I Am So Totally Intersted In You (or At Least, The Way You Look.)

[J0Y]

Ahh Kim...
yes, yes....I believe we can certainly relate on the singleness topic! Whilst never married, I too am older, single, dateless and wondering if I am doing something wrong.

I used to put a head and shoulders pic of me on my profile, until a male chatter commented on my married friends in my pic with me....and then proceeded to say that it was a pity all the good ones were taken....so now I have no pics of me, not even on my private profile pics. I also VERY seldom (3 times in my whole CC life) have gone on cam...

I understand the battle of singleness/ potential anyone's who could be interested/ discouragement in reaching the stages of life your friends are at when you havent even got a man....etc....etc....

I cannot give advice on this....but honestly...I want a man who will love me for me, just the way I am. Someone who is attracted the the whole person I am. Someone who places God at the centre of everything first and foremost. Hopefully, that will happen for both of us one day.....soon!

Blessings girl

 

[greatkraw]

Ahh Kim...
yes, yes....I believe we can certainly relate on the singleness topic! Whilst never married, I too am older, single, dateless and wondering if I am doing something wrong.

I used to put a head and shoulders pic of me on my profile, until a male chatter commented on my married friends in my pic with me....and then proceeded to say that it was a pity all the good ones were taken....so now I have no pics of me, not even on my private profile pics. I also VERY seldom (3 times in my whole CC life) have gone on cam...

I understand the battle of singleness/ potential anyone's who could be interested/ discouragement in reaching the stages of life your friends are at when you havent even got a man....etc....etc....

I cannot give advice on this....but honestly...I want a man who will love me for me, just the way I am. Someone who is attracted the the whole person I am. Someone who places God at the centre of everything first and foremost. Hopefully, that will happen for both of us one day.....soon!

Blessings girl

THAT had to be an insult - I am sorry

 

[Wug]

It would be cruel, but funny, if you put up a picture of a less attractive female on your dating profile. And then once you got to know the dude, and know that he wasn't some shallow, racist weirdo, show him the real you. People use dishonest profile pics all the time, it's just usually the other way around.

 

[seoulsearch]

It would be cruel, but funny, if you put up a picture of a less attractive female on your dating profile. And then once you got to know the dude, and know that he wasn't some shallow, racist weirdo, show him the real you. People use dishonest profile pics all the time, it's just usually the other way around.

I had to laugh at this, Wug... interesting idea. And seeing that the guys I meet (around my age) usually react to me with, "Eh, you're a nice girl, but... can you get me a date with your friend over there?", I guess my friends could use my picture to lure them in!

Makes me upset enough to want to go kick over a rogue cow... (inside joke to Wug.)

 

[J0Y]

I used to put a head and shoulders pic of me on my profile, until a male chatter commented on my married friends in my pic with me....and then proceeded to say that it was a pity all the good ones were taken....so now I have no pics of me, not even on my private profile pics. I also VERY seldom (3 times in my whole CC life) have gone on cam...

Yep, I definately took it as an insult....and almost gave the person a verbal earbashing....but quit CC before I said something I may later regret. Suffice to say I have never engaged in conversation with that person and never will again!

 

[loveschild]

I get mail with how they like how I look. Then this long list of what they want.

 

[seoulsearch]

Yeah... I understand what you mean, Loveschild... it's all about what is expected or wanted... never, "How can I help or serve you?", which is what I've asked God to change my heart to in looking for the person He has for me.

A profile in which a guy talks about what he can do for his future wife instead of what she can do or be for him really catches my eye!! (Unfortunately... you only find them maybe once in every... I don't know... 1,000 profiles? And yes, I know it goes both ways... we woman can be pretty picky as well.)

Hopefully God will change ALL our hearts so that we can meet each other where we're supposed to be, because otherwise, no wonder so many of us are single!

 

[Pheonix]

Aren't we supposed to be picky though. Choosing the best mate for the rest of our lives. The best mother/father for any children, and a helper who can walk with us through the bad times. Encourage us when we are down, teach us when we really have to stupid moment. Someone who shares our love of God, etc....

If we settled for just anyone we'd be no better than animals mounting the first mate that wandered by and caught our attention. Isn't that what the rest of the world does? We are supposed to be better than that.

Please pardon the rough language here.

Perhaps the reason we are still all single isn't that we are too picky, but because we aren't good enough to be proper partners. I count myself in that statement.

 

[Pheonix]

Yes, I realize I've probably just pissed alot of people off with that statement.

 

[seoulsearch]

I do understand what you're saying, Pheonix, and I get what you mean about not choosing just anyone.

This, however, has been my mistake. I always choose. I finally asked God to choose for me... and, several years later, I am still waiting!!

My original idea behind this thread are the people who try to contact you (such as on a dating site) who have obviously not even read your profile but apparently are interested in your picture. (Examples--the several 50+ guys, which is generally the age range interested in me, who send me messages, "winks", or try to instant message me... when, in the first 3 paragraphs of my profile, I CLEARLY state that I consider my max age range to be early 40's and also SPECIFICALLY state that I have no comfort level whatsoever with the thought of dating anyone 50 or older.)

It really amuses me, and not in a good way, that someone will write and say how interested they are in you but not take 10 minutes to read what you've written about yourself.

The original idea behind the thread was also in regards to a man in his mid-50's who wrote and asked what I felt my "best physical attributes" were and wanted me to describe them to him.

I would have liked to say one of my best attributes is my incredibly fast trigger finger (with which to speed-dial the police because there is a child molester on the loose), but hey.

 

[Matthew]

Aren't we supposed to be picky though. Choosing the best mate for the rest of our lives. The best mother/father for any children, and a helper who can walk with us through the bad times. Encourage us when we are down, teach us when we really have to stupid moment. Someone who shares our love of God, etc....

If we settled for just anyone we'd be no better than animals mounting the first mate that wandered by and caught our attention. Isn't that what the rest of the world does? We are supposed to be better than that.

Please pardon the rough language here.

Perhaps the reason we are still all single isn't that we are too picky, but because we aren't good enough to be proper partners. I count myself in that statement.

It's tough to know where to draw the line, it's too easy to cross over from simply setting a standard and expecting a potential partner to meet that standard and expecting a person who is free of everything we personally count as flaws.

Not to go too far off topic but one of the things I notice when reading threads on this subject is the whole idea of finding an 'equal partner' for some people, like me, it's enough to have the same foundation of belief and morals...the rest is variety and the spice of life and I look forward to revelling in all the ways we differ.

I see some people write about how a partner can't do this and can't do that, all on top of fundamental things like faith and morals etc...I think some people are ensuring themselves a lonely life through a rigid approach designed, sometimes unintentionally, to guard against heartbreak and a repeat of pain from the past, they seek to avoid big challenges because they fear not overcoming them and feeling like they've lost time with the more perfect mate that must still be out there.

Yes we should be picky or we'll never be happy, but you have to know where that ends and the perfectly normal strife in a relationship begins, it's all a bit blurry on here sometimes.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Darling I have to tell you something...and I dont tell this to everybody...you look maahvelous!!!

Ok, all kissing..ehem KIDDING aside, I have to say this: I know from memory what its like to be hit on because of my looks (yes I know its hard to believe!) and to be totally honest I dont think the problem is the shallow guys who answer your profile. The problem is that who you are looking for is an endangered species in online dating sites or any other type of dating place for that matter. WHY? Because the guy you are looking for is often not the type of guy who goes searching for dates. He is the type of guy who stays home instead of goes out, the type of guy who would rather watch a good movie/read a book or take up his favorite hobby than spend his time looking for Ms. Right.

You want to know what I think you should do? I think you should try looking for guys in your church...or in any christian church for that matter. There but for the grace of God goeth he.Also, pray for a mate and keep your eyes open.

 

[seoulsearch]

Darling I have to tell you something...and I dont tell this to everybody...you look maahvelous!!!

Ok, all kissing..ehem KIDDING aside, I have to say this: I know from memory what its like to be hit on because of my looks (yes I know its hard to believe!) and to be totally honest I dont think the problem is the shallow guys who answer your profile. The problem is that who you are looking for is an endangered species in online dating sites or any other type of dating place for that matter. WHY? Because the guy you are looking for is often not the type of guy who goes searching for dates. He is the type of guy who stays home instead of goes out, the type of guy who would rather watch a good movie/read a book or take up his favorite hobby than spend his time looking for Ms. Right.

You want to know what I think you should do? I think you should try looking for guys in your church...or in any christian church for that matter. There but for the grace of God goeth he.Also, pray for a mate and keep your eyes open.

Hi Zero:

Your posts always make me smile, and I mean this with the utmost respect, but... "You should try to find someone at your church."

Wow. I am WAY TOO STUPID to HAVE EVER thought of that one!!! I LOVE the good Christian folk who tell single Christians that and seem to think as if they've come up with this novel, wonderful, ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT idea.

If I received a mere dollar every time I heard this life-changing revelation, I'd be able to buy my own island in the tropics and could at least be alone in style!!!

Don't think I haven't tried. In fact, I've been going to a new church for over a year (and it was hard to switch because I had a "comfortable family life" at my old church) to try to meet new people, etc. Which, of course, will bring on an entirely new slew of criticism: "You're just shopping around at churches to look for dates!"

NO!! One of the main reasons I left my old church, and I left with their blessing, and I had a meeting with my pastor to tell them my decision, is because I wanted to find a church with more people in my age range.

And guess what? They're all married or, as I talk about repeatedly... I attract former partygoers and wild boys who now want to settle down with a good girl because they're scared of turning 40 and being alone. This is just not my type, sorry!! As I also wrote about in another thread, my new church DID have a singles group... for people 18-25. Sorry!! Once again, I'm out.

And I don't plan on switching churches repeatedly just hoping to find a husband. I'm content where I am for now, unless God moves me again (and I do feel He led me to this new church.)

Yes, I know a lot of good guys are hermits at home (I fall under this category 9 times out of 10 myself.) But because of this, many of them are trying the online dating, and I've met a few nice guys... but it just becomes a friendship. Beside, if they're all walled up at home, how can good Christian women expect to find them?

I know one thing God has been dealing with me about is to get out more--visit friends, go to the library, eat at a restaurant, etc. Not necessarily to meet someone, but to get in the habit of trying new things, being exposed to new places and people, changing my routine, and getting used to things out of my comfort zone--which is what we all will have to do when we eventually find that right person anyway.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ok, scratch the church thing.. I have another idea for you and I cant believe I didnt think of it earlier. How about enrolling in a class or two at your local community college or some other adult school. Ive been taking some college courses and there are a number of people who are older than the avearge 20-something college students, especially now since a lot of folks are looking to get re-educated after losing their job in a field that has gotten hit hard with the recession. My one instructor said over 100 people showed up at this semesters orientation meeting for his class and there is usually no more than 30!

I am currently taking a nutrition course and Id say about 1/3 of my class out of about 30 people is over the age of 30. Thats the only class Im taking right now besides my clinical externship which isnt really a class.

Ok, its something to think about anyway.

 

[zeroturbulence]

JOY!... Ive seen your pic when you were in chat once. You were holding a mic and there was a plant behind you. Pineapple said it loked like you were eating the plant lol. You have nothing to be ashamed about. I am sure that the person who said that was not referring to you as not being one of the "good ones". You look great Joy.

 

[Kuroko]

lol, well girls don't worry that problem goes both ways.

Maybe not so much the image side of things but in other ways as well, such as social status or even financial gain. I used to worry a lot when I was younger (by younger I mean when I was 19-23 which is a whopping one year ago that I turned 24) about girls who would see me only for those reasons, my friends used to say I was way too picky and a few of them who I worked with in nightclubs would poke fun at the fact I turned down just about every girls advances.

Hind-sight I'm glad I did but even OUTSIDE of clubs and bars it was still the same thing, I don't know why but I think it's the day and age where material worth and social status (I mean this in a showing off a partner kind of way) matters more than the personal feelings you give and receive from the person.

I'm kind of sad but worst of all THAT is what makes me feel lonely, if I can't meet some one who is even willing to get to know me because all they care about in the initial are those two other things then where in the world can I find some one to fall in love with?

Looks, material gain and status are the things that as a race we measure each other by and that's the social habit, there isn't a problem attracting these people I think the problem we're all having is attracting the people who DON'T care just about these things.

When you find a way let me know ok?

Till then back to the hobbies and books ^_^

 

[seoulsearch]

Ok, scratch the church thing.. I have another idea for you and I cant believe I didnt think of it earlier. How about enrolling in a class or two at your local community college or some other adult school. Ive been taking some college courses and there are a number of people who are older than the avearge 20-something college students, especially now since a lot of folks are looking to get re-educated after losing their job in a field that has gotten hit hard with the recession. My one instructor said over 100 people showed up at this semesters orientation meeting for his class and there is usually no more than 30!

I am currently taking a nutrition course and Id say about 1/3 of my class out of about 30 people is over the age of 30. Thats the only class Im taking right now besides my clinical externship which isnt really a class.

Ok, its something to think about anyway.

That's actually a really great idea and I've actually been toying around with the thought of going back to school... the thought comes and goes . With most things, it's a matter of money and time, but this is a great practical answer, Zero, and I hope you're meeting people and making friends this way as well!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hi Zero:

Your posts always make me smile,..

Thank you! I was actually hoping you'd say that CC is a tough crowd you know..

 

[nineperot]

"And the saddest part of all is that these are Christian sites."

Yes, but don't think this man is a christian. A Christian is a Christian and a Christian would never ask about a woman best what?? physical properties? GOSH!

You'll know them by their fruit ONLY.

I assume you all know by now not everyone in a CHRISTIAN SITE in a Christian.

 

[seoulsearch]

"And the saddest part of all is that these are Christian sites."

Yes, but don't think this man is a christian. A Christian is a Christian and a Christian would never ask about a woman best what?? physical properties? GOSH!

You'll know them by their fruit ONLY.

I assume you all know by now not everyone in a CHRISTIAN SITE in a Christian.

Yes, of course I know this. Some of the biggest "unequal yokings" I've encountered in my life have been with people call themselves Christians but their actions are questionable at best. Which, of course, brings up the topic that none of this are perfect and we all have struggles but where do we start drawing lines?

And taking this in another direction...

The pastor in our local community at the church where my grandfather was buried who wast just sentenced for possession of, as well as sending and receiving child pornography--is he a Christian?

His defense was that he only looked at adult porn and that someone else had send him the child material through the internet and that he had tried to send it back.

And, I posted about this on another thread--my recent conversation with good friend of mine (she's about 27 and the wife of our children's pastor) who told me she had read about a recent conference for pastors--all pastors. And it was so large that they booked up an entire hotel just for this conference.

After it was done and over, a look at the hotel tabs revealed that half the rooms had ordered pornographic movies during their stay.

What do you think?

Are they Christians?