I met A single mom on Tinder who just started going to a Born Again church for 4 months.

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blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
69,178
7,607
113
#22
Sorry, my thoughts are.....RUN!!!! Sounds like a “narcissist”!!!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THAT PERSON!!!!
I agree. She's a train wreck in progress. Get out while you can.. And I don't know of ANY Christian who would use Tinder to find a mate.
 

MegMarch

Well-known member
Nov 11, 2019
285
290
63
#23
Hi Venn,

Awe. You seem like such a sweet guy. I just hope she treats you respectfully as her previous texts to you were not. If she doesn’t recognize her part in that, I would caution you that it may not get better if together. Blessings on you and your relationships!
 

Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
17
11
3
#24
I agree. She's a train wreck in progress. Get out while you can.. And I don't know of ANY Christian who would use Tinder to find a mate.
Really? I sometimes find them like the single mom... usually in their meta descriptions they post is Bible verses or quotes about God or Jesus. I do ask them afterwards "hello are you a Christian?" and they respond "Yes". Some are even active church youth leaders too.
 

morefaithrequired

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2019
2,194
1,238
113
#25
Some of my best ex friends are/were narcissists. We couldn't provide each other enough narcissistic supply. No one was really listening.
 

Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
17
11
3
#26
Some of my best ex friends are/were narcissists. We couldn't provide each other enough narcissistic supply. No one was really listening.
that's sad to hear actually :( I hope they get treatment for that
 

Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
17
11
3
#28
Hi Venn,

Awe. You seem like such a sweet guy. I just hope she treats you respectfully as her previous texts to you were not. If she doesn’t recognize her part in that, I would caution you that it may not get better if together. Blessings on you and your relationships!
Hopefully, though she is okay with my writing and that we will reconcile soon enough. I kinda feel ghosted after all that's happened. I have Grammarly to thank for my writing too. I just change some words described in the text and tells me if it sounds sweet enough and readability. Looks like it doesn't disappoint :D

sorry my humour is weird. I meant that I'm a narcissist as well. that's why we couldn't communicate.
oh hahaha! now I get it.
 

Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
17
11
3
#29
DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.
 

LittleMermaid

Well-known member
Apr 23, 2019
276
321
63
#30
DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.
Did you send her the letter you wrote today?
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,213
1,232
113
#31
DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.
My impression is that she made it pretty clear she wants some space. OR rather my impression was she either wanted space or wanted a real boyfriend. But it's pretty clear she doesn't want constant contact like you've been doing because well quite honestly that can be confusing for a girl and being a single mom is stressful enough that she doesn't need the added distraction of a man who is not a boyfriend but trying to be part of her life like one but hasn't made any commitments or declarations of intent.

It also sounds like she expects to be rejected and has a flair for the dramatic. Realistically things probably will change after you meet someone (especially a potential romantic partner) from online in real life, but it's not going to be because someone finds out she's a single parent. You already know that and you already know how your parents are likely to react to you seeing someone in such a life situation if things progress that far. But there are a thousand other reasons why spending real life time with her might make one of you less keen on spending more time together online, and often it's easier to tell yourself a false story (it's because I'm a single parent, or too shy or too introverted or because of some past mistake) about why you're being rejected than to admit your own mistakes and issues that you can do something about. That she starts out basically saying she expects to be rejected for being a single mom (and the whole it was terrible but I'm willing to go through all that again is rather manipulative as well, making your treatment of her responsible for her emotional state) should be a red flag, if only because she's probably going to interpret any criticism at all as rejection.

So your options are either write this off for good and chalk it up to experience, or if you think there's something so special about this girl that you're willing to risk years of walking on eggshells to avoid dramatic outbursts and a lot of stress from walking alongside someone through a healing process, then I'd give her a couple weeks of no initiating contact and then send a very brief innocuous message about hope you have a happy thanksgiving to see if the door's still open at all. (Of course I also have almost no romantic sensibilities so any advice you get from me is pure theory based on no experience)
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
28,411
6,908
113
#32
DOUBLE POST: I just came back after prayer meeting I was wondering if it will be alright if I will text her about what our topics were about, usually we have Wednesdays for Prayer Meeting, Friday for Youth Bible Study, Saturday for Youth Fellowship and Sunday for the Mass. I plan to text/chat her the topics or what we've learned and how to apply it and send it like it's an advertisment or an email... not as a message.
I would not contact her at all, as she has made quite clear the fact that she is pushing you away. I think she is probably scared, which is no fault of your own. My suggestion would be to give her the space she has requested, and IF she contacts you, proceed very carefully, so that you do not allow your hopes of being in a relationship cloud the issue of her erratic behavior.
 

Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
17
11
3
#33
My impression is that she made it pretty clear she wants some space. OR rather my impression was she either wanted space or wanted a real boyfriend. But it's pretty clear she doesn't want constant contact like you've been doing because well quite honestly that can be confusing for a girl and being a single mom is stressful enough that she doesn't need the added distraction of a man who is not a boyfriend but trying to be part of her life like one but hasn't made any commitments or declarations of intent.

It also sounds like she expects to be rejected and has a flair for the dramatic. Realistically things probably will change after you meet someone (especially a potential romantic partner) from online in real life, but it's not going to be because someone finds out she's a single parent. You already know that and you already know how your parents are likely to react to you seeing someone in such a life situation if things progress that far. But there are a thousand other reasons why spending real life time with her might make one of you less keen on spending more time together online, and often it's easier to tell yourself a false story (it's because I'm a single parent, or too shy or too introverted or because of some past mistake) about why you're being rejected than to admit your own mistakes and issues that you can do something about. That she starts out basically saying she expects to be rejected for being a single mom (and the whole it was terrible but I'm willing to go through all that again is rather manipulative as well, making your treatment of her responsible for her emotional state) should be a red flag, if only because she's probably going to interpret any criticism at all as rejection.

So your options are either write this off for good and chalk it up to experience, or if you think there's something so special about this girl that you're willing to risk years of walking on eggshells to avoid dramatic outbursts and a lot of stress from walking alongside someone through a healing process, then I'd give her a couple weeks of no initiating contact and then send a very brief innocuous message about hope you have a happy thanksgiving to see if the door's still open at all. (Of course I also have almost no romantic sensibilities so any advice you get from me is pure theory based on no experience)
I did promise her that I would sing for her daughter about the 10000 reasons song someday.. maybe plan to sing for hee this december 8 since it is her daughters birthday.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
791
666
93
#36
I think it is always wise to meet up with someone-(in safe place and maybe not on your own) but sooner rather than later or you end up forming a bond and establishing a relationship with someone who you may not be attracted to or vice versa.
I reckon she is just wanting to keep you there as she is lonely, but she is not attracted to you in any other way than as a friend....
I don't think the way she conveyed that to you was right either. Beware of being used.
I think she needs to seek help in her Church.
 

Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
17
11
3
#37
morefaithrequired said:
Subhumanoidal said:
Lafftur said:
LittleMermaid said:
Mel85 said:
MegMarch said:
tourist said:
Butterflyyy said:
Magenta said:
blue_ladybug said:
Hello guys. So I tried to contact her last night and she told me not to call me as it is the best that we don't call. Then I told her that I loved her and asked if she feels the same way. She told me:

"No. I don't feel the same way anymore. Maybe before but not really that intimate. All of that was gone after I figured it out that you were acting like my ex. At least my ex was acting like that AFTER we were together. You, on the other hand, were acting like that when we were friends."

A searing pain I felt in my heart and then asked her if it was after the meeting.

"No after the meeting, that was it."

And then I thanked her for the time, told her that our meeting was not an accident, still thanked her for the time she had given me. Basically a long list of thank-yous and then not getting even one reply after that.

The next day (today) I discovered that there is a church near our area because she did look for a church somewhere near her area every time she goes back home. And just replied with a short text:

"thank you for telling".

I still have a long list of bucket list to give her after it... back then she requested me to sing her daughter's favorite song this December 21 and her own birthday this January 8.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
28,411
6,908
113
#38
Hi Venn. Thanks for opening and sharing your testimony. I commend you for being honest and vulnerable on here.

There are some really good advice and discernment that have been given in this thread already, I just want to encourage you to trust in the Lord (Proverbs 3: 5-6) :) things don’t work out for a reason and perhaps this will be a good time for her to draw closer to God - obviously being a single mother or father is a hard role but clearly she has a few things she needs to let go of and let God.

I wish you all the best.


Proverbs 3: 5-6 :)
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,213
1,232
113
#40
Hello guys. So I tried to contact her last night and she told me not to call me as it is the best that we don't call. Then I told her that I loved her and asked if she feels the same way. She told me:

"No. I don't feel the same way anymore. Maybe before but not really that intimate. All of that was gone after I figured it out that you were acting like my ex. At least my ex was acting like that AFTER we were together. You, on the other hand, were acting like that when we were friends."

A searing pain I felt in my heart and then asked her if it was after the meeting.

"No after the meeting, that was it."

And then I thanked her for the time, told her that our meeting was not an accident, still thanked her for the time she had given me. Basically a long list of thank-yous and then not getting even one reply after that.

The next day (today) I discovered that there is a church near our area because she did look for a church somewhere near her area every time she goes back home. And just replied with a short text:

"thank you for telling".

I still have a long list of bucket list to give her after it... back then she requested me to sing her daughter's favorite song this December 21 and her own birthday this January 8.
What part of no and don't call are you having a hard time understanding?