If a Party Were Held For Introverts, Would Anyone Show Up? (Or Would the Extroverts Crash the Party?)

[Solemateleft]

Are we gunna have this party or what?
Hoping we do not have to resort to an invitation only party to avoid any potential Inny vs Exxy- confrontations...

@seoulsearch maybe a series of poll questions to get to the heart of the matter (posted within the singles forum):

- If you are an Introvert - would you attend?
- If not, why: a., b., or c.?
- If yes, why: a., b., or c.? (wondering if Introverts might see this as a good & promising opportunity to meet another single Introvert?)
- If you are an Extrovert - would you be compelled to attend?
- If yes, why: a., b., or c.?
- If you are an Extrovert - compelled to attend an Introvert Party would you:
a. be able to control your natural tendencies and respect the Party Theme/atmosphere.
b. be tempted to exert your natural tendencies and become the life of the party.
c. try to pickup on an Introvert because you are inherently drawn to them...

 

[BenFTW]

@seoulsearch Sorry for derailing the thread, lol. A party you say? Well they would show up for a little bit and then everyone would be drained, so it would turn into a sleep over. Right? That’s how you guys work. I’ve been listening, it’s totally how it works. 🤔😁😆

 

[Lanolin]

I think a perfect party for introverts is at the library and we all do colouring in. or one of those parties where you just go from house to house. Why because theres more scope for one on one interactions than crowds and crowds of people

It is a myth that introverts are anti- social. I just think introverts have thinner skin than extroverts, which isnt actually a bad thing. what it means is we are more sensitive...our senses can pick up more, thats why being around too many people can be draining. Quiet spaces are better than noisy spaces.

when I throw a party I try to think of games and activities that dont embarass anyone, and people can choose whether or not to participate. Introverts arent into competitive, physical games so much as intellectual ones, so quizzes and strategy can be good. Or a treasure hunt.

so no who's got talent showcases. if there has to be singing it will be group kareoke not solo.

 

[Solemateleft]

I think a perfect party for introverts is at the library and we all do colouring in. or one of those parties where you just go from house to house. Why because theres more scope for one on one interactions than crowds and crowds of people

It is a myth that introverts are anti- social. I just think introverts have thinner skin than extroverts, which isnt actually a bad thing. what it means is we are more sensitive...our senses can pick up more, thats why being around too many people can be draining. Quiet spaces are better than noisy spaces.

when I throw a party I try to think of games and activities that dont embarass anyone, and people can choose whether or not to participate. Introverts arent into competitive, physical games so much as intellectual ones, so quizzes and strategy can be good. Or a treasure hunt.

so no who's got talent showcases. if there has to be singing it will be group kareoke not solo.

While I think I understand the jist of your points - I like the idea of striving not to embarrass anyone - regardless of the -vertism...

I just have to respectfully say that some of your hypotheses, while certainly applicable for some (and likely yourself) and some scenarios are generalizations - or even stereotypes; which are not necessarily absolute...

Truth is that most people would prefer to avoid public embarrassment - if avoidable...
As far as competitiveness goes and physical games (lots of physical contact sports require intellectual strategies to win - lots of Introverts are Top athletes: Micheal Jordan, Larry Bird, Tiger Woods etc...

As far as 'thinner skin' - that is a strong term that typically has negative connotations and I for one do not see the correlation or even the association with introverts vs extroverts - necessarily...
I believe there are lots of examples that would challenge this hypothesis... for example:
Conner McGregor is an example of an Extrovert with Thin-Skin...
Mr Rogers is an example of an Introvert with Thick-Skin...

 

[laughingheart]

I learned to negotiate the world because we moved a lot. I knew that you needed to talk to people to make connections. I learned to ask questions and to listen. I learned that if you could make people laugh, you could diffuse a lot of situations. My preference was reading, writing stories and imagining. I wanted to know why people did what they did and to help. Ironically I also wanted to hide from them and still feel drained if I am around individuals or groups for too long. I am introverted because I find so much input overwhelming. Loud noises and frantic movement and disconcerting. Too much activity hurts my health (I am not talking about exercise, just social)
Being attentive and quiet made me a decent social worker but lousy at small talk at a party.
Needing alone time is not a deficit. Some people need more time to process life and others can live it full tilt without needing to take it in and analyze it. Both types are necessary. Introspection and action both have their place.
As for the party...
Chances are I'd say yes to the party and say it sounds like a blast, which I would believe at the time. I would start to dread it a few days before, try and think up an excuse not to go, shed a tear or two, pack up the apple strudel I made as a hostess gift, show up about 20 minutes late, greet a few people, start having some laughs and/or a deep discussion or two (possibly suggest a good therapist depending on the situation), and then relax.
The smart thing would have been to relax at the outset but I promise that if you spontaneously invite me to an event I might fool my brain into thinking it is a great idea and having a great time.
So..by nature I'm an analytical introvert, by the work of Christ in my heart my calling is for the ill, the poor, the lonely and those seeking justice, by necessity I have spoken to groups and worked in teams (both of which I avoid as much as possible if I have a choice), and by choice I pursue close friendship with people who understand that I may not always be able to show up at events but my heart is always with them.
Now it is time to cosy up with a cup of cocoa and a book before bed.

 

[morefaithrequired]

you guys can colour in. I'll do level 5 Sudoku.

 

[Lynx]

The smart thing would have been to relax at the outset but I promise that if you spontaneously invite me to an event I might fool my brain into thinking it is a great idea and having a great time.

Right, got it. Don't tell laughingheart about the party until 20 minutes before time to leave for the party. It increases the probability of her being there by 270% and once she gets there she will enjoy it.

 

[Lanolin]

While I think I understand the jist of your points - I like the idea of striving not to embarrass anyone - regardless of the -vertism...

I just have to respectfully say that some of your hypotheses, while certainly applicable for some (and likely yourself) and some scenarios are generalizations - or even stereotypes; which are not necessarily absolute...

Truth is that most people would prefer to avoid public embarrassment - if avoidable...
As far as competitiveness goes and physical games (lots of physical contact sports require intellectual strategies to win - lots of Introverts are Top athletes: Micheal Jordan, Larry Bird, Tiger Woods etc...

As far as 'thinner skin' - that is a strong term that typically has negative connotations and I for one do not see the correlation or even the association with introverts vs extroverts - necessarily...
I believe there are lots of examples that would challenge this hypothesis... for example:
Conner McGregor is an example of an Extrovert with Thin-Skin...
Mr Rogers is an example of an Introvert with Thick-Skin...

well I never said what I wrote was absolute so its just stating generalizations which there is nothing wrong with.
I dont know the people you referring to so and Im not putting forward an hypothesis. You actually dont need to counter everything I say, its just my view and its as valid as everyone elses.

lol

chill out!

 

[Lanolin]

you guys can colour in. I'll do level 5 Sudoku.

I like this party, I will provide lots of different puzzles.

one time I went to a party, admittedly a lot of people there were greenies and hippies, and because a few people were gluten free and vegetarian, one person wanted to label all the food. You could make it into a game.

 

[cinder]

Well since we got on the topic of party now I have two thoughts. 1) Introvert parties are necessarily different in character from extrovert parties. Introvert parties are get everyone (well everyone up to about 10 -12 people) together for food and a bit of quiet but optional activity (table games, trivia, or if you really want to push the envelope you could do a murder mystery dinner or escape room type of game). Best activities for introvert parties are the ones that may foster a bit of social interaction but really serve to allow people to be doing something to minimize awkward silences or pauses (and yes I've got a whole pile of brainier board games I could bring).

2) The best introvert party is the one that is cancelled the morning of. Then all the introverts that were getting ready to go people get surprised with another delightful evening at home and don't have to feel bad about deciding last minute that they didn't really want to go but didn't know how to get out of it.

 

[Lynx]

That kind of cancels out the "don't tell laughingheart until 20 minutes before time to leave for the party" trick...

 

[Adstar]

Hey Everyone,

I've been thinking a lot lately about introverts vs. extroverts and am wondering what all of your experiences have been.

I wrote in another post that I never really identified with either term until a few years ago, when I started to realize that I seemed to relate to the traits of introverts much more than extroverts. If anyone remembers the old Fantastic Four movies, there's a scene in which Susan Storm (played by Jessica Alba) is throwing all her strength into keeping up a force field, and it takes such a toll on her body that her nose starts to bleed profusely.

This is also how I feel when I'm pulled in too many directions, too often, and by too many people -- it starts to feel as if my soul is on the verge of a breaking into a massive hemorrhage.

I realize that many times in life, we have no choice (such as with work), but I'm also realizing that sometimes my lack of energy around socially demanding situations can keep me from obeying God's will for my life. I had a recent situation in which I was invited to a church event and declined, only to feel the next day that God was saying I should have put my own feelings aside and gone.

And so, I'm wondering how you all classify yourselves and how it affects your life.

* Are you an introvert or extrovert, and how did you realize it? What is your own personal definition of being an introvert or an extrovert?

* Did you grow up in a family of introverts or extroverts (were they the same as you, or the opposite of you), and did it help or hurt you?

* Do you feel uncomfortable around your opposites? (Are introverts uncomfortable around extroverts, and are extroverts uncomfortable around introverts?)

* How does being an introvert or extrovert affect your decisions when searching for a spouse, and would you want a spouse who was in the same category as you, or the opposite?

And, as a bonus question:

* Do you think being an introvert or extrovert changes over time? Sometimes back and forth?

This is something I'm pondering for my own self as well. I have often wondered if I started out as an extrovert but that some of life's challenges made it feel safer to retreat into a shell.

Thank you for sharing and I'll be very interested in reading your stories.

I am on the introvert side of things.. Not excessively so.. So you could call me a moderate introvert

As for the question in the heading.. If you wanted a gathering of introverts you would have to invite them in secret so that the extroverts would not know about the gathering.. Oh and you would not call it a party.. You could call it a discussion group with catering.. You would have to tell them that you have only invited introverts..

I realized i was an introvert when i started my first year of school.. It took me till near the end of the first yeat to make a Friend.. For the most part i only had one friend at a time until about 5 year and then i got into a group that my friend was in.. I was a bit of an orbiter of the group not a central figure.. When i started high school once again it took me a year to make friends with another person and then 2 more years after that i got into a new group.. That's been me all my life.. Very few friends and it takes me years to get into a group..

My family was a mixture of introverts and extroverts.. If you are one of 10 siblings you got all types in your family My family was a very competitive family and it was not a co-operative family so there was a lot of negative rivalry in my family so it did hurt the younger siblings..

I don't feel uncomfortable around extroverted guys.. I do however feel uncomfortable around extroverted ladies.. There is always the fear that they will expect me to engage with them and try to pursue them.. When i don't pursue them they can sometimes try and provoke me more and when i still ignore them then they can get really bitter feeling rejected.. And that can lead to uncomfortable complications especially if the extrovert is a fellow employee or family friend.. Sometimes i wish i could wear a tag telling woman not to try and gain my attention.. But you know how it is.. If you ignore and extrovert they want your attention even more.

I don't want to attract a spouse but if i did want to i would probably want a woman who was more extroverted.. You know the old saying ""opposites attract"" having an extroverted wife would help in social settings.. She could do all the social chit chat and i would just stand by her nodding at the appropriate time and smiling and offering the occasional yes dear and your right there dear support.. I would wait for the topic of discussion to get onto something interesting like religion of politics or astronomy or global affairs before getting involved in any discussions..

Yes i believe being an introvert does change over time.. When i was a teenager being an introvert was very punishing.. I used to beat myself up over it and get depressed about it.. Now as i have grown older i am at peace with it and feel comfortable n my introverted skin.. I like all peace and time by myself.. All the time to think about things i want.. without any nagging extrovert telling me how much of a looser of a husband i am and how i should be more this or more that of more whatever the femnazi leaders tell her that a man should be.. LOL I am so glad i missed out on all that toxic femininity..

 

[Solemateleft]

well I never said what I wrote was absolute so its just stating generalizations which there is nothing wrong with.
I dont know the people you referring to so and Im not putting forward an hypothesis. You actually dont need to counter everything I say, its just my view and its as valid as everyone elses.

lol

chill out!

My apologies... It wasn't my intention to offend.
Actually, I guess this does prove that you were right, as it obviously demonstrates that I must have thin-skin on a few of these things... Too funny... My bad...

 

[melita916]

I’m an introvert. If I’m around people I don‘t know very well, I get drained. But if I’m with my family and close friends, I don’t hush and don’t realize how time passes by quickly.

For ministry, my heart has always been music, so if I’m in front of people playing an instrument or singing, I’m ok. If I’m given a solo or leading worship, I get a little nervous, but once I’m in “the zone” as I call it, all that fades away.

 

[17Bees]

I’m an introvert. If I’m around people I don‘t know very well, I get drained. But if I’m with my family and close friends, I don’t hush and don’t realize how time passes by quickly.

For ministry, my heart has always been music, so if I’m in front of people playing an instrument or singing, I’m ok. If I’m given a solo or leading worship, I get a little nervous, but once I’m in “the zone” as I call it, all that fades away.

I think you have a lovely voice melita. There's a quality of..... pureness about it, I think. Simpleness. It's uncomplicated. You add nothing that's not there. Most singers add too many notes. They talk too much.

You shared a song not too long ago. Gracefully broken? Was that the name of the song? There was a single picture on a white wall that kind of added an elementary nature to the way you sang it. To me, there's artistry in that. Simple things. Needful things.

 

[TabinRivCA]

I think you have a lovely voice melita. There's a quality of..... pureness about it, I think. Simpleness. It's uncomplicated. You add nothing that's not there. Most singers add too many notes. They talk too much.

You shared a song not too long ago. Gracefully broken? Was that the name of the song? There was a single picture on a white wall that kind of added an elementary nature to the way you sang it. To me, there's artistry in that. Simple things. Needful things.

Can we still find the video and is that you, 17Bees, in the picture...thank you

 

[17Bees]

Yep and here ya go..

..

 

[TabinRivCA]

Yep and here ya go..

..

Are we still on the 'Introverts' thread, lol. Good music and good picture

 

[melita916]

I think you have a lovely voice melita. There's a quality of..... pureness about it, I think. Simpleness. It's uncomplicated. You add nothing that's not there. Most singers add too many notes. They talk too much.

You shared a song not too long ago. Gracefully broken? Was that the name of the song? There was a single picture on a white wall that kind of added an elementary nature to the way you sang it. To me, there's artistry in that. Simple things. Needful things.

Thank you very much. All glory to God.

It’s interesting. I’m an introvert who doesn’t like being the center of attention, but I’m also a musician, so I also fight against the “rock star” mentality. So I check my motives on a regular basis lol.

 

[Lanolin]

I think its quite interesting how a lot of introverts can be amazing musicians or performers I suppose its because the focus is on the music or the role and not themselves.

In an ensemble, an introvert can be lost or perhaps in the background. But given a starring role some intorverts can really shine except they can be reluctant to receive the glory. Its like no applause please. An extrovert would be someone who thrives on applause and the bigger the crowd, the better.

A book I would recommend all intorverts to read and extroverts to at least attempt to read to understand introverts is Quiet by Susan Cain.

I have a thin skin, literally, I get hypothermia if Im in the water, I need to wear lots of layers in winter. Having a thin skin isnt a bad thing its just you have less insulation but conversely you are more sensitive and pick up a lot of things people with thicker skin miss. noise can overwhelm me, yet I can hear the birds singing in the quiet of the morning. when lots of people start chatting at once is kind of awkward for me.

speaking of parties. I think going to places where you dont know anyone is daunting for many introverts, which is why we wont go unless with a friend, and why a good party is one where the host has icebreakers or introduces people and makes them feel at home, lets them relax or provides activities, even shock horror BOOKS at parties. sometimes church can be like that and I know some churches just provide name tags for everyone so people can know their names without having to awkwardly ask who are you?

the part I always find really hard to answer is when people ask where are you from and what do you do because Im not in general a nosy person. I would rather just remark on the weather than be interrogated about myself and feel I have to explain who I am and give my life story.