Hey guys, there's something I've been wondering about and thought I'd get some outside perspectives.
Lately I keep hearing guys refer to "Independent women" in a very negative way. They mention how unattractive it is and how silly it is for a woman to think she doesn't "need" a man.
I get that men and women are designed to compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses. No argument there. But there's plenty of us ladies who have entered middle age and realize that we might never have a man looking out for us. So, in that case......wouldn't it be silly for us to go about "needing" something we don't have? Isn't the logical course of action to figure out how to make do without something you might NEVER have?
Perhaps I am misunderstanding what men mean by "independent". I would have thought it just meant a woman who pays her own bills, doesn't make her problems other people's problems, and probably won't call you sobbing from the side of the road because she forgot to put gas in the car. But maybe I'm mistaken about that, and men are referring to something else entirely?
Anyways, thoughts? I realize that not all men are turned off by independence, I'm just curious why anyone would be..... seems like its a good trait regardless of gender, yet I generally hear it like it's a bad thing for women and a good thing for men.
Good afternoon Snackersmom,
You have a very good question that seems to be a trending topic for the culture which begs an answer from the church.
To define an independent woman can be different according to who you speak to.
Many of us would define it as you have, a single woman who is self-sustainable.
Others say it is a positive response to: The systemic oppression of women and gender-based discrimination related to unconscious biases associated with the patriarchy of a male-dominated culture.
Others will see it as negative in the sense of normalizing a non-traditional family structure.
Should the government care? The government's only concern should be the health of society and whether are we birthing enough people to replace the aging workforce. So you may see why the government keeps tabs on marriages, a census, and healthcare. (Obviously, this is an ideal government).
Should we care?
Well yes and no.
The Bible gives us some guidance:
1 Corinthians 7:7-9
7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
So it is important to point out that Paul is making it clear that he is speaking from personal opinion and not as a cemented doctrinal statement. But he does say that being single has its benefits with serving the Lord. Of course, as a warning he understands that this is a difficult calling as many are not self-controlled in the feeling of passion for the opposite sex and they easily fall into sin.
Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
It is no doubt that God intended us to have a helper. Being independent is hard only having two hands to pay the bills, feed the kids, do the chores, etc. Historically, women needed men for protection and hard labor. Not to downgrade the female's ability to defend or work hard labor but when paired against men, biologically they naturally would struggle or sadly be left to the barbarism of men who by brute force did what they wanted with women.
Romans 13:1
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.
To be fruitful and multiply would benefit the formation of the tribes of Abraham, the nation of Israel, the kingdom of David, etc. God designed marriage to form societies. And in societies, we should care for the health and security of the nation.
Being single is okay but it could never be completely encouraged as we need marriage to uphold society and spiritually it serves as a testimony for Jesus as the Groom and the Church as the Bride.
What of the patriarchy?
Well in some sense yes Biblically the man is to lead in the home/marriage. But they are also called to love like Christ and love their wife as themselves. So the patriarchy as modern feminism only aligns with the Bible in the sense that it is a sin to abuse, discriminate solely due to hatred of the opposite sex, or abuse power over the woman.
Bias in the workforce is tricky because some jobs biologically are better for men. For example, if a man can stack 100 hay bales a day whereas a woman averages 50 a day, should they get paid the same? Would it be discrimination to fire a woman to hire a man? Or that she is paid less? Some will say yes.
Sure Proverbs 31 speaks of a wife but it also highlights a woman of noble character,
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
Does that sound like a woman who is dependent on a man? Not to me, it highlights that her independence in some areas can be a great strengths for her husband. As for single independence, it still highlights the lifestyle of a noble woman.
Conclusion: If you have chosen a single life for God and do not struggle with wanting a relationship then there is nothing wrong with living that way.
If you do struggle, then there is nothing wrong with praying and seeking marriage. Marriage is a lifelong concept so there is no age limit. Middle age or even in the 60s, 80s, etc. The truth of God's design with Adam and Eve will never go out of date at least until death do us part.
I hope this sheds light on how female independence can be perceived as negative in one sense but positive in another.
For you personally, never see yourself as negative for being independent enough to provide for your family or yourself. If men see that as negative then that would be a red flag of insecurities and immaturity.
Life is hard and it would be unwise for a female to completely rely on a man. Men on average die before women. Also, in a culture of sin, it can be hard to find a man to marry. God understands this.
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