If An Unmarried Couple Is Expecting, Should They Be Required to Marry?

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If An Unmarried Couple Is Expecting, Should They Be Required to Marry?

  • Yes. Any couple that has sex is required to marry.

    Votes: 6 18.2%
  • Yes. If a baby is involved, they should definitely marry.

    Votes: 6 18.2%
  • No. A child is not a reason to have to marry.

    Votes: 7 21.2%
  • No. If they will go back to living celibate lives, they should not have to marry.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • The couple should marry only if they want to.

    Votes: 9 27.3%
  • It really depends on the situation--I will explain my answser in my post.

    Votes: 5 15.2%

  • Total voters
    33
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#21
I believe in abstinence until marriage. I believe in two married people taking care of their children together. I dont believe that if you do it backwards it will work out too. It is very unlikely.

I am going to share some personal stuff with you all that think having two parents for the sake of the child is "stable"

I grew up in a two parent household. By the time I was in middle school I could tell how much my parents didn't like each other. It was horrible.They pretty
much ignored each other and there was no affection what so ever. So yes, for appearance sake it seems great to have two people raise a kid together. But within that household if they are going to be miserable then they create misery for the children as well. The children don't know what its like to see a man and a woman love each other. They don't have examples of how husbands and wives should treat each other. Its essentially two people who live together taking care of a child. IT DOES THE CHILD NO GOOD!!!!!

Its easy for us to say "well you need to take care of it the right way" but reality is they werent doing it the right way to begin with why would the start now.
 
J

Jesus_Freak

Guest
#22
I believe in abstinence until marriage. I believe in two married people taking care of their children together. I dont believe that if you do it backwards it will work out too. It is very unlikely.

I am going to share some personal stuff with you all that think having two parents for the sake of the child is "stable"

I grew up in a two parent household. By the time I was in middle school I could tell how much my parents didn't like each other. It was horrible.They pretty
much ignored each other and there was no affection what so ever. So yes, for appearance sake it seems great to have two people raise a kid together. But within that household if they are going to be miserable then they create misery for the children as well. The children don't know what its like to see a man and a woman love each other. They don't have examples of how husbands and wives should treat each other. Its essentially two people who live together taking care of a child. IT DOES THE CHILD NO GOOD!!!!!

Its easy for us to say "well you need to take care of it the right way" but reality is they werent doing it the right way to begin with why would the start now.
why wouldn't they start now? Would right now be the perfect time to start doing the right thing?
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#23
why wouldn't they start now? Would right now be the perfect time to start doing the right thing?
It would be great but highly unlikely. Also its not going to necessarily make them love each other and have a relationship that is a good example for the child. If they don't have that then its pointless.
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#24
Let us not forget what marraige is. Two people professing before God and witnessess their commitment to one another. That is not what this would be. They don't want to be committed to each other so why lie before God?
 
J

Jesus_Freak

Guest
#25
what do you think having a baby means? they are now always going to have to be commited to each other the rest of their lives to raising that baby. personally i don't think that people who aren't married and expecting should always get married but didn't they have sex for a reason? why wouldn't they do whats right and try to do the right thing.
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#26
Let us not forget what marraige is. Two people professing before God and witnessess their commitment to one another. That is not what this would be. They don't want to be committed to each other so why lie before God?

I think this is just a case of reality vs idealistic points of view. Not saying that those who hold the idealistic points of view are "wrong" but it doesn't work. There is more than one person in this thread saying it doesn't work. Divorce rates will show you that, children who grow up and go to therapy because they didn't have healthy relationships patterned will show you that, people who marry not knowing how to have a relationship will how you that.

There is clearly no defined answer in the Bible for this. There really isn't. Everything after that becomes an opinion and judgment. "You are doing it wrong" is said a lot.

I would rather a child be raised by two parents who can get along amicably. That doesn't mean they aren't putting the child first. I would say they are putting the child first because they aren't making the child collateral damage for a relationship that may or may not work.
 
J

Jesus_Freak

Guest
#27
i guess i just have the idealistic point of view lol. I think it could work not saying it would be easy and for anyone who doesn't get married even if a kid is involved i dont think they are wrong i just wish that they wouldn't be in the situation in the first place.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#28
what do you think having a baby means? they are now always going to have to be commited to each other the rest of their lives to raising that baby. personally i don't think that people who aren't married and expecting should always get married but didn't they have sex for a reason? why wouldn't they do whats right and try to do the right thing.

I also agree with your second post as well, JF--that the ideal is that they wouldn't be in that position in the first place, but of course, mistakes will always be made.

I understand what you're saying here but I'm not sure if you've witnessed this as well--I know many single moms, and sometimes dad, who are raising their children without ANY involvement with the other parent because the other parent refuses to have anything to do with their child(ren) or is too irresponsible to help out in any way.

Many times, people have sex because they are drunk, high, or lonely just for that moment, and it results in a baby... Sometimes the person is in a relationship but it's mainly out of boredom or desperation, and the responsibility of a child causes one parent to run... This is just me, personally, but I'd hate to see someone get married just because they had sex for those reasons, even if it involves a child.

Before I wrote this post, I was thinking of about 15 people, both Christians and non-Christians, whom I've personally seen get into this situation over the past 10 years or so. None of them are still with the person they had the child with, whether they got married or not. In almost every case, even if they tried to stay together, one or both people involved cheated on the other. Most are raising their children alone with no help from the other parent. But, this is just what I've seen personally.

I have to agree with Amber... that a marriage under such conditions is quite possibly a lie before God... because it's under false pretenses.
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#29
what do you think having a baby means? they are now always going to have to be commited to each other the rest of their lives to raising that baby. personally i don't think that people who aren't married and expecting should always get married but didn't they have sex for a reason? why wouldn't they do whats right and try to do the right thing.
Yes they did that for a reason. Because of lust. Raising a child is commitment to a child not to the other parent. Marraige is a commitment to each other.
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#30
I also agree with your second post as well, JF--that the ideal is that they wouldn't be in that position in the first place, but of course, mistakes will always be made.

I understand what you're saying here but I'm not sure if you've witnessed this as well--I know many single moms, and sometimes dad, who are raising their children without ANY involvement with the other parent because the other parent refuses to have anything to do with their child(ren) or is too irresponsible to help out in any way.

Many times, people have sex because they are drunk, high, or lonely just for that moment, and it results in a baby... Sometimes the person is in a relationship but it's mainly out of boredom or desperation, and the responsibility of a child causes one parent to run... This is just me, personally, but I'd hate to see someone get married just because they had sex for those reasons, even if it involves a child.

Before I wrote this post, I was thinking of about 15 people, both Christians and non-Christians, whom I've personally seen get into this situation over the past 10 years or so. None of them are still with the person they had the child with, whether they got married or not. In almost every case, even if they tried to stay together, one or both people involved cheated on the other. Most are raising their children alone with no help from the other parent. But, this is just what I've seen personally.

I have to agree with Amber... that a marriage under such conditions is quite possibly a lie before God... because it's under false pretenses.
Thank you. You are a smart woman.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#31
Thank you. You are a smart woman.
That, and I enjoy having all my digits intact ;) (Seoulsearch is remembering the time Nuke Pooch talked about turning the Burnt Sienna Crayon upside down in Ms. Amber's pack... and she threatened to take out one of his fingers in return, if I recall correctly.)

Love ya, Ms. Amber!! :D (Nothing like a little fear thrown in... ha ha ha. Just kidding!)
 
S

syborg

Guest
#32
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 corinthians 7:9

There are blessings and curses metered down to mankind based on behaviour, many believe there is a curse for illigitimate children, it is better for a couple to be married before the child is born as it then comes under the wedded protection of Gods blessings rather than an uncovered household. . if you follow my thinking. .

However even if you disagree on blessings and curses we can agree scripture says it is better to marry and anyway the child deserves the stability of a married home. that was the design of the creator. . our Father in the beginning and lets be honest he is the same yesterday, today and forever. . .
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#33
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 corinthians 7:9

There are blessings and curses metered down to mankind based on behaviour, many believe there is a curse for illigitimate children, it is better for a couple to be married before the child is born as it then comes under the wedded protection of Gods blessings rather than an uncovered household. . if you follow my thinking. .

However even if you disagree on blessings and curses we can agree scripture says it is better to marry and anyway the child deserves the stability of a married home. that was the design of the creator. . our Father in the beginning and lets be honest he is the same yesterday, today and forever. . .
I don't think that scripture would always apply here. They have already burned with passion so it's too late for that now. I guess you could say if they are still going to have a relationship it could apply. But if they are not then it doesnt.
 
V

violakat

Guest
#34
I only chose "B" because there was no choice given for don't really know. I think in someways they should, but at the same time, not really. I think that it really depends upon a lot of things. But, I really don't have a clear answer for this.
 
V

violakat

Guest
#35
Divorce rates will show you that, children who grow up and go to therapy because they didn't have healthy relationships patterned will show you that, people who marry not knowing how to have a relationship will how you that.
The divorce rate is high, because we as a world have relaxed our standards. It has nothing to do with a couple being forced to be married because of pregnancy.

I think, if all newlyweds were mentored by highly successful married couples, you might find the divorce rate to plummet. And bye highly successful, I mean those who've been married at least 40 +years. They've probably have faced almost all the problems a marriage will deal with, including dealing with retirement. (There maybe a few couples in their 60's that have not faced retirement yet, but are having to look at it.)
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#36
The divorce rate is high, because we as a world have relaxed our standards. It has nothing to do with a couple being forced to be married because of pregnancy.

I think, if all newlyweds were mentored by highly successful married couples, you might find the divorce rate to plummet. And bye highly successful, I mean those who've been married at least 40 +years. They've probably have faced almost all the problems a marriage will deal with, including dealing with retirement. (There maybe a few couples in their 60's that have not faced retirement yet, but are having to look at it.)
I am not presuming all divorces are from people who were got married because they were pregnant from the on-start. But it one of the reasons. And it certainly doesn't help children to live in an environment where the people put up with each other at best.

I also contest a 40+ year marriage doesn't always mean successful. It just means they didn't get divorced. So if that is what you mean by successful, than yes. But many people stay together because it is easier that divorce, social stigma, and afraid of disappointing their family. It is like a person who retires from their job at 30 years and collects pension at the end. They may or may not have liked their job, but they had too much invested to leave at the end.

So how are we defining successful? I'm not being facetious when I ask this either, I really want to know. Because just being together doesn't mean anything to me.

I think we would all like every situation to end happily ever after, but reality just doesn't work like that.
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#37
I am not presuming all divorces are from people who were got married because they were pregnant from the on-start. But it one of the reasons. And it certainly doesn't help children to live in an environment where the people put up with each other at best.

I also contest a 40+ year marriage doesn't always mean successful. It just means they didn't get divorced. So if that is what you mean by successful, than yes. But many people stay together because it is easier that divorce, social stigma, and afraid of disappointing their family. It is like a person who retires from their job at 30 years and collects pension at the end. They may or may not have liked their job, but they had too much invested to leave at the end.

So how are we defining successful? I'm not being facetious when I ask this either, I really want to know. Because just being together doesn't mean anything to me.

I think we would all like every situation to end happily ever after, but reality just doesn't work like that.
You are so right. I can think of very few happily married couples. My parents have been married for over thirty years and are not happy. They havn't lived together in about 7 or 8 yrs but won't get a divorce because they "don't believe in divorce." Growing up in that house was not fun at all, but I survuved. Even tho they are still married I don't think I would consider their marraige a success.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#38
I can't agree more with Amber and All. Staying together or not divorcing definitely does not equal a successful marriage. It goes back to Amber talking about two people lying before God--basically, they're saying, "Lord, I hate/can't stand/despise this person (in words, action, lack of respect), but aren't you proud of me because I stayed married to them?"

I'm not trying to say that this should justify a divorce because even many marriages that stay together are rampant with these kinds of problems, but I always raise my eyebrows when people cheer over the supposed "good old days" when people stayed together, supposedly, and arranged marriages as a supposed solution to the divorce rate.

I'm not sure what God's will would be in such cases... I would imagine it would depend on each individual situation... but as Amber clearly stated, staying together can be simply a means of survival and little else.
 
V

violakat

Guest
#39
If they are staying married just to stay married and are unhappy, then I agree with you they are not in a successful marriage. But like I said, someone who has been married over 40 years has seen a lot of problems throughout their marriage, including arguments, death, possible job loss, possible retirement, raising children, and having to take care of elderly parents. These are just the different milestones marriages that last go through. A couple who has endured all these major events in life have a lot of wisdom in what makes a marriage work and what doesn't.

The fact is, according to Wikipedia, the average marriage in the U.S. lasts 11 years. And yes, I know that Wikipedia is not necessarily the most reliable information, but chances are, it's correct with these stats. It's so easy to just chuck in a marriage now days and say, you know what, I don't want to stay marriage. I don't feel like I'm in love with you anymore. How many of us even know people who have lasted over 20 years? Then 30? And when you get to 40, it's almost heard, not to mention 50 years. I can see people staying in a marriage 20 or 30 years simply for their sake of their children. But when you get to 40 years, not so much, simply because, if there is a lack of communication once children have left, then you are not going to want to stay married simply because it's easier. If anything, I think you would rather divorce each other, because you have nothing in common, and in some cases are arguing all the time. Not to mention, the stigma of divorce that once was there is no longer prevalent today. I personally think keeping a marriage together is much harder than getting a divorce, because of all the outside influences.

So I guess my idea of a successful marriage is one that has stood the test of time and at the end of it, both can still say they are in love with each just as much or even more as the day they were married. They know how to communicate with each other, how to compromise, and are striving to help each come closer to God.
 
S

southgal

Guest
#40
MY NIECE GOT PREGNANT BEFORE SHE WAS MARRIED. SHE WAS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL AT THE TIME. SHE AND THE BABY'S FATHER GOT MARRIED, AND MOVED OUT ON THEIR OWN. AFTER THE BABY WAS BORN, HE BECAME ABUSIVE TO MY NIECE AND THE BABY. EVENTUALLY THEY SEPERATED. SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS WRONG, SOMETIMES THE RESULT IS A PRECIOUS NEW LIFE, BUT SOMETIME WHEN YOU MARRIED THE PRINCE CHARMING WHO HELPED YOU CREATE THAT NEW LIFE, YOU FIND OUT HE'S NOT REALLY PRINCE CHARMING.