I should have grown up. Now I am 30 years old with no direction in life and no clear decisions.

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Venn

Junior Member
Dec 29, 2017
18
12
3
#1
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
35,008
12,573
113
#2
I hope you have reached a point where the fear and pain of staying the
same is greater than the fear of change. For some it is called hitting bottom.
You are certainly not alone, as many reach this point before they become
willing to take concrete steps that lead to positive changes in their life.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
5,938
2,773
113
#3
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.
First of all, breathe. Take a min to focus on something nearby and go through the 5 senses of touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. What does the object feel like, look like, does it make noise, does it have a smell, is it edible and have a taste. Imagine a orange. Then imagine it in the details above. Once completed taking a deep breath in your nose out your mouth. Do this again but instead breath in and exhale all the air out of your lungs until you struggle to push more air out. Then take in a massive deep breath. Repeat 3 or 4 times. Then lean back and relax for a few minutes. Meditate on God and God's love for you. I'll respond to your post next.
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
5,938
2,773
113
#4
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.
You are having an identity crisis. One major question to the first answer would be how does God views you. What does it mean to be made in His image? I typed up the answer in the source below. https://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/why-the-who-matters.191086/

You have good attributes you wish to be and most of those have a way to correct. If you want to be healthy, eat healthy. If you want to be stronger, workout. If you want to be more masculine, then find good men to hang around. Look for new hobbies and choose today to start helping around the house.

But remember we define masculinity through God's Word not culture. Not all men in scripture we're warriors, builders, or wise. Some were weak like Joseph, some loved the indoors more like Jacob, and some were at first very fearful and anxious like Gideon. But God found them where they were and guided them to where He needed them to be.

God never accepted their excuses. Find God's will for your life and you will find direction.

Do you know the will of God for the Christian in general?
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
35,008
12,573
113
#5
You are having an identity crisis.
Thirty is also an age where many take stock of their lives and reassess their goals and values. Jesus
did not assume the yoke of His earthly responsibilities until He was around the age of thirty, either :)
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
9,148
5,523
113
#6
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.
You said you were tired of being babied by your mom so I’ll give you some reality checks.

Stop looking back on what could’ve been. Get a job in any field for at least 40 hours a week, save some money, and get an apartment to do the things your moms been doing for you. And to pay your own bills.

Start with those.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,228
3,947
113
#7
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.
Since I'm married I seldom venture into this forum. But the title to your thread made me come and take a look. I fell into a similar pattern that you have. I had health issues that kept me close to home and stresses made me worse. I was depressed, had no skills and didn't know what I was going to do with my life. I began traveling and singing with my family and did that for a lot of years, but that didn't help me grow personally. My younger sister was talented, skilled at various things, outgoing and beautiful. It wasn't long before she found herself a husband and began having children. And me? I was just sitting at home wasting away, like you are. I hadn't even dated anyone. I felt hopeless and behind my back my family was saying all kinds of things. I knew it and it hurt.

Around my 40th birthday I did something huge in decision making, something I never did before, I dated. And I fell hard, of course, I had no experience in dating. My family hated the guy, again they talked behind my back. Before long he lived up to their expectations and moved for a job. We were suppose to be having a LD relationship but that didn't last and his brother told me he moved in with a woman. Yeah, so I was devastated and back to square one. I just wanted to give up. I remember my mother trying to cheer me up. She said "by next Christmas, you might have someone". I stood in the store surround by Christmas decorations and cried right there.

That summer I did in fact meet someone. He was a wonderful guy and I feel in love again. But this time I was really going to take my time. I kept the brakes on and three years we dated. One day I finally broke down and said I had health issues and I had no skills to be a wife. I couldn't cook, clean, laundry, none of it. And the man that is my husband today said " I'm marrying you because I love you, not because I need a maid." He said he could cook so I didn't need to. And so I finally agreed to get married. We bought a house and moved in. Hubby did the cooking, had the kitchen set the way he liked it and I sat watching him make the meal. I offered to help but what help could I be? One day when he was at work I looked in the kitchen and I made a decision. I was going to master every tool, I was going to learn to cook and bake, clean and keep my house. My family joked and said they felt sorry for my husband. I stepped in the kitchen and made it my home. I learned to cook and bake and clean. I have a two story home, not bragging, just saying I mastered it. I made a choice. As sister Mag said, I hit bottom. I found I had a skill in baking and cooking. So much so that hubby gained too much weight and the doc told him he better slow down. lol

So I told you all that to say this, you can change. It's not too late. Depression makes you loose interest. But pick one thing and trying to be successful at it. It will boost your confidence. You don't have to be outgoing, plenty of people are shy. And most shy people end up with out going people. So don't worry about it. Baby steps. The internet has a world of information. Learn to cook a little, learn some things to boost your confidence and make you feel "adult". It will do you a world of good. Trust me. People will begin to treat you differently. I don't know if you are a Christian, but that will help you pull out of depression. If I can marry at 40ish + and become a homemaker and more, you can do whatever you set your mind to. It's not too late! Not even a little. Be encouraged, start small and come back and tell us how you are doing. You can do this!!
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,149
2,344
113
#8
I know it’s scary to try something new. Cooking was that for me! But I looked up easy recipes online and on YouTube. Now I have maybe 5 meals I’m pretty comfortable with.

I’ve come to do a lot of searches on YouTube for tutorials. The other day I needed to come up with a cleaning solution to mop the floor. YouTube helped lol. Anytime my husband sees work needed on the cars, he’ll use YouTube to see if it’s something he can do.

Things take practice. But the more we practice, the easier it may get. I’m fully confident in cooking spaghetti lol :cool:
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,945
4,142
113
#9
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.
On the other hand you seem good at writing. You phrased your problem quite well.

Do you have the solution?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,753
11,476
113
66
Tennessee
#10
You said you were tired of being babied by your mom so I’ll give you some reality checks.

Stop looking back on what could’ve been. Get a job in any field for at least 40 hours a week, save some money, and get an apartment to do the things your moms been doing for you. And to pay your own bills.

Start with those.
Exactly, time to get into the game. Oh year, regarding the household tasks start by doing the dishes each day and take out the trash. Make it a priority to focus on becoming independent rather that being one who is pampered and enabled to have zero responsibilities.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,753
11,476
113
66
Tennessee
#11
I know it’s scary to try something new. Cooking was that for me! But I looked up easy recipes online and on YouTube. Now I have maybe 5 meals I’m pretty comfortable with.

I’ve come to do a lot of searches on YouTube for tutorials. The other day I needed to come up with a cleaning solution to mop the floor. YouTube helped lol. Anytime my husband sees work needed on the cars, he’ll use YouTube to see if it’s something he can do.

Things take practice. But the more we practice, the easier it may get. I’m fully confident in cooking spaghetti lol :cool:
I'm fully confident in boiling water. Just kidding - used to be a chef.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,753
11,476
113
66
Tennessee
#12
Since I'm married I seldom venture into this forum. But the title to your thread made me come and take a look. I fell into a similar pattern that you have. I had health issues that kept me close to home and stresses made me worse. I was depressed, had no skills and didn't know what I was going to do with my life. I began traveling and singing with my family and did that for a lot of years, but that didn't help me grow personally. My younger sister was talented, skilled at various things, outgoing and beautiful. It wasn't long before she found herself a husband and began having children. And me? I was just sitting at home wasting away, like you are. I hadn't even dated anyone. I felt hopeless and behind my back my family was saying all kinds of things. I knew it and it hurt.

Around my 40th birthday I did something huge in decision making, something I never did before, I dated. And I fell hard, of course, I had no experience in dating. My family hated the guy, again they talked behind my back. Before long he lived up to their expectations and moved for a job. We were suppose to be having a LD relationship but that didn't last and his brother told me he moved in with a woman. Yeah, so I was devastated and back to square one. I just wanted to give up. I remember my mother trying to cheer me up. She said "by next Christmas, you might have someone". I stood in the store surround by Christmas decorations and cried right there.

That summer I did in fact meet someone. He was a wonderful guy and I feel in love again. But this time I was really going to take my time. I kept the brakes on and three years we dated. One day I finally broke down and said I had health issues and I had no skills to be a wife. I couldn't cook, clean, laundry, none of it. And the man that is my husband today said " I'm marrying you because I love you, not because I need a maid." He said he could cook so I didn't need to. And so I finally agreed to get married. We bought a house and moved in. Hubby did the cooking, had the kitchen set the way he liked it and I sat watching him make the meal. I offered to help but what help could I be? One day when he was at work I looked in the kitchen and I made a decision. I was going to master every tool, I was going to learn to cook and bake, clean and keep my house. My family joked and said they felt sorry for my husband. I stepped in the kitchen and made it my home. I learned to cook and bake and clean. I have a two story home, not bragging, just saying I mastered it. I made a choice. As sister Mag said, I hit bottom. I found I had a skill in baking and cooking. So much so that hubby gained too much weight and the doc told him he better slow down. lol

So I told you all that to say this, you can change. It's not too late. Depression makes you loose interest. But pick one thing and trying to be successful at it. It will boost your confidence. You don't have to be outgoing, plenty of people are shy. And most shy people end up with out going people. So don't worry about it. Baby steps. The internet has a world of information. Learn to cook a little, learn some things to boost your confidence and make you feel "adult". It will do you a world of good. Trust me. People will begin to treat you differently. I don't know if you are a Christian, but that will help you pull out of depression. If I can marry at 40ish + and become a homemaker and more, you can do whatever you set your mind to. It's not too late! Not even a little. Be encouraged, start small and come back and tell us how you are doing. You can do this!!
I found your personal testimony about overcoming debilitating fear to be fascinating and compelling. I married my wife for love too and not because I wanted a personal slave to wait on me. I commend you for developing the skills in baking and cooking. These skills were hiding deep down inside of you and one day you found the courage, by the grace of God, to let them out and begin to more fully develop. Most impressive.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,578
1,660
113
#13
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.
Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.
By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.
I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.
I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.
I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.
I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.
Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.
They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.
Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.
Now at this point I began to panic, all of this overthinking, my anxiety and depression was triggered and regrets and worries began to flood my mind.
I am experiencing:
-heartbreak
-palpitation of the heart
-cannot sleep due to heartbreak and the palpitation
-loss of appetite
-slight chills
-loss of passion to do the things I want and love
I keep asking myself what if I finished school earlier? What if I just developed my manhood instead of staying what I was when I was just a kid? Maybe I could have earned a lot more money and did not have to worry about our finances, my parents medication because they are now too old,
And then I just told myself: I should have grown up.

So make a list of skills you want to learn and attack it. Learn to do the dishes. When you're comfortable with that, you can learn to dirty the dishes by cooking. And you'll probably find that washing skills will be applicable to other things that need to be washed not just dishes. And offer to go grocery shopping with your mom and be her pack mule (that's what I called it when mom had me going to the grocery store with her and I ended up carrying most of the stuff).

Find a short exercise thing to do every day, start each lunch with a helping of veggies to eat healthier.

And most importantly, no more wallowing in the condemnation of how much better you should be than you are; turn that energy to planning and working to becoming that better. And like the others have said, find ways to change your circumstances that will challenge you to develop those skills. Nothing will motivate you to develop basic cooking and cleaning and housekeeping skills than living in your own place where those things don't get done unless you do them.
 

mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
4,794
1,137
113
#14
I'm glad to read of other brothers' and sisters' advices. Basically i can just say if you can remember our Lord's teachings like Forgetting the past, i run straight toward the goal, and others that will help you... then take steps one day at a time. You will succeed some, fail some.. but just step forward. Some have said having some (any=) good activity where you have to move and sweat (mine is gardening), it helps energize me when not very interested in housework hehe. If there's space to plant, you can even choose to have what you want to harvest-- and ur mom would be glad! Think of ways to make her happy, as well as others, and not just doing what you've been used to. In God's time, things will be beautiful and bear fruit in life, when you let God hold ur hand along the way. Be remembering in prayer, Venn.
 

Treeboy

New member
Apr 3, 2020
29
7
3
#15
Worse things to have in life besides introspection. Dont beat yourself up to hard. You just dont know how hard everyone else is failing. Im at that point where i meet a guy who has it all on the outside and think that poor sob. 30 is not old. Take little steps like so small they are comical.
 

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
4,891
2,521
113
#16
There, there. You're only 30. In a year or a few, you can turn all these things around 100%. And still be young. This covid thing isn't going to last forever. You can use the lockdown to get proficient in housework. Then you can focus on other things. One step at a time. Maybe you can use anime and video games as a reward, to motivate yourself? I usually do work that I have in the first part of the day, and then sit down and do what I want.

The body is the easiest to fix. Don't be so worried about your body. It adapts very well to nutrition and training. Many guys who have been very skinny and without muscle achieve wonders with proper exercise. You can get stronger - only if you decide to. It's really and completely up to you. Not some empty saying to comfort you, it's true.

Have you done a career aptitude test? You have many online for free. Find out what you're good at, and within that an occupation that isn't stressful would likely be a good fit for you, and you can take it from there. Or you might want to get additional education to improve your resume for whatever you did as a freelancer. Not everybody is good with numbers. I'd likely end up scolded in your place as well. That's not a reason to beat yourself up, although I do understand how it can be traumatic when people are against you at the workplace. Sounds like you're doing well as a freelancer and are not into teamwork.
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,457
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#17
3
I'm fully confident in boiling water. Just kidding - used to be a chef.
Speaking of which the first thing that I earned to cook indoors when I got away from my folks was pasta, then oatmeal. I've known people in their 40's who could only do ramen and canned foods. I like to eat to much than to try and survive on that garbage. I've got 4 kids and 10 grandchildren that I know of, so far. Only 1 can beat me in the kitchen. (My youngest daughter) Cooking is like being a musician. The more you practice, the better and easier it gets.

PS; My 30 something son cooks Filipino food and he won an army post chili cookoff too. Just keep practicing @Venn, It gets fun after a while.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
16,945
4,142
113
#18
Yeah, after a while cooking gets fun! :cool:

Washing the clothes... not so much. But it's gotta be done.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,962
3,620
113
#19
its not too late to learn how to cook, its pretty much cutting up food, adding seasoning if needed, heating it, and not burning it!


maybe its a cautionary tale, but if I see any child in school (im the librarian) that seems obssessed with video games I get concerned. Firstly, that their parents are spoiling them and secondly they will become addicted. like the obnoxious mike teavee.

So thanks for sharing your story, because I would like these children to grow up. One of the staff told me her ex gave her son expensive tv and video games and a phone, well she got so mad as he spent all his time gaming that he never had any time to learn anything, she smashed his phone and ran over the tv with the car. Then he had to tell his dad, dad, dont give me anything expensive cos mum will just smash it up.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,228
3,947
113
#20
its not too late to learn how to cook, its pretty much cutting up food, adding seasoning if needed, heating it, and not burning it!


maybe its a cautionary tale, but if I see any child in school (im the librarian) that seems obssessed with video games I get concerned. Firstly, that their parents are spoiling them and secondly they will become addicted. like the obnoxious mike teavee.

So thanks for sharing your story, because I would like these children to grow up. One of the staff told me her ex gave her son expensive tv and video games and a phone, well she got so mad as he spent all his time gaming that he never had any time to learn anything, she smashed his phone and ran over the tv with the car. Then he had to tell his dad, dad, dont give me anything expensive cos mum will just smash it up.
Every time my nephews would visit they would come with video games. And after playing a while they would get amped up and start fighting. So I mentioned it to my sister and she said "that's what they do at home and at their other grandparents." I said " well they aren't going it here". Hubby and I have taken them so many places. Forts, parks, gardens, anything historic, a boat ride, car shows, fairs, a Christian golfing place etc. We have a place here called the Gorge. I found out how old I really am when I climbed up the side of that. We cooked outside on a grill there and my oldest nephew piped up and said "this is a thousand times better than any restaurant". The only problem is every time they come now they want to know what we are going to do next. lol But we've gotten to know them so if they have any issues in life, I hope they will come to us. And they have gained a lot of knowledge and memories. I hope one day when they grow up they will look back on this time fondly.