If a Party Were Held For Introverts, Would Anyone Show Up? (Or Would the Extroverts Crash the Party?)

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,492
5,427
113
#21
From your own descriptions of yourself, I'd say you're an extrovert by nature, but with a central nervous system that can't handle the strain for long. And when you're too flippin polite for your own good and let people run over you, it puts more strain on your CNS. :cautious:

Lol...

Lynx and I have this long-running argument.

He is constantly trying to define me within his own terms. (Just wait 'til we get to the "Nerd Vs. Geek" argument.) :geek::whistle::rolleyes:

And I keep telling him, "I have the right to define myself!"

Goodness knows I've put the work into it. :LOL:
 

BenFTW

Senior Member
Oct 7, 2012
4,834
981
113
34
#22
@cinder @seoulsearch Forgive me for my ignorance and just entertain my inquiry, please.

How do you reconcile this idea of introversion, and God’s word that says to not forsake the fellowship of the brethren? Do you find your introversion to be an obstacle to walking in love towards others? Walking in obedience, even, to the Lord?

Granted people may be introverted for different reasons maybe you don’t struggle with social events but as you described it, you find it draining. If God made you to be this way, drained from the presence of others and thriving alone, what role do you suppose you are to serve in the church? An intercessor? Where have you found your introversion to not impede yourself from serving others?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,349
9,367
113
#23
Mom appreciates Dad for his deep and thorough thinking about things and knows and trusts his conclusions because she knows he's a better thinker than her and Dad appreciates a lot of things about mom, but he's the introverted one so he doesn't talk as much about what those are.
One thing about it, if an introvert mentions something that is a good quality about you, it's a serious compliment. They don't just throw those compliments around. If he has taken the time to think about how he wants to put his observations into words, then he actually SAYS them... you got something real special about you. :cool:
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,349
9,367
113
#24
Lol...

Lynx and I have this long-running argument.

He is constantly trying to define me within his own terms. (Just wait 'til we get to the "Nerd Vs. Geek" argument.) :geek::whistle::rolleyes:

And I keep telling him, "I have the right to define myself!"

Goodness knows I've put the work into it. :LOL:
Introvert or extrovert, there is one part of my opinion that I am certain of: You ARE too polite for your own flippin good. :whistle:
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,064
3,413
113
#25
Lol...

Lynx and I have this long-running argument.

He is constantly trying to define me within his own terms. (Just wait 'til we get to the "Nerd Vs. Geek" argument.) :geek::whistle::rolleyes:

And I keep telling him, "I have the right to be wrong in how I define myself!"

Goodness knows I've put the work into it. :LOL:
I fixed it for ya.
:whistle:
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#26
Introverts at their worst are fascinated by themselves and find everyone else dull.
At their best, they can pass on insights through heightened self-awareness.
I would class most artists as introverts btw.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,349
9,367
113
#27
Introversion is a real thing, and a lot of the things you said in your post are common misunderstanings / accusations that extraverts have toward introverts. I think much of it comes from the fact that extraverts are absolutely miserable when alone and so assume that being alone must be miserable for everyone and so people would only choose to spend time alone if there were some other issue (like fear) hindering them from wanting to interact with people. So they often equate introversion with fear, shyness, social anxiety or something similar that is a problem to be solved.
Yeah and I also know a lot of married people who think that way about single people. "We need to fix that poor person's problem and help him/her find a nice spouse, the poor miserable soul!"
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,612
1,318
113
#28
This is a really good analysis, More. I know it was written for Going and I'll be looking forward to reading his reply, but this summary applies to me very well, too.

Another good example of my "recent" (in the past few years) discovery of myself as an introvert is that I question myself more often about what I should and shouldn't share. In the past, I would just write whatever came to mind, but these days, I seem to be a little more reserved.

The reason why I wonder if people can change from one thing to another is because I think before my divorce, I was more of an extrovert and perhaps grew up as one. I had always lived around family and other people, so I didn't even realize introvertedness existed. Looking back, I think my then-husband was more introverted than I was and maybe that was part of what drove him towards someone else.

After he left, I would come home, throw my keys on the empty kitchen counter, and listen to the hollow echo of the sound ricocheting off empty walls (and, what it felt like my empty heart.) I went from always being around people or a husband to lying on the couch literally listening to the clock ticking on the wall. At the time, I was dying to be around someone.

For the first several years, I thought it would kill me. I hung on to the hope that he would eventually change his mind and we would get remarried. But when that didn't happen, and the years turned into decades, something happened to me that changed the isolation from draining my life away to starting to restore my energy (I just didn't know it at the time.)

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I think a lot of other things came into play, such as co-dependency, depression, and the extreme fear of being alone forever. Now I think I have a fear that even if I did find someone, he might not understand that I might need to lock myself in a room for a day just so that I can read and write in an attempt to organize my thoughts.

As Sole adeptly pointed out, most people seem to see being an introvert as some kind of sickness that needs to be cured.

I see it instead as the way God made me. As long as I'm following what He wants and making the effort to be around/reach out to people in the doses that He prescribes for me (and not what others try to dictate), there is nothing to be cured (improved upon, yes, of course, but nothing to be forced into being like anyone else.)

Ben, I do understand in that sometimes it CAN be a matter of people being afraid to talk to others and needing to face their fears, but for some of us, we just do much, much better if we have more alone time with God and less time around people. :)
We are complex aren't we, and all the more so when we have been through a lot of difficult stuff....I don't really know what I am lol... I'm just however God made me I guess... I can identify with you SoulSearch and also with Ben... I think when I was little I was extrovert for reasons to do with my upbringing, and I know that when I feel compassion for people I just have to reach out to them but whether that makes me extrovert I'm not sure because I remember after I had been baptised in the Spirit, about 23 years back, I still recall as clear as anything, that I was at peace for 3 days and I just had this quietness about me, a contentment; and it makes me think that God made me to be sometimes quiet and sometimes to talk a lot. I think regardless of how our upbringings etc have affected us, ultimately we find our real identity in Him, we discover who we really are and who He made us to be, and we are free, free to just be ourselves, and accept ourselves, because afterall, if He accepts us then who is anyone else not to accept us🙂I appreciate what Ben said about considering what others need in our interaction with them, I guess it's bearing with one another and showing love but ultimately if I am just resting in being the 'me' that God made then it's all okay, and sometimes other people not being at ease with me can be something they personally need to deal with and isnot my problem- I know someone who has an issue with trying to control; there are some ways in people I am not going to accommodate and I have peace with that.
SoulSearch, when you said your extrovert ways were maybe part of why your ex left, I have to say, that is a cruel thing to say about yourself. I'm sure many would agree with me that you are an amazing person of integrity and thoughtfulness. Whatever your personality etc. it is not valid as part of the reason for someone being unfaithful-that is his problem, unfaithfulness, and when someone has that problem, it doesn't matter how you are, or how you are not, or what you do or don't do, they are unfaithful in their hearts, and God knows.
Please forgive my boldness, but I was sorry to read what you wrote about how others have failed you so badly... and ... well I have had some shattering things happen in my life, and one of the worst, the Lord brought to my attention about 15 years after and He sent 2 ladies to minister to me in prayer. To be honest I didn't want them to pray for me at the time lol, I just wanted to stay inside my shell of depression and hide away...anyway thankfully they were bold enough, and I got healed and set free that day... I have never been the same since, bless His Holy Name...and so I just wanted to share that He has healed my heart and shown me stuff I never knew about myself ... and I am reminded of the scripture, 'we are complete in Him'... He has all we need doesn't He, and He is faithful... and as you said earlier, 'working all things together for our good'....
With love dear Sister
God bless🙏🏻❤️x
 
S

Susanna

Guest
#29
I’m not sure whether I’m an introvert or an extrovert. I know I can be a handful, though.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,612
1,318
113
#30
Yeah and I also know a lot of married people who think that way about single people. "We need to fix that poor person's problem and help him/her find a nice spouse, the poor miserable soul!"
That's probably because of people like me who are always going on about how they don't want to be single 🤣
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,612
1,318
113
#31
I love to be alone and I love to be with people- I have to have both🤷🏼‍♀️
 

BenFTW

Senior Member
Oct 7, 2012
4,834
981
113
34
#32
@BenFTW -- I want to give you major kudos for being willing to listen to others' explanations of how they define being an introvert. Do you see yourself as an extrovert? And did you grow up around extroverts, introverts, or a mix?


@cinder -- Really enjoyed your explanation of your parents, and how an introvert and extrovert can come to a compromise. Very useful information, so many thanks for taking the time to write that out.
I think for me it depends upon the situation. I can be extroverted or introverted. I will be introverted in a new environment (like entering a new church) but once I am familiar with the new social setting I am expressive. I think most of my shyness is from a lack of acceptance and not meeting social norms, otherwise I would be talking to people all the time. Lol I have limitations that kind of hide the authentic self, if you will.

So an extrovert with introverted tendencies due to social pressures and being self conscious. 😅 People think I am shy but they come and talk to me and I light up. I just don’t make the effort to reach out much because I rather not expose myself for being a failure at social norms. 😕

My parents are extroverted I would say. They don’t hide their opinions. Haha
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,492
5,427
113
#33
@cinder @seoulsearch Forgive me for my ignorance and just entertain my inquiry, please.

How do you reconcile this idea of introversion, and God’s word that says to not forsake the fellowship of the brethren? Do you find your introversion to be an obstacle to walking in love towards others? Walking in obedience, even, to the Lord?

Granted people may be introverted for different reasons maybe you don’t struggle with social events but as you described it, you find it draining. If God made you to be this way, drained from the presence of others and thriving alone, what role do you suppose you are to serve in the church? An intercessor? Where have you found your introversion to not impede yourself from serving others?
Thank you for being so patient and polite, Ben. :) And thank you for not saying, "Well this is just the way it is, and you're wrong!"

One of the reasons I'm trying to be more reserved in my posts is because I've written about these things in my life several times on CC, and I get concerned about boring people. :)

I understand that if one is an extrovert and enjoys being around people, it might seem like an introvert is somehow handicapped at serving God and people, and this is a very valid point. As I gave in the example earlier, God recently convicted me of an incidence of being selfish and staying home rather than going out and listening to people, so as Cinder said, each state of being has its own challenges and pitfalls.

And also like Cinder, I also tend to be seen as a listener but what really happens is that I'm usually trapped by an extrovert who doesn't realize that conversations are 2-way exchanges because they only know how to talk and not listen in return. So of course, both introverts AND extroverts can be prone to selfishness and have to find a balance between giving and taking.

Please don't disregard introverts or think that they are somehow less useful to others or to God. Here are the typical things God seems to call me to do:

1. Cleaning and tasks that others don't want to do, often because they think the work is below them.

* Have you ever seen a church pew covered in ink stains? Some of us come along and try our hardest to see that they're removed.

* If you appreciate a clean toilet in the restrooms at your church (and especially in the children's church), it might be one of us introverts who scrubbed it out before your arrival.

* One of the teams I was on took turns going into the nursery and cleaning/sanitizing all the children's toys every week to lessen any chances of the kids getting sick. One of the introverted mothers was concerned about her own and others' kids health, especially during the winter months, and started this ministry on her own, while recruiting some of us to help.

2. Behind-the-scenes work -- an introvert's specialty -- things such as stuffing/preparing bulletins, typing things out, setting up stages/props, washing dishes, and all the things that are somehow "magically done" but no one thinks about how they got done or who got them done.

3. Correspondence -- I have literally written thousands (probably closer to tens of thousands) of letters over the years in all kinds of settings. It's amazing how much difference an exchanges of letters can make in a person's life... Friends, family, people from college, co-workers, and people on websites or in mission fields, but my most favorite was when I was corresponding with people in extreme situations, such as those in the military and those serving life without parole sentences in prison.

Nothing brings your faith to a new level (for me at least) than receiving a letter from someone who witnessed a shooting or stabbing and is wondering where God is in that situation.

I actually get cravings for this kind of work (it keeps my brain challenged in a way that nothing else does) but have felt God has put me "on hold" for that type of work (too dangerous for a single gal), and I miss it TERRIBLY.

So in the meantime, I try to use my love of written correspondence in any other way I can to serve God's purposes in my life.

I think that's another interesting contrast between introverts and extroverts. Extroverts are used to being out and being seen, or will see others, while doing their work for the Lord.

Introverts like myself thrive on being hidden and doing all the background work that extroverts often don't see, because they often crave the limelight. Just because you don't see an introvert next to you or out and about among the people, PLEASE don't ever automatically judge him or her as someone who is not serving the Lord.

Thank you so much for being willing to listen a bit more as to what being an introvert is like! <3
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#34
Extroversion:
the real positive for extroverts is that they are interested in other people. And other people feel that enthusiasm towards them.
Extroverts usually have good listening skills? Well case by case perhaps. The stereotypical "small talk" extrovert is not so pretty. If thats all they are interested in, i mean. Extroverts who prefer more in depth conversation, are far more useful to society imo. Counsellors being one of their jobs by choice.
 
Dec 8, 2019
61
91
18
#35
If I get to know someone and like their vibe I become an extrovert, if I don't particularly care for someone I am an introvert. If you are tolerable but not really friends, I become the master of small talk.
 

BenFTW

Senior Member
Oct 7, 2012
4,834
981
113
34
#37
Thank you for being so patient and polite, Ben. :) And thank you for not saying, "Well this is just the way it is, and you're wrong!"

One of the reasons I'm trying to be more reserved in my posts is because I've written about these things in my life several times on CC, and I get concerned about boring people. :)

I understand that if one is an extrovert and enjoys being around people, it might seem like an introvert is somehow handicapped at serving God and people, and this is a very valid point. As I gave in the example earlier, God recently convicted me of an incidence of being selfish and staying home rather than going out and listening to people, so as Cinder said, each state of being has its own challenges and pitfalls.

And also like Cinder, I also tend to be seen as a listener but what really happens is that I'm usually trapped by an extrovert who doesn't realize that conversations are 2-way exchanges because they only know how to talk and not listen in return. So of course, both introverts AND extroverts can be prone to selfishness and have to find a balance between giving and taking.

Please don't disregard introverts or think that they are somehow less useful to others or to God. Here are the typical things God seems to call me to do:

1. Cleaning and tasks that others don't want to do, often because they think the work is below them.

* Have you ever seen a church pew covered in ink stains? Some of us come along and try our hardest to see that they're removed.

* If you appreciate a clean toilet in the restrooms at your church (and especially in the children's church), it might be one of us introverts who scrubbed it out before your arrival.

* One of the teams I was on took turns going into the nursery and cleaning/sanitizing all the children's toys every week to lessen any chances of the kids getting sick. One of the introverted mothers was concerned about her own and others' kids health, especially during the winter months, and started this ministry on her own, while recruiting some of us to help.

2. Behind-the-scenes work -- an introvert's specialty -- things such as stuffing/preparing bulletins, typing things out, setting up stages/props, washing dishes, and all the things that are somehow "magically done" but no one thinks about how they got done or who got them done.

3. Correspondence -- I have literally written thousands (probably closer to tens of thousands) of letters over the years in all kinds of settings. It's amazing how much difference an exchanges of letters can make in a person's life... Friends, family, people from college, co-workers, and people on websites or in mission fields, but my most favorite was when I was corresponding with people in extreme situations, such as those in the military and those serving life without parole sentences in prison.

Nothing brings your faith to a new level (for me at least) than receiving a letter from someone who witnessed a shooting or stabbing and is wondering where God is in that situation.

I actually get cravings for this kind of work (it keeps my brain challenged in a way that nothing else does) but have felt God has put me "on hold" for that type of work (too dangerous for a single gal), and I miss it TERRIBLY.

So in the meantime, I try to use my love of written correspondence in any other way I can to serve God's purposes in my life.

I think that's another interesting contrast between introverts and extroverts. Extroverts are used to being out and being seen, or will see others, while doing their work for the Lord.

Introverts like myself thrive on being hidden and doing all the background work that extroverts often don't see, because they often crave the limelight. Just because you don't see an introvert next to you or out and about among the people, PLEASE don't ever automatically judge him or her as someone who is not serving the Lord.

Thank you so much for being willing to listen a bit more as to what being an introvert is like! <3
It’s interesting to see the unity of introverts and extroverts in the context of the Church and how it functions. Reminds me of the support role you mentioned in a previous discussion. How essential each are to each other, for all things to go smoothly.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,380
813
113
#38
@cinder @seoulsearch Forgive me for my ignorance and just entertain my inquiry, please.

How do you reconcile this idea of introversion, and God’s word that says to not forsake the fellowship of the brethren? Do you find your introversion to be an obstacle to walking in love towards others? Walking in obedience, even, to the Lord?

Granted people may be introverted for different reasons maybe you don’t struggle with social events but as you described it, you find it draining. If God made you to be this way, drained from the presence of others and thriving alone, what role do you suppose you are to serve in the church? An intercessor? Where have you found your introversion to not impede yourself from serving others?
Could be some folks prefer depth over breadth. There are people who hear the whispers of the introvert. Others hear the extroverted presumed alpha ideal.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,492
5,427
113
#39
Extroversion:
the real positive for extroverts is that they are interested in other people. And other people feel that enthusiasm towards them.
Extroverts usually have good listening skills? Well case by case perhaps. The stereotypical "small talk" extrovert is not so pretty. If thats all they are interested in, i mean. Extroverts who prefer more in depth conversation, are far more useful to society imo. Counsellors being one of their jobs by choice.

Introverts are MOST DEFINITELY interested in other people.

At least I am.

When I was writing to inmates, that was one of my personal rules for myself. I never asked them about their case, no matter how severe, unless they brought it up (and they usually did.)

I realized that they were probably only seen as being their cases, so I wanted to know who the person was behind the story.

And this is actually one of the areas in which I was once told I can be intimidating. When I do get on a social kick, I want to know everything about a person -- to which, someone once joked that, "You don't ask questions, Seoul. You interrogate." Lol!



Huge thanks to everyone here for contributing to a polite, respectful discussion about this topic.

We all obviously have our own viewpoints about what an introvert/extrovert is and what they may or may not do, so I'm really grateful to you all for holding a civil conversation about what this topic means to you.

The purpose of any of these threads is to hopefully help people understand each other better, and maybe make some new friends along the way. :)