We have some great married people who regularly post here and are very encouraging. But over the years, I've had some people admit to me that they hate seeing single people who don't have all the responsibilities they do, and this is what makes them spiteful. Or, they wish they could go back to their single days and either take more time, or that they would have chosen someone else to marry.

If that still doesn't sound convincing, I'd like to also suggest taking some time to read the threads in the Family Forum. I know that for myself, at least, it always leaves me wondering if I'm really ready for all the challenges that married people face.

God bless and hope to see you around the forum!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,358
3,029
113
#7
If that still doesn't sound convincing, I'd like to also suggest taking some time to read the threads in the Family Forum. I know that for myself, at least, it always leaves me wondering if I'm really ready for all the challenges that married people face.
Yeah, this especially. All of what seoul said, but this part is the most immediately helpful.

Just today I said something in chat about how reading threads in the Family Forum makes me sooooooooooooo glad I'm single. :cool:
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,918
2,048
113
#8
We have all been discouraged in loneliness, but God is still good regardless of our marital status. Our identity isn’t in our relationship status. It’s in what the Lord has said.

Whenever I’m discouraged, I think about how the Lord has blessed me. Let’s start a list!!!

I’m grateful for this beautiful day!
 

ShawnOK

New member
Nov 28, 2019
6
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Oklahoma
#9
Brother I'm truly sorry to hear that you are so bothered by singleness. I understand what its like to be lonely and it can be difficult. I've been single for a year after a difficult marriage that ended in divorce. The thing that helps me the most is understanding that my peace and joy come from the presence of God, it doesn't come from ANYTHING else. Can a Godly partner come along side you and be a blessing and a helpmate, sure, but she will never be able to give you complete contentment, as others have mentioned in this post. God can do that for you though, and he wants to, you just have to seek him and he will do that for you.

Something to remember is that marriage is a lot of work, as i'm sure you have heard. The best preparation for a successful marriage is a strong walk with the Lord. As you walk closely with the Lord he will show you areas of your life that are out of line and would lead to problems in a marriage. You need him to show these things to you. We are all blinded to some degree of our own faults, but as a single person are faults do not lead to conflict, in a marriage they will lead to conflict.

Taking your life is most definitely not the answer regardless if you stay single or find a girlfriend. Your mention of taking your life if God doesn't answer your prayer is an indication that you are struggling in your relationship with him. Be disciplined in your spiritual life and God will work it out for you. If you are not disciplined in your relationship with God you will always lack contentment and you really don't want to bring that into a relationship with a woman anyways.

Fallow the Lord closely. I'm praying for you.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
695
612
93
#10
Greetings.
If there is one person in the world that deserves a girlfriend more that anyone else, it is me.
Excuse me? What makes you so special that you deserve a girlfriend?

I would advise you to get your thoughts together and stop talking nonsense.
 

TheIndianGirl

Active member
Nov 22, 2019
142
128
43
#11
Have you met a special woman, and tried asking her out? Or, have you not a special woman at all? Men usually take the lead on dating. There might have been a woman who waited for you to ask her out.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,248
113
#12
"im a great catch. I deserve better."
ive seen that kind of thinking before. I had a colleague in his late twenties. Was into all the cool hobbies at the time like windsurfing. Handsome guy. Good career.
I think his arrogance was an obstacle. Rock star syndrome.
"I dont have to make an effort".
Effort and humility are important if you want to meet a good partner.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,248
113
#13
Since this is a Christian forum might be worth mentioning the Prodigal Son story. Remember the attitude of the older brother who stayed at home?
"I deserve a better deal. I stayed at home , worked and didnt waste my money. "
The message is pretty clear. Dont have a deserve mentality. Dont compare yourself to those who appear better off or who got a better deal in life.
 

Going_Nowhere

Well-known member
Nov 10, 2019
816
289
63
#14
I'm 32 and never had a girlfriend. At this rate, I could very well still be single at 45. But I'm not bothered by it. I have other things that keep me occupied.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
10,199
3,747
113
#15
I have started to pray to God every night before going to sleep that He leads me down the path to finding a girlfriend.
Unless you take the initiative how will God lead you down that path?

But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. (Gen 24:4)
Abraham took the initiative (even though he trusted God) and obtained a wife for his son.
 
Aug 2, 2009
22,875
2,643
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#16
....There is nothing wrong with me personally. I have a nice physique also. I am well off financially.
Yet, I can't find that elusive girlfriend. I am starting to become really frustrated.
The problem is that women can sense desperation in a man and it always turns them off (makes the man unattractive to them). They are also turned off by men who seem weak. I'm not saying that you are weak since I don't know you, but desperation comes off as weakness. I suggest that you learn how to be more confident and relaxed in the company of a woman. I don't really have any pointers in that regard except to not put women on a pedestal and don't try to be too nice. Being overly nice can be interpreted by women as weakness (and usually is). Don't be mean though. Just don't be a pushover. Ok, maybe none of this applies to you... If so, nevermind.
 

G00WZ

Senior Member
May 16, 2014
836
171
43
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#17
Hello everyone. This is the first time I have posted something in the Christian Singles Forum. I am 45 years old and I never have had a girlfriend ever in my lifetime, or even gone on a date with a female. I feel like a loser. People who have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend by the time they reach the age of 45 seem to considered to be losers by other people.
There is nothing wrong with me personally. I have a nice physique also. I am well off financially.
Yet, I can't find that elusive girlfriend. I am starting to become really frustrated.
I have started to pray to God every night before going to sleep that He leads me down the path to finding a girlfriend. God has no problem answering my other prayers to Him, but God just won't answer my prayer in finding a girlfriend and my faith in God is starting to become low because of it. I have had suicidal thoughts if God doesn't find me a girlfriend in the next year or two.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? It is not cool to be 45 years old and to never have had the experience of having a girlfriend. If there is one person in the world that deserves a girlfriend more that anyone else, it is me.
I would say learn to make friends with women, learn to talk to them, get some practice being yourself around people in general. Here is something most probably don't consider, but rather than trying to get something or approaching things from the mindset of lacking and trying to "obtain", see yourself as something of value that can add value to others,and approach things from that perspective. Make it your business to be about others and boost others positively. If you do it enough you will find yourself being popular with people... Think not so much for yourself, but spend it adding to others and focusing on building others and you will have a girlfriend before long. What i am suggesting is a lifestyle change, and not just some random quickfix though. People want things, but what they forget is that, you have to give to receive.. Things don't come without cost, quality women are not going to line up for a needy dude who is hellbent on obtaining a relationship. As a rule most people are out to obtain, so if you are the one adding to others in a positive way people will naturally want to be around you.

Looking at how Jesus lived His life, he spent a lot of time positively adding to others, and it was rare to see him focus Himself. He had crowds of people not just chasing after him for healings, but because He would speak light into them. Try to emulate His lifestyle. You deserve to be happy, so go out try and practice, and see what you get from it.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
804
692
93
#18
I'm 41 and never been on a date.

Why is it so imperative to find a girlfriend? Just because people think you're a loser for not having one? At 45 you should already know that if what everybody says conflicts with observable reality, everybody might possibly be wrong.

"Loser" is actually rather subjective. What are the objectives in your life, and how are you losing? The reason I ask is, relative to my life goals, being single is not losing. It's actually quite successful. A lot of people think I'm a loser, but I never did care what wrong people think.

What else are you doing with your life? Are you living it, or just existing and waiting to really live until you find a woman?

If you're not really LIVING your life, why would a woman want you?

How can you improve your life so somebody would want you? What is interesting about you that you can strengthen? What interests do you have, that you can make part of your life and interesting?
Why can't someone just want Him for being him?
Why does he have to try and improve himself? God loves him.
Everyone has something to offer someone else, because everyone is unique.
Sometimes there are no easy answers for this situation. I know many genuine Christians who feel the same.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
804
692
93
#19
I have a friend who married for the first time at 46 years old. He is very happily married with 2 older step kids who adore him, and a little boy who is 10 now.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick but desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Do not let go of hope... and lean on other Christians-we need each other.
Keep trusting God. Keep loving Him.

Maybe some of us Christian gals on here can give you some helpful advice on how to find a wife👌😊

God bless🦋