I have a problem with older men....

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Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#21
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
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#21
Mel85 said:
Sorry, didn’t mean to stereotype you - I guess I’m speaking for myself, at your age I was still acting like a kid, and to be fair I still do at times lol.

But I do know some people around your age are super mature, some more mature than Generations X & Y.
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But I have to admit, most of my adolescence life was looking after my siblings as well, and playing that older sister role to them. I also helped raised them and some of my neices, and by doing this made me ‘grow up’ faster than the normal teen/young adult in a sense. I was also working as well.

I feel like I missed out on some of the things that my friends did growing up (parties etc) but at the same time I was/am blessed with parents who instilled a spiritual grounding on us kids - and I am also blessed that our family was few of the ones who grew up around alcohol which didn’t entice me at all (although I did have a few sips of Moscato later in life lol).
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#22
Sep 17, 2018
4,056
3,169
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#22
I'd hardly call 40-50 "twice your age". 40 years old isn't even 10 years older than you.
Twice your age would be mid-60s.

Especially with women, being attracted to someone 10 years older than you is considered normal for adults.

Also bear un mind attraction and relationship aren't the same thing. I'm sure many here could find all sorts of people attractive in one way or another, but not dating potential.
And since you haven't actually dated then no problem. And even if you had dated them, no problem.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#23
#23
I think it is natural, and it is perfectly ok to be with an older man. I was, when I studied, attracted to some of my professors. One even asked me to join him for lunch. But it didn't lead to a thing, and I am happy for that. You are anyway older than a student, you have a job, and it wouldn't be anything wrong in dating a man 20 years older than you. With age comes maturity and a natural authority. I can totally understand that.

But it is kind of counterproductive to befriend them without letting them know. Perhaps they like you, but feel it difficult to address that, because you seem like you just want to be friends?
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#24
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
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#24
Mel85 said:
Would you consider a man younger than yourself? 10 years apart?
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Hmmmmm, maybe. I don't know. I never ever considered it. I think that since there are so many available younger attractive women, why would a younger man be interested in an older lady? I get it when the woman is like 40 maybe, but not as she is older and older, 50's and older. I make men sound shallow huh? I don't mean to. I think it is just the reality of it and that is ok. Because another reality is I'll always have Jesus.
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#25
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
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#25
Oh mel, sis, been thinking about what you asked. And I'm mostly just being silly. But I think it is fair to ask a man this question, Have you gone through your midlife crisis yet? Haha and to ask a woman, r you having bad menopause, hahaha? Just being silly, no offense to anyone.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#26
#26
Subhumanoidal said:
I'd hardly call 40-50 "twice your age". 40 years old isn't even 10 years older than you.
Twice your age would be mid-60s.

Especially with women, being attracted to someone 10 years older than you is considered normal for adults.

Also bear un mind attraction and relationship aren't the same thing. I'm sure many here could find all sorts of people attractive in one way or another, but not dating potential.
And since you haven't actually dated then no problem. And even if you had dated them, no problem.
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Yeah. I guess I assumed Mel was closer to 20, which is a bit weird with a 40 year old, but I would consider that normal enough for a 30 year old. That might be the age I would be looking to date if I still want kids at some point.

CharliRenee said:
Oh mel, sis, been thinking about what you asked. And I'm mostly just being silly. But I think it is fair to ask a man this question, Have you gone through your midlife crisis yet? Haha and to ask a woman, r you having bad menopause, hahaha? Just being silly, no offense to anyone.
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I got my mid life crisis out of the way in my 20s. :p
 
Llace

Llace

New member
#27
Nov 15, 2018
2
3
3
#27
Deade said:
Hiya Mel, since I am off the market and still out of you age range, I might be able to help a little. Some people say when a young lady turns to older gents that they have a daddy complex. A growing girl that has no dad or one that leaves early can get these complexes. Christian counselling will tell if you have this and it can help.

Most men I have talked to have admitted that their minds were full of foolishness until they approached late twenties or about 30. That foolishness reflects in one as childish. Keep looking there is a balanced male about your age that is just right for you. But don't shut out any real life prospects. Once you meet someone in person, you will know if age is a barrier. :cool:
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impressed by your input.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#28
Mar 13, 2014
42,558
17,027
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69
Tennessee
#28
Sweetmorningdew78 said:
I don't know but in Philippines it is very common to call his wife mommy,mama,nanay or nay or call her husband daddy,papa, tatay or tay ,nanay or tay. It is the swetest term of endearment in Philippines
:)
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I agree with you about this term of endearment. My wife calls me dad sometimes as I am a father and that doesn't bother me at all and think that its a sweet thing to say to me. My two cats Tango and Sugar call me daddy. Jesus called his dad Abba which means daddy but that's OK because it's probably just a guy thing.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#29
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
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#29
toinena said:
I think it is natural, and it is perfectly ok to be with an older man. I was, when I studied, attracted to some of my professors. One even asked me to join him for lunch. But it didn't lead to a thing, and I am happy for that. You are anyway older than a student, you have a job, and it wouldn't be anything wrong in dating a man 20 years older than you. With age comes maturity and a natural authority. I can totally understand that.

But it is kind of counterproductive to befriend them without letting them know. Perhaps they like you, but feel it difficult to address that, because you seem like you just want to be friends?
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Very true. It’s difficult to address because as I said in my OP, the age gap. There’s alot of scenerios that play in my head, and one of them was addressed by the sis Charli (having a short time with them) but then again, we don’t know when we die, right?

Anyways thanks for the advice:)
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#30
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#30
CharliRenee said:
Oh mel, sis, been thinking about what you asked. And I'm mostly just being silly. But I think it is fair to ask a man this question, Have you gone through your midlife crisis yet? Haha and to ask a woman, r you having bad menopause, hahaha? Just being silly, no offense to anyone.
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Funny sis 😂
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#31
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#31
Hamarr said:
Yeah. I guess I assumed Mel was closer to 20, which is a bit weird with a 40 year old, but I would consider that normal enough for a 30 year old. That might be the age I would be looking to date if I still want kids at some point.

I got my mid life crisis out of the way in my 20s. :p
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I don’t even think I’ve had my mid life crisis 😂
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#34
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#34
CharliRenee said:
That is cuz you are still a baby...
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Is it something that hits when unexpected? I always hear people talk about it but I don’t know what it is.... I feel like I’m always in a crisis in my journey with Christ, but He is always the one that rescues me, even when it’s unexpected:)
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#35
#35
Mel85 said:
Is it something that hits when unexpected? I always hear people talk about it but I don’t know what it is.... I feel like I’m always in a crisis in my journey with Christ, but He is always the one that rescues me, even when it’s unexpected:)
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All I know is I went from not caring about cars to really wanting a Porsche. :p

I suppose I am going through another one lately, but that is more issues coming to a head and being in a place to finally address them. That took some major life events to get me ready for those changes. But on the whole it will be more positive to go through this. So, less of a crisis, and more clearing out the fog.
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#37
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
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#37
Mel85 said:
Is it something that hits when unexpected? I always hear people talk about it but I don’t know what it is.... I feel like I’m always in a crisis in my journey with Christ, but He is always the one that rescues me, even when it’s unexpected:)
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Great question. Maybe that's it, it is just another new crisis. Even though we all know it's coming, there comes a time when it feels like an unexpected surprise. In ways, though, it is a blessing in disguise. It is an adjustment watching and feeling the body change and the way we see things and are perceived switches. It requires gathering up some extra Jesus as we lean in a bit more. There are advantages, like usually folks give more respect. I like that and hopefully we have earned some wisdom along the way. You younger peeps, though, never cease to amaze me on y'alls wisdom though. You guys are always teaching me stuff. I like that each breath taken of His gets us one breath closer to Him. I like seeing happy and healthy women and men, who are older than me, show me that I can get through this, that I'll be alright. We have to just let go a bit and accept the changes even things that are not as pretty, or that slow us down, or cause more aches. I think inner beauty is something many have at all ages but I think the time passing requires an inner strength and beauty to grow if we just keep on loving and forgiving.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#38
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#38
Hamarr said:
All I know is I went from not caring about cars to really wanting a Porsche. :p

I suppose I am going through another one lately, but that is more issues coming to a head and being in a place to finally address them. That took some major life events to get me ready for those changes. But on the whole it will be more positive to go through this. So, less of a crisis, and more clearing out the fog.
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How about from being a fan of cars to remaining a fan of cars? Lol
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#39
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#39
CharliRenee said:
Great question. Maybe that's it, it is just another new crisis. Even though we all know it's coming, there comes a time when it feels like an unexpected surprise. In ways, though, it is a blessing in disguise. It is an adjustment watching and feeling the body change and the way we see things and are perceived switches. It requires gathering up some extra Jesus as we lean in a bit more. There are advantages, like usually folks give more respect. I like that and hopefully we have earned some wisdom along the way. You younger peeps, though, never cease to amaze me on y'alls wisdom though. You guys are always teaching me stuff. I like that each breath taken of His gets us one breath closer to Him. I like seeing happy and healthy women and men, who are older than me, show me that I can get through this, that I'll be alright. We have to just let go a bit and accept the changes even things that are not as pretty, or that slow us down, or cause more aches. I think inner beauty is something many have at all ages but I think the time passing requires an inner strength and beauty to grow if we just keep on loving and forgiving.
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Thanks for imparting wisdom sis :) I totally agree, and you know I have the upright respect for the elderly. Like you, I always admire the elderly, I cannot imagine what they have been through all these years, to be where they are now. Our culture embeds the value of honouring the elderly very much, for example, at gatherings after church like lunch, the elders eat first, or when we walk past them we bow our heads in respect. I know there’s other cultures who have their own way of honouring the elderly and I think it’s a beautiful sign of deep respect.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#40
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
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#40
Mel85 said:
Is it something that hits when unexpected? I always hear people talk about it but I don’t know what it is.... I feel like I’m always in a crisis in my journey with Christ, but He is always the one that rescues me, even when it’s unexpected:)
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I think mid-life crisis is what hits when you look at your life and feel like all those things you were going to do one day, need to be done today or they may never happpen.
 
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